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4 Ways to Challenge a Woman

May 26, 2017/in Dating /by Kate Spring

Women are challenging to understand let alone trying to seduce. In an attempt to make your dating life easier and more successful, I thought I would share with you one of the key factors in attracting women — challenge them!

Now I’m not talking about challenging them to a dual or a dance battle, but challenging them in such a way that you build attraction and have them end up chasing you.

This is one thing that is commonly overlooked in attracting women.

Women aren’t attracted to the agreeable nice guy who pays too much attention to them. No, they’re attracted to the guy who makes them work for his attention and, in the process, excites them through his mystery.

In this article, we will first discuss why women like men who are a challenge to them, and then we will move onto some suggestions about how to challenge women.

Why Women Enjoy a Challenge

A woman likes a challenge because the harder she has to work for your affection, attention and time, the more valuable you become to her.

It’s human nature. If we are just given something and don’t have to work for it, typically, people take it for granted. We value the things that we have earned.

For example, if you are just given food every day, just for being you, which a lot of people are fortunate enough to have, you begin to expect food whenever and however you want it. What if you had to work for your food every day?

What if you had to put a certain amount of effort into certain tasks before you could be rewarded with food–would that make food more special? And hold more value in your life? Would you appreciate it that much more?

Chances are you would appreciate the meal for which you worked so hard more than one that you receive everyday as a matter of routine. And the same goes with people.

If we have to work to be either friends with someone and/or boyfriend/ girlfriend, then we value those relationships because we had to work for them.

Thus, people and things become valued in direct proportion to the effort it takes to achieve their friendship. For both men and women, this is about the excitement and joy of the chase.

Here’s how to create a valuable persona for yourself:

1. Create a Valuable Life

The first step in challenging any woman is to increase the value of your own life. First and foremost, enjoy your life as much as you can. Because if you’re not enjoying it, people can tell.

Women, in particular, are very quick to pick-up on non-verbal cues. It’s one of their strengths in communication.

If you want women to be interested in you and curious about your life, then you need to be interested in yourself.

The more valuable you seem to her, the more attracted she will be to you.

2. Leave a Little Mystery

Restraint is one of the hardest, yet beneficial, things in building attraction. If you take your time in the build-up, the teasing, the getting to know one another in any relationship, the pay-off is much greater.

You want to be mysterious to keep a girl interested and keep her coming back for more information on you.

You can leave a little mystery by not explaining yourself too thoroughly and/or qualifying your actions. Nor should you reveal too much about yourself too soon. Think of it as a gradual release of information.

To repeat, don’t reveal too much too soon. You want to make her work for the details about you just as you don’t want her to give up anything too quickly.

Being mysterious can take on many forms, one of which is easily done through texting. To be mysterious, you can delay your response time. You can elude to that fact that you were hanging out with a friend(s). One of whom could be a female. Who knows?

Not divulging your entire life story and every character in that story will compel a curiosity in her to know these things, which is why our next step in so important and helpful in pulling her in.

3. Give Her Space

Give her enough space to wonder what you’re doing and to miss you. Your life should never revolve around someone else. It’s really important to understand that. Because once you create a valuable life for yourself, you become, to women, a most desirable man. And they will work to be a part of that life, to share in that value.

Women typically are not attracted to someone who smothers them with attention right from the get go. That is with compliments, physical affection or emotional attachment. If you shower a woman with this type of affection too early on, she will feel drowned, and this is a recipe for disappointment.

There is a saying about too much of a good thing, and this applies to the beginnings of relationships. There is another saying about slow and easy wins the race.

Constant affection is fine in a long-term relationship; however, we are not there yet. It takes time to achieve this level of comfort.

In the beginning, by showing the right amount of interest, you build the foundation for a long, lasting relationship.

Give her space, even when she hasn’t asked for it. This is crucial because you are creating a valuable life for yourself.

Be busy with other activities and people, just not too busy. Occupy your time when you aren’t with your crush with other people, activities, with things that you enjoy doing. Remember that you have to have a life to share before you can invite a woman to share it with you.

It’s tempting to want to spend all of your time with someone that you’re really starting to like and get to know, but giving her space to allow her feelings to catch up to yours will be very beneficial in the end, I promise.

