romantic-couple

How to Get Your Ex Back (and Keep Them)

As a relationship and dating coach, the most common question I get asked is “How do I get my ex back?” After years of analyzing and dissecting the psychology of relationships and why people break up, I’ve been able to develop a definitive method that will ensure you will have the best chance possible of getting your ex to come running back to you.

I know, this might sound too good to be true (and unfortunately, in some cases, it is too good to be true), but if you properly implement these simple yet powerful psychological tactics, you will optimize your chances of making your ex attracted to you again. This leads me to the first step in my process.

Step One: How to Identify Why Your Ex Broke up with You

Your ex is hiding the truth from you.

Oftentimes, in a feeble attempt to protect your feelings, your ex will say things like “It’s not you, it’s me” and “I think we just make better friends”. While these may sound like valid reasons, it’s often not the reason why your ex broke up with you.

In over 90% of my cases, the reason one person breaks up with another is because they’ve experienced a loss of sexual attraction. Your ex likely won’t admit to this explicitly, and sometimes they won’t even realize they aren’t attracted to you anymore. So if I were to sum up this article in just one sentence, it would be this: the key to getting your ex back is to erase the image of the old you, and infuse sexual attraction into a brand new relationship with your ex.

Click here to take an interactive quiz to determine your chances of getting your ex back… you might be shocked at what your results are!

By now you’re probably thinking, so what did I do to make my ex lose attraction? Is it because I’m physically unattractive? Chances are, your ex didn’t break up with you because he or she found you physically unattractive. Again, in the vast majority of cases, attraction is lost due to several behavioral faux pas that stem from one person’s insecurity and lack of confidence. And why am I telling you this? Because if you get your ex back, you simply can’t afford to keep behaving the same way. If you do, you will end up losing them again.

Regardless of whether you get your ex back or not, it’s important to learn how to develop good habits; your partner will be happier and you will be happier when you do.

So before I get to step two, I’m going to list several Universally Unattractive characteristics that kill attraction, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman:

Couple arguing with each other1.)  Being Too Controlling

I know it may have made you feel uncomfortable when your ex hung out with multiple members of the opposite sex. It’s completely normal to have these feelings. However, telling your ex that he or she cannot enjoy the company of their friends is not only wrong, it kills sexual attraction.

Instead, be more open to your partner hanging out with other people. There’s also nothing stopping you from doing the same, or joining them in these hangouts. Just be comfortable in your status as their partner. Remind yourself that they wouldn’t be with you if they wanted someone else.

2.)  Being a Complete Pushover

Human beings are hardwired to be attracted to powerful individuals. In the Palaeolithic Era, aligning yourself with such individuals would increase your chances of survival. Humans have continued to evolve with respect for these traits and generally continue to be attracted to other humans that embody them. If you’re conveying to your partner that you can stand up for yourself, then you will be much more attractive to them.

3.)  Being Jealous

Again, feeling jealous is a natural human phenomenon. I’m not saying that you should never feel jealous, because unfortunately, you can’t control these emotions. You can, however, keep these negative emotions in check. Swallow your pride. If you feel you’re getting jealous because your partner is getting all the attention at the party, don’t show it. Instead, be proud of your partner. Remember that your partner is a reflection of you as well, so any chance you get to brag about your partner, you probably should.

ex factor guide player

4.) Constantly Being Depressed or Unhappy

Sorry, the “emo” thing isn’t sexy at all. Emotions are infectious. If you’re unhappy, chances are the people around you will be unhappy. Unhappiness isn’t an attractive characteristic. I don’t feel like I need to explain this any further, but if you feel like your happiness levels are beyond your control, then you may need to seek medical attention.

5.) Being Lazy

Laziness is a destructive habit that can lead to several poor life choices. On top of that, it’s a very unattractive characteristic. If you feel like you’re a lazy person, there are books and resources to help you eliminate this bad habit from your life.

You will often see this trait materialize over time in a relationship. Complacency is a huge reason why romances fizzle and die out. All relationships need constant work.

6.) Complaining Too Much

Contrary to popular belief, men complain just as much as women do. To nobody’s surprise, complaining a lot isn’t a very attractive trait. Try this: instead of complaining, do something about it. Don’t like how messy your car is? Clean it. Don’t like your new work schedule? Get it changed. Taking action is important for your well being, not to mention very sexy and attractive to the opposite sex.

Of course, this list is not exhaustive. Sometimes a lack of good chemistry or similar interests can quickly kill the attraction. More often than not, however, one of the six negative traits listed above has played a significant in role in your ex’s decision to break it off with you.

What’s the common characteristic among these six traits? Insecurity! You’re too controlling because you’re afraid your ex will fall for somebody else; you’re a pushover because you don’t have enough confidence and security in yourself; your jealousy is directly related to insecurity, and so on and so forth. If you’re doing something that conveys your lack of security, then I can guarantee you that you aren’t being as attractive as you could be.

If you want to learn more about what traits kill attraction, I encourage you to watch this video that I made. In it, I describe exactly what you probably did wrong, and I go further by explaining what you can do today to ensure that your ex doesn’t fall for anybody else.

Step Two: The Isolation Period

Regardless of how long it’s been since you and your ex broke up or how far away he or she lives, there needs to be an Isolation Period. Other so-called experts may call this the “no contact” period, however, many will lead you to believe that simply ignoring your ex will do the trick. There is a very specific way to go about executing the Isolation Period and it isn’t just about ignoring and “not contacting” your ex.

a woman meditating on a beachRemember what I said at the beginning of this article – part of getting your ex back involves erasing the “old” you. Your old relationship with your ex didn’t work. In fact, it probably downright sucked, and whether you like it or not, the reason it didn’t work out was because you made a mistake that led to your ex breaking up with you. I know, the truth hurts.

