woman texting

How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend

Was text messaging the primary means of communication between you and your boyfriend?  If so, you’re not alone.  Lots of couples use text messages to talk about everything and anything, including serious chats about their relationship and breakup.

But, now that you’ve broken up with your ex boyfriend and you’re looking for ways to win back his heart, you may be wondering whether to send your ex a text message… and what you should say in any texts to him. [RELATED: What Men Want In A Woman]

When To Text Your Ex Boyfriend

First of all, let’s get one important thing out of the way:  if it’s been less than thirty days since you and your ex boyfriend broke up, you should probably not be talking to your ex at all. This is called the “no contact” phase, and it involves dropping off your ex’s radar screen completely.

send text messageDuring the “no contact” phase, which usually lasts between 3 and 5 weeks, you shouldn’t send your ex boyfriend any texts at all.  I realize this may be difficult, especially if you’re used to sending him a number of texts each day, but it’s critical to making your ex miss you and eventually getting him to fall back in love with you. So you really need to resist the urge to text him or have any contact at all during the ‘no communication’ period. [RELATED: 25 Signs A Guy Likes You]

After the no-contact phase has ended and you’re ready to re-establish communication with your ex, it’s finally ok to send your ex boyfriend a text message.  Note that I said atext message… just one to begin with!  You haven’t spoken to him in weeks at this point, so anything more than a single text message will be overkill.

What To Say When You Text Your Ex

So you’ve gone several weeks without talking to your ex boyfriend, and you’re now trying to decide what you should say to him when you send him a text.  I’m sure there’s lots of things you’d like to text your ex at this point:  you may feel like asking him if he misses you, or telling him you still love him, or all sorts of similar emotional and romantic things. Don’t.

It’s critical at this point to only send your ex boyfriend casual, light-hearted text messages that have nothing to do with your relationship or your feelings for him.

Texting your ex to say anything “serious ” or trying to begin a conversation about your romantic future together with almost certainly backfire and push your ex further away.  The time for serious chat about getting back together and the future of your relationship will come, but at first your goal should just be to get him thinking about you… and to receive a reply from him. [RELATED: How To Ask Someone Out]

Some examples of casual & friendly things to text your ex boyfriend:

“Hey, long time no talk! Hope you’re doing well. Just wondering if you remember the name of that Chinese restaurant on Elm street that we went to together?”

“Hi there! Just saw a re-run of the movie ‘Cool Runnings’ on TV and it reminded me of you because I know you love that movie!  Haha. Hope all is well.”

“Hey any chance you know what type of chocolate your aunt used to use in those cookies we loved so much? I want to make a batch!”

These are the sorts of text messages that you can send to your ex boyfriend in the early days after the “no contact phase” has ended… they’re simple, non-threatening, casual, and will usually incite a response.  If your ex boyfriend doesn’t reply to your first message, don’t worry… all hope is not lost.  (But don’t send a follow-up until a few days later! Remember, you’re trying not to seem needy.)

For hundreds of more text messaging ideas — and a how-to guide on using the power of text messages to make your ex miss you and come running back — you absolutely must check out this free video by Michael Fiore.  Michael Fiore is the ultimate text messaging guru, and has appeared on various TV shows such as the Rachel Ray show (where his sample text messages blew away the audience!).

You can also find what powerful information this woman used to win back her ex and save her relationship.

Got more great text message ideas? Share them in the comments section below!

About Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, RCC, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship counselor, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica’s got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.

17 replies
  1. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Sorry to hear that. Have you been actively trying to get your ex back? Don’t wait for this person to have a sudden epiphany. Keep track of what you’ve been doing to see if it’s productive or not, as far as getting your ex back is concerned. Have you checked out my guide yet? It may be time to revamp your techniques. Before anything else though, take the free quiz on my website to gauge your chances of getting your ex back. Good luck!

  2. jen
    jen says:

    My ex has moved on and its not a rebound. Do I have any hope?
    I spoke to him today about our friendship but i know he is in love with another girl. He overlapped me to be with her 4 months ago. They are moving away to work and live together.

  3. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hey Angie, sorry to hear about the breakup. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, though. The “no contact” period, as you can tell is a recovery period, so you ought NOT to be looking at your ex’s social media, all right? Doing so will send your mind racing and overanalyzing stuff — which you can do gladly without. You’re right, a reconciled relationship is a somewhat new relationship. Another girl doesn’t necessarily entail it’s all over, especially if you play your cards right. Have you checked out my guide yet? Anyway watch these for starters: What to Do If Your Ex Dating Someone New and Signs Your Ex’s Rebound Will Fail. Take care!

  4. Angie
    Angie says:

    My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. I am going through the 30 day NC. As I go through this process and yest it is a process as I am allowing myself to understand that my relationship with my ex is dead and gone forever. I do still want him back and still want a future with him. But when I attempt to contact him if in time it turns into something. I want it to be something new with him. When we broke up he blocked me from FB. It stung a bit but I understand he is hurting and had to do what he needed to do. However I have recently gone on his FB to find that he has made our break up very public with long term family and friends. So that stung big time. Also I learned that he has made plans to go out with another girl. Of course thats making me jealous. I looked into his FB just yesterday and feel like I have set myself back big time during my recovery. Because thats what I feel like I am in. In recovery because I am in love with this Man. I have a child too who got hurt since he is gone. So if we ever do start talking again it would have to go back to a long dating process all over again but this time Id have to be more sure for the sake of my child getting hurt. Jealousy is weighing me down. Am i suppose to think another girl means i lost so move on? But I know not so easy bc i still Love him.
    Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

  5. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    I suggest to continue on with the 30-day “no contact” rule and follow the Ex Factor Guide down to a tee. My guide is much more detailed and the steps are laid out for you, but watch this to get an overview of how this process goes: How to Get Your Ex Back (Step-by-Step Guide to Reversing a Breakup) Anyway if, for some reason, your ex figures out that it came from you, and decides to thank you, a concise response will do. If he continues to talk to you, be sure not to bring up any drama or any argument. Okay? The cooler you handle the situation, the better.

