Best Advice To Get An Ex Back in 2021
This is the year you get your ex back.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that getting your ex back has never been more important.
Just know that it won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is, right?
What You Need To Know About Getting Your Ex Back
I’m a breakup coach with over 12 years experience helping people like you get back together with an ex.
On this page, I’ll be sharing some of my very best tips to win back your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend… these are some of the most effective, proven techniques that I’ve seen work for my coaching clients over and over again.
I’ll also be including a couple of brand new tricks that I’ve never publicly shared before, so read to the end if you want to hear all of my juiciest ex back tactics and advice.
#1 – Don’t rush the process or “force it”.
Folks, it doesn’t get any more basic than this, but it also doesn’t get much more CRITICAL than this, either.
Here’s the thing: most people in your situation — when you’re facing the possibility of the person you love slipping out of your life forever — are feeling desperate. And I totally understand that; it’s a natural reaction after you’ve been dumped or gone through a tough breakup. You desperately want to do SOMETHING… ANYTHING… to get your ex to change their mind and take you back.
But, the problem is… ACTING on that desperation or those post-breakup emotions is almost ALWAYS a bad idea. You CAN NOT rush the process of changing your ex’s mind about breaking up. You can NOT show ANY kind of desperation at all, either… and not just during the early phases, but throughout the entire process.
Desperation is an attraction killer. Trust me on this, I’ve seen many of my clients make this mistake despite my best efforts to talk them out of it…. If you appear too desperate, if you try to push your ex by contacting them too frequently or begging and pleading with them… it’s only going to make your situation WORSE.
Take a step back for a minute and think about things from your ex’s perspective. Would you be attracted to an ex who won’t stop bothering you? Would you be attracted to someone who seems to have nothing else going on their life except chasing after you?
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Would you be more or less likely to want to take someone back if they begged and pleaded and tried to talk you into giving them another chance?
Obviously, the answer is no to all of those questions. So by trying to rush the process… by trying to reach out to your ex frequently, by trying to talk them into giving your relationship another try… you’re only pushing them further away.
This is something you need to keep in mind throughout the entire process of winning back your ex… which is why I’ve made it the very first tip in this video. Never, ever get too excited or too eager around your ex… never force things or try to rush it.
#2 – Be realistic about your chances of getting them back.
Look, I’ve said this many times before in my past videos… unfortunately, not every relationship can or should be salvaged. Sometimes, things might be so broken that it’s just not possible to ever realistically have a chance at getting back together. I know that sucks to hear, but it’s the truth: many relationships can and should be revived, but in some cases it’s just not realistic or wise to even try.
How do you know whether your situation fits into this “beyond saving” category? How do you know if you’ve still got a chance of turning things around with your ex? Honestly, the best way to find out is to take my free 5-minute quiz.
Check it out here, answer a few questions about your breakup situation, and the quiz will evaluate your answers and generate a comprehensive report breaking down your chances and where you stand with your ex right now.
If the quiz says your situation is hopeless — which is usually fairly uncommon, but it does happen — then please think long and hard about whether you should continue to pursue your ex. In dire situations like this, it’s usually best to start moving on and focus on finding someone new rather than continuing to chase after an ex who either isn’t right for you, or isn’t ever going to be willing to give you a second chance.
If your quiz score is in the low 60’s or above — say, if you score anything over 62 or 63 — that indicates you still have a chance. If you score above 75, you have plenty of reason to be optimistic, and you should still be able to get back together assuming you play your cards right from this point onwards.
#3 – Don’t underestimate the power of No Contact.
Ah yes, No Contact… I know you’ve already heard about this strategy many times before. And do you know why this technique is something that I recommend so frequently? Because it WORKS. It works EXTREMELY well in the vast majority of breakup situations.
If you don’t want to take my word for it, please check out any of my other YouTube videos about No Contact and look at the comments section. You’ll see literally hundreds of people commenting to say how well No Contact worked for them… and that’s honestly just the tip of the iceberg. I get emails on a daily basis from viewers and clients who’ve used No Contact and ended up back with their ex. Here’s a few examples:
Why No Contact Is So Powerful
First, it’s because this strategy essentially “shocks” your ex into learning what life is like without you. Instead of slowly fading out of your ex’s life, you’re forcing them to experience it cold turkey.
They won’t be able to just call you and chat whenever they miss you, and they won’t have that feeling of “comfort” knowing that you’re still around any time they want to talk or hang out. It’s critical that you give your ex that kind of a “shock” treatment rather than letting them slowly get used to life without you.
Secondly, No Contact is the opposite of what your ex is expecting you to do. Most people, because it’s the natural reaction after a breakup, tend to cling to their ex for as long as possible after breaking up… they reach out regularly, they try to “stay friends”, and they just generally end up serving as an emotional dumping ground for their ex.