So now you have to erase those memories in your ex’s head. You have to give him or her time so that their emotions for you reset. Eventually, once enough time lapses, this will happen. I call this Emotional Zero – it is the moment when your ex is, for the most part, emotionally indifferent towards you. In order for you to build a new relationship with your ex, he or she needs to hit Emotional Zero. Only then will you be able to build a new relationship that is stronger and more vibrant than before.

Typically, the rule of thumb is 30 days of no contact with your ex. Studies show that 30 days is enough time for emotions to settle (and this period allows time for your ex to possibly miss you). However, there are exceptions to every rule; if you’ve been pleading and begging for your ex to come back this whole time, then it’s going to take a lot longer – sometimes, up to a year for very specific cases.

Again, you simply can’t just ignore you ex and then do nothing about it. You need to take action. So what things do you need to do during the Isolation Period?

First and foremost, you need to work on yourself. You need to go out. You need to have fun. Your ex is not going to want to get back together with you if you’re sad and depressed. Your ex will only be attracted to you again if you’re going out and making the most out of life – remember this! So instead of staying indoors and moping around, go out and have fun. Hang out with friends. Be social. Don’t be a hermit! You need to convey to the world that your life is in order and that you aren’t depressed. This can be difficult, but I never said getting your ex back was going to be easy, did I?

Again, if you haven’t already, I would highly recommend taking this interactive quiz. By taking the quiz, you’ll find out your approximate chance of getting your ex back (and what you can do right now to help your situation).

how to get your ex back quiz

Here are some tips that you can use to help you out during the Isolation Period:

1.) Workout

Exercising is obviously good for your health, but did you know that it can also improve your mood substantially? By exercising, your brain will begin producing chemicals (Serotonin and Dopamine) that actually make you happier. Make a stand – right here, right now – to start exercising first thing in the morning and I guarantee that the rest of your days will improve massively.

I know, I know… waking up depressed is hard. Knowing you have to go out and run 5 kilometres? It makes it even worse. But you need to have faith in the process. After your workout, you’ll feel rejuvenated.

man running on treadmill2.) Choose a New Hobby

Keeping yourself occupied will help keep your mind busy. Learn to play a new instrument. Learn a new sport. The possibilities are endless.

3.) Hang Out with Friends

I said it before and I’ll say it again, spending time with people who you enjoy is the easiest way to take your mind off your ex. Do whatever you can to set up coffee dates with friends, go to the movies, play video games, or whatever you enjoy.

However, do whatever you can to not bring up the subject of your ex with your friends. They probably don’t want to hear about it much and it won’t help you either. Instead, just focus on having fun with them. If you’re constantly a Debbie Downer, they’re not going to want to hang out with you much.

4.) Date Date Date

If there were only one thing that I could recommend to you during the Isolation Period, it would be to date around. Yes, date. It sounds counter-intuitive and counter-productive to getting your ex back, but it works. Why? First of all, dating is fun. Even when you’re on a mediocre date, it still can be interesting and fun to get to know another person. Secondly, it will increase your confidence. Third, demonstrating to your ex that you’re desirable and sought after by other people will increase their feelings of desire for you. And fourth, you never know – maybe you’ll be able to meet somebody that’s even better than your ex!

So, while you’re keeping yourself busy and increasing your confidence and value, when will you know whether you’re ready to contact your ex? This brings me to the next step…

Step Three: The First Contact

How will you know when your ex is ready to be contacted? Well, you won’t. But there are some rules.

If you’ve just recently broken up with your ex and you haven’t begged, pleaded, or contacted your ex, then 30 days is enough time for you to wait. However, if you have done any of the above, then you need to at least double that length of time. Depending on how many mistakes you’ve made since your ex broke up with you, you need to extend the Isolation Period accordingly. In fact, when in doubt, wait. 

Hopefully during this time you’ll have been dating, hanging out with friends, working out, and keeping busy with new hobbies. Now it’s time to attract your ex back into your life. 

Depending on the state of your relationship with him or her, you can either contact them by e-mail or text message. Under no circumstance should you be calling your ex at this point. Why? Calling at this point is far too forward. You’ll want to take things slow at first, not ambush them out of the blue. Besides, calling just screams desperation. At this point, you don’t want to convey anything at all.

hot girl texting on her phoneWhat you’ll want to do is pose what I call a Non-Threatening Question. This is a question that has a purpose. You aren’t contacting your ex to say hello. You aren’t asking them out on a date. The only reason you’re contacting him or her is to ask them a non-threatening question.

For example, you’ll want to send a text message that says something like:

“Hi, just was wondering the name of that restaurant we went to on New Years. Hope all is well.” 

This question has two components. One, it asks a question that needs to be answered, and only your ex can answer it. Second, it doesn’t demand attention. You end it with something like “Hope all is well” because it suggests that you don’t really care if your ex gets back to you or not.

If Your Ex Replies…

Chances are if you’ve been following my advice up to this point, your ex will reply. If your ex does reply, you’re in business. You’re going to want to keep conversing – engage in some small talk! Don’t reply too quickly. Reply leaving about 1 hour in between text messages. Yes, you heard me… 1 hour. You don’t want to blow it now, do you?

Keep up the small talk and occasionally end the conversation abruptly. Sign off with, “Okay, thanks. I have to go to my yoga class, talk soon!”

You’ll want to be the one ending the conversation in these scenarios. Why? Again, you’ll want to appear as if you don’t care too much. Right now, you just want to make it known to your ex that you exist but not that you miss them or need them in any way.

After this period, wait another week until you contact your ex again. Continue this process until you become friendly with your ex again.

If Your Ex Doesn’t Reply…

If your ex does’t reply, don’t worry. The thing is, there could be a multitude of reasons why your ex doesn’t reply. Maybe he or she is busy, tired, away, etc. There are a ton of reasons, so for now, I wouldn’t worry yet. If your ex doesn’t reply, then there’s one rule you need to remember: Don’t text your ex again! You heard me!

