How To Tell If Your Ex Wants You Back
Are you stumped because you can’t figure out whether your ex wants you back?
Maybe you’re worried he or she is just toying with your emotions… or maybe they’re actually desperate to get back together, but too shy to let share their feelings outwardly.
On this page, I’ll be covering the top 5 proven indicators that will tell you whether or not your ex is interested in getting back together.
What Are Your Ex’s Current Feelings Towards You?
Before I begin listing the 5 signs your ex wants you back, I want to remind you of something important:
No matter how terribly things may have ended, your ex still has feelings for you.
Despite who broke up with who, or how messily things ended, the simple fact of the matter your ex is still thinking about you and your time together. Since it took time to develop your romantic feelings in the first place, those same feelings aren’t going to simply disappear overnight.
Right now, your ex is feeling all the same emotions you are… and if you make the right moves, this huge advantage can help you get them back.
BUT… just because your ex is also feeling sad and lonely at the moment doesn’t mean you should try to leverage those emotions by asking him or her to get back together with you.
There are several reasons why this isn’t a good idea, but the most important are:
- You don’t want to seem desperate or needy by asking your ex to take you back, and he or she is probably also worried about how it will look to their friends and family if they cave in to their emotions and take you back.
- In order for you to re-build a healthy and loving relationship with your ex, you need to re-build some authentic, organic attraction between the two of you. Simply asking your ex or trying to convince them to get back together doesn’t help to create that necessary attraction.
5 Signs Indicating Your Ex Wants You Back
Now, with those important reminders out of the way, let’s get back to the topic at hand: how to tell whether your ex is interested or willing to give your relationship another shot.
SIGN #1 – Your Ex Contacts You
The biggest and perhaps most obvious sign that your ex wants you back is if they contact you during the first few weeks of your breakup.
Regardless of the reason, they are reaching out to you, and it’s most likely because they miss you and want to talk.
The more they contact you — even if it’s about picking up your belongings from their place, or something equally mundane and business-like — the more confident you can be that they are struggling with the breakup and may want you back.
If you’ve been following my advice at all on how to deal with your ex, you should know that you absolutely do NOT want to contact your ex at all for at least 30 days after breaking up.
I call this ‘No Contact’, and it’s a key component of the the Rekindling Phase, which is the first of my 3R System designed to win back your ex.
During the 30 days of No Contact, it’s very possible that your ex will try and communicate with you in this time (even though he or she was the one who broke it off with you). This is very common, and it means the strategy is working.
Even though your ex reaching out to you is a great sign, you don’t want to suddenly put a halt to your strategy of radio silence. Take your time in replying to any messages from your ex. Make them wait.
And when you do reply to one of your ex’s messages or calls, say something really simple, light, and short. For example, if your ex texts you to ask how you’re doing, wait about 2-3 hours then reply with something like:
“Hey! I’ve been doing great, thanks. Hope all is well on your end too!”
That type of simple, direct, positive-sounding message is the best way to handle contact from your ex during the No Contact phase.
(Please see my recent article on this topic for more sneaky text message examples you can send to your ex.)
SIGN #2 – Your Ex Becomes Jealous
Next on the list? Jealousy.
If your ex gets jealous when they find out you’ve been dating around or hanging out with your friends more often than you were when the two of you were together, it’s because he or she probably wants you back.
Think about it: why else would they care what you’re up to or who you’re spending time with if they didn’t still want to be with you (or at least still have feelings for you)?
On the other hand, if your ex is actively trying to hide their dating life from you, it’s likely for one of two reasons.
Either they don’t want you to move on, or they don’t want you to know that they are moving on, because in actuality, they still want to be with you.
At the very least, your ex wants to keep the option of getting back to together open in case the single life is less fun than they’d hoped.
SIGN #3 – Your Ex Suggests Begin Friends
A common thing for couples to try and do after a breakup is stay friends. Hear the alarm bells?
If your ex tells you that they still want to be friends, chances are that at least a part of them wants you back. The simple fact that they still want you to be a part of their life says it all… and it’s very possible they’re battling internally, too, trying to figure out what they really want.
No matter what the circumstances are, or how strong your friendship was before you began dating your ex, it’s never a good idea to agree to be friends with your ex.
SIGN #4 – Your Ex Wants Breakup Sex
If your ex tries to hook up with you after you have broken up, it’s usually a good sign that they want you back.
Yes, it could simply be closure for them or “breakup sex,” but either way, they want you. No matter how thrilled that you may be that your ex wants to hook up again, being friends with benefits isn’t recommended… at least, not until you’ve properly ‘set the stage’ and re-built some mutual attraction.
Hooking up with your ex can be one step on the roading to winning them back, but it can also be very dangerous. Men and women interpret hooking up quite differently, so casually hooking up can be very dangerous if you’re trying to win your ex back.
Regardless, breakup sex is definitely an indication that they are not over you.
SIGN #5 – Your Ex Is Emotional
If your ex holds on to the feelings they had when they broke up with you, chances are they’re interested in getting back together.
For example, if your ex was angry or upset about something at the time of your breakup — and they remain angry or upset for days, or even weeks — it’s a sure sign that it’s because they still care about you.
Think about it: if your ex really wanted nothing to do with you and was serious about wanting to end the relationship, why would they still be holding onto those feelings instead of embracing the ‘single life’?
Generally speaking, if your ex seems nostalgic or keeps bringing up memories about your relationship together, it means they are still actively thinking about your time together and aren’t ready to let go just yet.
They may not admit to wanting you back, but their emotions say otherwise.
Maybe they aren’t sending these emotions directly to you, but if you see them making a point to share their gloomy attitude with everyone else in the online world, chances are they’re hoping you’ll see it.
The #1 Way To Learn Whether Your Ex Wants You Back
Now that you’ve learned about the top 5 signs, it’s time to take my free ‘ex back’ quiz.
This 5-minute quiz tool will give you a good idea of where you stand with your ex currently, and what type of odds you’re facing as you try to get a fresh start with your ex.
When you submit your answers, the algorithm will evaluate your answers and generate a detailed scoring report with custom recommendations tailored to your specific situation.
I spent 9 months researching and developing this quiz, and I’ve been getting a TON of positive feedback from people who found it helpful…
“Hey brad your quiz is super awesome, really helpful for me espceially the custom recommendations that you included in the results report. thx!”
Richard W. (Rotterdam, Netherlands)
I think you’ll find the customized recommendations that will be included in your quiz results report just as helpful as Richard did. So, what are you waiting for? Take the quiz!