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7 Topics to Avoid During Your First Date

June 29, 2015/in Dating /by Jessica Raymond

Few things in life are as exciting and terrifying as a first date. If you’d rather ride fifty roller coasters or get a root canal than go on a first date, you aren’t alone.

First dates, like job interviews, provoke a whole lot of anxiety. And some people prepare for first dates the same way you might study for an exam or a job interview.

There’s really no way to predict or control how a first date’s going to go – but that’s part of the fun and excitement of it, and not something you should want to change. Your normal anxiety about it is part of the experience – you’re going on a date with a different person and the experience is unpredictable, based on the chemistry and combination of your two personalities.

While nothing can promise that a first date will go smoothly, there are some general guidelines that can help you prepare. A list of taboo topics can help. Here are seven things you probably shouldn’t talk about during that first date.

I say “probably” because it all depends on how the date is going and what sort of emotional feedback you’re getting from the other person. But these topics can be dangerous minefields, so it’s a good idea to mostly avoid them.

1. Religion. Your religion may be a very important part of your personality, of your personal essence, of who you are. That’s fantastic. Spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof, are part of our fundamental nature. Religion addresses some of the most profound, deepest questions of human existence. I once went on a first date with a person who asked me, straight up, “What do you think is the nature of ultimate reality?” Yes, that was a provocative, thoughtful question, and I struggled to answer it. But it sort of killed off any chance of small talk after that.

Although religion and spirituality address many important and serious and scary questions about existence and the meaning of life, religion has also led to plenty of fighting and violent disagreements in human history.

During your first date you want to steer clear of that sort of intensity. A first date is about gently getting to know each other, not debating the nature of ultimate reality.

Note: If you’re both philosophy students at the local university, then feel free to plunge into debate.

2. Getting Married. Maybe getting married is very important to you. Probably it is. Or perhaps you are a free spirit and nonconformist who doesn’t want to get married, ever. That’s fine. But don’t bring those views up on a first date.

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions in life, a profound and life-changing experience. Even talking about marriage can add a lot of stress to a first date.

You can quickly scare someone away by appearing to put pressure on your relationship with them even before it gets going.

Save your views on marriage for a second or third date, or only discuss them in general, casual terms. “Oh, I might like to get married some day …”

3. Having Children. For similar reasons given above regarding marriage, having children and starting a family are serious, stressful subjects and can stifle and smother a first-date conversation quickly. Talking too much or too intensely about having children can seem like you’re obsessed with it and insisting on it. Plenty of time to talk about your future goals and dreams with someone later, on subsequent dates, if there are any.

4. Politics. Plenty of subjects are the so-called “third rail” of politics – subjects that no one will touch for fear of electrocution. Well, politics is the third rail of first dates! Again, as I said regarding religion, politics may be a very important part of who you are, and that’s fine. Or you may be strongly apolitical. But avoid any hint of zealotry or fierce political positions on a first date.

People argue and fight about politics more than almost any other subject. There’s a time and place for arguments, particularly about how our society is structured and the way it allocates resources. But a first date ain’t the time.

Political talk can too quickly turn nasty, with each side taking unbending, entrenched positions. Save that sort of thing for later, when you both know already that you like each other.

Then your relationship can stand a little heat. But not on the first date.

5. Your Ex. Or your exes. Our relationships with other people, just like our religion and our politics, are very important parts of our identity. Our experiences in past relationships helped make us who we are today. You may have done a great deal of thinking and analyzing about your former relationships and partners. You may very well have learned a great deal about yourself and other people. But save that stuff for later dates.

Firstly, you don’t want to give the impression that you’re still hung up on your ex. That can quickly torpedo any chance you have of a relationship. And you don’t want to give the opposite impression – that you blame your ex for the breakup.

On a first date, blaming your ex for the problems of your relationship makes you look immature and unwilling to take responsibility for your troubles. That’s not attractive. So if the topic of former relationships arises, gently steer the conversation to some safer subject.

