5 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your New Relationship
You’ve found a man and think he could be “the one.”
As much he may be the best thing to happen to you since your sweet sixteen party, it’s important that you don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
So many women ruin their shot at love but making some devastating slip-up without even meaning to. To avoid sabotaging your new relationship, keep these five ever-so-common mistakes in mind.
1. You Let Your Emotions Show
When you start to develop real romantic feelings for a man it can be tough to hold those back. From daydreaming about him on your way to work, to thinking about him on your lunch break, he may be the only thing occupying your mind.
While it’s hard to fight those feelings, it’s important that you don’t let them show.
Sure, it’s one thing to chat with your girlfriends about Mr. Dreamy, but if you’re filling up his phone with messages and visibly stalking him online then guess what? You’re going to scare him away.
Yes, he may be flattered by your affectionate attention, but unlike women, men are typically more reserved when it comes to showing their feelings in a new relationship. If he feels like you’re already head-over-heels for him, then he may start to pull away. To avoid sabotaging your relationship it’s important that you play it cool, and let him feel like he has to work to win you over.
2. You Let Jealousy Get the Best of You
Let’s say that you’re out to dinner with your new man, and a woman excitedly bounces over and leaps on him. From what you can tell they’ve known each other for a while, and she has no qualms getting flirty with him. Inside you’re boiling. Who is she! Why is she hugging him? Does he like her? Is she more attractive than me? Have they slept together?
As millions of thoughts run through your head, it’s crucial that you handle the situation properly. This can be tough to do, especially if your instinct is to get upset or you unknowingly show your insecurities. Doing so, however, isn’t attractive and even comes across as childish.
When you start dating someone new it’s inevitable that you’ll meet their friends and people they know. Some of them could very well be old flings or past lovers, and as much as that may sting a bit, it’s important that you don’t let this reality get to you.
Remember, if your man wanted to be with another woman then he wouldn’t be with you; if they did used to date, well, it ended for a reason. The past is in the past and cannot be undone, and you don’t need to know the details of his previous relationships because they don’t affect you.
When you can handle uncomfortable situations with poise, your man will not only appreciate your gracefulness, but he’ll admire how secure and confident you are. There are few things sexier than this, and it will take you far in your relationship.
3. You Get Clingy
When you find yourself smitten it can be tough not to want to spend all of your time with that person. That said, it’s important that you don’t suffocate him.
No matter how much your man says he likes being around you, it’s crucial that you give him space to be his own person and do his own thing. From hanging out with his buddies to having a quiet night in alone, letting your man do as he pleases can be hard and even frustrating at times (especially if you’d like to be spending time with him), but it’ll do wonders for your relationship.
If your guy says he doesn’t feel like doing anything or doesn’t ask you to hang out, don’t drill him with questions or interrogate him about his plans.
Instead, let him be and use that time to do something for yourself. Maybe you catch up with the girls or sneak in a yoga class, or perhaps you spend the night on the couch watching your favourite show. Whatever you do, just don’t bug him or ask for an update on his every move.
A good way to avoid being clingy is to leave the ball in his court. If he says he has other plans then let him be and wait to hear from him. If you’re worried about being the one to ask him to hangout again, then hold back and let him suggest some ideas.
Of course there will be events you’d like him to accompany you to and things you want him to be a part of, but when possible let him come to you. Doing so will ensure that the time he spends with you is time he wants to spend with you.
Even though the idea of not being together may drive you nutty, take a deep breath and stay calm!
4. You Didn’t Make Your Intentions Known
Now this one may or may not apply to you, but it’s worth mentioning because so many women stumble into this grey area then wonder why their relationship fell apart so quickly.
Unless you and your guy have established the fact that you are in a committed relationship, then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. This is why it’s so important that you make your intentions known and have a common understanding of what it is that you are doing together.
For instance, if you decide that you’re casually seeing each other then your expectations will probably vary from if you were in a steady relationship.
This is especially important when it come to sex. If you and the guy you’re seeing, sleep together without making it known that you’re looking for something serious, then he may think that you’re just in it for a good time. This is problematic because unless you express your feelings and intentions, you could easily ruin what you thought was a new relationship.
To avoid sabotaging what you do share, it’s important that you and your man are on the same page. If you haven’t already talked about what it is that you’re doing, then now is the time.
5. You Try To Force Feelings
Just because you already love your new man to the moon and back, it doesn’t mean that he’s necessarily feeling the same toward you. That’s why trying to force feelings on your guy is a sure way to sabotage your relationship.
What’s worse is when you do so in what you think is a subtle way.
The truth is, if you’re expressing your feelings to your man and he doesn’t respond, it’s not because he hasn’t heard you or taken into consideration what you’re saying. It’s because he doesn’t feel the same way. This means that it doesn’t matter how many times you say it or how many hints you give, doing so won’t change the way he feels about you … not positively anyway.
In fact, trying to force feelings from your guy will actually end up doing more harm than good. Since no man wants to feel tricked into his emotions, if you’re pushing for him to feel something more for you then he’s going to get annoyed, or may even start to question why he’s with you.
Instead it’s important that you let your man think feeling something for you is HIS IDEA.
When you let a man dissect his emotions he’ll have a more positive picture of you than if you’re pushing your unrequited love.
So when it comes to feelings, let him discover them himself; when you do, they’ll mean so much more to him.