By doing the opposite of what your ex is expecting you to do, you’re taking control of the situation and shifting the “balance of power” in your favour… now, when you engage in a period of No Contact, you have the power to decide when your ex gets to talk with you or hang out with you.
They’re suddenly facing a situation they didn’t anticipate when they planned to break up.
Third, it gives your ex time to let go of negative memories and emotions. As I’ve mentioned in other videos previously, all humans have a natural tendency to forget bad memories and let go of negative thoughts and emotions after a certain period of time.
This is actually a natural coping mechanism that’s evolved over thousands of years of human evolution… we can’t dwell on negatives for long, or else we’ll spend our lives in a state of depression.
So, use that to your advantage by giving your ex time to start forgetting about the negative aspects of your relationship… this will, given time, happen on its own, without you having to do anything other than engage in a period of No Contact.
Studies have shown this will “peak” around 30 days after the breakup, so by employing a 30-day No Contact period, you’re allowing enough time for those negative emotions and memories to fade into the back of your ex’s mind. I like to say that this is basically like re-setting your ex’s brain to an “emotional neutral” state.
Additionally, another benefit to No Contact is that it gives you time to “chill out” and re-set your own emotions.
You definitely don’t want to be acting on emotion when you talk with your ex, and you often can’t think straight during the early stages after a breakup… so, by ignoring your ex for a few weeks, you put yourself back into a better frame of mind.
By the end of the No Contact period, you’ll be far less likely to act desperate or say something to your ex that might hurt your chances or push them away unintentionally.
Lastly, No Contact allows you some time to focus on yourself. During No Contact — which I’ve recently started to call “Dynamic No Contact” to highlight the important self-improvement aspect — you need to be keeping busy, meeting new friends, and living an interesting, exciting life.
This will make you a more interesting, more appealing person to your ex when you do begin talking with them again… and it will put you in a better position to re-attract them once the No Contact period is over.
#4 – Spend as much time as possible with friends and family.
OK, I know what you’re thinking… how the hell is hanging out with my friends and family going to help me get my ex back? Well, hear me out… because this is actually something that I’ve started to recommend more and more to my clients, because I’ve come to see how valuable this really is.
First of all, chilling with friends and family is usually enjoyable. It’s a great way to keep your mind off your ex and off the breakup, and live in the moment. This is especially true if you avoid talking about your ex when you’re with friends, and instead just have fun hanging out.
Secondly, you’ll quickly find that hanging out with friends and family can be a powerful tool for re-building your own confidence and self-esteem. Your friends and family like you — at least, I hope they do — and hanging out with people that enjoy your company is a great ego boost.
It will make you feel more confident in yourself, and help you realize that you’re an awesome catch for anyone of the opposite sex…. Including your ex, who would be crazy to let someone as well-liked as you walk out of their life.
This is also a great time to re-connect with old friends that you maybe haven’t talked to much lately.
If there’s someone you used to hang out with regularly that you’ve recently fallen out of touch with, reach out and spark up a conversation.
How’s it going, bro? Long time no see.
Revive that old friendship, or try to make new friends. Again, this is a confidence-booster, but it’s also a way to come up with new things to talk to your ex about when you see them or begin talking to them again… you can tell them about how you recently saw an old friend, talk about the plans you’ve made with this old friend, and so on.
Please take my word on this one… being around other people in social settings — whether that’s re-connecting with old friends or just hanging out with family more often — is going to help your own state of mind, and improve your chances of getting back together with your ex.
#5 – When talking with your ex, focus on making the conversation ENJOYABLE for them.
This is a mistake that I see my clients and followers make CONSTANTLY. You’ve employed a period of No Contact, and start to open the lines of communication with your ex again… you’re exchanging text messages or phone calls, and then eventually hanging out with your ex in person.
You want them to take you back…. So you try to talk about the relationship. You re-hash old drama or disagreements from when you were still together.
Maybe you’re just doing this to try and explain to your ex how you’ve changed since the breakup, or how things will be different if you get back together… but, this kind of approach is 100% guaranteed to ruin your chances.
RELATED: Using The No Contact Strategy To Get Your Ex Back
Trust me, guys… if you want your ex back, you need to make EVERY conversation and hang-out session with them ENJOYABLE. You want your ex to end a conversation thinking to themselves, “well, that was fun”… you want your texts to make your ex smile or laugh when they read them.