  6. Halee
    Halee says:

    I am in the no contact period, just over 2 weeks. I bought a gift on Etsy for my ex back in September when we were dating and asked for it to be shipped a week before his birthday. I completely forgot about this gift until Monday when I received notification that it had shipped. I tried to intervene the package through USPS but could not. Do I break no contact and let him know it will arrive tomorrow, or do I keep no contact and if he messages me not to reply. I asked the Etsy shop owner if my name was on the package and she said no. She said that it had a different billing address so there was no invoice in the package. Please help?

    Thank you

  7. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hi there! Sorry to hear about the breakup. It’s always your choice to either move on or fight for the relationship, you know him best and I’m in no position to help you decide since I need to know more about your situation first. Sign up for my coaching program instead. Anyway begging/pleading never works, though. Contrary to what other people think, it’s actually counterproductive. Watch this: 5 Mistakes… Cutting off communication is the best route to take during this period as it lets you both think clearly instead of blowing things out of proportion and making things worse via endless arguments, okay? It’s important to regain your balance first, and this goes the same for him as well. Learn the basics here so what I’m saying on here would make better sense: How to Get Your Ex Back Take care!

  8. divs
    divs says:

    Hey my ex has broke up with me a couple of times and I’ve begged him to stay and this time I stopped fighting for him to stay cuz I couldn’t do the begging anymore and I don’t feel right about it. He’s really cold and distant ever since he left town(we are in a long distance relationship) plus he wouldn’t spare much time for me, when he eventually does we’ll argue. He never gave in and he has his side to the story and so do I. He thinks it’s always about me but when I’m hurt or upset while the argument is happening he doesn’t care(when he’s angry nth else matters) and he never compromised it’s usually me. But I know I’m selfish too. Now things are over and I’m not sure what to do, sending him a text randomly talking about a memory may seem desperate since he knows me sorta well. I’ve decided to do the 30-days no contact thing, but what else would you suggest me? Also no.2, do you think it’s worth it or should I move on? Would really like you to answer both my questions! I came across your blog and I wish it helps me 🙂

  9. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Try to see the sources of these fights first, Glenda…otherwise, it’ll just drain you both, okay? Start by asking yourself what has caused these fights and try to get to the bottom of the issue instead of just touching the surface. Cutting off contact for at least a month will naturally help you think clearly, so I really suggest you do that first before anything else. Okay? Watch this: How to Get Your Ex Back ….take care!

  10. glenda
    glenda says:

    my ex and I broke up 3 months ago 2 weeks ago we got back together and a week later broke up we fight a lot .alot.. says he loves me and our kids but it better to just be friends I don’t know what to do anymore I need help

  11. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    How long has it been since the breakup? Give it adequate time and space, I say around a month of “no contact” before sending out your first text message. Talking/texting while things are still heated up (usually within a month of the breakup) is a bad idea. If you’ve already cut off contact prior to contacting him and still hadn’t gotten a response, then wait a week more before sending another message. Follow the tips here and make sure your texts aren’t boring. 🙂 Good luck!

  12. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    I would like to help, but I obviously would need to know more about the situation first for me to be in a better position to give an advice specific to your situation. Sign up for my coaching program so I can assess the situation and guide you on a regular basis. Okay? Talk soon!

  13. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hi there, try not to fall into the friendship trap. The breakup happened for a reason and that’s most likely due to a loss of attraction on his part. Watch this: Understanding Why Your Breakup Happened (Top 4 Reasons) Knowing what happened leads you to the first step in trying to rekindle it, and that’s what my Ex Factor Guide does, which you ought to check out. Okay? Since there’s been a month’s space of “No contact” I think you’re now onto the second phase. Watch my other videos as refernece on how to reach out, but get my guide to know all the details on how to go about it. Good luck!

  14. BeBe
    BeBe says:

    Hey so me and my bf broke up about a month ago. He said we could still be friends so after our break up we still talked for a few days but I decided to stop talking to him to give him space. 5 days into that he unfriended me on fb. I still am not sure what that means but I didn’t try and friend him back or ask him why he did so. We would usually talk on Hangouts which is a google chat thing on google+. He had only got that for me and I was the only person he talked to on that whoever else he used fb for. But I see that he gets on Hangouts a lot and checks it. Sometimes stays on it. I would like to think it’s to see if I would message him but I don’t know. He has told me before that he just wants to be friends and that he doesn’t want a gf for a long time. That the reason for the breakup was that it just went “stale”. Told ona his friends it was because we weren’t able to hangout that much. Anyway, I havnt talked to him in a little over a month. I really do want to get him back. I don’t know I I stand a chance at doing so but I don’t know what to message him. Do you think you could help me? Or that here is any chance in getting him back?

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