Reader Question: I Don’t Turn My Girlfriend On Anymore! Why?

Donald F. from Delaware says:

“I’ve been dating my girlfriend for over two years now and things were just amazing to start. She is an awesome woman and our sexual chemistry was incredible at first. However, over the past six months or so, our sex has really took a nose dive. I don’t think she ever really wants to have sex with me. It’s been over two months since we had sex and she always makes excuses that she’s tired. I’m seriously dying over here! What can I do?” Donald, Delaware

Hi Donald!

Thanks for the question – and I get this question all the time. It’s pretty typical, to be honest, and after awhile, every single couple faces some sort of lack of passion in the bed from time to time.

I know, I know. At the beginning of the relationship, everything is fresh and alive. The sexual chemistry is so intense, and there aren’t too many things you’d rather do than just rip her clothes off and make love to her!

After awhile, though, like with anything, the passion can wane in and out.

First thing’s first, however, you need to dissect the way in which you’re initiating the sex. Men and women don’t think of sex in the exact same way.

Men can easily just begin sex and enjoy it without a moment’s notice. However, with women, it takes time. We need to be turned on, we need to have passion oozing in the air, we need romance!

Luckily, there are a few ways you can do this:

1. Surprise Her

Couple making out in a chairBuy her a gift. Something romantic. Does she like roses and chocolate? Does she like stuffed animals? Surprise her with an inexpensive gift.

But you don’t even necessarily have to buy her anything if you don’t think it’s appropriate.

Surprise her with a dinner you’ve made. Make a romantic candle-light dinner outside somewhere. Do something interesting — something you two haven’t done before (or haven’t done in awhile). This can do wonders to make her feel the magic again.

2. Seduction Is A Slow Art

Yes, you need to take your time when it comes to seducing women. So don’t rush. Take your time.

Touch her lightly at first. Gaze into her eyes. And then keeping touching her body, slowly. Hold her closely to you and make her feel protected.

Slowly undress her – don’t rush. Make every inch of her get the amount of attention it deserves.

This isn’t a race. It’s a journey and every part of it should be enjoyable for her.

3. Don’t Forget Foreplay

Yes, foreplay can go a long ways. So make sure you satisfy her every need and let her know that every part of her is attractive to you.

So learn how to please with more than just your junk!

4. Don’t Finish So Quickly

Couple having sexOoooh. Now, I didn’t mean to insult you. For all I know this isn’t a problem, but you have to remember to make her orgasm!

Did you know that 70% of women don’t orgasm through regular vaginal sex? You need to do a bit more than just have sex with her sometimes.

If you’re having troubles with this, then don’t be afraid to venture to your local sex shop and buy something that will “up your game” so to speak.

5. And If This All Doesn’t Work 

If nothing seems to be working, then you have to bring it up.

Tell her that although you love her and although sex isn’t everything, that you’re feeling as if the passion is waning too much and that you’re concerned about your relationship.

Tell her that something needs to be done — every relationship should have two sexually satiated persons in it!

About Jessica Raymond

Jessica Raymond, BSc, RCC, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship counselor, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.
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