If you continually text your ex, you will be jeopardizing the whole operation. You’ve made it this far, so don’t mess it up! You’ll be tempted to text again right away, but instead, focus on yourself again. Go out with friends, and do anything you can to keep your mind off things. Take the duration of your recent Isolation Period, add 10 days to it, and then try again.

Step Four: The Magnetic Attraction Period

At some point in your interaction with your ex, you’re going to have to set up a meeting.

Remember, you need to have a good reason to do anything with your ex, so be prepared to come up with a good excuse to chat with your ex. If you’re confused about this, let me jump right into an example:

“Hi Christy — I’ve always known you had a better eye for interior design than me. I’m currently trying to brighten up my kitchen and wanted your opinion on some cabinets. Mind if we get together for coffee?”

Or…

“Hello Rob! I’m planning a trip to Peru this winter. I know you know so much about the country. Mind if we get together for a coffee so I can grill you with some questions?”

hot couple flirtingYou need to be posing as a friend. As of right now, nothing sexual should come out of this… at least not yet. You’ll be wanting to make sure you tell your ex that this will be a short and sweet meeting. Your ex will be intimidated and possibly turned off if you suggest a very long meeting.

Once the actual date occurs, you need to turn up the sexual chemistry. Start flirting! Flirting is the number one way to spark attraction again and compel your ex to think of you in a sexual manner. Don’t know how to flirt? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered…

1.) Touch, touch touch!

It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a girl. Touching is a form of communication. Go to a public place and observe friends and lovers communicate with each other. Chances are, they’ll be touching each other in some way. Something as simple as giving somebody a “high five” is an incredibly bonding experience between two human beings. Finally, look how couples interact. Kissing, holding hands, and hugs are fundamental bonding gestures between two lovers. So make sure you touch your ex a lot in inadvertant ways. If he or she seems receptive to this, then ramp it up.

2.) Look them in the eyes.

Eye contact is a powerful thing. Again, when it comes to building chemistry (whether sexual or otherwise), holding eye contact is essential. But don’t just stare at your ex’s eyes. Stare at his or her lips too. This sends very subtle sexual messages.

3.) Smile at them!

This shouldn’t be too difficult.

4.) Reminisce about sexual encounters you’ve had with him or her, but subtly.

Try and re-ignite the passion by bringing up something surrounding a sexual moment in your past with your ex. For example, if you and your ex had a steamy sexual encounter right after the Dodgers game a year ago, talk about the events immediately preceding the sexual encounter. Try and remind them how sexual and passionate it was.

5.) Use humour.

Obviously, a good sense of humour is a powerful aphrodisiac. Make sure that as you’re flirting, you’re doing all you can to make your ex laugh.

Remember to keep things light. Don’t talk about anything negative. Don’t talk about how your relationship ended. Don’t argue. Remember, chances are this is the chance to re-attract your ex back into your life. You don’t want to blow things wide open at this point.

After you’ve used all these techniques, chances are your ex will be laughing and enjoying his or her time. Once your ex is showing these signs of interest in you, you have the green light to move into a more intimate setting. That means you need to find a good excuse to invite your ex over. However, again, don’t forget the fundamentals of this. You need to have a good reason to invite your ex over. Say you got a new collection of fish or the new Call of Duty for your PS4. Whatever you do, do not just invite your ex over for fun or for no reason. This will be a red flag for them.

If You’re a Man…

You’ll want to have sex with your ex as quick as possible. That means if your ex wants to have sex with you, it’s on. Have sex with her by seducing her and showing her the time of her life. You’ll want to do some research on how to make love and how to make sure that what she’s experiencing is the best sex of her life. Make the sex unforgettable so that she’ll never think about leaving you again.

Women get extremely bonded with the partners they have sex with — more so than men. If your ex has sex with you, chances are the next step is how you’ll get back together.

If You’re a Woman…

Then don’t have sex with your ex until he’s ready to commit to you. Don’t make it a big deal. When you invite him back, flirt. Keep flirting and make it sexual. Turn him on. However, the key here is to not have sex with him. This short of thing will drive a man crazy.

Once you do this, a little switch will go off in his mind and he’ll do anything he has to to have you.

At this point, you’ll want to set up even more subsequent dates with him and continue to turn him on. Continue being friendly, feminine, and beautiful. Pretty soon, he’ll want to have the “talk” with you. After that, you’re in!

Closing Remarks

This is a pretty long article, and to be honest, I’ve barely scratched the surface. This is why I wrote one of the best-selling books on the subject, The Ex Factor Guide. This is why I offer personal coaching to help people like you get your ex back. I think you’ve just come across one of the best, if not the best articles on how to get your ex back — scientifically. However, of course there are many holes in this article that I can’t possibly fill without writing thousands more words.

I also didn’t cover how to keep your ex. These are all subjects that are covered completely in my book, The Ex Factor Guide. If you’re really serious about getting the love of your life back, then I implore you to watch this video that I created. It will explain to you in further detail how to make sure your ex doesn’t fall in love with anyone else, and to ensure that your ex will come crawling back to you (oftentimes, on all fours).

get ex back video

About Brad Browning

Brad Browning, BA, is the world’s premiere breakup & marriage coach. Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor Guide, a program that teaches men and women how to win back their ex lovers, has sold thousands of copies worldwide. Brad has also released a similar program called Mend The Marriage that teaches married couples how to revitalize the spark, romance, and desire that’s been long forgotten. To top it all off, Brad’s YouTube channel has over 50 thousand subscribers and almost 7 million views, making his videos the most-watched and liked videos on YouTube!