6. Yourself. This may seem ridiculous, as how can you possibly go on a first date and get to know someone without talking about yourself? What I mean by this is to only talk about yourself a little bit, not too much. See the section on your ex – this is another situation where you don’t want to come across as narcissistic or obsessed with yourself. Don’t brag about yourself – be humble and try to keep a sense of humour.

It’s good to ask questions of the other person on a first date, and then to let them ask some questions about you in return. You are seeking a give-and-take between you, a balance of questioning back and forth. If you talk too much about yourself, you dominate the conversation and are likely to ruin any chance of a second date.

7. Things That Make the Other Person Uncomfortable. This is a hard category to describe, because it depends on the developing chemistry and interaction between the two of you.

As the first-date conversation progresses, you need to be very sensitive to the other person’s reactions.

If they get tense and nervous when you discuss a particular topic, it’s time to shift the subject to something safer. If they avoid a certain subject, don’t keep bringing it up.

This isn’t always easy to do, and it’s a big part of why first dates are so scary, but it is the first step in getting to know another human being. Think of it as basic training for your relationship as it progresses.

If you need a few suggestions for safe topics to talk about, consider these – your job, travel (holidays you’ve been on, places you’ve visited), movies or television shows, and pop culture.

How to be a Successful Ladies’ Man

May 20, 2015/in Dating /by Derek Lamont

One of the oldest questions in the world, at least as far as men are concerned, is “What do women want?”

Some men seem to automatically know the answer, and they interact easily and effortlessly with the opposite sex, charming them, making them laugh, and attracting them without even trying. Other men stammer awkwardly or lapse into embarrassed silence whenever a woman comes near them.

So, what’s the secret? Or is there a secret? Is a natural ease with women simply something some men are lucky to be born with? Or are there habits out there anyone can learn that will give them an edge?

The answer is a little of both. Some aspects of attraction are chemical, or have to do with physical features – we’re all of us attracted, unconsciously, to partners with bilaterally symmetrical faces, for example, because if the two halves of the face are proportioned the same, that’s a sign of genetic strength and health.

And some lucky people are born and brought up with relaxed, affable personalities and charisma that puts them at ease in any situation.

So where does that leave everybody else?

Ain’t No Tricks

First, a caveat. There’s no trick to attracting women. If you’re looking for a gimmick, you’ve already failed the test.

Women can smell a stale, rotten pickup line a mile away. That’s something men don’t always understand. Women are used to being hit on all the time, because it’s been happening to them since puberty. So they are far more familiar with being hit on than most men are with trying to meet a woman.

So no tricks. Some people say the best way to pick up women is to ignore them, or even be somewhat rude to them. I can tell you that sort of thing only works for a very few people who have other qualities that help them pull it off. For the average man, ignoring a woman is a great way to never meet her.

Here’s How You Do It

Here are a few suggestions of habits to cultivate if you’re serious about attracting women:

Be genuinely interested in women and their world. The most successful ladies’ men are those who are genuinely interested in women, who like women, both as friends and as romantic or sexual partners.

If you have no female friends, and never have had any, that’s a disadvantage, because you don’t really have any experience with female psychology and women’s interests. If you spend every minute of your time hanging out with guys, talking about guy stuff and doing guy activities, how can you possibly connect with a woman? If you see women as sexual objects, how can you ever really be friends with one?

Be kind. Women like nice men. Forget whatever you’ve heard otherwise. Don’t be aggressive or domineering. Women – with very few exceptions – aren’t attracted to overly aggressive men who try to dominate them. They don’t like men who stare hard at them and never look away. That sort of thing scares them and creeps them out. It creeps out everybody else in the world, too.

Be courteous. Everyone likes polite, friendly people. Don’t be crude and overly sexual. Don’t wolf whistle or shout or leer at a woman and then expect her to somehow be flattered. Say please and thank you. Open a few doors now and then. Smile.

Be humble. An alpha male is quietly confident in himself and doesn’t have to brag and boast. He doesn’t dominate the conversation. Don’t talk endlessly about yourself, or show off your money, car, bling, athletic prowess, or whatever. Let your confidence speak for itself.

