couple dressed up in an intimate embrace

4 Ways to Stimulate Sexual Tension

The bottom line about sexual tension is that it’s fun. And if you aren’t trying to generate some with a lil’ lady, you’re missing out.

Sexual tension is that feeling that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning, get dressed, and get to school early just so that you can have that extra five minutes with your crush before class starts?

Or that co-worker that you can’t stop staring at and always try to not so casually, casually meet in the breakroom?

That, my friends, is a little something I like to call sexual tension. Where you like what you see, you want it, but you can’t touch it … yet.

A lot of my clients have been asking how you generate that spark with a woman. And a lot of women would tell you that this is something that happens organically, something that only fate can control. And I’m here to tell you that that is wrong.

It’s like when women wake up from a one-night-stand and think that she and the guy are miraculously waking up at the same time. Wrong! We all know that the guy did the waking and is pretending like this was some act of fate, which means that, since you both woke up at the exact same time, you should have sex.

Since we know that sexual tension is something that can be fabricated, I’m here to help you understand 4 ways to do so.

1. Eye Contact

The first and one of the easiest ways to start building some tension is through eye contact. Think sultry eye contact, eyes wide open, not the dumbstruck, open mouth kind of stare. The sultry gaze is when you make eye contact with a girl, and you hold the eye contact because you intended to look at her. You don’t care if she sees you looking at her.

man on cell phone looking into the distance

It’s primal and lets her know that you like what you see.

I once worked in an office with a guy and every time I got up to go to the break room or the washroom, I had to walk by his desk. And every time I did, he made eye contact with me.

And I wasn’t particularly interested in the guy because I was seeing someone at the time, but it did give me that feeling of, “Oh, is he checking me out?” This can make a girl feel good about herself. It’s the type of gesture that causes blushing. And blushing is a signal that something else is happening too.

2. Flirty Banter

The next step in creating some sexual chemistry is through verbal communication. Or in less clinical terms, flirty banter.

In creating sexual tension, it’s important that you already know a girl and are crushing on her at this point.

If you work with her or go to school with her, you need to create a dialogue and that can be talking about work, class, what you’re planning for the weekend. If she says, “Oh, no weekend plans for me,” you can reply with something like “I bet you would have no problem finding a guy to take you out for dinner on Friday night!”


couple laughing and talking face to face

Sexual tension is the push and pull of attraction. You are being pulled toward someone, but circumstance prohibits you from acting on those sexual desires. And, here, it is important to note that you just create those circumstances that prohibit this.

Flirting can also come in the form of a compliment. It’s important to mention that you don’t want to come off as a sleaze ball or compliment her in such a way that you send a message to her that you want something in return. With a compliment, it should just be said with no ulterior motive behind it—even if you do want to get her number and go on a date with her.

Compliments are like smiles. You give them because that is who you are, not what you want.

man and woman on a coffee date3. Get Next To Her

The third step to creating some tension is to get next to her. Close the gap of physical space between the two of you. When you do this, you are showing her that you aren’t afraid to be in her personal bubble. But you need to implement the two steps previously mentioned before you start to breach her personal space.

One of the best ways to create tension is to get close to a woman and not touch her. If you’re in a class, sit next to her and lean your arm on the arm rest that you both share so that you’re taking up space.

If you are colleagues, find ways to be close to her. In the elevator, the coffee room, or during a board meeting. Get close enough to touch her, but don’t. This will make her wonder if you are going to touch her or not and that confusion that you’ve just created in her is a practical way to build tension.

4. Break the Touch Barrier

Now that you have gradually built up this chemistry between the two of you, it is time to break the touch barrier.

Look for opportunities to touch her naturally. Are you both headed through the same door? Lead her in by placing your hand at the small of her back. Or you can pass her something and your hand can linger touching hers. You can find a lot of excuses to touch a girl. And this will only add to the pent-up tension and arousal you’ve already started to create in her.

I should caution you that each of these steps take time. I wouldn’t go into the office one day and expect to make a girl attracted to you in one day. No, this takes time and patience.

And the more tension you build, the more she will be attracted and desire to be around you.

About Kate Spring

Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. A recognized leader in helping men become irresistible to women, Kate works with clients from around the world, helping them to get the girl they want, and the relationship they deserve.
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