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Jhen
Jhen
14 days 19 hours ago

Hi. My bf left me its been 7 days since we broke up. He said his love is faded already. I chased him,begging to have him back but unfortunately he push me away. He dont want to see me. He said he will text me and visit until im gonn be ok. And he want me to open up myself to other men. Hes getting sick when he see me. I dont know what to do. I really love him were 3years and 5months and were always together. He said that i treated him like a material thing. Hes not willing to do it anymore. I need an advise theres a possiblilty he will come back to me? Many thanks

Natalie
Natalie
19 days 23 hours ago
Hi Brad, my ex and I broke up two months ago. We were meeting during the first month after the breakup – we met couple of times but it was always very casual. Sometimes he was extremely nice to me (complementing me etc) but then another time he was distant and not interested in talking to me. The situation was hard to bear so I decided to apply no contact rule. I think he thought I was meeting somebody. I contacted him a week ago, his response was immediate and positive but he didn’t engage in a conversation. Then I met him in a pub during New Year’s Eve. He was distant and not interested in talking to me, he actually seemed worried. Day after he posted a picture on Facebook with a girl that I don’t know. She looks very similar to me, they are sitting quite close to… Read more »
Tina
Tina
27 days 13 hours ago
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, after we’ve had a 3-week-long break. Those times were heartbreaking for me and the break/breaking up happened so suddenly, since I thought everything was fine and he didn’t show any signs of not feeling good about our relationship. His reason for a breakup was that he wants to be single and that he is tired of relationships, but not girls. He told me he chatted with this one girl he met recently and told me they talk a lot and he even went on a few drinks with her, which made me more unhappy. We’re in the same college so we still see each other, and I proposed the no contact period a month ago since I don’t trust him anymore and need time to heal. The other day he sent me a text saying that he’s sorry for everything he… Read more »
Anne
Anne
1 month 3 days ago
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, after a relationship of about 8 months. We had no problems in the relationship, never fought, only have good memories. He was living in my city at the time so we saw each other often. But then, about three months ago, he needed to move to another city, about 2 hours away, for work, therefore we couldn’t see each other as often. So because he doesn’t believe in technology to connect two people, and due to missing me and not being able to see me often enough, he thought best to break-up with me. We were both holding each other and crying after he let me know of the breakup… We are still in love with each other. Is there still have a chance we might get back together eventually? I’m so lost and feeling empty. I miss him so much.
gareth
gareth
1 month 3 days ago
Hi my Ex Broke up with me since February this year after two long years together we connected so well on every level special Then March she’s got with a New Stupid guy!! ,Summer 2015 we where going to have a Baby / family but 22 weeks pregnant we had a (miscarriage) wicth mess her up blaming me ect so I got verbal abuse at her most days and we’ll she said had enough we both really did love each other so deeply and she left me in Feb now been with this twat guy since April and everything is going so fast it is ridiculous lol I honestly want her Back!! been 10 months now Fed up i know she must still have Feelings deeply for me but trying to hide them because with new guy I just want her to lave him ; ( Help February – we… Read more »
Meena
Meena
1 month 4 days ago
Hi, I had been seeing this guy for almost 8 months. We met online and were going to meet for the 1st time next week. We had a lot of ups and downs. There is a lot I want to say in detail but things ended Friday (2 days ago). He wanted me to send him money. I was going to but I changed my mind because I have my own bills to pay and such and I told him I’ll see how much I have left after I get everything done. He obviously didn’t care and told me to block and delete him and to stop texting him. I’ve stopped texting, blocked and deleted him as he wanted. He told me he would do the same but as far as I can tell he hasn’t. I really love and miss him a lot. I don’t know if we will… Read more »
Maja
Maja
1 month 11 days ago

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. We were together for 2 years and towards the end it started fading and I just didn’t feel loved anymore. In Addition we had many misunderstandings. As my boyfriend thought I would break up he broke up with me. Since then we have talked 2 times and I have aplogized for my mistakes and told him that I know we could work it out together. He said that he doesn’t want me to get over it but he Needs more time to digest all of what happend and doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He also said that he will probably regret the decision of letting me go at one point, but for now it seems like the only right thing to do. What does he mean by that? And what can I do?

Pranay Agrawal
Pranay Agrawal
1 month 13 days ago

Our case is the same as u mentioned …she said it was she not me….she told tht dnt knw why shw has lost interest in me ….it happend 2 days before…althogh i begged n pleaded her the same day….bt nw i m not contacting her…. she told tht she want to b friend n has called me to meet this monday to spent some tym with her bt as a friend…wht should i do ??should i go or say her i cant meet giving some reason ??…how long should i follow the non contact rule in my case ??..plzzz help sir

Edd
Edd
1 month 15 days ago
Me and my girlfriend broke up after seven months together. we had some problems of confidence in each other. She did things that were unacceptable like talking with her EX or talking with another guy on Instagram and some other things im not gonna write here and I kept silent instead tell her it hurts me and consequently i hurt her and text another girl. she saw that text in my phone and she took it very difficult. We broke up for a few days and then we came back. After we returned, things were no longer the same. i know what i did was wrong but although i tried to explain her that i did it because i was angry and Disappointed from what she has done and not because i dont love her. she played with me the whole time when we were back together because she knew… Read more »
Liladhar
Liladhar
1 month 21 days ago

Hello , I am Liladhar
My Girlfriend breackup with me 2 month ago .. This 2 month I so many messages send her so many call her but she doesn’t reply clearly .
2 mont is going on for our breackup so is it right time for start No contact rule ???