Be curious about her. Ask a woman questions about herself and her life, and really listen to what she says. What kind of work does she do? What movies does she like? Where did she grow up and what was that like? Does she have pets? Where was her last vacation and how much did she enjoy it? Nearly everyone responds positively to genuine questions and an honest interest in their lives.

Be strong, but gentle. Yes, you should work out and keep fit. Women like that. And it’s good for you whether you’re in a relationship or not. But don’t get narcissistic and obsessive about your muscles and your body.

You aren’t a male baboon parading around and showing off to attract a mate. You’re an intellectual human being. If a woman is at all interested in you, she will notice that you are in shape. You don’t have to peel your shirt off to prove it to her, trust me.

Don’t use your strength to bully or dominate other people, especially her.

Be sincere. Don’t lie to her. Be yourself. That advice your mother gave you as a boy – relax and be yourself – is some of the best advice out there. Don’t try to be somebody you aren’t.

Be funny. Now you may think this is ridiculous – how can you just be funny if you aren’t? Well, a good sense of humour is incredibly attractive, so you should be able to laugh at things. Watch funny movies or standup comedians and learn to laugh at something, especially yourself. Men who take themselves too seriously are a turn off.

Be smart. Learn new things. Read some books. Go to a museum or take a trip or learn to cook or paint or play music. Use your mind. One of the most attractive things of all is a smart person, one who is curious about life and about learning things, whatever they are.

Knowing about different subjects will give you something to talk about, and when you talk about something you care about, something you’re really interested in, your passion will be obvious.

There is no trick to being a ladies’ man. But if you take the time to improve yourself in some of these ways, you’ll find that you’re meeting and connecting with more people without even trying.

3 Steps To Be A Perfect Gentleman (Without Being A Doormat)

February 26, 2015/in Dating /by Derek Lamont

The common phrase “nice guys finish last” has made the concept of being a gentleman in the 21st century nearly obsolete. I mean, who wants to be nice just to get taken advantage of by scheming women and guys who don’t care about other people’s feelings?

However, being a gentleman is about so much more than letting others — male or female — walk all over you. In fact, it is possible, and even advisable for the “nice guy” to stand up for himself and those around him rather than allow others to call the shots in an effort to be “nice.”

Basically, being gentlemanly is a lifestyle, not a behavioural pattern. It’s not about being a doormat, no matter how many phrases seem to suggest otherwise. Instead, it is about one, simple concept:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Gentlemen respect themselves and others, whether it is a woman they are seeing or one they just run into at a bar. That’s really all there is to it, which is why being a gentleman in the 21st century is a lot easier, and less damaging than many guys think.

3 Simple Ways to Be a Gentleman

Step One: Respect Yourself

Being a gentleman is about embracing the lifestyle of self-respect first and foremost. That means making an effort to put your best foot forward at all times in both appearance and behaviour.

A gentleman cares about how he looks and has a clear sense of style, but not one that is predefined by society. In other words, there is no reason for a stuffy suit unless that is really how you like to dress.

Rather, purchase quality clothing and engage in daily grooming and hygiene rituals that both make you look good and make you feel good.

Don’t buy clothes that others wear because you “should,” buy clothes that you like because they project the qualities and aesthetics that you relate to.

Self-respect is not only about looks, however. It is also about how you act and what you say, both in person and online. A true gentleman is a grownup. This doesn’t mean that you can’t find “juvenile” things enjoyable, such as video games, but it does mean that you must consider how your public actions (and social media portrayals of such) reflect upon you.

Therefore, a gentleman is careful about how he behaves in public, which photos get posted to social media outlets, and generally refrains for more adolescent-like behaviours for those reasons. This starts with minor changes such as setting up a more professional email address and choosing a neutral (i.e., landscape) or personal (i.e., a favourite superhero) photo on your smartphone’s home screen.

