sad breakup couple

How to Get Over a Breakup

Whether you were the one who decided it was time to move on or you were dumped outright, the end result is the same: loneliness, sadness, and a general feeling of hopelessness.

Breakups are one of the more difficult emotional situations we face in life, and as a result a certain degree of emotional pain is unavoidable. But there are also ways to move on from a breakup quickly and with the least amount of heartbreak, and these are what I’m going to discuss in this article.

The First 48 Hours: Accept Reality & Get a Hold of Yourself

The first couple of days after your breakup aren’t going to be much fun. Unfortunately, there’s no way to avoid the heartache you’ll experience in the immediate aftermath of the breakup.

woman trying to get over breakupThat said, there are a few ways to help yourself get through these difficult days, and the process begins with accepting the reality of your situation. It’s not helpful or productive to deny the reality that you and your partner are no longer together. Nor is it going to do you any good to try and talk things over with your ex.

Instead, try to own up to the situation you’re faced with and accept that your ex is no longer a focal point of your life. Accepting that can be painful, but now is the time to let out your emotions and come to grips with life as it stands now that your relationship has ended.

Don’t be afraid to do a bit of crying or spend some time alone in the first day after your breakup, especially if it helps you accept the reality of what’s happened. But do your very best to avoid having these emotional breakdowns while your ex is present.

In fact, during these early stages, it’s not a good idea to speak to your ex at all. In particular, avoid begging, pleading, or apologizing to your ex in an attempt to reverse their decision or in hopes of finding closure.

Many people will try to search for answers after a breakup – wanting to learn what they did wrong or why their ex decided to end things – which is not the right thing to do, especially in the first few days after your breakup. Instead, you and your ex should go your separate ways, and you should try to get control of your emotions and accept your reality without looking for answers or asking yourself what you might’ve done differently.

Next Steps: Decide on a Course of Action

What you must also do during the first 48 hours is come to a decision about how you wish to proceed from this point forward. If you were the one who initiated the breakup with your ex, then that probably means you’ve decided that it’s time to move on and eventually find someone new. If the breakup was forced upon you against your will, then you have a decision to make: should you try to get back together with your ex, or should you accept your partner’s decision and try to move on without them?

If you decide you’re not ready to give up on things and want to change your ex’s mind, my article on how to get your ex back is a great place to start. You should also watch the free video presentation on my website, which shares some sneaky psychological tactics you can begin using immediately to make your ex start missing you like mad.

And if you’re going to accept the breakup and move on to greener pastures, the next step involves a little bit of emotional healing…

Numbing the Pain & Moving Forward

man getting rid of reminders of his exRegardless of whether or not you want to win back your ex’s heart, you’ll still probably want to do anything you can to minimize your emotional pain and sadness while moving forward with your life as soon as possible. Here are a few things that can help you get through the first few weeks after your breakup:

  1. Remove visible reminders of your ex. There’s nothing worse than being reminded of a painful memory every time you walk into your bedroom, which is why one of the most important ways to move on is to remove visible reminders of them from around your house. Take down photos, love notes, gifts from your ex, and any other items that might remind you of your past relationship. Then put them in a box in your attic. Eventually, you can open them up again, but only when you’ve moved on completely. For now, you don’t want to be reminded of your ex.
  2. Keep yourself occupied at all times. If you sit around the house doing nothing, you’re giving yourself a chance to think things over and bring undue heartache upon yourself. It’s best to keep busy with work, school, hobbies, or any other activities that keep your attention focused on something other than your ex. Even watching a favorite TV show or playing video games will take your mind off the breakup for a while.
  3. Lean on your friends. Now is the time to call in favors from your friends and family. Try to avoid being alone whenever possible – go out with friends or spend time with family, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing. Trust me when I say that being social is one of the single most effective ways of getting through a breakup.
  4. Maintain healthy habits. Scientists have proven that vigorous exercise produces feel good chemicals such as Seratonin and Dopamine in your brain. That means that an intense 30-60 minute workout 3-4 times a week can help you avoid depression and feel better about life (and yourself) in general. It’s also important to maintain healthy eating habits and generally take care of yourself so that you don’t put any extra stresses on your body or mind.

