Reader Question: "How do I encourage my husband to be more open-minded sexually?"

Julia W. from Prague writes,

My husband and I have been married for about 6 years now, and things in the bedroom have become incredibly dull. I am still attracted to him and he states that he’s still attracted to me, but I’m trying to convince him to try new things in the bedroom. I don’t want to do anything too crazy, but I’d like to explore the possibilities a little more. He’s very traditional and doesn’t want to try anything new. Please help!

Hello Julia,

Thanks for your question. Men can sometimes be very closed off – if he’s the conservative kind of guy, then he’s going to be a tough nut to crack.

If he’s reluctant to try something new, then I would suggest you do something different in the sack first and gauge his reaction. Now, don’t jump right into it and do something really “out there” right off the bat – that will likely traumatize the poor guy! But do something that’s a little bit out of your comfort zone.

Try buying some new, sexy lingerie first. Maybe recall if he had any fantasies… and if so, try and play them out somehow. Do it subtly and don’t bring up the issue to him directly.

Do this trial and error technique for a few weeks – if you think he’s liking it, then step it up a notch! Start initiating sex in places that you wouldn’t normally do it — the kitchen, the bathroom, maybe even out doors! I’ll let you have a little fun using your imagination.

Try and initiate foreplay out of the blue. Most guys have the fantasy of you just ripping down his pants and going to town on him! Re-invigorating your sex life involves you as well, so take the necessary steps to turn him and get things going.

Sometimes sparking things in the bedroom means getting things outside the bedroom in proper order. Are you both suffering from stress? Are you two arguing all the time? Are you bossing him around too much? Now is the perfect time evaluate how good your relationship is with him. If you fix the problems that aren’t bedroom related, then chances are you’ll be able to fix your bedroom related problems with ease. If you answered yes to any of those questions, then try thinking about giving your husband a gift. A little gesture like that can go a long way!

Finally, try massaging each other. Surely he can’t say ‘no’ to a good massage. Once you start, begin making things sexual. Slowly work his way down to the male erogenous zones. Don’t make it obvious you’re trying to do this, the more subtle you are, the more effective this will be.

Good luck!

About Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, RCC, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship counselor, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.
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