Lauren
Lauren
1 month 25 days ago
My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. Two weeks ago he broke up with me via text while he was having a bad day. He said it wasn’t me, that I’d been great, and that it’s just him wanting some space and time to figure out his life. At a random point he did say there was something missing between us (and I figured out what that is). We agreed that we’d talk about things in person. I let him cool down for a couple days bc I was also preoccupied as I am a professional acrobat, and I had to go out of town that coming weekend (so last weekend) for performances. So a couple days later, I texted him that it would be helpful if we were still together til we’re able to talk about things in person, especially with my performances coming… Read more »
Ana
Ana
1 month 30 days ago
Hi brad, My bf and and I been together 9 months he just broke up with me last Tuesday, everything seemed fine since we eve spent the weekend out having fun. Problem started when I got upset that he was leaving to boston to spend Thanksgiving without me. I used to live 2 hrs away and moved to his city 2 months ago, so I dont have anyone here but him . We had made plans to travel together but i lost my job and couldn’t afford my ticket, his ticket was bought by his best friend. So i send him a text that day tellikg how I felt that he was leaving me alone . He replied upset and said it wanst his fault I lost my job and I know we have made plans to go together. He needed to go cause his friend change plans cause he… Read more »
Erik
Erik
2 months 8 hours ago
Hey Brad. I have an issue. About two months i met a girl at the college library, I liked her at once and in short, i reached her, met her and initiated chatting once a week as it was exam period. i always initiated chatting but she replied at once, there was fun in the air etc. then i asked her out, she came, we had a good time and then we continued to the second when we held hands, hugged etc. then she became more open, initiated chats, teased me, was cheerful and after two days she even invited me to meet and and we had a really nice time. However, even if that was the peak and i could by the way she looked at me and the body language (i could count each one of the “top 10” signs), after two days of going off radar, i… Read more »
Edd
Edd
2 months 12 hours ago
Me and my girlfriend broke up after seven months together. we had some problems of confidence in each other. She did things that were unacceptable like talking with her EX or talking with another guy on Instagram and some other things im not gonna write here and I kept silent instead tell her it hurts me and consequently i hurt her and text another girl. she saw that text in my phone and she took it very difficult. We broke up for a few days and then we came back. After we returned, things were no longer the same. i know what i did was wrong but although i tried to explain her that i did it because i was angry and Disappointed from what she has done and not because i dont love her. she played with me the whole time when we were back together because she knew… Read more »
Shreyaa
Shreyaa
2 months 3 days ago
Hey Brad! I’m going through hell right now or from the past one month.One month ago,i broke up with my bf.We both were completely in love.But i started having some issues with myself.My mood swings were a lot to handle for him an that point i just felt the need to break up and so i did.And i hurt him to the core which i never wanted to.He kept on begging me but i didn’t hear.Later on he started avoiding me and kind of did everything as you said in your video.it felt bad.I always loved him but i had to break up.I regret breaking up so much.But after that he said no to me.He said he’ll never come back as he cannot put faith in me.I have tried my level best but he is adamant that he cannot trust me.Even though after i realised what i did.I changed myself… Read more »
Ali
Ali
2 months 6 days ago
Hey Brad! My situation with my Ex girlfriend is a bit complicated. We’re both 35 years old and We have been best friends and so attached to each other for the past 11 years. During that time she’s always had feelings for me and wanted more but i didnt feel the same way although i had some feelings for her but they werent as strong so i decided to just stay friends. 8 months ago, we decided to make it official and start dating as boyfriend and girlfriend. She was really happy during the relationship and loved me more than anything. She used to even call me 4 times a day and was all over me. We talked about marriage a few times and had plans for the future even. Like any other couple, we had some fights but always worked things out on spot. 20 days ago we had… Read more »
Shane
Shane
2 months 7 days ago
Im in such a confused state and not sure what to do.. I went through no contact for 30 days with my ex of nearly 2 years. we lived together and i moved out and did no contact. Also near the end of the last month of our relationship she started seeing someone else but not dating them and they’re still seeing each other. I’ve worked on myself gone out with friends went on a couple of dates so I’m level headed at this point and confident. I contacted her after the 30 days, followed the guidelines and I got responses but they are pretty short and show little interest in wanting to talk to me and there’s huge silence breaks between texts and I’m not begging or being desperate. Should I go back into another no contact period or keep trying to talk to her. I’ve searched around but… Read more »
Ian
Ian
2 months 20 days ago

Apologies, I forgot one last question i had that i didnt include in my previous post. During the no contact phase, is it still acceptable to send ‘goodnight’ messages? Or just small casual and kind phrases like that? I don’t want to be rude by not replying to her when she asks how my day is going, or to seem like I’m upset in anyway by not talking to her.

Ian
Ian
2 months 20 days ago
Hey Brad, My ex and I (together for 2 years) broke up about two and half weeks ago. For the first week after the break up, we hung out and were very flirtatious and had sexual energy and I could tell that she had missed me quite a lot. However, I recently met up with her and was a bit of a mess in terms of crying and showing my heartbreak, and I’m worried it seemed pathetic. She still messages me daily to see how my day is going and to say goodnight but nothing more and the flirting has decreased on her end. How should I best approach this situation to try to get back with her? Is it too late to start the no-contact/self-improvement approach? I’m in college in time is scarce between semesters. The main reason for the break up was that we had a few petty… Read more »
nicole
nicole
2 months 22 days ago

Hi Brad. Me and my girlfriend broke up two days ago. we are lesbians. Because she thinks I don’t care about her existence. We fought a lot about different things that she doesn’t like, we kept breaking up and getting back together. But this time, she told me that she would disappear and she has a new girlfriend now. Also, I am scared that if I use the “no contact” period. I will lose her forever. What should I do ?

