You’re trying to get your ex back.
It felt amazing when you first started spending more time together…But now some time has passed, and things still haven’t gotten serious.
You may have fun, share love and affection and even sleep together, but if you never get past this early stage, you could wake up tomorrow, alone.
Let me explain how to make your ex commit to you so you can build a relationship together.
How To Make Your Ex Commit To You For Good
These methods work best if you have an open channel of communication with your ex and you two are spending time together regularly. If you’re not quite there yet, I recommend you watch some of my other videos that are more tailored to the earlier stages of this process.
With that out of the way, here are the best methods to seal the deal and begin your relationship with your ex.
1. Make your ex see you as the only choice
This is the most important thing to remember during this process. I know you and your ex have a history and you’re excited to reconnect but you need to be aware that–as far as they’re concerned–they’re still single.
That means that you’re not just trying to win back your ex, you’re also competing with every other single person out there. There’s a very good chance that your ex has been on the apps and talked to new people since your breakup… attractive people that don’t come with your baggage. So you have to make sure that you come across as the better choice.
The good news is that you have an advantage… you know your ex better than all of these people. They know you have chemistry, that you’re interested, and that you’re capable of creating a relationship if they just let you in.
But that’s not enough, which brings us to the next item on the list…
2. Demonstrate your value
This may be a cynical way to look at love and relationships–and there’s more to it than this–but on some level, we do date people because we want something. Maybe that thing is love and affection, maybe it’s intellectual stimulation, maybe it’s emotional security. Whatever the case is, you need to identify what your ex was getting out of the relationship previously and do your best to give it to him or her.
Figuring out what your ex liked about the past relationship can be a little tricky.
A good way to answer this question is to look into the five love languages. I won’t go too deep on this here but basically relationship expert Gary Chapman says that there are five ways that people give and receive love: quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and words of affirmation.
Think back to times that your ex seemed the happiest in your relationship…times they seemed the most grateful. Was it when you changed the oil in their car, gave them a thoughtful gift, or just made time to be together?
If you can’t pin it down to anything specific, just do your best to be valuable to your ex. Be on time, be kind and take care of their needs whenever possible.
Obviously this walks a fine line. You don’t want to come across as too needy or desperate. You’ll have to find what works for your ex and always leave them wanting a little more.
3. Take it slow
We’ve already talked about how you can’t rush this process. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in emotions but don’t push for a relationship the first time you see them again. Make sure to give your ex space and time to process things. When you do start talking again, don’t try to set up an in-person meeting right away and don’t worry if they seem a little standoffish.
Unfortunately you can’t control how your ex reacts to your advances, you can only control how you approach them. It’s much better to play it cool right now and take your time rather than rush things and scare them off. You can’t put that genie back in the bottle.
4. Show them that you’ve changed
Remember that your relationship ended for a reason. If nothing has changed since the breakup, then there’s no reason to think that your relationship isn’t going to end up exactly the same way.
With that in mind, you need to show your ex that you have changed and will be a better, more attentive partner this time around.
Notice I say show them you’ve changed not tell them you’ve changed. This is definitely an “actions speak louder than words” moment. You need to actually make changes to yourself and your life.
You need to treat them differently and you need to be humble…steer clear of bragging here. If you’re truly putting in the work, the changes will speak for themselves… both because you’ll actually BE different and because you’ll have newfound confidence that will be immediately obvious to your ex.
5. Feel it out
Many people ask me “how many days after the breakup should I wait before asking them to be together again?” I wish it were that simple. The truth is that there are too many factors at play here to give you a specific timeline. You have to spend the time with your ex to figure out how they’re feeling about you and the relationship.
My best piece of advice here is to try to put your feelings aside and really focus on the facts of the situation. Are they open to spending time with you or are they hard to pin down? Are they loving and affectionate or are they hot and cold?
You need to be subtle here but you can lead the conversation towards love and relationships if you really need to know. Basically you want to suss out their level of interest without making it seem like a big deal.
6. Don’t put pressure on your ex
As I’ve said, many people want to rush this part of the process and end up scaring off their exes because they tried to push for the relationship. Instead, do your best NOT to put any pressure on your ex.
At this point, if you two are spending time together and rebuilding that connection that you lost, things are going to develop naturally and you may never have to even have the conversation about getting back together.
In the meantime, here’s how you can avoid putting pressure on your ex. First off, chill out. I know you’re excited to be spending time with your ex again, but that doesn’t mean you can completely let your guard down and act like everything is back to normal.
So don’t message them all day, every day. Even if they respond, it can put a lot of pressure on them during a stage when things aren’t solidified yet.
And don’t be afraid to take time to respond to their messages. Don’t be afraid to say no to plans if you’re too busy and don’t drop everything just to see them. If you’re too available and too eager, it shows your ex that you’re putting them on a pedestal and this puts a lot of pressure on them.
This can be a tough balance to strike. You don’t want to be standoffish here but you also don’t want to be desperate.
On top of that, give your ex space. They need to have some distance from you for that attraction to build and solidify. Remember, we can’t chase after something we already have, and you want your ex to chase after you.
So be careful how you talk about the future. Don’t make plans for weeks or even months from now. Live in the moment with your ex and keep them engaged and interested. If you can focus on the moment right now, the future will take care of itself.