Practice all four of the above recommendations for a few weeks following your breakup and you’ll find that things will quickly improve and your general outlook on life will soon be more positive and cheerful. Remember that each day since your breakup is another day towards a happier new life.

Dealing with Your Ex

As I mentioned above, if you decide you want to win back your ex, then you should check out my article on getting back together with an ex. But even if you do want to repair your now-broken relationship, it’s best to avoid communicating with your ex for at least a few weeks.

torn picture of a coupleAnd if you’re committed to staying apart and moving on without your ex by your side, then there’s also reason to avoid contact with him or her for the time being. Speaking to your ex, even if it’s a cordial and friendly conversation, will re-hash old memories and inspire painful emotions. Furthermore, talking to an ex can lead to arguments and bitterness, which is hardly what you need at this point.

So, if your ex decides to reach out to you – even if it’s with the best of intentions – try to politely brush them off for now. At all costs, avoid confrontation or games that might end in more pain or anger. While it’s important to start dating again soon after your breakup, don’t take any actions that are obviously intended to cause your ex pain or incite undue jealousy. [RELATED: How to Get Out of the Friend Zone]

Final Steps: Where to Go from Here

If you’re intent on fixing things with your ex and you haven’t already, check out the video on my website and read my article on how to get your ex back.

On the other hand, if you just need to find a way to get through the post-breakup depression and loneliness, then the single best thing you can do right now is visit The Breakup Cure website and watch the free video presentation by renowned breakup recovery expert Kevin Kurgansky. He has some very clever methods to reduce the emotional pain and move on quicker than you probably thought possible.

And if you want to start fresh and find someone new – someone who will fill the void left by your ex and hopefully provide a more loving, fulfilling relationship – head over to the “dating” section of the website to get some tips and advice on how to meet new people and find romance again.

After all, the very best way to heal yourself and fully get over a breakup is to find a new lover who is more right for you than your ex was, so the sooner you start pursuing new romantic endeavors, the faster you’ll move on from your breakup.

Best of luck – if you have questions, please use the comments section below and I’ll do my best to help!

About Brad Browning

Brad Browning, BA, is the world’s premiere breakup & marriage coach. Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor Guide, a program that teaches men and women how to win back their ex lovers, has sold thousands of copies worldwide. Brad has also released a similar program called Mend The Marriage that teaches married couples how to revitalize the spark, romance, and desire that’s been long forgotten. To top it all off, Brad’s YouTube channel has over 50 thousand subscribers and almost 7 million views, making his videos the most-watched and liked videos on YouTube!

22 replies
  1. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    If he’s suddenly not letting you check his phone, along with the other signs he gave like being distant and stuff, then that’s a bit sketchy in my opinion. I’m not sure if he’s cheating but it does appear he’s losing interest fast. In this case, I suggest to back off twice, if not three times as much as he’s backing off. DO NOT chase him. Instead, go out with your friends and show him your independent side. SHOW him that you can have a life without him. Do this as soon as possible. If he cares, trust me, you will know. If he doesn’t, then you know where you stand. Definitely cut off contact for at least a month if it doesn’t look like he cares. I suggest read my Ex Factor Guide since that’s much more detailed and so you’ll know how to go about it, what to do after each phase (there are three phases in total), including what to say, do or not do, along with bonus materials for texting, and the psychology of how a man thinks and understanding men in general. Good timing is essential!

  2. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    So you’ve jumped into conclusions… and end up regretting it? You’re not alone. I suggest to try to control your unwarranted jealousy because it’s really clearly affecting your relationship. This is a challenge for you since this is more of a problem because of your age and your emotional maturity which naturally develops with age. And this is one of those things where only a life experience can teach. I often suggest to let experience guide you and to let this one go if your situation is unrepairable and just chalk it up to experience. You’ll know what I mean as you get older. At the very least, cut off contact and let him get to an emotional neutral first. Let him miss you. Here, watch this: How To Make Your Ex Miss You.

