girl ignoring a guy who is holding flowers

Friend Zone to End Zone

One of the most frustrating situations to be in is one where you are completely into this girl who has dubbed you a pal. “Oh, no, Owen is just my friend. We’re not dating or anything. I just confide in him daily and spend all of my free time with him eating pizza and watching movies.”

To that girl, you are her best friend. She gets the positive male attention she needs and wants without the potential hurt that can come from making you her boyfriend.

To you, you are patiently waiting for her to see you as more than just a friend. A sexual partner, or even a boyfriend. Heck, you already do all the boyfriend stuff aside from sex.friend zone meme

There are two types of women here. Some seriously believe that you are just best friends and they just refuse to acknowledge that there could possibly be some feelings there. And some women fully know that you’re into them, but they chose not to engage because they think that they don’t or won’t be able to feel the same way.

This is where I come into the picture.

I am here to help you to escape that friend zone. That place of countless dates that end in a hug or just a “Peace, see ya later. I’m going to hang out with this guy I just met on Tinder.” Being in the friend zone is like being a fluffer in porn. You get everyone raring to go, but you don’t partake in the actual act.

So to avoid a thankless career in porn, and to avoid remaining in the friend zone any longer, here are a number of ways to escape that place.

Distance yourself:

The first thing that you need to do to get out of the friend zone is to distance yourself from her.

I’m not saying cut off the relationship completely, but you can no longer be at her beck and call. If she calls you after a long hard day at work to vent about her shitty boss, wait a few rings, answer, but don’t let the call go on for very long. You have to cut it off and let her know that you’re busy.

For example, “Ah, geeze, I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but I’m actually late to meet someone, so I gotta let you go.” You don’t owe her an explanation of who you are going to meet and/or what you are doing. She is not your girlfriend…yet.

Distance yourself by hanging out with different friends. You need to make some space for her to miss you. This is a crucial step that you shouldn’t avoid. You’re not going to remain in her friend zone forever, so it’s time to make her realize what her life would be like if you had a girlfriend, which means that you wouldn’t be giving her the kind of attention that you have been.

group of young adults hanging out

If I were to guess, you probably are the one that makes her feel good, the one that she can do activities with. The one that does almost everything that a boyfriend does without any sex.

So create some space between yourself and her. Create some space between the two of you where you regain control of your life. Don’t let her treat you like the boyfriend that you aren’t.

You need to understand that your relationship is currently, and has been, in a power imbalance. You want to be more than just friends with a girl, and she just wants to be friends. You are the one that cares most; therefore, she holds the power. In order to balance the power, you need to show that you care less. Meaning that you could take or leave her and you wouldn’t be completely destroyed by the loss.

In order to move on, we must balance the relationship where we create a want in her to be with you and not just a one-sided equation with you wanting to be with her.

A surefire way to send the message that you aren’t at her beck and call is to start meeting new people and to start dating, which is our next point.

Start dating:

I know that some of you reading this must be thinking that this sounds like you need to play games. Let me assure you that I am not advocating for you to play games with her or make her jealous by dating. By dating other women, I’m merely suggesting that you see what else is out there.

man and woman on a date

And by doing so, you also show your friend that you’re wanted by other women. Because she hasn’t given you any indication that she wants to date you, you should see what else is out there and see who does want to date you. And, yes, in the process, this might make her a tad jealous, and force her to make a decision once she sees that she no longer has your full attention.

And not giving her your full attention is our next point.

Don’t give her all your attention:

Don’t avoid her like the plague when you’re face to face. But, when you are in each other’s presence, make sure that you don’t devote all of your time and attention on her.

For example, say you’re hanging out with a group of people. Instead of hanging out like you would have before spending all of your night together talking and laughing and making fun of people from the corner or catching up on your work week, spend time talking to different people and getting to know some more potential girlfriends. All of these acts will make her realize that if she doesn’t give you more than just friendship, she could lose you.

Plus, the more women want you, the more she will start to want you too.

You’re in the friend zone because you didn’t make a move fast enough. Or have the right tools to build attraction. So now you have to start from the beginning, but that’s okay. Being in the friend zone isn’t an impossible situation to be in.

friend zone meme

This is beneficial to you because she already likes you as a person. You don’t have to work for her attention and or phone number. You’re already in her inner circle. So once you create a little mystery around yourself, you can start to build attraction through making yourself less available to her. Girls want to work for your attention too. That’s why they often go for those guys that ignore them.

You need to build attraction here. You want her to desire you the way that you desire her.

You’re her security blanket.  Once you start to employ the three steps I mentioned above, your girl will start to see you in a new light. She will see you as having a higher dating value through seeing that other women want to date you. These are all key steps in balancing the power between the two of you.

From here, you want to make a move. You want to directly or indirectly let her know that you want more. You can start by flirting. And/or asking her out on a date.

You can try the direct route or the indirect route, whichever one you think applies best to your situation. Be sure to spend some time in the realm of flirting before you make a big move like a kiss. The degree to which she flirts back will let you gauge how into it she really is. And from there, let me just say, happy flirting, and congratulations on your emancipation from the friend zone!

About Kate Spring

Kate Spring is a men’s dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. A recognized leader in helping men become irresistible to women, Kate works with clients from around the world, helping them to get the girl they want, and the relationship they deserve.

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