No Contact can be tough, but you made it through! Now that your no contact period is coming to an end, here are the 10 things you absolutely have to do next.
Now, if you’ve made all the way up to this point… then CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve pretty much surpassed one of the most difficult phases of getting your ex back.
Make Sure You Do These After No Contact
No Contact is still the best strategy to get your ex back. Most of the time when people FAIL to get their ex back, it’s because they break down during the No Contact period and decide to start begging and pleading for their ex to come back to them. The KEY to getting your ex back is to build attraction naturally.
Here are ten things to do to jump start this process.
1. Assume A Positive Mindset.
This is one of the most important things to remember moving forward.
The LAST thing you want to do is undo all the hard work that you put in over the last month or so.
You do NOT want to transform back into the jealous, emotional, and hysterical version of yourself (if that was the case).
Instead, make sure that you have a powerful and confident mindset moving forward. You need to convey to your ex that you’re a changed human being, that you’ve moved on from the breakup, and that your life is TOTALLY together and amazing.
So remember, BEFORE you do ANYTHING, make sure that you’re thinking optimistically… once your ex sees that you’re brimming with power and confidence, he or she will wonder why they ever left you in the first place!
2. Contact Your Ex
This one’s a big one, guys… but it’s a LOT easier than you think it is. The goal of this step is to simply establish positive communication so you can escalate to a date or potential meetup.
Right now, your ex will probably still think that you’re pining over him or her… but this is the last thing that you want to convey if you’re reaching out to them for the first time after a month.
You want to show them that you’ve A.) moved on and are focusing on different things, and that B.) that life is going extremely well for you. To do this, you can use one of the many text messages that I outline in my Ex Factor Guide program.
Here’s a quick example… I call this text the “Travel Text”. An example of this would be something like…
Hey you! Hope you’re doing well. I’m going to Costa Rica next September! I know you were just there a couple years ago and thought I could pick your brain a bit. That cool?
Right now, this is all you have to do to establish positive communication with your ex. This text is great because it doesn’t show that you miss your ex or anything like that… you’re just reaching out because you actually need some information from him or her. And that’s it!
Of course you don’t HAVE to text your ex to make your first contact, but I highly recommend it simply because it requires minimal effort and it gives your ex room to think about a proper response. You don’t want to give your ex any unneeded stress!
Secondly, make sure that you don’t text your ex at a really weird time… make sure you text your ex during the early evening or late afternoon. And make sure that whatever you do, YOU ONLY TEXT YOUR EX ONCE… for now.
3. Have Some Self-Control
If you’ve been playing your cards right and your ex DOES end up responding to your call or text message, then congrats… but the battle is obviously far from over.
You don’t want to get too excited at this point – a lot of my clients will get so anxious that they’ll start begging their ex for a date the moment that they establish communication. DON’T DO THIS!
Instead, play it cool. So this means that when they DO text you back, don’t text them back right away. Instead, wait a couple of hours. Or if it’s late during the day, then don’t be afraid to text him or her back the following day.
You really need to convey to your ex that you aren’t desperate to talk to him or her, regardless of how you ACTUALLY feel inside. I know you miss your ex, but this isn’t the way to get them back.
If you’ve been doing everything right, your ex should totally be open to helping you out with whatever trip you’re planning. But here’s a big tip to help you along the way: throughout your conversation, make sure you drop what I call “Feeler Questions” during your texting conversation.
These are questions that are specifically designed to bait them into ask you personal questions about your life.
For example, you could reply with something like..
Thanks for helping me out. Anyways, long time no chat… how’s work been treatin’ ya?
When they answer, they’ll probably ask a reciprocal question. This is your time to shine and let him or her know how well things have been going for you. If you do this correctly, you’ll pique your ex’s interest and they’ll want to know even MORE about how you’re doing.
But keep a couple more guidelines in mind when you’re talking to your ex… do NOT ask them if they’re seeing or dating anybody.
Right now, you need to show that you don’t care how their love life is going. And remember to absolutely avoid bringing up YOUR past relationship with him or her.
You need to focus on keeping the conversation light, fun, and fluffy! No need for negativity or drama whatsoever.
4. Use My Free Quiz Tool
Wondering if there’s still hope? Click here to take my short, 4 minute quiz. After you complete the quiz, it’ll tell you a score out of 100 which will indicate your likelihood of getting your ex back. I designed this quiz myself a few years ago and I’ve used it as a powerful tool to help my clients figure out the very best way to get their ex back.
Not only will you find out your score out of 100, but based on your results, it will generate PERSONALIZED advice on exactly how you should approach getting your ex back.