  3. leiah
    leiah says:

    my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago and he is 17 and we had plans for the future but he started being distance and no talking much . on the 20th he told me that he was losing interest in me and that took everything in my body not to yell at him and i didnt . He saids he still loves me but we dated for 3 months and i knew he was going to break up with me because he said he was thinking of other girls . That made m wonder if he was cheating and he said he wasnt but he didnt let me check his phone anymore so i dont know where we stand now as friends with him being my next door neighbor . I have night mares in my sleep of him staying take me back what dos that mean ? i don’t know what to do to move on ?

  4. leiah
    leiah says:

    I am 15 years old and my ex is 17 he graduates high school this coming year and we got together on my birthday 3 months ago . he promised and swear up and down he would never leave me and we would have a future and be together no matter what . 2 months in to the relationship he started to stay away from and not say much to me . i thought he was cheating and he wasnt . I told my friends everything and not him instead i hid it from him but he found out cause i told him after i said something to my friends or a couple of days later . He is also my next door neighbor and he is my best friend . Every relationship i have ever been in a got cheated on or dumped and it sucks cause i thought he was the one . I want to be able to look at him and not hurt or cry or hate him . 3 months later he said he was thinking of other girls and on the 20th when we split he was weird acting and then he came out and told me he was losing interest in me like nothing was there anymore . That really hurt me ,but it hurts more because he committed to staying with me ,but left just like that . yes he cried when he broke my heart . He still loves me but just wants to stay friends but i want him back . he doesnt text me anymore cause he wants to make sure i am ok when we go around each other again but it kills me not being around him or talking to him . i feel like i lost him but he told me no matter what he will always protect me and if i get another boyfriend he will beat their ass . If he loved me like he saids he does why did he leave me thinking he wasnt the one for me when to me i want no one else but him .

  5. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    It’s a bad idea to be friends. Bring your ex into an emotional neutral state by employing the 30-day “no contact” rule — let your ex miss you. Watch this particular post here: How to Make Your Ex Obsess Over You In order to fully understand how this concept works, watch the free in-depth video on my website to learn some psychology techniques and understand how giving each other space for around a month can benefit you than otherwise, at http://www.breakupbrad.com Take care!

  6. Tee
    Tee says:

    HI Brad me and my boyfriend was together was for three years and he decided to break up with me 2 months ago because he felt that our relationship wasn’t progressing to where he needed it to go but our break up wasn’t normal at all he still did everything he would normally do for me as my boyfriend even though we clearly wasn’t together and we stayed in touch and ended up becoming friends with benefits some apart of me did it because I was in love with my ex and was afraid he would sleep with another girl but that was the worst decision ever. I recently saw a pic of a girl naked in his phone while we were in the car one day I was completely upset and I confronted him about the picture but he just kept saying I’m single and that pic wasn’t a big deal even though he said out of his mouth he would have been upset if the table was turns since then we haven’t really spoke because he texted me he was distancing himself from me because he couldn’t believe I got so upset over the naked pic text. he finally texted me and apologized and told me he still love me a lot but isn’t in love with anymore . its clear we care BUT certain words have been exchange between the both of us that can’t be unsaid . I really wanna work on being his friend again but I cant stop thinking about the new girl who sent him that pic of herself naked . help me please what should I do ? is this girl even worth my time worrying about ? how can he move on so quickly when we just broke up 2 months ago and been together for 3 years .

  7. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    At this point, it’s important to bring your ex into an emotional neutral state by employing the 30-day “no contact” rule — let your ex miss you. Watch this particular post here: How to Make Your Ex Obsess Over You (New for 2017!) In order to fully understand how this concept works, watch the free in-depth video on my website to learn some psychology techniques and understand how giving each other space for around a month can benefit you than otherwise, at http://www.breakupbrad.com.

  8. Sheena
    Sheena says:

    Hi Brad, Everything was going on well.. until 2 months ago! He started talking about breakup .. he tells he can’t imagine a life with me anymore. I cried, pleaded , thought that’s the only way.. I stopped taking to him for 3-4 days , pleaded n he came back. But wasn’t the same person!
    He tells he loves me, but also tells he can’t imagine a life with me.