What you DO NOT want… under any circumstances… is to remind your ex of the problems that plagued your old relationship. You DO NOT want them to end a conversation thinking to themselves, “ugh, more drama again”. You want your ex to have a good time when they see you or talk to you, not be reminded of old problems or disagreements from the past. Don’t ever, ever try to bring up “serious relationship topics” with your ex until you’re fully back together… keep it light, fun, and enjoyable for your ex.
#6 – NEVER show any jealousy around your ex.
This ties in to my previous tip, and it’s just as important. You don’t ever, EVER want to outwardly display any kind of jealousy around your ex.
I know it’s painful and frustrating to hear rumours that your ex may have gone on a date with someone new… and I know you desperately want to ask them about it… but DON’T. Act like you don’t give a flying fuck about your ex’s love life since the breakup.
Don’t give ANY sense that you’re jealous about anything, even if you’re feeling the complete opposite on the inside… instead, pretend you don’t care at all about who your ex is seeing or what they’re doing with their spare time.
As I mentioned before, avoid drama and keep things fun for your ex. Jealousy isn’t fun, and it certainly isn’t attractive, so do your absolute best to never show any kind of jealousy around your ex.
#7 – Be willing to play some harmless mind games on your ex.
Now I’m not talking about anything really egregious here guys… when I say “mind games”, I don’t mean lying to your ex or manipulating them in some way. I just mean that it can be very useful to use basic human psychology to your advantage in order to win your ex back. I’ll give you 2 examples:
Example one… texting. When you get a text from your ex out of the blue, wait an hour or two before you reply.
Remember: you’re playing the role of a busy, confident person who is ready to move on… so, if you’re willing to wait a while before replying to your ex’s texts, it will make them wonder what you were doing and subconsciously assume that you’re out doing interesting stuff and living life without them.
Also related to texting: be the one to end conversations. Let your ex send the last message in a back-and-forth texting exchange.
Again, this isn’t really sneaky or immoral stuff — you’re just making a small effort to quietly be the one to end most conversations with your ex. It’s a power play of sorts, where you’re asserting your own value as a person and your confidence with life in general. This is attractive behaviour for your ex, and will subtly and subconsciously shift the way they think about you in a positive way.
The second example… my Covert Jealousy tactic. I talk a lot about this technique in the full tutorial video on my website.
Covert Jealousy allows you to subtly hint to your ex that you might be dating again… even if you’re not actually doing so yet… in a safe and effective way.
It puts your ex under some pressure to decide if they’re sure about the breakup, and can often be enough on its own to make your ex decide to ask for a second chance.
#8 – Consider working with me through my 1-on-1 coaching program.
A lot of people find themselves in unique or unusual situations that my general advice doesn’t fully address… and in those cases, please consider signing up for my 1-on-1 coaching service to get my help on an ongoing basis as your situation develops.
I’ll learn about your situation, give you some ongoing advice moving forward, and continue to correspond with you as things change and you have questions about how to maximize your chances of getting back together.
#9 – Focus only on things within your control.
This one is pretty self-explanatory, but you should try your absolute best to avoid worrying about things that are out of your control.
Did you hear a rumour your ex has been dating someone new? Well, there’s nothing you can do to change that, so it’s out of your control… and therefore it’s not worth stressing about, or even thinking about.
Are you worried that your ex isn’t posting sad lyrics and quotes on social media after your breakup? Worried that might mean they’re not missing you and have already moved on?
Well, that’s just not a useful train of thought. It’s out of your control, you can’t change how they’re feeling or accurately read into what it means that they’re not posting breakup quotes on social media. That means it’s not worth worrying about, so push it out of your mind and focus on things you CAN control.
#10 – Have faith in proven techniques and stay the course.
OK, my final tip today is a very important one. Since you’re reading this right now, I’m assuming you’re doing your homework… you’re learning how to get a second chance with your ex by researching online.
That’s great, and I applaud you for taking action to make sure you do things properly to maximize your chances. And you’ll get a lot of very savvy, very effective advice and tips from breakup coaches like myself. Not all of the stuff you’ll read online is correct or trustworthy, but much of it is good advice that will actually help you out.
And you can definitely trust the strategies and techniques that I teach in my Ex Factor program,
BUT… while learning and researching is great, you NEED to actually APPLY these techniques in order for them to actually work. You can’t just learn all about how effective the No Contact technique is, and then only apply it for 5 days before you give up and start spamming your ex.
No Contact doesn’t work if you only do it for 5 days, and the same is true for most of what I teach… you need to actually apply what you learn in articles like this one, exactly the way I describe, in order for it to be truly effective.
If you don’t have the self-discipline to stick with it and have faith in the proven techniques you learn about, they simply won’t work.
So, if you take one thing away from this article, let it be this: have faith, apply what I’ve taught you here and in my full video tutorial and stick with it until it works.
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