If you’re like most women, you’ve spent most of your life fantasizing about that “perfect” guy, the Mr. Right who will make your (love) life complete.
However, most fantasies are rooted in just that, fiction, and many women 1) fool themselves into thinking Mr. Wrong is actually Mr. Right, or 2) overlook Mr. Right completely, even when he’s staring them in the face.
Think about it: this is the plot of most romantic comedies, and it’s so funny because it’s true. Fortunately, figuring out whether the guy you are with is, in fact, your own personal Knight in Shining Armour is really not all that hard, because despite the fact that everyone’s mystical “checklist” of male qualities is different, there are a few universal qualities to lasting relationships that you can easily assess:
1. He Makes You Happy
This one is so simple, but so elusive. While true happiness must come from within, if you find that your time together or the facts of your relationship cause you more stress than anything else, you are not with the right person. Ask yourself this simple question: How do I feel when we are together?
2. You’re Part of Each Other’s Lives
Do you know his friends? Have you met at least some of his family? Can you show up at his job? Secret relationships and illicit affairs have an undeniable appeal, but they are not the foundation on which dreams are built. Lasting love is about sharing your life and, no matter his excuse, a refusal to do so is a huge red flag.
3. You Trust One Another Implicitly
Mistrust, jealousy, and general drama have no place in a lasting relationship of any sort. You need to be comfortable being honest with him and trust that what he says is the truth.
4. You Are Comfortable Being Yourself …
Whether it’s first thing in the morning and you have bad breath and bed head or you’re jamming out to your favourite mix CD of 1980s power ballads, there is no aspect of yourself that you feel you need to keep hidden, and the same goes for him.
5. …But You Don’t Need Him to Feel Comfortable
You need to strike a balance in your relationship where you feel good around one another no matter what, but also function perfectly fine when you are apart. If you need your guy by you 24/7, you’re going to lose who you are — the person he fell in love with in the first place.
6. Your Goals and Values Are in Line
What’s your life plan? What’s his? Is it possible for you both to follow your paths together?
If there is something about either your plans or the way in which you envision your life that contrasts with his own, you are in for a lifetime of power struggles.
While coming from different religious backgrounds, for example, does not preclude lasting love, it can be a deal breaker if one of you has dreams of life as a missionary while the other is a homebody.
Whether you’ve just started dating someone or you’ve been in a relationship for a while and need to know where your relationship is heading, women who want to find Mr. Right — rather than Mr. Right Now — have to do some serious soul searching.
Beyond looks, sexual compatibility, and even love, there are certain factors that need to jive in order to form a lasting bond.
The good news: Basing the viability of a relationship on these universal truths or using a lack of them to start a conversation and heal a breaking union is the best way to find the love you want and need — for life.