Alicia L. from N.Y. asks,
“I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months. Lately, I’ve been getting kind of suspicious. He’s been on his phone way too much. And he’s been sort of hiding his phone while he’s texting so I can’t see who he’s talking to. We also don’t really hang out as much as we used to at the beginning. I’m afraid that he’s found a new girl that he’s seeing and talking to. He denies it completely though. How can I tell if he’s lying to me?”
This is a common relationship issue. A loss of interest is a very powerful thing. And sometimes people lie to not hurt the other person.
If you really want to know the truth, a genuine line of communication must be open with him.
The Motivation to Lie
If he has any motivation to lie to you, it’s because he either still loves you, he’s afraid to hurt you, or he just wants to keep you around for convenience purposes.
Either way, if he’s lying, this is not acceptable, so you have to confront him and ask him. But make sure that you give him very little reason to lie to you.
Start off by saying to him:
“I know this isn’t a conversation you want to have with me right now, but I need to know the truth. Don’t worry about hurting me, because if you are lying to me, I’ll get over it. Just please tell me the truth right now.”
You need to give him re-assurance that you won’t start screaming at him, crying, and going berserk. Men do not respond well to this.
You need to be calm, as hard as it’s going to be. Even if you’re going to hear something you might not want to hear, the truth will help you both move forward from there. Relationships cannot exist with full, 100% transparency.
Telltale Signs of Lying
The classic way to tell if someone is lying is if they don’t make eye contact with you when they’re talking to you. But to be honest, there are a ton of signals that he’ll give off if he’s lying to you.
If he continues to deny it, keep in mind that if he touches his face, is nervous, jittery, or if he wants to change the topic quickly, this is a sign that he may be lying.
Of course, these techniques are not fool-proof — even lie detector machines have a margin of error.
So I hope this answers your question, Alicia and please keep me updated!