    We were in very serious relationship,was planning to get married. One day he tells this! The last day when I broke up.

    It went worst! He was frustrated, I was very angry , I did abuse him very much!
    Then after a day I see , he left the city and blocked me from Facebook, whatsaap, texts , calls, even LinkedIn!

    That’s very next week I saw all your vedio stuff, started with no contact rule, it’s 30 days now!

    These days were a good transformation for me as a person. But I hear from his friends that he has got a new job in that city n he is happy.

    I planning to contact him again from another number.. I’m scared how will this go on! What if he is still angry.. what if he does not come back.. I need your help Brad!

    Trust me after watching your vedio show , my post breakup pain reduced!

    What if he blocks my another number n not reply.. I’m scared now!

    Thanks Brad!

  9. Hirun
    Hirun says:

    BRAD NEED YOUR HELP. My girl friend broke me up a month ago. she strongly refuses me. we had lots of fightings in our last 4 months. She tried to break up with me 2-3 times.she loved me lot. i felt it. she is now attracted to some other guy too. I went to meet her on 29th december 2016. I cannot believe that the way treated me. she says that we don’t match each other. she told my friends and her friends that we broke up and never come back to me. she already attracted someone else too. what shall I DO BRAD??

  10. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hi Britney, sorry to hear about the breakup. At this point, I suggest you start taking steps to move on or at the very least, let him really miss you first. He may not be ready for a serious commitment judging by the way he has behaved. We also have to take into consideration how he may not be ready to sow his oats yet. All right? Take care!

  11. Britney
    Britney says:

    Hello Brad.

    I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago.. We were together for approximately 6 months, but he was my first boyfriend (also sex-wise) and I was his. He was so madly in love with me that he was soon jealous of everyone who looked at me or contacted me even when there were nothing in it. It was so hard for me to all the time convince him that I wasn’t cheating, and he always accused of that even when he didn’t have any prove. He had a very bad self-esteem, and hated everyone. He started to compare me to others and that really hurt and therefore I felt like I needed to leave him because it was for the best, even though it was really hard for me. He was always the one that broke up with me and I was the one that fought for the relationship all the time, so I waited till he broke up with me and then I just left. I really just want to move on, but it’s been 2 months since we had contact and I feel like it is getting worse everyday. a month ago I contacted him (that was the only time); he told me that he had found a new girlfriend, but i know that is not true because he is soon active on social media, like he post something new everyday, and he comments on every girls post. I can’t understand why he just don’t contact me??!! How can he move on so fast, he was so in love with me! He couldn’t stand to wake up and not se me there. I am really confused

  12. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hi there, I appreciate the time you took to write all this, and I would really love to help, but as what I’ve been telling anyone who posts super long comments, please try to keep your post short. I only have limited time to give free advice since obviously my coaching clients take first priority, and I’m trying to cover as many comments as possible. Feel free to sign up for my coaching program so I can prioritise your situation. Thanks for your understanding!

