Whether you were the one who decided it was time to move on or you were dumped outright, the end result is the same: loneliness, sadness, and a general feeling of hopelessness.
Breakups are one of the more difficult emotional situations we face in life, and as a result a certain degree of emotional pain is unavoidable. But there are also ways to move on from a breakup quickly and with the least amount of heartbreak, and these are what I’m going to discuss in this article.
The First 48 Hours: Accept Reality & Get a Hold of Yourself
The first couple of days after your breakup aren’t going to be much fun. Unfortunately, there’s no way to avoid the heartache you’ll experience in the immediate aftermath of the breakup.
That said, there are a few ways to help yourself get through these difficult days, and the process begins with accepting the reality of your situation. It’s not helpful or productive to deny the reality that you and your partner are no longer together. Nor is it going to do you any good to try and talk things over with your ex.
Instead, try to own up to the situation you’re faced with and accept that your ex is no longer a focal point of your life. Accepting that can be painful, but now is the time to let out your emotions and come to grips with life as it stands now that your relationship has ended.
Don’t be afraid to do a bit of crying or spend some time alone in the first day after your breakup, especially if it helps you accept the reality of what’s happened. But do your very best to avoid having these emotional breakdowns while your ex is present.
In fact, during these early stages, it’s not a good idea to speak to your ex at all. In particular, avoid begging, pleading, or apologizing to your ex in an attempt to reverse their decision or in hopes of finding closure.
Many people will try to search for answers after a breakup – wanting to learn what they did wrong or why their ex decided to end things – which is not the right thing to do, especially in the first few days after your breakup. Instead, you and your ex should go your separate ways, and you should try to get control of your emotions and accept your reality without looking for answers or asking yourself what you might’ve done differently.
Next Steps: Decide on a Course of Action
What you must also do during the first 48 hours is come to a decision about how you wish to proceed from this point forward. If you were the one who initiated the breakup with your ex, then that probably means you’ve decided that it’s time to move on and eventually find someone new. If the breakup was forced upon you against your will, then you have a decision to make: should you try to get back together with your ex, or should you accept your partner’s decision and try to move on without them?
If you decide you’re not ready to give up on things and want to change your ex’s mind, my article on how to get your ex back is a great place to start. You should also watch the free video presentation on my website, which shares some sneaky psychological tactics you can begin using immediately to make your ex start missing you like mad.
And if you’re going to accept the breakup and move on to greener pastures, the next step involves a little bit of emotional healing…
Numbing the Pain & Moving Forward
Regardless of whether or not you want to win back your ex’s heart, you’ll still probably want to do anything you can to minimize your emotional pain and sadness while moving forward with your life as soon as possible. Here are a few things that can help you get through the first few weeks after your breakup:
- Remove visible reminders of your ex. There’s nothing worse than being reminded of a painful memory every time you walk into your bedroom, which is why one of the most important ways to move on is to remove visible reminders of them from around your house. Take down photos, love notes, gifts from your ex, and any other items that might remind you of your past relationship. Then put them in a box in your attic. Eventually, you can open them up again, but only when you’ve moved on completely. For now, you don’t want to be reminded of your ex.
- Keep yourself occupied at all times. If you sit around the house doing nothing, you’re giving yourself a chance to think things over and bring undue heartache upon yourself. It’s best to keep busy with work, school, hobbies, or any other activities that keep your attention focused on something other than your ex. Even watching a favorite TV show or playing video games will take your mind off the breakup for a while.
- Lean on your friends. Now is the time to call in favors from your friends and family. Try to avoid being alone whenever possible – go out with friends or spend time with family, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing. Trust me when I say that being social is one of the single most effective ways of getting through a breakup.
- Maintain healthy habits. Scientists have proven that vigorous exercise produces feel good chemicals such as Seratonin and Dopamine in your brain. That means that an intense 30-60 minute workout 3-4 times a week can help you avoid depression and feel better about life (and yourself) in general. It’s also important to maintain healthy eating habits and generally take care of yourself so that you don’t put any extra stresses on your body or mind.
Practice all four of the above recommendations for a few weeks following your breakup and you’ll find that things will quickly improve and your general outlook on life will soon be more positive and cheerful. Remember that each day since your breakup is another day towards a happier new life.
Dealing with Your Ex
As I mentioned above, if you decide you want to win back your ex, then you should check out my article on getting back together with an ex. But even if you do want to repair your now-broken relationship, it’s best to avoid communicating with your ex for at least a few weeks.
And if you’re committed to staying apart and moving on without your ex by your side, then there’s also reason to avoid contact with him or her for the time being. Speaking to your ex, even if it’s a cordial and friendly conversation, will re-hash old memories and inspire painful emotions. Furthermore, talking to an ex can lead to arguments and bitterness, which is hardly what you need at this point.
So, if your ex decides to reach out to you – even if it’s with the best of intentions – try to politely brush them off for now. At all costs, avoid confrontation or games that might end in more pain or anger. While it’s important to start dating again soon after your breakup, don’t take any actions that are obviously intended to cause your ex pain or incite undue jealousy. [RELATED: How to Get Out of the Friend Zone]
Final Steps: Where to Go from Here
On the other hand, if you just need to find a way to get through the post-breakup depression and loneliness, then the single best thing you can do right now is visit The Breakup Cure website and watch the free video presentation by renowned breakup recovery expert Kevin Kurgansky. He has some very clever methods to reduce the emotional pain and move on quicker than you probably thought possible.
And if you want to start fresh and find someone new – someone who will fill the void left by your ex and hopefully provide a more loving, fulfilling relationship – head over to the “dating” section of the website to get some tips and advice on how to meet new people and find romance again.
After all, the very best way to heal yourself and fully get over a breakup is to find a new lover who is more right for you than your ex was, so the sooner you start pursuing new romantic endeavors, the faster you’ll move on from your breakup.
Best of luck – if you have questions, please use the comments section below and I’ll do my best to help!