Step Two: Respect Others

The other side of being a proper gentleman is extending the respect you have for yourself onto other people, whether you know them or not.

Regardless of how you, or your friends, feel about things like swearing, keeping your language clean and PG-13 is one way to do this. Respect that what you say — and how you say it –affect others and their views of you.

It is also important to focus on making real connections with people from the girl ringing up your latte at the coffee shop to the coworker you really want to date.

This doesn’t mean flirting, it means acknowledging that each of these ladies is exactly that. She is human, and deserves your respect and attention.

Simple courtesies such as holding open a door for the person coming behind you, saying “please” and “thank you” when ordering food or ringing up a purchase, and making eye contact with others all show a respect for their humanity as well as your own.

It is also important to recognize your imprint on the world and your immediate surroundings. That means taking simple steps such as cleaning up after yourself, listening when other people speak, and refraining from bringing every conversation back to yourself or your accomplishments.

Again, these actions emphasize your acknowledgement of others and their roles in the world outside of you. A very gentlemanly trait indeed.

Step Three: Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Closely related to steps two and three, being a gentleman means taking credibility for your actions and keeping your promises. When it comes to dating, saying something and not following through has been proven to kill attraction faster than the speed of light. This doesn’t mean, however, that you do everything that is demanded of you, but to do things that you say you will do.

A gentleman masters the art of saying “no” while a doormat needs to brush up on that skill. For as long as what you’re doing is in line with your integrity and who you are as a man, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be following through those promises.

So, have you found that special someone who makes your heart skip a beat and want to learn more tips on how to maintain or even improve your relationship? Then Brad’s coaching program may be just what you need!

Men, 8 Ways To Be A Good Leader

October 10, 2013/in Just For Fun /by Derek Lamont

What does it actually mean to be a leader? And more importantly, what does it mean to be a good leader?

Being a leader isn’t just a trait that women are attracted to, but men also have more respect for leaders.

Leading impacts all areas of life — and attracting women is just a small part of it. By being a good leader, you immediately have an unfair advantage in the work environment as well.

So what makes a good leader? Let’s jump into this comprehensive list:

1. Honesty

That means you’re honest about your abilities and to other people. Dishonesty won’t get you anywhere in the real world. You’re trying to be a leader amongst adults, not children, so only the brutal truth works.

2. Charming Communicator

This one takes work. I can’t teach you how to be funny, but you can indeed learn how to do it. Practice speaking to people. Join a club where speaking is integral, and learn how to do it effectively.

Look at popular politicians and leaders today and emulate them. Remember, being a charming communicator isn’t all about humour, it’s about hand gestures too.

3. Delegate Tasks

You know how to tell people what to do, but you need to do it in such a way that people want to do it for you. You know peoples’ strengths and weaknesses. You motivate people to do things because you know how to sell, and you reward them well by doing things for them (and charming them in the process).

4. Swagger

This doesn’t mean you’re cocky and arrogant. If you’re a leader, that means you have to do something extraordinarily well and show people your talents and skills. Use this to generate an insane amount of confidence and from there, your swagger will naturally come through.

5. Committed

You don’t give up on people. If you’re going to be a good leader, you’ve got to stick with your team. Only then will you build the respect and admiration that is required. Imagine if someone gave up on you so easily. You probably wouldn’t want to be around them, right?

6. Motivate People

Motivation isn’t something you can manufacture that easily. To be honest, motivation is what holds most of us back. If someone had infinite motivation for something, the sky’s the limit.

The longer they would dedicate to perfecting their art and the harder he or she will push. Learn what makes people tick.

7. Be Positive

Be honest, but be positive. Nobody wants to follow somebody around that’s always expecting the worst. If your leader is expecting the worst, he or she is probably underestimating you. That’s not a great way to rouse motivation levels, is it?

8. Hard Worker

Set an example. Some of the best leaders out there aren’t all that articulate with their words, but they lead by example. If you work your butt off, the person beside you is also going to work their butt off.

