There are many reasons why relationships end, and many ways to end relationships. Sometimes one person initiates the breakup, other times it can be a mutual agreement. Sometimes breakups are for the best, and other times partners look back and question why things came to an end.
Regardless of the reason for breaking up, there is an ideal way to end a relationship, and that’s with love. Having compassion and general feelings of goodwill towards your partner will not only make them feel good about the split, but yourself too. While it’s normal for couples to have hurt feelings, make untrue accusations or call each other names, when you avoid such negativity you’re able to move on happier and healthier.
Here’s are five tips for ending your relationship with love.
Be Honest with Each Other
If there’s one thing everyone deserves when ending a relationship it’s honesty. There’s nothing worse than finding out after a breakup that your now ex partner had been cheating on you, or telling other people your intimate secrets. Despite popular belief, honesty doesn’t have to be mean. In fact, keeping the truth from your partner is what’s mean. Instead, learn how to express yourself and the truth delicately. For instance, instead of saying that you’re bored in your relationship, say “A part of me wants to explore being with other people.” Or if the reason you’re splitting up is because you’ve been bickering non stop, then try “I feel like we want different things at this point in our lives.” Everyone deserves the truth, but that doesn’t mean you can’t put a positive spin on it.
Acknowledge the Good in Your Partner
Every relationship, no matter how good or bad, gives us something special while we’re in it. Although you may not look at the relationship in that way, take the time to focus on the good your ex brought to your life – even if it was only for a temporary period of time. Maybe you created dozens of amazing memories together, or they helped you to better understand yourself. Perhaps they financially supported you, or stood by you while you healed from a previous heartbreak. Whatever it is, when you call it quits with your partner focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Denying that anything good came existed between the two of you would only be lying to yourself. After all, there was something keeping you there in the first place. Choose to be grateful for having that person in your life, and let them know that you appreciate them.
Don’t Place Blame
When relationships end it’s common for partners to blame one another for the things that went wrong. However, as easy as it may be to point fingers, doing so is never a good idea, especially if you want to end your relationship with love. Instead, choose to refrain from blaming each other and agree that you are no longer bringing out the best in each other. Accept responsibility for your part in the relationship and own up to the mistakes you made. Once you have done so, go back to acknowledging what the person brought to your life and stay focused on the good times you spent together. Remember, as much as your partner may seem at fault for the things that caused your split, it takes two to tango. [RELATED: 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Ex]
Give the Benefit of the Doubt
If your partner says something during your split that could be interpreted two ways, one that is hurtful and one that is loving or neutral, assume that the loving one is true. It’s easy for conflict to arise out of misunderstanding, so if their context is really eating you up, then calmly ask them to better explain. Since getting worked up over misunderstandings can be a slippery path to a messy breakup, choose to stay positive and don’t try to create problems that aren’t actually there. If your partner is in fact stirring the pot to create conflict between you, then be the bigger person and walk away. Lowering to their level won’t prove anything, and once they’ve decided that they don’t want to end the relationship pleasantly, it can be tough to convince them otherwise. Do your best to bite your tongue and treat the situation with love.
Talk About the Future
When couples split up, it’s not uncommon for one or even both partners to expect a friendship from the other. At the same time, this may be something that is too tough for one of you to give. [RELATED: Should I Be Friends With My Ex?]
Since everyone is different, when you break up make sure you ask your ex what they would like from you. Doing so will make the future much less painful. Sure it’s unrealistic (and never a good idea) to strike up a friendship with your ex from the second you breakup, but at the same time knowing that you’re ending your relationship on terms that will allow a friendship down the road is important. You can also try to talk about mutual friends, previous plans you had made and any other areas that you feel are important to discuss before parting ways. If your partner isn’t able to give you answers at this time that’s perfectly okay, so don’t pester them. Since change is the only constant in our world so who knows what the future has in store for both of you.