  13. Feyza
    Feyza says:

    Hello Brad, I recently (3 weeks ago) broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for 3 years. Actually it is a bit complicated than that. First we started dating 4 years ago, things were really good and I immediately fell in love with him. We dated for 3 months, then he said that somethings are missing in our relationship and broke up with me. I was still in love with him, but I accepted the process, then he started calling me once a month (he was just calling me in the middle of the night and telling that he misses me, but after the night we generally had a fight and not talk until he calls me again.) 1 year passed away like that, and after that he had a really big problem in his life, and I was the only one there to comfort him. Then we started dating again, it was an on&off relationship but we shared a lot of important things togetger, we were close to each other as much as a family. Then he broke up with me last year saying that he loves me and respects me but cannot be in this relationship anymore. At first I couldn’t be able to accept the situation and I was thinking he will always be in my life, He said a lot of heart breaking things to me like he never ever wants me in his life etc. But still he kept calling me and saying me that he misses me. It was so confusing for me. I was devastated at that time, I quit going to my classes, I almost quit eating, I was just laying in bed all day for 3 months. Because when I felt a little better, he called me and dragged me down again. I didn’t know your no contact period at that time, but I kind of made that period. 3 months later, he came to me and said that he wants me back in his life, he was confused before whether he wants me or not, but now he is really sure of himself that he wants me forever. At first, I rejected all his calls and meeting requests, but after I couldn’t ignore my emotions and met him. He tried so hard to get me back. 8 months passed, everything was going well between us until 3 weeks ago. he was saying “don’t ever leave me” almost every night to me, and was talking about our future plans. 3 weeks ago, he suddenly became icy towards me, I did nothing wrong (even I think of him before me in our relationship, I was always putting his happiness in front of me, I was so dedicated to him that I forget about myself-I know this was a mistake). I asked him that what is going on with him, that are we getting back to the same phase again, he said “I don’t know”. And that answer made me crazy, because it was already so hard for me to get over the ruins of the last break up, and now he is saying to me that he is not sure of himself-AGAIN! Then I told him I don’t want to live same things again, thats why I don’t want him in my life. But I still love him, and I wanted him to understand the importance of this for me. But he accepted right away, and didn’t want to talk to me since. I called him 4days ago, to say that I want to talk, but he didn’t want to talk even he yelled at me and said that I am suck a sticky person. I just wanted an explanation why did thing become like that again-and all of a sudden. Now, I am accepting that, I can no longer let him treat me like that, and I can no longer be with him. But you know, I lost myself, I was so focused on him that I didn’t do a single little thing for myself for 4 years. I forgot about who I am, what I like… And besides, even all the shitty things that happened, I still love him. I don’t know how will I forget him or will I ever forget him. I am so pathetic and desperate right now. I throw away all his stuff, deleted all of our photos together, blocked him from everywhere so he cannot be able to contact me. I don’t know what to do, how to do. I just want to forget about him and focus on myself. I am too weak to do all this things. Can you give me advice, please?Thanks. (I know it is been too long but, I just wanted to get all out of my chest)

  14. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hey there, sorry to hear about the breakup. How did he feel about your relationship being a secret? I know you said you have your own reasons, but that may make him question things especially if this has been going on for a while. The element of secrecy will leave your relationship more vulnerable to outside factors. Anyway I suggest you follow the 30-day “no contact” rule to get you BOTH to clear your head and see the deeper issues in your relationship, all right? If you need my help further with this, however, then we ought to take a look at a lot of various factors at play, so sign up for my coaching program so I can help take a look at all the other factors at play and find out what’s really going on, monitor your situation, and guide you on a regular, ongoing basis. Talk soon!

  15. Zee
    Zee says:

    hi I had a rare kind of relationship for 4 years. Me and my ex-bf recently broke up 2 months ago, he was the one decided to end. We have 11 years age gap and im the one older than him. our relationship was not officially acknowledge as couple, I was the one who chose to keep as a secret to our common friends with my own reasons. I have fear that someday he will find younger than me and as much as possible I am ready to face it. So behind his back i was dating other guy in order to make me not to fully inlove with him and so by the time it will happen I am ready and easy to let go. We never talked properly with our plans and what we want.., even to our families we showed to them that we are just friends. I know I was been so selfish with our relationship, but we both know deep inside we love each other although we never talked about it and future. After he asked space i was totally surprised and later on I found out he met someone. He even introduce this girl to our common friends. I realize later on how much I loved him… i tried to understand and face it. I tried to use the no contact rules but somehow he message me in between… we met and we had sex. He said his feelings still there when we are together… but he still wanted to pursue his life with this relationship to the new girl.. im still kind to him… i let him go to find his own path and what he really want to his life. I loved him and willing to let go, his happiness is my happiness but im suffering. I really wished i had the chance to show him how much im so proud of him as my bf…but im too late. I wanted to know, is there possibility to get chance for us to get back together? he just met this girl 2 months ago…he shared to this girl about me and why? i can still feel he has feelings on me, he only need time for himself and enjoy the life with her…..

