Fights happen. And in some relationships, they happen often to varying degrees. However, most of the time, the important thing to remember is not why the arguments and fighting happens, it’s how you resolve the issue and move on that’s most important.
Fighting with your girlfriend sucks, and it can often lead you to say things that you will probably regret later. So if you’re ready to fix the row you’ve had with your girlfriend and move on as quick as possible, then you’ll want to read this article all the way until the end.
I’ll guide you through a very short step-by-step guide on what you need to do to get back on the road to recovery!
1. Make Sure Your Emotions Are In Check
Usually after a fight (or during it), emotions are running like hot lava down an exploding volcano. Excuse my awkward comparison, but when emotions are running wild, you can say or do things that you’ll most definitely regret later on.
Trust me when I say this: when emotions are still running around in your head, you’ve got to give yourself some time to settle down.
Saying something that is possibly hurtful will dig yourself deeper into the hole of recovery, so you might as well stop in your tracks for now.
If you don’t control your emotions, a few other negative possibilities may arise as well: you might become controlling, clingy, or just turn into a big wuss and plead for forgiveness. These are not attractive traits.
Here are some tips for you to help yourself calm down:
- Stop communicating with your girlfriend when her emotions are aroused. Politely tell her that you need time to calm down. If she does anything to try and provoke you, just respectfully give yourself some space.
- Take a few breaths and think of how much you love your girlfriend.
- Do something to keep your mind off it. Yoga? Doing some work? Reading? Anything that you enjoy that you can do to help yourself settle down as quick as possible.
Whatever you do, avoid texting your girlfriend for now.
2. Analyse What Went Wrong And Take Responsibility For It
Once you’ve settled down, think back and try and analyze what went wrong. Why did you two fight in the first place? I know you’re a man and you’ve got your pride, but think of things objectively. Did you do anything wrong? Did you do anything that you could’ve done better? This is one of the best times to reflect about your relationship.
Now think — could this problem be fixed? If so, how? Make a list of things that you think you’ve done wrong and how you can do better. Later, this will be the basis of your apology, and will also serve as a reminder of how you two can improve your relationship with each other.
Once you’ve compiled your mental list, then it’s time to start devising what to say to your girlfriend.
3. Decide What You Want To Text Her
After doing this analysis, do you want to stay together with her? Or do you want to break up? If this is something you know you can’t fix, and it may be a deal breaker then sometimes you might have to take the hit and break up with your girlfriend.
If it’s a small disagreement that can easily be worked out, then here are some tips on how to text her:
- Whatever you text her, make sure that you are even keel. Don’t insult her. Don’t do anything that will get you or her riled up. Be calm, polite, and kind.
- Always own up to your faults and mistakes. If you’ve concluded in your analysis that you were being irrational, then you must apologize for it.
- Being an alpha male doesn’t mean you can’t show that you’re sorry. Alpha males make mistakes, too. And apologizing doesn’t show weakness — if anything apologizing shows that you have courage!
- Don’t demand for an apology. She’ll apologize once she’s settled down. If she doesn’t apologize right away, then just let it slide for now. Remember, the goal here is to recover so that you can both analyze your relationship from a neutral and calm perspective.
Once you think you’re ready, start off with an apology and just end it there. Don’t end the apology with “but.”
Remember, you’re trying to start a good and calm conversation with your girlfriend. If you end your first text with “but,” you’ll be inviting her to strike back. You don’t want her to strike back just yet. You want to start off the conversation on a good foot.
Say something like:
Hey. I know we’re both angry right now, but I would first like to apologize for what I said about ______ — I truly didn’t mean to hurt you and I feel terrible.
Or maybe something like:
I just wanted to start off by saying that I’m very sorry for what I put you through. I know apologies mean nothing and I’m willing to do whatever I can to make our relationship better.
Then just end it for now. If she doesn’t reply, it means she’s still stewing and she still needs to come down. Don’t panic. If she does, I guarantee you that her response will be more even-keel, and then you’ll be able to start a productive conversation with her.
If she’s not able to forgive you just yet, then you need to back right off. You can’t afford starting something up again only for more insults, screaming, and negative emotion to come into play again.
Always focus on recovering. I know it’s tough, but you can do it!
4. After The Recovery …
After you two have given some thought on how to fix your issues, then you’ll want to make sure that arguments like that won’t happen again.
Of course, arguments are going to happen, so what you need to do is develop a system to make sure that arguments like that don’t escalate that level.
I call it the The Algorithm.
So you and your girlfriend need to both agree on a little system when you feel an argument is coming along. Most of the time, all Algorithms involve a settling down period. So as soon as you feel another argument is coming along, tell partner something like, “Baby, I love you, and I think we both need a few minutes to settle down and think about things more before we discuss this again.”
It’ll be tough, but your partner should agree.
Next, make sure you two present your cases separately, one at a time. So, for example, tell her to present her case fully. Do not interrupt her. Try to see the situation from her perspective first.
Next, present your case. Do not tell her that she’s wrong. Do not say anything that undermines her perspective. It helps if you first say something like, “I see where you’re coming from.” Validate her side first, then present what you think.
If you perfect this Algorithm, then I guarantee you that you’ll prevent a lot of heartache and conflict down the road! And as always, make sure you keep your relationship romantic — this is the key to any good relationship! So keep this in mind the next time you want know what to text your girlfriend after a fight.