Getting over someone that you’re still in love with is one of the hardest things you’ll have to go through in life, and sadly, it’s an experience many of us will face. When that time does come, there are certain things you can do to help with the transition from lovers to exes.
Here are the top 10.
Spend Time Apart
Even though it may be the last thing you want to do at this time, it’s the first thing you need to do. Spending time with your partner, calling or texting them and liking their social media posts while you’re in this transitional period will only hurt you (and ruin any chances you have of getting them back).
If you and your ex have mutual friends it’s important you avoid doing things or going places if your ex will be there. If by chance you bump into them and absolutely must talk, then keep the conversation short, pleasant and be the one to end it. [Watch: How to Act Around Your Ex (6 Tips for Handling Post-Breakup Encounters)]
Don’t ask mutual friends about your ex or check in on them. If you do, you’ll never get over them.
Leave the Past Alone
As much as it can be tempting to go back and reread old messages or look through photos of you and your ex, you shouldn’t. Even if they make you smile or bring temporary comfort, reliving the good memories will make you miss your ex and want them back in your life. That’s one of the last feelings you want to have when trying to get over them, so leave the past in the past.
Put Away the Proof
To help avoid reminiscing about the past, collect all the things that remind you of your ex and put them in a box to be stashed away. It’s not realistic to toss away all the old memories, after all, your ex means something to you and there will be a day when you can happily go through the photos, ticket stubs or birthday cards with a smile. But for now, keep them out of sight and commit yourself to not digging them out. [RELATED: How to Get Over a Breakup]
Don’t Hook Up with Them
It can be a hard offer to turn down, especially when alcohol is involved, but if you want to move on from your ex then it’s important that you don’t go down the hookup path; you’ll only end up more hurt. Right now you need to focus on getting over them and being intimate with your ex will only keep your feelings alive.
Have a Support Group
If you need someone to vent to (and you probably will) make sure you have some close friends that will hear you out and keep what you say between you. Talking about your ex or feelings with mutual friends can be dangerous because there’s always that slight possibility that what you say will get back to your ex. Choose your outlets wisely.
Let it Out
As much as people may tell you to dry your eyes or that your ex “isn’t worth crying over,” it’s important to feel – so cry whenever you want to…just don’t do it in front of your ex. Despite popular belief, crying isn’t a sign of weakness or regret, rather it’s part of processing your emotions, which is something you need to do to heal and move on. Always be honest with yourself and how you’re feeling. If you deny your feelings and tell yourself that you’re over your ex when you’re not, you’ll only end up feeling worse.
Misery loves Company
Now is the time to bask in sappy love songs and watch all the romantic flicks. Sure, some of these will remind you of your ex and make you upset, but it’s bound to happen sooner or later. Bawling in your bedroom to Adele is going to be a lot better than breaking down in the grocery store the first time you hear a sad love song. Besides, misery loves company and these pop culture outlets remind us that we’re not the only ones feeling the way we do.
Look Back at the Bad
It’s easy to look back and only see the good in a relationship, but instead try to focus on the bad. Your ex isn’t the perfect human
you once thought they were, so think about the things you never agreed on, the fights you had and what you didn’t get from them in your relationship. Focusing on the bad will help you realize what it is you do want in a relationship, which will also help you move on. Anytime you start slipping back into thinking how you lost the love of your life, remind yourself of their less desirable traits.
Make Yourself Feel Great
Whether it’s hitting the gym, eating healthy, getting a haircut or buying a new clothes, do the things that make you feel good. Try new hobbies, find a new book series, spend time with your loved ones and embrace your newfound single life. This is the perfect opportunity for you to create the life you want, and once you do there won’t room to fit in missing your ex. All you ever want and need in life in order to be happy is already found in you.
Plenty of Fish in the Sea
Even though your ex may seem like the only one for you, they’re not. In fact, there are plenty of other great men and women out there waiting to meet someone as fabulous as you! Be open to this idea, explore the dating scene and put the lessons you’ve learned into action. Now is the time to move on!