Lisa
Lisa
2 months 26 days ago

Hi Brad, my ex and I have been apart for a month now. He and my sister work together and they talk sometime and mainly about me and my up keeps. I found that a problem because he has my number and can call me anytime if he has questions or concerns about me. I ask him this and would not give me an answer. Why is he doing this? Thanks

jasmine
jasmine
2 months 27 days ago
Oct 25 at 5:52 PM Hi, i am a 15 year old female and I am trying to get back with my ex his name is Jake so i am going to tell you a little bit about mine & his relationship so it can give you an idea on how to help me with this process. We broke up basically because i didn’t want to be with him anymore, i lost feelings for him and for that reason i was kinda mean to him for a while cause i was just waiting on him to brake up with me which he never did until he just finally got tired of it. He had very strong feelings for me whenever we were together, he always talked about me to his friends he would always want to see me and etc. we got alone VERY WELLwe were both very serious with… Read more »
Ida
Ida
2 months 29 days ago
Hey Brad. I Need help and I hope that you are the one, who can help me. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I dont know what to do with myself. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He is 19 and I’m 18 years old. He broke up with me last week. We didn’t have any problems. No cheating, jelousy or anything like that. We never argued with each other. We were in a long distance relationship. He was the kinda person who didn’t like texting a lot which I accepted and didn’t think much about because he isn’t the texting kinda guy. When he came over last week he told me that he wanted to break up. I got surprised because I didn’t see any problems with our relationship. We were so happy together. He told me that he had lost feelings for… Read more »
Dan
Dan
2 months 29 days ago
Hey Brad. Me and my girlfriend broke up about 3 and a half weeks ago. We were together just under a year (our anniversary should of been 2 weeks ago) There were no hard feelings with our breakup. Apart from me being incredibly sad and her probably feeling guilty. She said she doesn’t feel the spark anymore. But I think it might be she likes another guy. Started NC the day after we broke up. However from reading comments on your videos and asking others I messaged her good luck for this important business trip she was on. I don’t want to make this too long but this is what I said “Hey sorry to message and know this is out of the blue but just wanted to wish you good luck with your business trip. You’ll do great and your hoodie should be there when you’re back :)” She… Read more »
Taylor Wilson
Taylor Wilson
3 months 2 days ago
Hey, Brad. I and my Ex broke up 3 weeks ago after being together for just under a year (our anniversary should have been 2 weeks ago ) She suffers from bipolar so she is either very emotional and intense and at other times quite hollow. However, we broke up 3 weeks ago as I said. She said she felt empty about everything and that there was no spark in our relationship. The optimistic side of me would say that it’s just the bipolar and depression coming back in full swing. But if I think to myself I honestly think it’s a mixture of me being a bit of a pushover (always being very soft and lovely) and not being much of a ‘man’ and her having feelings for some other dude. I’ve been following your Ex factor guide. 3 weeks into NC. I had to block her on social… Read more »
Noor
Noor
3 months 3 days ago

Hi Brad.
I’m watching your videos everyday. I wanted to ask you what I should do with him, because he became very strange. He said that we can be friend anymore and he doesn’t have much time for me. I left him and didn’t talk with him privately since he’s my teacher. Months ago he started to ignore me and didn’t pay attention for me. These days he’s starting laugh with me, tell people that Noor did a good job and saying many good thing on me, but he didn’t send me any private message yet. I really don’t know how to treat him. Sorry for sending many messages for you, but I really need your help. Thanks a lot. :)

Jess
Jess
3 months 4 days ago
Hi brad! My ex broke up with me a month ago. We were together for 3 months and it was intensive. He broke up with me after a fight the night before. He said we arent compatible, we fight all the time and he cant see a future. But, he was very serious about the relationship and always talked about the future. I have to mention that his friends didnt like the fact that he had a girlfriend. I became needy and insecure. I begged at the time of the breakup (unfortunately) and directly after he left i cut contact. Im working on myself. He cried at the breakup and said he maybe will regret this. He didnt contact me until we met accidently at a coffeeshop a week later- he asked me to sit with him but i left. He later texted me that he hopes that one day… Read more »
Mia
Mia
3 months 9 days ago

Hi Brad! My ex isn’t a big communicator and is fairly new to relationships. He could easily go two weeks without initiating contact with someone. After our ‘talking all the time’ honeymoon period fizzled out I ended up starting an argument about needing more contact in the very beginning of our relationship. Fast forward – I completed 2.5 months of no contact to seem less needy. I was the one to initiate the breakup. Does your 1 week recommendation between initiating texts apply to this type of situation or should it be longer? He seemed really happy and eager replying to my first post-nc text.

