Guys, How to Let Go of the Girl You Thought Was "The One"

Love is tricky and a lot of men get a bad rep when it comes to commitment.

However, men are as sensitive as women when it comes to the loss of love, even if we don’t show it in the same ways. Therefore, learning how to let go and move on after a relationship is as critical for any male as it is for his more outwardly-emotional female counterpart, particularly when the girl he just broke up with was the one he thought was “The One.”

If you are one of those guys. The kind who needs help letting go and moving on, then you need to read on and consider both what got you into this state and what can get you out of it. Here is how you can definitively let go of the girl you thought was “The One.”

Step 1: Stop Calling Her (or Anyone!) “The One”

The first thing you need to do is let go of any and all notions of “The One”, as in you must find the one person in the over 8 BILLION on this planet who can make you happy.

Newsflash: you’ve already found him.

That’s right, him.

It’s you.

No one can make you happy but yourself and life is so fluid and people so changeable that it is literally unfair to think that there is any one person who can continually meet all your (changing) needs from now until eternity.  

In fact, there are several people, maybe even several hundred, out there who can fulfill you as a partner. These women will challenge you in different ways, bring out different qualities, and lead you along different paths for sure. But none of these paths is better than the other. They are merely different.

The truth is that, if you are open to it, you can find a “soulmate” connection with more people than you think. And each of these women offer the potential for success and internal fulfillment as long as the real One (i.e. you) always stays grounded.500

Step 2: Cut Her Off. NOW.

No matter how your relationship ended, no matter how much you still want your ex in your life, no matter how well you think you can deal with her, you can’t. At least not now. With the exception of situations where children are involved, you need to go cold turkey. Have absolutely no contact with your ex, or about your ex (yes, tell your friends not to talk about her) for at least 6 months.

There are a few reasons why this works. First, six months is a long time and a lot can change about your life in that period. The seasons change. You become another half year older. You have time to really sit back and assess both your relationship and yourself in that time.

Second, research in anthropology has shown that the loss we feel when love ends actually hits us at a primitive level. This is because heterosexual couplings have the potential to create children, pass on DNA, and all that jazz, which taps into our more base instincts. Furthermore, the part of the brain associated with being “in love” is the same one associated with addictions. Therefore, losing love is something akin to going through “withdrawal”, so through isolation from your addiction/love, you keep temptation away.

Step 3: Focus on Number One (You)

Perhaps the most important step you can take to let go of the girl who isn’t “The One” is to focus on The Real One – YOU. Every guy has a different way of doing this. Sometimes, a no-strings-attached hookup or two is a good way to cleanse your palate, or so to speak. Just make sure you are dead clear with the other girl that you are not interested in anything else.

Alternately, simply exercising some independence is enough to help you feel better about being apart. Relationships are all about finding common ground, compromise. Being single is about doing whatever you want because you only have to answer to yourself. As long as it’s legal, go out and do that stuff. Stay out all night. Call in sick to work and go for a drive. Go camping, or to Vegas. Whatever you want.  [RELATED: Embracing the Single Life: How to Be Alone & Happy]

Step 4: Get Moving

For men especially, one great way to get over a breakup is to focus on being active. This is because men are naturally more energetic and movement-oriented as compared to women. Plus, you get out your frustrations and pent up energy with more activity.

Whether it is at the gym lifting weights, on the road jogging, or out in nature hiking, skiing, or swimming, exercise promotes feel-good hormones such as endorphins which are the same as those released when you are in love – giving you your “fix” without the toxic part (i.e. your ex). Plus, getting in shape or improving the shape you are in will also improve your looks and your health, and thus your self-esteem. Plus, you might even meet a new girl in the process.

About Derek Lamont

Derek Lamont, BSc, is an experienced dating coach and veteran pickup artist. In addition to helping men around the world attract women, he’s also the author of an award-winning seduction system. Through his best-selling Online Pickup Secrets program, Derek has helped thousands of men from around the world use online dating and social media websites to find love and live “happily ever after”.

2 replies
  1. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Sorry to hear it, man. I think the drug addiction is something to be really concerned about, porn is hardly a problem but if your wife thinks it is, then try to see if you can really live this kind of lifestyle. Suggest having more sex, perhaps? But definitely work on finding ways to omit the drug addiction, man. I don’t think things have always been this way, so when did all the trouble started and what has caused it? These may help: 4 Text Messages to Save Your Marriage and How to Rebuild Your Relationship With Your Spouse but it’s really challenging for me to know where to give you a headstart, knowing only so little of the situation… Sign up for my Mend the Marriage coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis. Good luck!

  2. Milo Jimenez
    Milo Jimenez says:

    My wife can’t seem to allow me to regain her trust back. I use to use drugs and on a few occasions while out on my binges, she has caught me on porn. She thinks it’s a bigger problem than it really is. But yet I did as she once suggested and went to a men’s porno addiction anonymous meeting and that was not very helpful for her I mean. She’s had to struggle with my constant relapsing on my drug addiction and she automatically feels that whenever I drug I watch porno. No, but I will Admit when she doesn’t allow me back home for a long period, she can almost be sure to find it on my phone. She considers that adultery and it is according to our christian beliefs. I have never even come close to being with another woman but she has allowed herself to be vulnerable to another man’s attention and I forgave her for her lying about her frequent flights to S.F. now she’s wanting me to get out caused by just not being able to trust me at doing anything. What do I do?

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