If you want your ex back, then you’ve probably heard about the “No Contact” strategy… but the question is, does this tactic actually work?
Right here on this page, I’ll be answering that question conclusively. I’ll also be covering some other topics related to No Contact, including:
- What is the right way to use the “No Contact” strategy?
- Does “No Contact” Always Work?
- When is using No Contact a BAD idea?
- Why do some breakup coaches advise against No Contact?
- What mistakes do people make when using the No Contact tactic?
- How can you tell if No Contact is working?
So, if you want to know how to use No Contact properly…
Or whether it’s going to work on your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend…
Does The No Contact Strategy Work?
Before I begin, please remember one very important thing while you’re reading the rest of this article: No Contact is not the ONLY thing you need to do to get your ex back.
In certain situations (some of which I’ll be covering below) you may need to take a few key steps before you begin employing the 30-day No Contact method.
First, though, let’s quickly cover the No Contact Method and how to use it properly…
What is the right way to use the “No Contact” strategy?
I don’t think I need to spend too much time explaining what the No Contact strategy actually is, but here’s a quick summary:
No Contact involves shutting down all communication with your ex for about 30 days. (This means no drunk texts, no calls, no ‘accidentally’ bumping into your ex somewhere… no contact means no contact!)
So, essentially, the CORRECT way to employ “No Contact” — at least, if you want it to work like it’s supposed to and help you win back your ex — is to actually NOT contact your ex at all.
If you only do a half-assed version of No Contact, if you give in and reach out to your ex or allow them to draw you into a conversation… then it’s not going to work, and you may as well not bother.
Yes, there are a few situations where you can and maybe even should break No Contact, which I’ll cover shortly, but generally speaking, you really have to stay disciplined and avoid ANY communication with your ex during the No Contact period.
Quite frankly, at least 90% of my coaching clients that fail to get their ex back ignore this advice and don’t properly employ No Contact. If you don’t use this tactic — or any of the techniques I teach — they won’t work!
Alright, and moving on to the next question…
Does “No Contact” Always Work On Your Ex?
No. Of course not. There’s no strategy that will work in 100% of cases. But, for the vast majority of cases, your best chance at winning your ex back will involve using “No Contact”. At the very least, even if you’re facing a unique or unusual situation, you’ll likely need to employ a “Modified No Contact”.
If you want my help handling with that kind of weird scenario, and get my advice on whether you should use No Contact, please sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching program. Please trust me when I say that this technique DOES work!
Some so-called “experts” may tell you that the No Contact method is a bad idea, and that it won’t work. They’re full of shit, and I’ll talk more about why some people say that shortly.
First, though, let’s address the next question…
When is it a BAD idea to use “No Contact” on your ex?
There are actually a couple of potentially legitimate situations where No Contact may not be the right strategy. Here’s a few situations where you MIGHT not want to use No Contact (or at least, where a “Modified No Contact” tactic would be more appropriate):
- When you broke up with your ex MORE than six months ago. In many cases, if it’s been a really long time since the initial breakup, No Contact won’t be necessary unless you’ve been talking to your ex frequently since then.
- When you still live with your ex, work at the same office, or you have children together. Most of the time, situations like this require a Modified No Contact technique. Again, please visit my coaching page to learn how you can work with me 1-on-1 so we can develop a strategy specifically tailored to your situation.
- When your ex won’t stop talking to you, and/or when they become angry and resentful about your lack of replies. At first, you want to ignore your ex’s attempts to reach out during No Contact. But very occasionally, you ex might start getting really angry that you keep ignoring their messages, and at that point you may need to break No Contact.
- When your ex says they want to get back together or asks you to take them back. This definitely DOES happen from time to time (that’s how effective No Contact can often be!), but it has to be a very clear sign from your ex that they are 100% ready to get back together. If they simple ask to meet up and “talk about things” or if they send mixed signals and say things like ,“I miss you”, but don’t clearly state that they’re ready to take you back… then you should still use No Contact. However, if they are bluntly stating that they want to get back together, then you’ve succeeded and you can stop ignoring them and get back together.
OK, those are the situations where No Contact isn’t necessarily the best strategy to use. Now, let’s move on to another question I get asked a lot, which is…
Why do some breakup coaches advise against using the No Contact strategy?