5. Set Up A Short Meeting
Once you’ve established contact with your ex and you’ve been building anticipation, it’s time to escalate your interaction and meet in person. You can do this a number of ways, but depending on how your relationship ended previously, you might need to re-work your strategy.
But in most scenarios, setting up a quick coffee date is one of the best ways to go about in meeting up with your ex.
You could say something like…
So can I just buy you a coffee and you can tell me about the attractions in San Jose? I’d totally appreciate it! It’ll be super quick, promise.
It can be as easy as that. But again, it really depends on how your breakup ended in the first place. Another strategy would be to hang out with mutual friends as well. You could say something like,
Hey! I’m hosting a party this Sunday afternoon… Alex and Petrov are both coming. Wanna come? You can tell me more about Costa Rica then!
By doing this, you make sure that you break the tension between you and your ex by making sure some mutual friends with be in attendance. If you do this correctly, your ex will be much more open to hanging out with you. So keep this tip in mind!
6. Meet Your Ex
Okay, take a deep breath… this is an important day! There are a few things that you have to remember when you’re meeting your ex for the first time after No Contact. A lot of the information may sound familiar from the previous tips, but they’re important to reiterate.
Remember that the goal here in the first meet up is to have a great time. You’re not bringing up things from the past, you’re not here to start a fight with your ex, and you’re not here to start any unnecessary drama.
Instead, focus on being happy, positive, and make sure that your ex is having fun with you.
Now’s the time to show off a little bit, too.
Talk about all the amazing things that are happening in your life. Talk about the amazing trip you’re planning, how your social life is bumping, how you’re hitting the gym every day, and how well work has been going for you.
Right now, your goal is to make sure your ex knows that THEY are missing out on the amazing catch that was you!
Of course, you’ll want to make sure that you aren’t TRYING to make your ex jealous. If he or she senses that you’re being disingenuous or that you’re trying too hard, they’ll run for the hills… so make sure that subtly is a focus.
7. Hire Me As Your Break Up Coach
If you’re struggling with your situation and you want personal guidance to help you get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back, then you might be interested in my personal coaching program.
I am fairly busy right now… and I can only take on 55 clients at a time. So if you DO see me available on that page, then make sure that you sign up!
During your first meet up with your ex, you’re going to want to flirt with him or her subtly. Don’t be too pushy or aggressive — this is all about having fun and building organic attraction with your ex again.
So here’s a short list of subtle but flirty behaviour that you can exhibit to make sure that your ex comes crawling back to you for more and more…
1.) Make sure that you hug your ex for a few seconds longer than you would otherwise… make sure it’s genuine and meaningful!
2.) Make sure you make solid eye contact with your ex at all times.
4.) Don’t be afraid to touch your ex here and there in a flirty but playful way. For example, you can playfully hit them when they make a joke, or you can brush up against them “accidentally.” Just make sure that it seems real and subtle.
5.) Make sure you use humour – being funny is one of the best aphrodisiacs.
6.) You can make subtle and playful references to some steamy vacations or moments you two shared… but again, subtlety is key here.
Of course, this is just a short list of flirting tips… but keep in mind that you know your ex best! Make sure that you remind them of the good old days of when your relationship was at its best.
If you do this properly, your ex will be lusting for you again in no time.
9. Make Your Ex Jealous
This requires a little bit of strategy and planning. What you need to do is formulate a plan to instill a bit of jealousy in your ex That means you have to come up with a story that paints you as someone who is highly sought after.
You could tell them a story about a co-worker that is insistently trying to ask you out on a date… or maybe a tale about how someone you met from the bar won’t stop calling you.
Any story like this works, but here’s the catch – you need to make it obvious that you’re not sure whether you’re into THEM or not. Leave your ex wondering about your dating life.
And obviously, you can’t simply just mention this story out of the blue… you have to do a good job of weaving this little psychological tip into your coffee date. If you do this effectively, your ex will begin to feel a sense of loss… and he or she will begin chasing you down for a SECOND coffee date harder than ever before…. Which leads me to…
10. SLEEP WITH YOUR EX!
Now, I don’t want to say this as a hard and fast rule. It really matters where you are with your ex… and there’s a difference if you’re a guy or a girl trying to get his or her ex back.
But generally speaking, your goal here is to make sure that you build enough sexual attraction with your ex so that they will want to sleep with you.
Your goal isn’t to do this right away – sometimes it’ll take a handful of meetups before your ex wants to sleep with you again. But the formula for doing this is straightforward: keep things fun, flirty, and everything else will simply just fall into place.
But anyways, during this phase, I want you to imagine that you had just met your ex for the first time ever and you’re trying to impress them. If you keep up the confidence and playfulness, it’ll only be a matter of time before he or she will be back in your arms for good.