4. Show the RIGHT Amount of Interest

While it is important to keep yourself engaged in your own life, it is also important to show the right amount of interest to keep her attention. There is a special push and pull in relationships that really skyrockets attraction and your desire for someone. And that is, you need to push her to want you. You show interest in her and get her interested in you and then once you see that she is gaining interest in you, you ever so slightly pull away. And then, when you have her working for your attention more, you give into her pursuit of you.

Showing her the right amount of interest is finding a balance between ignoring her and smothering her.

Both extremes turn women off, not on. And once you have found that sweet balance between being attainable and unattainable, you have flipped the script and your initial pursuit of a girl will now have her chasing you.

The goal is to challenge her without being manipulative, fake or untrue to yourself. If you can implement these four things into your dating regimen, then you will be well on your way to creating some serious attraction and desire in any woman.

Exiting Date Ideas That Don’t Include Dinner and Drinks

May 19, 2017/in Dating /by Kate Spring

Along with keeping a woman interested via text and talking verbally, it is important that you keep her interested through your actions. And what I mean by that is to plan interesting things for the two of you to do when you hang out and go on dates. Things that will make her excited to spend time with you.

You want to keep a woman interested in you, while simultaneously increasing her desire for you.

One way to make her excited to hang out with you is to find out the things she likes to do, and plan activity dates around that.

I’m not talking a bachelorette style helicopter ride over the Swiss Alps followed by a picnic in a heated tent on the top of a mountain with buckets of Pinot Grigio. Well, I’m sure that would woo almost anyone, but I don’t think that is feasible for most bank accounts. I’m talking about activities you can do to really get to know one another that help remove any of those jitters that happen when we first start dating.

You know the scene: a movie where you sit in silence and both of you don’t know what to do with your hands. Do you get popcorn, chocolate and a pop? Or do you get nothing? Or just water? GAH!

To help you be the guy that women can’t resist, I’ve come up with a series of date ideas that are proven to get any girl excited to date you and will keep her interested in you.

So let’s begin.

Outdoor Activity

The first date idea is the outdoor activity.

The possibilities are endless, weather dependent, but dates that take place in the outdoors are great, such as hiking, sledding, and/or going for a bike ride. And if you don’t own bikes, I know most cities rent them for a reasonable price. Some other solid outdoor activities are swimming, kayaking, a good old fashioned picnic in the park and playing some Frisbee.

The thing about planning a date is that it shows that you’ve put effort and thought into hanging out with a girl. And this does not go unnoticed.

With an outdoor date, if you want to up the romance quotient, bring along a little picnic–some snacks, and maybe even some wine.

New Activity

The next date idea is to try a new activity together.

Do something that both of you are not familiar with. For example, go wine tasting or on a brewery crawl; take a class together like one of those places that you go to paint pots.

Activities are a great way to break the ice and take some of the pressure of holding a lengthy, awkward conversation because you have the excuse that you’re focusing on what you’re doing. But it is still important to focus on your date and not just your Batman mug.

Try new activities that could even get you out of your comfort zone and can help the other person, like a yoga class. Maybe she’s great and she can teach you. The more you do things together, the quicker and better you will get to know someone.

See Things Live

Another great date idea is to go out and see live entertainment. Go out and listen to live music or hit up a karaoke night at your local pub. Buy tickets to a local concert. Or go see a live comedy show. These are all really fun and engaging date ideas and are better than sitting across from each other at dinner exchanging your first pet’s name.

Those are all really good preliminary date ideas, but as you and your girl become more intimate, it’s important to make the dates more intimate, which could be by a beach bonfire and is a good Segway into a more mellow date that promotes some cuddling and kissing.

Head Down Intimate Lane

To spark up the romance even more, you could invite her over to cook her dinner.

This date is hot and steamy. It also has the potential for sex since she’s already at your place. But I’d make sure that your house is clean before she arrives and starts dinner. Don’t go crazy, but put in some effort.

Planning something more than 15 minutes in advance shows that you’ve thought about her and put some care into your date.