Since I started doing breakup coaching over a decade ago, there wasn’t much information out there about this topic. Aside from myself and one or two other respectable breakup experts, no-one really talked about the No Contact method at all.
Now, however, it seems like there’s someone new claiming to be an “ex back expert” on a regular basis… and a lot of them will slam the No Contact method and claim that it’s a terrible idea and never works. That’s a complete load of shit, and you shouldn’t listen to any of their advice if that’s what their opinion of No Contact is.
There’s one simple reason that people claim No Contact doesn’t work or is a bad idea: to create controversy and generate exposure for their website or YouTube channel. They’ll often even mention some of my related techniques like the Clean Slate Message or the Modified No Contact method, and tell you that these are dumb strategies that will hurt your chances rather than help you win your ex back. They do this because they know that people are searching Google or YouTube for those terms after watching my videos or signing up for my Ex Factor program, and they want to capitalize on that search traffic.
Another reason so-called ‘experts’ will slam No Contact is because they know most people who are trying to get an ex back don’t WANT to ignore their ex.
I completely understand why most people are hesitant to shut down all communication with the person they’re still madly in love with. It’s scary, right? What if they move on or forget about you while you’re ignoring them? It’s a lot more appealing to hear “say this one sentence and your ex will take you back” or “don’t use no contact, use X technique instead”… that’s exactly what you want to hear. The only problem is that there isn’t any substitute for the No Contact Method, and it’s almost always a key component of any effective strategy to get a fresh start with your ex.
Lastly, please don’t listen to anyone who tries to scare you by claiming that “your ex will forget about you during the 30 days of No Contact!” This is utter nonsense, and I’ve never seen a client blow their chances because their ex suddenly forget about them after a few weeks of not speaking to one another. Unless your relationship was extremely casual and lasted only a month or two, then there’s really no chance your ex is going to magically forget about you or stop caring about you a few weeks after breaking up.
What common mistakes do people make when using the No Contact method?
This is an important topic that I want to quickly cover, because a lot of the time people make one of two key mistakes when using No Contact, and both of these errors will make No Contact useless and unlikely to help get your ex back.
Common Mistake #1: caving in too quickly, and failing to actually stick to No Contact for the full 30 days. There’s rarely a good reason to break No Contact, and you need to have faith and really employ it properly if you want it to work.
Common Mistake #1: failing to properly “set the stage” before beginning the No Contact period. Often times, especially in cases where you’ve already begged and pleaded with your ex or made other mistakes since breaking up, it’s necessary to use my Clean Slate Message template first before you shut down the lines of communication… or you may need to start No Contact a bit more slowly, reducing your contact over a period of week or so, rather than just suddenly starting to ignore your ex ‘cold turkey’.
This won’t apply to many of you reading this right now, but if you have made a lot of past mistakes since breaking up, if you’ve cheated on your ex or done something to ‘wrong’ them, then it may be necessary to set the stage first before you jump into No Contact. If this does sound like your current situation, you can get access to the Clean Slate message template as well as many other ‘first steps’ to take before beginning No Contact by signing up for my Ex Factor program.
How can you tell if the No Contact strategy is working?
This is another common question I’m asked on a daily basis, so here’s a few of the most obvious signs No Contact is working as intended:
- Your ex is contacting you regularly or reaching out far more often than they had been prior to starting No Contact.
- Your ex is trying to make you jealous.
- You learn from mutual friends that your ex is asking about you.
- Your ex gives you mixed signals, such as suddenly saying “I really miss you” out of the blue when they’d previously stated clearly that the breakup was final.
- You feel better and are more able to think and talk about your ex without getting emotional.
Again, this is just a quick summary of a few signs that indicate ignoring your ex is working the way it should… don’t be alarmed if you haven’t seen any of these signs yet, though. Sometimes this technique will be working perfectly, but your ex might just be particularly disciplined and not give in to their desire to reach out to you… in those cases, you won’t be able to determine how well it’s working, you’ll just have to have faith and know that you’re using the best possible strategy.
Once you’ve completed the full 30 days without speaking to your ex, read this article on what to do after No Contact is over.