Does it seem like your ex has moved on a little too quickly?
Well there’s a pretty significant chance that your ex is only pretending to be over you.
Here are the top ten signs that your ex isn’t really over you at all.
Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You
Exes react in all kinds of different ways after a breakup.
They get angry, they get depressed. Some even disappear never to be seen again. But by far the MOST common way an ex will respond to a breakup is by pretending that they’re over you.
That’s right. While it’s true that some exes may be GENUINELY over you. For the most part, if the breakup is still fresh, then chances are they’re just pretending in order to save face.
But, beneath the surface, they’re struggling with everything they have to stop themselves from picking up the phone and begging for you to take them back.
Here are the 10 most common signs…
1. They’re on dating apps
Many of my clients, particularly women, are horrified to hear from a friend that their ex boyfriend is already on dating apps just a few weeks after breaking up. They think “wow, I can’t believe he’s moved on already.”
If this sounds familiar then you’re right, you shouldn’t believe it. The truth is that while most women will wait awhile after a breakup to begin dating again, many men will jump back on dating apps RIGHT AWAY. And this isn’t because they’re over their ex.
In fact, it’s the exact opposite. Men will hop on dating apps for easy sex and quick validation in an attempt to get their mind of how much they miss you. Unsurprisingly this doesn’t work for most of them.
So in the future, don’t get upset when someone tells you they saw your ex on a dating app. Remember that the reason they’re there is often because they miss you so much.
2. They check in with your friends and family
After a breakup, it can be difficult to stop thinking about your ex. If you want to get some information without letting them know how you feel, then your only real option is to get it secondhand.
This is why your ex may be reaching out to your friends and family. They’re hoping that, if they can be subtle about it, they can make some kind of a connection with you without you ever knowing.
Often your ex won’t ask about you directly, or even indirectly, during these conversations but they’re still hoping that this person is going to reveal something anyway.
A lot of my clients are enraged to find that their exes are reaching out to their friends after a breakup because they worry that they’re trying to make a move on them or something like that. In most cases, this is actually just a reflection of how much they miss you and they wish things hadn’t ended like they did.
3. They take a long time to respond
This is the classic advice given to people trying to show their ex that they’re over it. I know, because I’ve told people the same thing. Obviously if you’re trying to give people the indication that you’re over them, if you respond to their messages in seconds, you won’t be very convincing. But this can be hard to tell apart from genuine disinterest.
Look for two things. First, they’ll leave you on read for WAY too long to the point where it seems like they aren’t even going to respond at all, and then they’ll get back to you, like nothing happened.
This is clearly an attempt to send a message and, in my opinion, is actually pretty rude. Second, they’ll wait the same amount of time to reply to your messages, every single time.
Often this means that they’ve set rules for themselves for how long they’re going to wait to respond to a message. I’ve even known people who would actually set a timer for twenty minutes before replying. Sad but true. This is obviously a sign that they’re not over you at all but are trying to make it look that way.
4. They still stalk your social media
This one is pretty difficult to prove in most situations. Because if your ex is liking your posts or photos, commenting, or sliding into your DMs then this is a sign that they actually ARE over you, or, at the very least, they don’t feel the need to pretend that they aren’t.
Because, as we all know, social media interactions can be construed as signs of interest, so if they were pretending to be over you, then they’d probably steer clear of this behaviour.
One way you actually CAN tell they’ve been checking up on you is to see if they watch your instagram story and your friend’s instagram stories.
5. They’re dating someone new
If your ex starts dating someone new soon after your breakup then don’t be alarmed because this may actually be a good sign. If your ex is trying to pretend to be over you, or even trying to convince THEMSELVES that they’re over you, they may seek out a new relationship right away.
This is especially true if your breakup was long and messy. Oftentimes this is their way of sending a message to you, whether they know it or not. They’re trying to show you that you’re replaceable.
RELATED: Why Your Ex Sends Mixed Messages
Which is why they flaunt their new relationship in public or on social media but, at the end of the day, this is all just a performance for your benefit. Alternatively this can be their attempt to get over you by any means necessary.
Whatever their true motivations are, I think it’s pretty clear that they’re not really over you in the slightest.
6. It hasn’t been very long
This is THE biggest indicator that your ex is just pretending to be over you. If it’s been less than a month since your breakup, then you should be very skeptical if they seem like they’ve moved on.
The truth is it takes quite awhile to heal the wounds that come from a breakup.
One study found it takes three months and eleven days for the negative feelings to fade from your mind completely.
7. They blocked you
When your ex blocks you, it rarely means that they’re over you, or that they hate you.
What it usually means is that they know they need to stop creeping you on social media if they’re going to move on, and they know that they can’t do it on willpower alone.
This is the main reason that an ex will block you after breaking up and it always means that they’re not over you.
8. They won’t pick up their stuff
If your ex has left their belongings at your place and is dodging any attempts you make to drop them off, it could be that they aren’t ready to let go just yet.
They figure, as long as you still have their hoodie, then, on some level, they still have a chance.
9. They seem fake
Depending on how good your ex is at lying and pretending, this can be a dead giveaway. Think of how they act when you see them.
Do they seem a little TOO happy? Are they extremely put together compared to normal?
This is a hallmark of someone who is pretending to be over you. Obviously they want to seem like they’re living their best life without you, but I’m sure you know them pretty well so hopefully you can see when they’re not telling the whole truth.
10. Their friends message you
When your ex’s friends reach out to you out of nowhere, when they aren’t someone you’re particularly close to, this could be a sign that your ex is trying to get some information without you knowing.
This is a classic tactic of an ex who is only pretending to be over you. They hope that you’ll be willing to open up to their friends because you won’t know that they’ll be reporting everything you say back to your ex.
Some of you are going to call me paranoid but this really does happen from time to time. Think about it. How often did their friends reach out to you before you two broke up?
How To Win Back Your Ex
So what should you do if you can figure out, definitively, that your ex is pretending to be over you? Well, if you don’t want them back then just steer clear of them and sooner or later it’s going to work itself out.
But if you ARE trying to get them back then you’re going to want to follow my advice because, as a breakup coach, I’ve helped thousands of clients get a second chance with their ex.
First off, it begins with No Contact. This means you need to commit to 30 days without contacting your ex in any way. This means no texts, no emails, no phone calls, and no in person hangouts. I’m sure you are cringing at me even suggesting this course of action, and I understand why. But let’s look at it rationally.
I’m sure you, or people you know, have been through many breakups where you two have stayed in each other’s lives to some extent, growing more and more distant until you were free to move on and, eventually, date someone new.
This is the most common pattern and though there may be backslides every now and again, in the end it always winds up the same way.
No Contact works because it breaks this pattern. Going cold turkey from a relationship is a huge shock to the system and will often cause your ex to realize the huge mistake they made and come running back to you.
No Contact has many other benefits as well. It allows you and your ex time to process the breakup and understand what went wrong. It stops you from making any more mistakes like drunk texting them, begging and pleading for them back, or getting into arguments.
It gives you time to improve yourself so that you’re more appealing to your ex when the time comes to reconnect. And it will show your ex that you’re not willing to just wait for them to treat you properly.
In essence, by going No Contact you’re showing your ex that you’re over them, and, if you’re reading this, you know just how powerful that can be.