Reader Question: I Caught My Girlfriend Cheating on Me! Now What?

Hi LoveLearnings.com,

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me last month, and ever since then, my life has been a living hell. I can’t eat, sleep … and I still love her! She wants to stay together and fix things, but I can’t get that image out of my mind. It was terrible. She cheated on me with one of her co-workers at her company party, and I decided to show up to surprise her. I won’t get into the details.

I’m not sure what I should do. Should I break up with her? Should I try and fix things? My friends and family insist that the best thing I can do is move on with my life, but it’s easy for them to say. I still care for her deeply.

I’m in a really tough spot, too, since we just moved in together and things were going quite well.

Help! What can I do!?

Best,

Derrick S.,
Estacada, Oregon

Hi Derrick,

I feel for you. I’m afraid this happens way too often in relationships and it breaks my heart. In fact, it’s even happened to me once, and I hope it never happens again.

Just know what you’re going through is fairly common — even though it sucks and you feel like your life is ruined, you will get out of it, one way or another.

I know that everyone is telling you that you should break up with her, but to be honest, don’t listen to them. That’s not to say you shouldn’t break up with her, but your decision needs to come from you and nobody else.

Listen Carefully to Your Girlfriend

Listen to your girlfriend when she talks to you. Does she sound sincere? Does she say she loves you back? Does she say that it was a mistake and that she’ll never do it again?

If she’s willing to give your relationship another attempt, then I can honestly say that you should probably consider her giving her another shot, but don’t make it easy on her.

Tell her that you’re “this” close to breaking up with her and that she has to earn you back. I know it sounds cruel, but you really have to make sure that this type of behaviour is unacceptable, and you need to make it clear to her that if it happens again, the relationship cannot continue.

I know people say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater. ” But this isn’t true. People make mistakes. People aren’t perfect. You can’t hold a grudge against someone for making mistakes, especially if they feel badly about it right after.

It’s About Good Communication

The key here is, like in any good relationship, communication. If you are able to convey you feelings effectively, then the more likely you and her will be able to make things work in this relationship. That works if you’re the girl in the relationship as well.

Finally, ask yourself this after all is said and done: Why did he or she cheat on me in the first place? 

Sometimes you can do some real soul searching in situations like this, because for all you know, there actually might be a real reason why she cheated on you.

I know cheating isn’t a justifiable means for anything, but maybe you weren’t romantic enough. Perhaps even, she might have a fear of commitment that’s freaking her out internally — now is the time to really ask your partner these questions so you get to the root cause of the problem.

Was she unhappy in this relationship? Were you doing something that kills attraction in your relationship?

Maybe you were committing one of the many “attraction sins.” Like with all relationships, there are reasons why people do certain things, drunk or not drunk.

So I hope this answers your question and hopefully this won’t ever happen again!

Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.