How to Keep a Girl Interested Over Text (and Ask Her Out)

In dating, it is so important not only to know how to text a girl, but also how to keep her interested. If you want to keep a girl interested in you, you need to build that desire in her over text, and I have just the way to do so. I call it the four P’s:

1. Positive

2. Possible topic areas

3. Roll with the punches

4. Powerful

The first thing that you need to understand when texting a girl is that your goal should not be to have long dragged out conversations via text that leave you with nothing to talk about in person. Your goal in texting is to go on a date and be together in person. But texting helps us get there.

Because you don’t want to keep this relationship as a third-grade pen pal, let’s begin with the first P, which is Positive.


Your goal here is to make her smile. Make her smile every time she sees a text from you pop up on her cellphone.

You want to keep all of your conversations on the light and upbeat side of things. That will make her enjoy talking to you and want to continue to do so.

I should clarify something here and that is that positive does not mean boring. If you’re talking about your day, don’t say, “Oh, it was boring, just binged a season of … on Netflix.” WOW…. Titillating… not! Try to think of something better. Even if your day was super boring, try to find one good thing about it and make it sound interesting.

When a guy texts you just because he’s bored, that doesn’t make a girl feel good. It makes her feel like the last option. This does not spark desire within her; however, if you were to text her something like this: “OMG, I just saw a cat getting walked down the street on a leash. It made me think of you and your crazy cat obsession.” This shows that you’re thinking about her, and you’re taking note of the things that she likes.

how grown men text

If you’re in a poo mood, don’t text. Your negativity will come through your text messages. Put your phone down. Cheer up and come back to it at a later time.

The subcategory of keeping your messages positive is to make them fun and playful. Dare I say, flirtatious.

Women will often ask seemingly boring questions, but they don’t want boring answers.

Her: “What are you up to today?”

You: “Printing your name all over my diary in hearts followed by painting a portrait of the two of us on a farm in Kentucky tilling the land. You know, regular Saturday stuff.”

Just because she asked a simple question that doesn’t mean that you have to give a simple answer. Now you can come up with anything you want here, obviously, but I just wanted to give you an example of a text where you don’t have to wait for the perfect question to set up for a perfect punch line.

This brings us to our next point. Finding out what she’s into.

Possible Topic Areas of Discussion

Sounds kind of clinical, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not meant to be. You want to get to know her a little bit over text so you can learn some of the things that she likes and dislikes, so when it comes time to asking her out, you won’t blow it. And you’ll have some information on her interests instead of going in blind.

For example, something like this could get the ball rolling:

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you look like the ultimate Game of Thrones fan. The type of fan that dressed up like Khaleesi for Halloween.”


“You seem like the type of girl that binge watches the bachelorette with her girlfriends wearing yoga pants and drinking rose. Correct me if I’m wrong.”…“Why I bring that up is because I, too, watch the bachelorette in yoga pants sipping rose and would like to be invited to your next rendezvous.”

You can find out where she’s travelled in the world, what kind of activities she does, if she’s into pop culture, add her on social media, and you will learn a lot about her life.

  • Books
  • Television
  • Movies
  • Travel
  • Worse date
  • Pop culture news

There are so many things to talk about, it’s just the way that you present them that makes it interesting.

Roll With the Punches

Our next step in texting to keep a girl interested is to roll with the punches. And what I mean by this is to not get discouraged too easily if she isn’t responding to you immediately. That’s fine.

If she takes a while to reply, don’t reply to her immediately. Mirror her actions in this sense, but if you’ve kept it light cool and fun, she will make a point to get back to you; she could just be busy.

Another point to mention under this category is don’t show any frustration. Don’t show her you’re frustrated if she isn’t responding in what you deem a timely manner. Don’t give her short, bitchy answers because you’re annoyed that the conversation isn’t going the way that you want.

It is so important to think on your feet and keep a positive attitude. It’s your ability to turn any conversation into a positive and upbeat one that will keep her interested and will make her want to go out on a date with you when the time comes.


And lastly, the fourth P, which is to be powerful. In being powerful, you want your confidence to show through so that when it comes time to ask her out, she will without a doubt say yes.

Up to this point, you have kept things light, positive, and funny and have gotten to know some things about her. This is all the perfect set up to ask her out. By now, hopefully you have a natural rapport going. And you want to ask her out before she thinks that you’ve moved on or are just going to play this texting back and forth game forever.

So to be confident, you need to ask her out as more of a declarative than a question. And don’t worry if that doesn’t make sense, here is an example:

“Hey, remember that amusement park we were talking about? It just opened. We should go on Saturday around 5 after the kiddies go home for dinner!”

When you provide a date, time and place, all she has to do is say yes.

On the contrary, if you said something like, “Want to hang out this weekend?” And she said, “Sure.” That’s great and all, but now you enter into a back and forth of deciding what you’re going to do, what day to do it on, and what time to meet up. If you’re confident in yourself and you’ve portrayed that via your text messages through being fun and upbeat, she will have no problem saying yes and being excited to go on this date with you.

couple at a carnival

If that day doesn’t work for her, suggest she chose a day and to let you know. If she doesn’t give you a day right away, you can always follow up a couple of days later.

Remember to roll with the punches, don’t get discouraged, angry or upset. You’ll only turn her off. But if you’ve done everything leading up to the ask out, then she should have no problem saying yes to you.

Good luck, and happy texting.


About Kate Spring

Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. A recognized leader in helping men become irresistible to women, Kate works with clients from around the world, helping them to get the girl they want, and the relationship they deserve.
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