So, you landed a man and things are going great. It’s that making-out-in-the-rain Taylor Swift kind of love—sparks have flown, love has ignited, and it feels like this could be forever.
But then, something shifts.
He doesn’t text.
He doesn’t call.
You’re worried that he’s losing interest.
But how can you know for sure if he’s pulling away from you?
Well, there are 7 distinct signs that indicate he’s losing interest in you, which I’ll share with you below, so keep reading!
Signs He’s Losing Interest
Let’s dive into the first of these 7 warning signs…
SIGN #1 – You rarely spend time together (unless you initiate it).
He always seems to find reasons not to spend time with you, and when you think about it, you can’t remember the last time he asked you to hang.
He’s not as attentive, and that might mean that he’s working out a way to call things off.
Of course, he could be busy. And maybe he hasn’t had the time to spend quality moments with you, but if it’s become a pattern, it’s likely his interest in you is fading.
SIGN #2 – The relationship has become one-sided.
Conversations have shifted. You used to have dynamic discussions, but now it feels like you’re the one doing all the talking.
He’s stopped asking questions about you and your life, and shows an overall lack of interest in you and your relationship.
He’s ceased putting in any effort at all. When he does decide to call or message you back, it’s hours after the fact.
Maybe he used to be the kind of guy who remembered your schedule and would send you messages to check in during the day, but lately it’s been radio silence.
If he’s not talking to you, and if he’s not listening when you’re talking to him… chances are he’s about to bail.
SIGN #3 – Everything ends in a fight.
Is he defensive? Combative? Downright rude?
He interrupts you when you’re speaking, he doesn’t listen, and when he does engage in conversation. . . he can say some pretty nasty things.
If every conversation seems to end up in an argument it’s a red flag that he’s crafting his exit strategy.
SIGN #4 – You’re not having sex.
Physical intimacy has been off the table for a while. There was once a time when things were hot and heavy, but lately your relationship has been hands off.
If intimate moments have been few and far between for an extended period of time, it could indicate that he’s just not feeling your relationship anymore.
SIGN #5 – You’re having too much sex.
On the flip side, if it’s all sex all the time it can be a sign trouble is brewing. It might seem illogical, but you can have too much of a good thing.
He may be hiding behind physical intimacy, using it as a barrier against possible emotional conversations.
Why talk when you can… not talk?
If the relationship has become all about that body, and the only intimacy is physical intimacy, then it’s likely he’s just going through the motions… and that could mean he’s beginning to check out of the relationship.
SIGN #6 – He’s making excuses.
He’s been an absentee boyfriend and if you bring this up, he always has an excuse at the ready to justify his behavior.
He makes plans, breaks plans, and gets defensive when you ask him why he’s being such a flake.
When a guy is into his relationship, he finds a way to make time for his partner no matter what.
So if he’s making these excuses on the regular, it could mean that your relationship is on the rocks.
SIGN #7 – He’s stopped making plans for the future.
He committed to being your plus-one at your cousin’s wedding next summer, but now he’s getting cold feet.
He claims he doesn’t know where he’s going to be a month from now, so he can’t commit to that long weekend camping trip.
And if you bring up the overseas trip you started planning when you first got together, he shuts the conversation down ASAP.
If he isn’t talking about a future with you, then chances are when he does think about his future you aren’t in it.
So, what happens when he really has lost interest?
How To Get Him Interested Again
Even if your man checks off on all of the seven signs listed above, there’s still potential to save the relationship. All hope has not been lost. Your relationship isn’t over yet.
Know your worth.
First things first, decide if the relationship is worth saving.
Ask yourself, “does he really deserve me?”
If he’s got one foot out the door, do you think it’s worth pulling him back in?
Even just asking yourself this question is a great way to boost your confidence and level the playing field.
Get him back by showing your value.
If you do decide to try to make it work, then you’ve got to show your value. Give him a taste of what he’ll be missing if he ditches you.
Just like that Joni Mitchell song, we don’t know what we’ve got ‘til it’s gone…
Shake up your routine.
Don’t reach out to him and make plans. Instead of waiting around for him to call on a Friday night, throw on your favourite outfit and hit the town with your gal pals.
Take yourself to a movie. Pick up a new hobby. Join a spin class. Divert attention from your relationship back to yourself.
Don’t be clingy… be charismatic.
If you hold on too tight, the relationship will definitely slip out of your grasp. Instead, loosen your grip and turn that focus back on yourself.
Remember that you’ve got a life outside of your relationship. Remind him of who you are besides his girlfriend.
You want to recreate the person he fell for initially. Why was he drawn to you in the first place?
Get him thinking about all the reasons why he wanted to be with you.
Force him to consider what life without you would really be like. Make him miss you.
What if you’re the best version of yourself and he’s still not so sure?
Consider why he’s pulling away. Have you forced a commitment too soon? If the relationship is clipping along at a pace that’s too quick for him, he might decide he isn’t ready and pull away.
Take a step back.
Relationships only work if both people are invested. If you’re pushing too hard and putting him under too much pressure, he’ll get uncomfortable and leave.
You can ease off and let the relationship develop at a pace that works for both of you.
Slow it down, but don’t bring things to a complete halt.
This isn’t about slamming on the brakes: it’s about listening to your partner.
Creating space is different from creating distance. Don’t think of it as pulling away–you’re actually providing space for your relationship to grow.
Let him know that you’re still here for him. And that you don’t want him to go anywhere, either.
Do you often find yourself stuck with men who refuse to commit, no matter how hard you try? Watch this free how-to video presentation I recently posted on my website.
References & Further Reading
Rhoades, G. K. and Whitton, S. W. (2010), Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2: 243-257.
Stanley, S. M. (2017), Give me a sign: What Signals Commitment? Dr Scott Stanley – Relationship Research Blog
Tanner, Mimi. (2016), Things Were Going Well… Really Well.