The Single Man’s Guide To Dressing For A Night Out

September 26, 2013/in Dating /by Mark Belmont

Gentlemen, take heed: What you wear out for a night on the town can make a big difference to two things:

Your interactions with the fairer sex (your ability to pick up women / possibly end up in a girl’s bed).
Your own self-confidence and how others perceive you (your ability to chat with people and be socially successful).

Why? It’s simple, really, and it all boils down to perceptions.

Your outfit says a lot about you and your personality whether you like it or not.

It’s like a personal statement that you wear (quite literally) around town.

Before you even say hello, people will evaluate you (and come to conclusions about you and your personality) based on the information they have available.

Clothes — a Kind of Name Tag

Since you’re not wearing a name tag, a uniform, or carrying a sign that describes your personality, your appearance (and specifically your outfit) is all that others can use to evaluate you. As a result, what you wear can have a major impact on your social interactions (and, ultimately, how much fun you have).

Beyond the “message” you’re sending to others with your clothing, you also have to take other things into consideration: will there be a dress code at an establishment you’re going to visit? Will you need to dress for cold or hot weather? Are you going to need storage for your wallet, phone, umbrella, etc., or will accessories simply be an annoyance?

Let’s talk about the perfect outfit for a night out on the town.(Note: this article will assume that you’re going somewhere like a restaurant, a pub, a movie theatre, a bar, a nightclub, etc., and that you live in North America or Europe, where cultural and religious considerations are not an issue).

If you are going to be (or think you might be) going somewhere with a dress code — or, at the very least, somewhere ‘classy’ — then you need to dress with that in mind. A cocktail party at a Hollywood social club, for instance, demands a tuxedo. Anything less will be totally unacceptable. On the other hand, if you’re only going to a local watering hole with friends, then you can get away with your favorite football jersey and a pair of jeans (although I’d recommend against the jersey).
Generally speaking, it’s better to “overdress,” especially if you’re not sure where you’re going to end up. A suit and tie is not at all out of place at a restaurant, a nightclub, or a theatre. A muscle shirt and flip flops, however, is likely to be frowned upon at a lot of places.
If a main goal of your evening is to meet women, then it helps to have some sort of “peacocking” element to your outfit. If you’re not familiar with the term, “peacocking” means wearing or carrying a particularly outrageous clothing item that serve as a conversation starter with the ladies. There are so many options for a “peacocking” item, but I tend to error on the side of elegance and try to pick something a bit more subtle. A fedora or unusual (yet formal / classy) hat is a good choice, as is a tie with something funny on it (sayings, photos, etc.). If the situation allows, then a large flag or floppy necklace draped around your neck is sure to get you some attention from the ladies on the dance floor.
Use your clothes to portray self-confidence. As I mention in my article on how to look confident, you can wear something a bit edgy or unique to give off the impression that you’re a trend-setter who isn’t afraid to stand out in a crowd. Usually you don’t need to go with something crazy to achieve this — a bright shirt, interesting hat, or unique jacket can all give off an air of “alpha male” without drawing negative attention to yourself. There’s a fine line with this, so don’t go overboard. Just go with an outfit that looks like it might be worn by your favourite trendy celeb to promote a trendy clothing brand (think David Beckham, Brad Pitt, Will Smith, etc.).
Don’t wear sunglasses after dark (just don’t f***ing do it, man!). Sunglasses are arguably the single best accessory item for men who want to get noticed in a positive way (see my note about portraying self-confidence above), but should never be worn unless you’re outside in the sun. They’re called SUNglasses, after all!
Pay attention to your shoes. Women will notice your shoes, and so will other fashion-conscious men. Shoes are often the thing that separates a trendy, fashion-saavy alpha male from a guy who tries hard to look the part. Make sure your shoes are appropriate for the venue you’re going to, and make sure they suit the rest of your outfit.

And finally…

Invest in a men’s fashion guide if you’re not confident about your clothing choices. If the world of fashion and style is a bit baffling to you, grab a copy of my “Handsome Factor” program to learn all about building an affordable, stylish wardrobe that will work in any situation. For more info and some free advice, watch the video presentation on my website.