  16. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hey Dan, sorry to hear about the breakup. Well for starters, don’t ask where you stand, as that’s a surefire way to pressure your ex and will only push her away. What you ought to do is NATURALLY and organically rebuild the lost attraction and things should fall into place, okay? Getting an ex back is a process which takes time and patience and lots of understanding as well as knowledge, so if there is a time for it, it won’t be anytime soon and should happen much much further down the reconciliation process. For now, focus on where you are in the reconciliation phase, which I’ve sub-divided into three phases, watch it here: How to Get Your Ex Back (Step-by-Step Guide to Reversing a Breakup) and/or read my Ex Factor Guide since that’s much more detailed and so you’ll know how to go about it, what to do after each phase (there are three phases in total), including what to say, do or not do, etc. since good timing is essential. Good luck!

  17. dan
    dan says:

    Hi my name is dan. I had recently broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. She had dumped me saying she wasnt happy anymore. I still love her very much and was looking for help and read your your no contact rule. I used contact for about 3 weeks and then decided to contact her. She answers me just about everytime or usually calls me back same day. We talk mabe once a week if not twice a week and the conversation is simple we never talk about the relationship altho i want to very badly. How do i know when the right time is to talk to her about seeing where i stand in rekindleing the relationship. Its hard to read her right now. Im trying to give her the space she wants and not talk about the past at all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks dan.

  18. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    What happened during the 2-month period? Be sure you give each other enough space and time and never rush this process. If done prematurely, this process could backfire. You may have to do the “no contact” rule again. Watch to learn the basics here: How to Get Your Ex Back. Good luck!

  19. Saanchi
    Saanchi says:

    Hi… I had a breakup 2 months back approx… I did try the no contact phase but he instead took the space otherwise to distance me, moreover, after the no contact, he askd a few things which i honestly replied… I know he still cares but he’s stopped replying me at all now.. Is there any chance to mend up things? Should i adopt the no contact again?

  20. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hey Stan, sorry to hear about the breakup. Try to see what caused the fight first and why it went to extremes where you had seemed so hellbent in breaking up. It’s important to be honest to yourself and see if the issue can be resolved or not, and view it from an unbiased perspective, so cut off contact for at least a month since it can help you do just that. All right? What was the main issue? Since you blew up, it’s possible that it’s caused by small issues piling up into bigger ones, but only you can tell for sure. Anyway the best thing to do now would be to give her some space as well. The breakup must’ve clearly hurt her and she needs time to process the hurt in her own way, all right? Try not to be too available. Let her miss you as well. Watch this: Why Your Ex Gives You the “Hot & Cold Treatment” Good luck!

  21. stan
    stan says:

    Me an my ex where together for two yrs we have a beautiful baby boy ogether an i have always been golden to both of them for 2 yrs paid for everything but we got into it one day an i wasnt myself i got mad said bad things to her because she did to me first like a child an then i broke her heart did something i never had done or even threatened “i told her to pack her shit an leave”. She was still there by the next day an when she saw i wasnt kidding an i didnt care anymore she pushed me too far she started beging me not to do this an she had never done anything like this she is a very strong independent person. But when i went to get in my truck to go to my dads till she left she dropped to her knees in tears an begged me not to leave. In that moment i wanted to stay so badly but i thought no be strong she will never respect u u gave too many chances its time to be strong an make the tuff decision… i held out for a week before i broke an tried to work it out. She lead me on an made me feel safe to tell her how much she still ment to me then dumped me the next day started seeing someone else we still see each other because of my son an spend nights together occasionally an have deep passionate sex all night until day break but once we wake up after a few hrs of sleep that day an she goes home its like she feels nothing. Its been 4 months hot an cold like this both playing the i dont love u anymore game but still acting like it alot. I sacrificed all my friends early on to be more devoted to my family an now i have no social groups to make her jealous or help me find someone new. I want her back we had something real like neither of us had ever had before. But i hurt her so bad she doesnt trust me an in the beggining i made my image to her prolly go from strong man to whimp. What should i do.

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