jas
jas
3 months 29 days ago
Hey I used the no contact rule on my ex gf for about 20 days and my ex texted me and we had a short and friendly conversation over a few texts. i followed the advice given in your Ex Factor Guide and it seemed to worked, i replied to her text after 2-3 hours and during that period she asked one of our mutual friend why isn’t he replying to my text. It clearly showed that she cares about me but hides it from me. She completely ignored me after the breakup but after the text conversation we have been passing smiles to each other. So can you advice me on how do i take this forward with someone who is playing hard to get. Should i wait for the 30 days to complete before sending the good reminder text or start interacting with her again as she contacted… Read more »
lydia
lydia
4 months 16 days ago
Won’t the flirt aspect make him love you for the wrong reasons ( sex only ) ? Somehow im a muslimah(i became it after seeing the dangers of it) so i believe relationships on its own is very haram (endless datings etc) All these drama’s can be avoid and warned us woman not to be needy etc (i didnt listen well to all this rules) He broke up with me because it was toooo hard for him blabla, really ? now that he has graduate finally ? and now is going to university? i feel used, and loved for wrong reasons. i also feel he is looking if he could eventually get/ find /deserved someone better than be, and me leaning to be there during his hard times and needs. He was totally in love with me, he even cried for me sometimes and got emotional(angry etc) but it all… Read more »
Krystal
Krystal
4 months 19 days ago
Hi Brad, first of all, thank you for being there for us. I am thinking of buying your ex factor guide. But just want to make sure your guide will work for me. Let me tell you my story briefly. My ex bf is 40 and i’m 27. We are in long distance. We have been together for over a year. Was really great and had plans for future togther. We broke up a month ago. No cheating or big jealousy. Just coz of a few small arguments. He ignored me which turned me into a big text terrorist where he broke up with me. He has good self-control, introvert, well experienced in relationships, super stubborn and arrogant. So, because of his nature, the age gap, and the distance, I am a bit concern. You think your guide will cover my situation? And I am really not sure should i… Read more »
Felix
Felix
4 months 20 days ago
Hey Brad, I just bought the ex-factor, but I’d like to hear your honest opinion on this. I’m a 22 yo male, my ex will turn 22 in november. About 2 months ago we had a struggle, because she was really stressed and I thought she doesnt love me anymore. So we decided to give it time. In the next month she did not really do much, which got me going crazy. I begged and pleaded and now I know that it was wrong. I even got angry sometimes and started fights, said she was immature for not solving problems and such things.. I know that this is probably the real reason why she left me. She said that it is because she has no time for a relationship or even herself (she has 2 jobs right now) – so she really has not much time. To our relationship –… Read more »
Martina
Martina
4 months 21 days ago
Hi Brad! My boyfriend dumped me about a week ago and I started the NC a few days after that. I think it’s going pretty well, as I am not tempted to text him because I know I will screw everything up that way. The first few days involved a lot of tears and a lot of frustration, but right now I feel a little better, mostly because I gave myself hope and am very determined to get him back one day, while in the mean time I am going to work on myself. I am very shy, very insecure and overall not a very “happy” person, so I’ve got plenty to work on ^^ But I have a little question about the meeting up part, especially the flirting part. Won’t the flirting scare him off a bit? I am just so scared that letting him know I am (still)… Read more »
Sarah
Sarah
4 months 22 days ago
Hey Brad About a month ago, my ex of 2 years broke up with me. She had said, at the time, that the reason was because she didn’t feel happy in the relationship due to me not telling her the truth about a certain event that took place a few days before, and that i should have told her i was uncomfortable with it, even if i was afraid it’d hurt her. By the second week of the break up, we started talking again, (she asked to be friends cuz she still wanted me in her life and i said yes)but i was a absolute mess and was crying and asking again and again if we could try again, but she was sure that we were “too different” and that she had already moved on and had started dating someone else. i started no contact by the third week of… Read more »
David Vega
David Vega
4 months 23 days ago
Hey brad! Me and my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up about a month ago. The first 2 weeks were very hard and there were a few days spent speaking to her trying to understand what went wrong and trying to reconcile our relationship. Her reasoning behind the break up was that she did not feel the same way anymore and she just wanted to focus on herself and not be in a relationship right now. She told me about what things made her lose feelings and bothered her about our relationship but she didn’t want to try to work on things together although everything she said could’ve been easily worked on and fixed. Today would have been day 14 of no contact however her grandmother passed away on Sunday that she was very close to so I sent her a short text message saying I’m sorry for her… Read more »
Rebecca
Rebecca
5 months 4 hours ago
Hi Brad! my ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. I did no contact for 40 days, and i iniatied contact. He answered really fast, told me he wanted to know how everything was going in my life too. We talk a long time that day. Then he initiated contact some days later. For almost a month, it was almost 50/50 every 4-7 days, he told me a lot of things about his life, giving me heads up on job internship, was really interested in mine; he even ask me about some inside we had (have you been there since then? have you tried that, next time you should totally do that, i hope it’s still your favorite team (because we went see them together). Well may be it was all in my head but all his smiley and our conversation late at night sometimes, i asked him… Read more »
Girl
Girl
5 months 5 days ago
Hi Brad, I was dumped around 3 weeks ago. We didn’t have a serious problem to cause the breakup. We started fighting for few things and he sort of neglected me after that for a few weeks then I freaked out and sent series of text and begging and pleading. Then he was annoyed for all that texts and calls and told me it is over between us. I am 28 and he is 40, he is very stubborn, big ego and does not like to be pushed at all. We were together for over a year, we were really great together and he told me once that I am the one for him. We were in long distance after 5 months of being together. We were flying every 5 weeks to see each other. Anyway, no contact for over two weeks and I initiated the text and he replied.… Read more »
Tee
Tee
5 months 11 days ago
Hi Brad, Its been a month since my ex broke up with me, I initiated “no contact” immediately the next day for 21 days. She’s a coworker, but I managed to only say hi if she spoke first and only when necessary for the job. She texted me once during that period. I didn’t respond. Fast forward to the present, I started texting her last week, she called me a few days ago. Our communication has been positive so far with no mention of the past relationship. I texted her yesterday and asked her to meet me for coffee tomorrow after she gets off work. First she replied “Let me think about it” then I replied an hour later with “Its just coffee, it’ll be a quick meet, short and sweet” so then she said “LOL OK”. I’ve been jotting down notes of what to talk about when I meet… Read more »
Megan
Megan
5 months 26 days ago

Hello my name is Megan,It’s been 2 months since me and my ex broke up properly and I’m worried at the fact he says he don’t want me and that he don’t want a relationship with me. We’ve been together for 8 months and we have sex and done what a normal couple would do, but however I haven’t been doing everything like every other couples would do. I have always breaking on and off with him and now I’ve listened him and he won’t talk to me. Everyone is telling me to move on but I don’t want to because something inside is telling me that maybe he’s the one. I still like and love him and keep thinking about all the good times. He says he don’t want me and that he isn’t sure and I don’t know what to do to get him back.

Jacky
Jacky
5 months 27 days ago
Hi Brad, I really need your help! So long story short, my gf of 2.5 years broke up with me early this month(20+ days ago). At first she said its because of my short temper/anger issues and that she cant stand it no more. And after the break up and after 1 day of me texting her and sending her email about how i would change and get me a second chance, ect. I read online that i should do the NoContact. And I did. But 2 days after NC, she messaged me and we have to talk because of a emergency. But I stay on topic and never mention anything about my relationship. About a week or more after that, she message me again to wish me Happy Birthday and we talk a little, but she was cold the whole time(and i ended the short conversations) So we didnt… Read more »
TAY
TAY
6 months 3 days ago

Hi Brad,

I met my ex-boyfriend through a mutual friend (she set us up) and we dated for 4 months. I initiated the break-up and it’s been about 2 months since our break-up. Since the breakup, I have been in the isolation period and focusing on myself by exercising more and studying for graduate school.