More tips on what to wear to the club will be posted in a future blog entry, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, good luck out there!

Reader Question: How Can I Turn A Girl On Quickly?

September 8, 2013/1 Comment/in Dating /by Derek Lamont

“Hi LoveLearnings.com,
I’ve been practicing picking up women out in public and I’ve been following Derek Lamont and Mark Belmont’s advice. It’s been working fantastically. However, I want to seduce women a lot faster. I’ve seen some pickup artists out there seduce women within minutes of meeting them.
How can I do the same?
Dennis Isaacson
Estacada, OR

Hey Dennis,

Great question. Thanks for sending this one in. And you’re welcome — there are a ton of other resources on this website on how to become a better “seductionist” that I’ll post below. Namely:

Turn a girl on QUICKLY!

Those are some great articles written by our staff and myself.

But now I hear that you’re trying to accelerate your seduction technique. This is something that only advanced pickup artists should know.

Bold and Witty

Remember, seducing a girl quickly doesn’t mean you can’t ignore the fundamental basics. You have to be bold. You have to be witty. You have to touch the girl. You have to close quickly.

If you really want to speed up your game, you can try something very bold and very forward like this:

Walk up to a girl then ask her three simple questions: “Do you think I’m attractive? Do you have a boyfriend?” And finally, here’s the question to finish her off: “What’s your excuse not to kiss me right now?”

If she doesn’t say anything at all, then kiss her.

It’s bold, right? What’s the worst that can happen? Her saying no? Well, you didn’t lose much by just doing that — just maybe 10 seconds of your life.

You’ll be surprised at how well this tactic works. My very average-looking friend, Joey, who’s also a tad overweight (but pretty tall), did this continuously at a night club one night. He managed to get 10 numbers, 32 kisses, and a whole lot of infamy.

There are a multitude of ways to seduce women, but everything boils down to one thing: how fast you can kiss a girl.

You see, women aren’t like men. They don’t get turned on much by appearance (though, you do have to be at least presentable and clean), but they’re totally turned on by touch and by feel. The sooner you get a girl to agree to kiss you, then the sooner you are to taking her home and bedding her.

Good luck, gents!

How To Eliminate Fear Of Rejection Using This One Trick

August 11, 2013/in Dating /by Derek Lamont

Fear of rejection is crippling. But have you ever asked yourself why?

Why are you scared to approach women? If you go for a walk and ask the average guy on the street, “Why are you afraid to approach beautiful women,” he’ll probably say something along the lines of “rejection” or the fact that she’s “way out of my league.”

Be confident like this guy! I’ll teach you how

Granted, if you think that way, then she probably is out of your league.

Chatting Up a Beauty

But that doesn’t solve the question of why you get scared when you’re trying to chat up a beautiful girl.

Some researchers say that the reason why men get scared is because human beings aren’t all that advanced from a social perspective. See, logically we think, if this girl doesn’t like me then who cares. I can approach another one.

However, your mind doesn’t think that way. We think if this girl rejects me, my life is over!

And in fact, way back in the day — and I’m talking way back — when the population of the Earth was just a few million, death was a distinct possibility. People lived in smaller, more secluded tribes.

So, if you were a man looking for a new mate in that time and you got rejected, well, it was a big deal because the pool of women was very small. So if you didn’t hook up with a girl then, your genes may never pass on.

However, fortunately for you, you don’t live in a small pool anymore. No, today we have cars, planes and the internet

We have globalization. That means that your pool of eligible partners is pretty massive.Unfortunately, your brain hasn’t caught up yet. Your body still thinks that if you get rejected, it’s the end of the world.

End of the World? No, Not Really

Well, here’s my secret: Remember, if you do get rejected, it’s not the end of the world.

Here’s a little experiment that will get you a bit excited. One student conducted a fun research study. He went to a club asking a bunch of different girls that same question. What was the question? The question was:

“Will you have sex with me?”

