Ways to Tell If You’ve Been Friend-Zoned by an Ex (& How to Avoid It)

Ah, the dreaded “friend-zone.” What was once an undefined, but common occurrence in people’s lives has recently been officially defined by none other than the Oxford English Dictionary:

awkward-coupleA situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of which has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.”

We’ve all been there in one form or another and it is never easy. However, in the case when the person friend-zoning you is your ex, the pain and humiliation of making a move that ultimately gets rejected is even worse. After all, at one point you weren’t in the friend-zone with this person, so sometimes it’s hard to tell.

[Watch: Should You Be Friends With Your Ex? The Dangers of the ‘Friendzone’]

That is why it is so important to remain attentive in your interactions with your ex to evaluate your chances of getting back together… before you ruin the new friendship that was likely quite difficult to start. Besides, it always helps to know where you stand. Here are some telltale signs that you’ve been friend-zoned by your ex.

She Never Dresses Up When You Get Together

Depending on the length and familiarity of your relationship, this may not be something you notice at first. After all, couples often grow accustomed to each other’s more relaxed appearances. But you’re not a couple anymore when you want to impress someone, you make an effort. If you don’t ever see your ex doing that, whether it be wearing makeup or a cute new dress or even adding an extra dab of perfume or cologne, you can bet you have been friend-zoned.

He Always Has Others Tag Along

If there are always other people around when you two hang out, chances are your ex is trying to avoid being alone with you, and thus placed you into the friendzone. Whether he is worried he will “relapse” and hook up with you for old time sake or is sincerely trying to integrate you into his life as a regular one of the “guys”, anyone interested in more than friendship will crave one-on-one time, not avoid it.

You Never Touch

Casual physical touch is one of the cornerstones of flirting. It’s a subtle invitation, a way to “test the waters” or so to speak and invite more, deeper intimacy. Pay close attention to your ex’s body language when the two of you are together. Does she lean into you during conversation? Does he find a way to casually touch your shoulder or offer you his hand? These are signs of attraction and interest. On the flip side, if an ex actively avoids getting too close too quickly & breaks any contact you do have, such as a hug hello, is trying to tell you to back off.

Her Actions Are Largely The Same, Even After a Drink or Two

It’s no secret that alcohol lowers people’s inhibitions and opens them up. However, no amount of booze will create feelings. If you two go out drinking together and your ex still keeps her distance, you can bet that her feelings of friendship are all you are going to get.

He Talks to You About Other People He Is Seeing

The last, and most surefire way to tell if your ex has cast you into the friendzone is when he talks to you about other/new romantic interests. While in strict friendships this is a bad sign, among exes it’s even worse because talking to you about new love interests means that he’s moved onto the point where he feels comfortable talking about relationships at all around you.

When You Are Friendzoned by an Ex and How to Avoid It

Once you’ve been friendzoned by your ex – or anyone for that matter – it’s hard to get out of it. If you want to get back together with an ex, it is important to play your cards right, right from the start in order to avoid getting friendzoned again.

While initiating contact and getting your ex to respond to you is step one in my Ex Factor Guide’s “Rebuilding Attraction” phase, in trying to get him or her back, looking out for these signs can help  gauge your ex’s level of interest so you can act accordingly. Keep in mind that you cannot present yourself as a friend with hopes of “winning” your ex back.

[MUST-WATCH: Escape Your Ex’s Friendzone]

Read my Ex Factor Guide to know how to go about getting an ex back and/or sign up for my coaching program if you aren’t exactly sure what to do or how to proceed.

About Brad Browning

Brad Browning, BA, is the world’s premiere breakup & marriage coach. Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor Guide, a program that teaches men and women how to win back their ex lovers, has sold thousands of copies worldwide. Brad has also released a similar program called Mend The Marriage that teaches married couples how to revitalize the spark, romance, and desire that’s been long forgotten. To top it all off, Brad’s YouTube channel has over 50 thousand subscribers and almost 7 million views, making his videos the most-watched and liked videos on YouTube!

6 replies
  1. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Well, it certainly looks like he’s making an effort to you and that’s good! Continue to let him make an effort and let him come to his senses. 🙂 Most men would run away but this man seems to be running into you. Your being a drama queen before may have been brought on by hormones while you were pregnant. I assume things are different now? Watch this to help guide you: What Kills A Man’s Attraction For You (NEVER Do This!). Best of luck!

  2. Louise
    Louise says:

    Hi there could I have advice please?
    Bit of a tricky situation…ex spent last year working away where we saw each other every weekend…we have a 6 year old together. We had a huge falling out when I was 29 weeks pregnant with second child and he left me saying he’s done. Every weekend was horrible I was hysterical and he was quiet and made it all worse My new child is now a month old and me and ex have been getting on so well…where he has begun to open up to me about why our relationship broke down. We play fight… He has has bought me random little gifts he asks to come along on family days out…and he stays on weekends to give me rest. He has said he cares for me and looking out for me … I don’t know if this is just friend zone behaviour or he’s slowly beginning to question his initial decision of leaving. What advice would you give and what would you suggest is happening here?
    Thank you,
    Louise

  3. Abbie
    Abbie says:

    What if he’s casually mentioned that he just wants to be friends? Is there still time to change his mind by seducing him?

  4. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Let things slowly escalate from there. As you already know from reading my guide, getting an ex back is a process, so take your time and continue to do things right, okay? If this was fairly recent, then that’s a normal reaction from your ex. It’s a different story if you’ve been trying for so long with all the right moves and still stuck on the friendzone, but I don’t think that’s the case with you. Don’t be easily disheartened because getting someone back requires skill, patience, and a strong heart. Have I mentioned patience? 🙂 Good luck!

  5. Abbie
    Abbie says:

    Brad, I’ve followed your EFG program and my ex and I are hanging out casually now. At this point, I can’t tell if there is any interest in getting back together, or if he just enjoys my company. We spend the entire weekend together doing fun activities, but there hasn’t been any touching, just the occasional playful banter. What should I do?

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