Does it seem like everyone you know is in a relationship or constantly going on dates? Are you tired of spending yet another weekend night alone for reasons you just cannot understand?
Being single is a fact of life and, if you are comfortable as a party of one, nothing to be ashamed of at any age. However, many singles find that their life, social and otherwise, is lacking without a partner to share it with. They want to find that perfect someone, or at least someone to spend some perfect time with and cannot understand why everyone else has all the “luck” in love.
However, sometimes it is your actions and expectations, both conscious and unconscious, that lead to the realities of your single life. If you want to make a change and attract a mate, it means consciously changing these habits first.
1. Your Standards Are Too High
While having an ideal partner is an important way to prioritize on the dating scene, it’s amazing how many people find true love outside of their comfort zones. Superficial qualities are especially problematic. Does the guy really need to be over 6 feet tall? Is long hair a deal-breaker?
Remember, looks are temporary and only tell part of the story. This is true for other factors as well. Education is not always a reliable indicator of real intelligence. A job title is not always indicative of career success. If a 10 can go to a 5 by opening his mouth, the opposite is also true and it is only by opening yourself up to the possibility that people can surprise you that surprise is even possible.
2. You Aren’t Over Your Ex
Heartbreak does not have an expiration date. If you are still caught up on the “one that got away” you will never open yourself to the “one staring you in the face.” No one can tell you when is the “right” time to move on from a past relationship, but one thing is for sure — you cannot move on until you do.
Not only will your obsession with past love blind you to the possibilities in front of you, others will pick up on that vibe and stay away from you until you are truly ready to move on.
3. You’re Not Comfortable with Yourself
Just like pining after someone else is easy to spot, so too is hating on Number 1. If you are uncomfortable with your body, feel like a failure in your job, or generally just hate being alone because of the person you need to face, others will feel the same.
Confidence is the most attractive quality on anyone, male or female, and until you work on your relationship with yourself and learn to be comfortable in your own skin, on your own terms, it is impossible for anyone else to really love you.
4. Negativity Rules Your Life
Have you been burned before? Do you think “true love” is a myth? These attitudes radiate off of you and are poison to potential mates. Negative energy breeds more negative energy and is a huge turn off. If you want to find love, you need to (1) believe it exists, and (2) project the kind of attitude that welcomes it in the first place.
5. You Don’t Really Want a Relationship
For women especially, once you hit a “certain age” the pressure from outside sources to get into a relationship and settle down is practically deafening. Parents, friends, co-workers, everyone you meet may ask why you haven’t found someone and may make snide comments about biological clocks and such.
However, the opinions and realities of others do not need to dictate your actions or mindset. If you are career-oriented, want to travel, or question the conventions of coupledom itself, you will self-sabotage any relationship you enter.
Understanding the Single Life
Being single can be fun and exciting or it can create a sense of loneliness and emptiness in an otherwise happy life. If you are single and don’t want to be, there are plenty of others out there who feel the same and who are just waiting to find you.
However, you need to make sure to get your house in order before you dive into the dating pool. Understanding how your actions and mindset affect your relationship status is one step in that direction.