By the way, this guy was a virgin. You’re probably thinking that guy probably never got laid that night but you’d be wrong. After he asked 25 girls, the 26th girl actually said yes.

I’m actually not too sure if he lost his virginity that night or not, but hey! It worked!

So if you want to really eliminate the fear or rejection, remember this little experiment and I guarantee it’ll help you gain a bit of confidence.

The Most Romantic Pick Up Line Ever

August 6, 2013/in Just For Fun /by Derek Lamont

So what’s the most romantic pick up line in the world?

Listen. Pick up lines are becoming a little obsolete in the world of seduction. Why you ask? Because hot girls are expecting pick up lines. They’re grossly overrated. I know some guys that can pick women up by barely saying a word.

It doesn’t matter much how you open. One of my best friends (who’s extremely gifted with women) said to me one time that he picked up a chick just by fingering her.

Cheesy pick up lines obviously don’t work

How’s that for romantic?

I hate to break it to you guys out there who love the romance — romantic pick up lines don’t work!

They’re cheesy, stupid, and often boring lines just make you seem really desperate. Unless you’re an extremely good looking guy, romantic pick up lines don’t work.

And, to be honest, if you’re good looking, it doesn’t even matter what you say a lot of the time.

That’s not to say that being romantic isn’t important (because it is), but opening up with romance is something that should only be saved for the movies.

Keep It Simple, Honest

So what do you say?

When you see a girl, what’s an effective pick up line that almost always works?

Drum roll, please …

How about “Hi!” followed by an open ended question about the venue. How’s that for simple? Here’s the thing — pick up lines are flawed. When a girl hears a pick up line, she’s secretly thinking, “F*ck off. I don’t have time for this.”

You need to appear attractive first before you get into the flirting. So just introducing yourself first and asking an open ended question doesn’t pose a threat at all.

You can even include what is known as a “false time constraint” by saying you have to “go in a second.” This will further prove to her that you’re not really interested in picking her up at all. How’s that for being inconspicuous.

Get a Good Conversation Going, Man

Your goal at the very beginning of an interaction should be simple, sweet, and get a good conversation going. Once that happens and you sense that she’s into you, then you can start dropping flirty lines here and there. That’s when you can start touching her. And that’s when she’ll be receptive to your cheesy romantic stuff.

Trust me! I’ve been through this!

So the next time you’re at super market in the frozen section and you see a really hot girl, don’t ask her:

“Did it hurt?”

“Did what hurt?”

“When you fell out of heaven. Did it hurt?”

Terrible. Epic fail.

Guys: Here’s How Fear Is Preventing You From Finding Love

July 24, 2013/in Dating /by Mark Belmont

I’ve worked with a lot of single guys. Sure, some of them are just interested in getting laid, and that’s cool with me. Committed relationships aren’t for everyone, and sometimes your life doesn’t really lend itself to a serious relationship.

Most men I’ve worked with, though, are looking for more than just a warm body to sleep with. They’re looking for a girlfriend. They’re looking for a partner. They’re looking for love.

And while you might be tempted to think of these single-and-desperate guys as a bunch of ugly losers, that’s not the case at all.

Typically, the dudes I talk to that haven’t had much luck finding a girlfriend are down-to-earth, genuine guys with lots of appealing traits that women crave.

Fear Holds Relationships Back

So, why might a smart, funny, decent-looking guy struggle to land a date or find a girlfriend? There are a few reasons, but the one that tends to be the most pressing is fear.

Too many single guys are scared shitless at the thought of approaching an attractive women and striking up a conversation with her.

And guess what? You aren’t going to meet your soulmate if you’re too much of a pussy to say hello to a girl.

It’s far too easy to push your “approach anxiety” problems to the side, focusing on what you perceive to be your other shortcomings. But if you’re sitting around — alone, with no girls in sight — and trying to decide on a hairstyle or pickup line that will land you a date, then you’re wasting your time.

The reality is this: finding love isn’t a matter of waiting until the right girl walks into your life. It’s going to require a whole lot more effort than that.

