How To Be Wife Material (5 Things Men Look For In A Soulmate)

Are you done with the dating game?

Sick of short term relationships and long dry spells?

Do you want a relationship that lasts?

The truth is, every woman struggles to build long term love. This is because women have forgotten how to send the signals that make his heart race and set the foundation for a solid marriage.

I’ve studied hundreds of relationships, both successful and unsuccessful, and I’ve pinpointed five traits that attract men like a magnet. I call them the Soulmate Signals.

How To Be Wife Material

It’s never too late, or too early to start sending these signals.

I should tell you… men aren’t even aware that they respond to these five Soulmate Signals. It happens on a subconscious level. A guy may stick around for months or even years but if you don’t give off these five signals, he’s just passing through.

I’ll tell you how to cultivate these signals in yourself so you don’t come home one day to find him packing his bags.

But first, let’s talk about what guys don’t look for. I’ve heard so much bad advice on this topic and I want to set things straight.

Men don’t need you to look a certain way to want to be with you long term! Look at all the beautiful women who can’t make a relationship last more than a few weeks.

Next, there’s an idea that men want a woman who is ambitious and driven and “push them to be their best selves”.

There are far more men who are happy with where they’re at in life and aren’t looking to run for city council or create the next million dollar app.

By the same token, men don’t want a woman who is subservient and submissive. The truth is that your assertiveness, or lack thereof, really isn’t a driving factor for the vast majority of men.

Sending The Soulmate Signals

The real soulmate signals are much more positive and easier to send. Some have to do with your own personality and how you act in relationships. Others may be lacking because of how you feel about him in particular. In short, some of these are fixable and others are signs that you two aren’t a good fit.

1. Solid Self

Women with a Solid Self have high standards, confidence, self respect and they know what they want. They’re looking for someone to share their life with but if a virus suddenly wiped out every XY chromosome on earth, they’d be just fine.

Respect without self respect is just subservience. Women who lack self respect often lash out, get jealous, and don’t speak up for themselves and their own needs. This comes from a place of insecurity.

Having self respect means having standards. Many people think that women who sleep around lack self respect. The thinking goes: “She’ll sleep with me before she even knows me at all. This means she’ll sleep with just about anybody.” or “She’s offering sex because she has nothing else to offer.”

This is not necessarily true but is something to keep in mind. This is why “playing hard to get” really can be effective early on. It makes men work for your love which makes you more valuable to them in the long term.

Show off your Solid Self by standing up for what’s important to you, not being his booty call, and holding him accountable if he’s inconsiderate.

RELATED: The Devotion System

2. Independent Image

If you have your own life, you support yourself, and you don’t require constant validation, congratulations. You’re showing off your Independent Image.

If a man feels like every moment with you is a battle and that he has to constantly work to earn your love, you’re not.

Early on, conflict and restraint can actually bring you two closer together.

As I said, men like to work to earn your attention and your love, but if you don’t eventually settle into a comfortable relationship, he’s not going to stick around.

Here are some things to remember if you want to project an Independent Image. Don’t text him too much. Remember that you both have your own lives and constant contact isn’t sustainable.

Don’t rely on him to make plans. It’s a good idea to suggest a date once in awhile and figure out the details.

Don’t push to spend time together too often or for too long, especially early on. This is often a symptom of insecurity. Remember that there’s no rush. If everything goes as planned, you’ll have the rest of your life to get to know him.

Don’t let arguments dominate your time together. Many passionate relationships fall into a cycle of fighting and making up. Every relationship will have some conflict–and we all love makeup sex–but if your fights are drawn out and destructive, this can prove unsustainable.

3. Patient Presence

Patient Presence is about showing him that he’s a priority, and that you’re there for the good and the bad. Basically you’re showing him that you’re trustworthy, reliable, and stable.

The man you want to marry will always make you his number one and he’ll expect you to do the same. This doesn’t mean that you neglect your own needs or bend over backwards to support him.

It means that you consider his feelings when making a decision. You make time for him even if it’s inconvenient and you put the relationship above your own whims.

This comes back to being stable. People who are prone to destructive, impulsive behaviour, mood swings, and sudden, drastic life changes are not yet ready for marriage.

He needs to be able to trust you. Not only does this mean not cheating, it means always being there for him. Listening to his concerns and thoughts and making him feel safe and comfortable.

RELATED: How To Make A Man Fall In Love

Short relationships are marked by passion and intensity. Building a relationship that lasts requires a high level of comfort and complete trust.

He needs to know that you’ll have his back when things get tough and that even when you’re apart, you’re doing right by him. This comes with communication, consistency, keeping your promises, and being present.

4. Singular Sight

Singular Sight means that, in your eyes, he’s the only man for you. He needs to know that you want him, and only him.

People get into relationships for all kinds of reasons: they’re lonely, they want to have fun, or they’re looking for an escape.

A man can tell you if you’re with him for him, or for some other reason. Guys want a woman who would choose them over any other man.

Can you have fun with him in a doctor’s waiting room or do you only enjoy yourself when he takes you out on a fancy date?

Some men like to spoil their partners but it needs to be appreciated and reciprocated. How’s your attitude towards him when you don’t get exactly what you want? Does he know you like him for him?

5. Fortified Future

Fortified Future is about what comes next. Plans, trips, common goals, and above all else, excitement about moving forward. A Fortified Future is one that you create together.

Marriage is about compromise but you need to start from a place of similarity if you’re going to be able to meet in the middle. For example, imagine this couple:

• She wants to live on the road, working online and sleeping in a different place every night.
• He wants a house in the suburbs, two kids and a white picket fence.

Can they both get what they want? No chance. A marriage is supposed to enrich your life. A soulmate fits into your vision of the future rather than completely shattering it.

You can have the perfect relationship, an incredible connection and a love that seems unstoppable, but it will never work out if you two want different things.

Everything from your weekly movie date to your plan to run away to Arizona and start a sustainable emu farm is a chance to begin building a Fortified Future.

RELATED: How To Attract A Man

Your relationship needs to keep progressing while you two stay on the same page. It’s about wanting a future together and working towards it, no matter what that looks like for your particular marriage. When relationships stagnate, they end.

A successful marriage is constantly growing and evolving.

Send this signal by being open to new experiences, learning new things, and sharing your life with him.

Lucy Goldman

Lucy Goldman is a women's dating coach and commitment expert. She's a staff writer at LoveLearnings, and host of LoveLearnings TV on YouTube.