There are no rules in dating.
If you’ve ever screwed up and ruined a date, then this article is for you.
I’m going to tell you all the mistakes you need to avoid so you can relax and focus on enjoying yourself on dates.
Mistakes That Can Ruin A Date
I’ve pinpointed five main mistakes that can instantly turn a guy off and ruin the date…
1. Fighting About Who Pays
This is a classic one that can trip many girls up.
Does letting him pay make you seem ungrateful. Does paying make you seem weird? Does splitting it mean you’re not interested?
Slow down. In reality, a guy doesn’t really care about who pays and whether or not he offers to pay doesn’t really say anything about his value as a man. Sure, it can be nice and romantic if he pays but people with different backgrounds and different beliefs feel differently about paying.
If he doesn’t offer, don’t worry too much.
If he does offer, say thank you. Or you can offer to split it. But if he tells you not to worry about it, then don’t worry about it. The only real bad move you can make here is being indecisive, argumentative or weird about the whole thing.
If you’d prefer to split it, that’s totally okay. Just explain it to him in a positive way.
It’s important to stick up for what you believe in but it’s also okay to err on the side of agreeable early on and discuss your personal beliefs more in depth when you two are more comfortable around one another.
2. Having No Plans
This is more on him than on you but if you’re going on a date make sure it’s a date! Have a solid plan. If he says “let’s hang out on friday” ask him what he wants to do or even suggest a restaurant.
Just hanging out and talking can be fun but it can also go bad.
There’s the chance that he’s just trying to get in your pants, and if that’s what you want, go for it but then you probably don’t need my advice.
The other thing to remember is that having plans gives the date both a structure and expectations.
Dating is scary for both guys and girls because you don’t know what’s going to happen. Having a plan–say, dinner and a movie, going for a walk on the beach or even watching a hockey game–removes some of the unknown from the equation.
You may not know what this guy likes to do for fun, what his sense of humour is like, what topics are off limits, or almost anything about him as a person but if you have a plan for the date, at least you both know what you’ll be doing and where you’ll be while you’re getting to know one other.
No matter how much you click, there are bound to be lulls in the conversation.
Eating dinner, getting drinks, or going to an event gives you something else to do and respond to that is outside of just the two of you. Plus, the shared experience can be really bonding.
3. Being Late
This is a simple one…
Don’t be late, don’t change the plans last minute, and don’t keep him waiting.
You’re starting the date off on a bad note. An empty chair makes a bad first impression. He might think you’re standing him up. He might think you’re flakey and unreliable or that you don’t care. I don’t have to tell you that that’s not what men want.
There’s plenty of reasons to not be late so don’t schedule a date too close to other plans. Wait for a time when you have time to get ready for the date without feeling rushed.
4. Putting Yourself Down
There’s nothing wrong with being self-critical. It can help us grow as people and figure out who we want to be. But it’s not something to bring to a date. Think about it. How do you feel when someone you don’t know that well is talking about their flaws.
How they don’t know how to pay taxes. How they feel stupid compared to the people around them. How their life is a mess.
It’s an easy comment to make but even if you’re joking, it can be a red flag.
Think of it this way–How is he supposed to respond to you saying something negative about yourself? Can he laugh? Should he console or compliment you even if it means disagreeing with you?
This is the kind of conflict that can get messy when you two don’t know each other that well.
5. Not Asking Questions
This is an easy one to overlook but it’s super important. If you’re anything like me, you can get nervous, start talking about yourself and end up babbling. Then, there’s a lull in the conversation so you talk more to fill in the silence with more talking.
Pretty soon, his neck is sore from nodding and you’re telling him all about the time you split your pants in grade three during the talent show.
Dating is about give and take. It’s okay to talk more than he does but don’t forget to ask questions about his life. This is your chance to get to know him better and it will give you a chance to relax a bit and let him do the talking.
A more balanced dialogue takes the pressure off of both of you.
There you have it, five mistakes that will ruin a date. Now that you know these pitfalls, just be aware next time and you’re guaranteed a better date experience.