Through the same mutual friend that set us up, I found out that my ex-boyfriend found a new girlfriend 3 weeks after we broke up. The new girlfriend lives in Japan (long distance relationship) and is also a friend of the mutual friend that set us up. His new girlfriend was in town for 1 week and he asked her out during the 1 week she was in town. So far, they have been long distance for 1 month.

Does it sound like a rebound relationship? Should I continue with the isolation period?

tyler
tyler
6 months 4 days ago
hi brad. me and my ex have been going out for a little over a year. overtime, she knew me and i knew her inside and out. the sex was amazing and she had told me that i was her best. she has only had one boyfriend before me. so as of recently, she has tried to dump me over the past 2 weeks and i keep fighting her on it. she tells me that i dont give her her space when she needs it, that im too clingy, that im irresponsible, and that im not as mature as she is. keep in mind she is two years younger than me. i know she wouldnt go and see someone else behind my back or talk to other guys. she isnt that type of girl at all. all shes been doing is hanging out with her best friend, which is a… Read more »
Steph
Steph
6 months 4 days ago
Hi Brad, thank you for your video’s. We had a relation for 6 years, from which we lived 4 together. The last months we both were not happy anymore, we had always the same fight (about his mother not, she didn’t like me, and him working so much (13 hours a day)). 12 days ago I decided to leave. I took some time for myself and felt very releaved and stressless. After 2 days, I started to see things very clear. I’ve been so frustrated, that I wasn’t acting like myself anymore. I’m usually happy, but the last time I was only angry. I just didn’t see him anymore, the only thing I felt was lonelyness. I was always alone, and I had the feeling that he just wanted to work. I think I was just blinded by lonelyness and anger. And I regret it so much. I’m still sure… Read more »
Fernando Bocchi
Fernando Bocchi
6 months 15 days ago

Brad, this might be a little long but I’ll try to make it brief.
Me and my ex we know each other since childhood.
She dated a guy for 3 years, then she started hitting on me and a week after he broke up, on the same week we started to see each other, and after 2 months she became my girlfriend, we spent 6 months together, and she broke up because i got too controlling, needy, started to complain a lot about her, and she sad that sex was wonderful, and many times sad that i was the person that she more loved in her life.
Then after 2-3 weeks, I discovered she got back with her ex from the 3 years, and already sad to friends of mine that loves him and want to marry him.
What should I do?
Was I a Rebound?
Or is he a Rebound?

alex
alex
6 months 30 days ago
Hi brad i broke up with my girlfriend for one week and i was dumped she had that decision by her self even i didn’t do enything bad but after two i found out that she is with dating someone new and i think that she was cheating on me , that’s hurt me a lot , and then she talked to me she looked that she was fine with this break up but i was upset i couldn’t bear this feeling i told her goodbye and i just wanted to ignore her but she didn’t want that i think want to stay friends but i rejected it and i just moved on but im still thinking about her and i really want to get her back i want her to love me again
Jackson
Jackson
7 months 1 day ago

Hi Brad,

How long should I do the NC for if we have only been together for a couple of months (known each other for four months before breaking up) and it was actually my fault why we broke up? It was due to my lack of showing prudence. She felt like I didn’t care about the relationship that much and I can see now, based from her social media posts, that she feels insecure of my last relationship which lasted for four years.

Santiago
Santiago
7 months 2 days ago

HI Brad
I tried the no contact for 2 weeks and then she show me she was pissed about it posting pictures with her new man ( this was after we had a talk about what happened and she told me to be friends) after that i told her to cut the games ( are you in or are you out ) and i told her this was the moment to say it.
She obviously didn’t reply but in her way she let me know she was sad. All this was after a 2/3 weeks of her sending me mixed signals.

Lina
Lina
7 months 2 days ago
hi brad , me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago , and we were together for about 2 monthes although we knew each other for years , and some problems happened between us and i thought he was cheating on me until i found out i was wrong and when i told him about it he said he did that on purpose to make me break up with him and then he broke up with me for no reason , and sense we break up i always go to the places he goes to and start looking for him and pretending that i am meeting a friend and when he sees me he always come and talk to me but the last time i went i ignored him and when he was coming to talk to me i went away although i went their just so i… Read more »
Maria Ocampo
Maria Ocampo
7 months 12 days ago
Hi Brad, two weeks ago my ex and I broken up. Before his graduation, he was busy the entire time. We only see each other once a week and barely have time to text me daily. Sometimes once or never. He broke up with me because he didn’t want me to hurt and keep me waiting all day for his text once he gets home. He planned on moving out and maybe working two jobs. He reasoned that the major he studied may be too stressful and won’t have time for me. We’ve been together for 7 years. We love each other and wanted to be together. But he said he needed to achieve his goal and not sure if he will come back depending if he will fail or not. Last time we spent time, I told him I hope we were still together when we were having fun… Read more »
Toni Djakic
Toni Djakic
7 months 15 days ago
Hey Brad, I also need help! My girlfriend cheat his ex with me, she was with him 5 years and he give her only sex… sex without feelings. And there I jump in… We was together for the last 5 months and it was so passionate, everything was happened so quickly and i was fall in love in her. She told me that she love me, she give me all emotions that prove that – that she love me, but one day she start to be cold on me… She sisnt want to meet with me, she didnt want to tell me why…. After 100 of my messages she tell me that she dont know what she wants and that it was a nice time…. So i dont know what happened, did she cheat on me, did she find someone else and left me…. I dont know Brad, i just… Read more »
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