It’s A Numbers Game

I hate to break it to you, but finding a girlfriend often comes down to a game of numbers. If you go out on 20 dates with 20 eligible single ladies, then your chances of finding one that you like enough to see a second time are very good.

And what do you have to do in order to land 20 dates? Sure, you’ll want to make sure your appearance isn’t hurting your chances, and you might want to learn a few seduction strategies to help your game along, but the real key is landing those 20 dates in the first place!

Just Get Out There and Do It!

How do you get a date with an attractive, single girl? There are several options: you could use online dating websites, join a club for singles, do speed dating, etc.

But the most effective way is to simply approach and begin talking to any girl that you happen to find attractive.

Approaching lots of women will require you to grow a pair of balls and overcome your approach anxiety. You can’t sit around and hope for a convenient time and place to present itself: You have to be proactive, push aside all thoughts of rejection and all fears of looking foolish, and say hello to her.

So, to any guys complaining about being single who happen to be waiting around for the perfect girl to show up, here’s a reality check: Your fear is costing you opportunities to meet the girl of your dreams.

The sooner you overcome this fear, the sooner you’ll find what you’re looking for.

6 Things To Look For In A Potential Boyfriend

June 21, 2013/in Dating /by Jessica Raymond

One of the best ways to avoid the heartache and loneliness associated with a bad breakup is to avoid dating the wrong guy in the first place.

Easier said than done, right? That’s true, but if you know what to look for, you can weed out the bad apples before you get too deep into a core relationship.

With that in mind, here are six traits that you can evaluate in a potential date before you fall for him completely. (I recognize, by the way, that all women have different preferences when it comes to men. But generally speaking, asking these six questions can help you gauge whether a guy is worth your time or not.

1. Assess His Willingness to Commit.

This is probably the single most common issue that women face when falling in love with a guy. If you’re looking for a serious, long-term relationship, then you need to find out if he’s looking for the same thing before you get too deep into a relationship with him.

Now, many guys will prefer to avoid the topic altogether, but you can subtly ask him about his plans for the future, his desire to settle down and get married, etc. If he’s not willing to commit, and you want commitment from your man, then this is definitely something to watch out for.

2. Evaluate His Social Life

It’s not a hard and fast rule, but typically speaking, quality men will lead an active social life. Think about it: if someone has no friends and rarely engages in social activities, then that probably indicates they’re not a well-liked person.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a quiet guy who prefers watching a movie to partying with friends, but you should at least take the time to assess a man’s social circle before you commit to a serious relationship with him.

3. Ask About His Goals and Ambitions

Do you want to spend years (or potentially the rest of your life) with a man whose sole ambition in life is to master the latest video game? If you want to find a stable partner and enjoy a healthy relationship, make sure any potential partner has at least some life goals and ambitions.

4. Evaluate His Maturity

An immature guy — especially one without much experience in serious relationships — probably isn’t ready to commit to a long-term romantic relationship. As a result, you’ll want to carefully evaluate a guy’s overall maturity level and make sure that it meets your “minimum standards.”

5. Make Sure He Is What He Says He Is

Let’s be honest here: Most guys aren’t living a double life or hiding big secrets. But, just like some women hide behind a veil of lies, there are men out there who have a shady side that you might not see at first.

Don’t go snooping around a guy’s apartment or dig through his past income tax records, just take the time to ask questions and learn about his life to make sure he’s not pretending to be something he’s not.

6. Assess Whether He’s Sufficiently “Into You”

The last thing you want to do is to have to talk a man into loving you or staying together. A potential lover — especially if you’re looking for a serious, long-term romance — should be just as attracted to you and interested in you as you are in him. Make sure that the “spark” of your relationship is mutual.

If you can successfully check off all six of the things mentioned above, then you’re in good shape to move forward with a guy. And trust me, doing your homework in advance can go a long way towards preventing heartbreak in the future!

Do you have any other suggestions for evaluating a potential boyfriend? Let us know in the comments section below!