The Getaway

If you’re getting more and more serious, take a weekend trip somewhere. Go camping. Spend the night exploring a new city together. Get lost with each other and try to maneuver your way around.

All of these date ideas will make it so a woman feels really appreciated and can tell that you have put some serious thought and effort into your dates with her.

So go out and try some of these date ideas, and report back! Remember that you don’t have to break the bank to take a girl on a date. You just need to be creative.

How To Tell If A Guy Likes You (10 Signs To Look For)

May 14, 2017/in Dating /by Amy North

There’s one question my clients and subscribers are always asking:

“Amy, how can I tell if a guy likes me?”

In this article, I’ll cover the top 10 signs that indicate a guy likes you.

And I’ll also explain how to tell if a man likes you just from his text messages, so that you’ll be able to look at his texts and know exactly what he’s thinking about you.

Before we begin analyzing his text messages, though, let’s start by looking at the top 10 overall signs that indicate a guy is into you…

10 Signs A Guy Likes You

Men aren’t great at communicating their feelings. It’s just reality.

For the most part, a guy isn’t going to send you flashing neon signs that he’s into you like two dozen red roses, professing his love outside your bedroom window, or picking you up in a horse-drawn carriage.

But just about all men put out very common, subtle signs that they’re into you. You just need to know what to look for…

Sign #1: He Makes Eye Contact With You

When it comes to figuring out how to know if a guy likes you, nothing is more of a giveaway than the eyes.

How a man looks at you can reveal what he’s thinking and feeling on the inside. Because as they say, the eyes are the window to the soul.

So, even if he never approaches you or is too shy or insecure to make a move, he could still be interested in you. And his eyes will give you your answer.

If you want to know if a guy likes you, then look in his eyes.

Does he make, long, lasting and powerful eye contact with you?

It’s a GREAT sign if he does.

Plus, it’s just another excuse to stare dreamily into the eyes of that perfect guy…

Sign #2: He Shows His Teeth When He Smiles

Ok, this one may sound a little odd but believe it or not most guys stop grinning with an open mouth before they become teenagers.

A big toothy grin, then, becomes a tell-tale sign that a guy could be interested.

If you happen to notice your man baring those full sparkly whites, there’s a good chance it means you’re doing something to push all the right buttons. And that he’s into you.

So, look out for those pearly whites.

Sign #3: His Pupils Are Huge

Back to eyes again with this one.

Pupil dilation is a brain response that happens when you like and are attracted to something.

That means if his pupils grow from small and barely noticeable to big and wide, this a strong indicator to let you know if he’s into you.

Now, obviously if you’re in a dark room and his eyes are naturally dilating to let in more light this can be a bit misleading.

But trust me, you’ll notice when his pupils dilate and it has NOTHING to do with letting in more light. And EVERYTHING to do with him liking you.

Sign #4: He Smiles Above The Mouth

Smiles above his mouth? What on earth does that mean, Amy?

It’s pretty simple, really.

Basically, when a guy smiles with his eyes, his eyes appear to be smiling without the rest of the face joining in.

It’s what Tyra Banks calls “smizing”. And it’s a powerful sign he likes you.

When a guy “smizes” you can bet that he’s genuinely into you. Simple as that!

Sign #5: He Licks His Lips In A Cute (Non-Creepy) Way

Science has proven that when you’re attracted to someone, your mouth produces extra saliva.

Think about it. If you’re attracted to someone, your body instinctively starts preparing your mouth to kiss.

So, if you notice him licking his lips or pressing them together anytime you’re around, well, he may just be into you.

It may only be subtle, but keep an eye on those lips. (As if you weren’t picturing kissing them already!)

Sign #6: He Leans Towards You When You Talk

In a noisy bar, this sign might not mean much, as he could simply be straining to hear you.

But if you’re in a situation where he can hear you perfectly fine and he still leans in closely when you speak then chances are he’s interested in you.

When he leans in like this, he’s getting close to you, inviting you into his space – so close he can smell your perfume – and sharing your aura.

By softly stepping up the level of intimacy between you be leaning in, he’s turning an ordinary conversation into a situation charged with sexual energy.

Be aware and think to yourself next time you’re chatting: “Is he extremely close to me?” … “Can I almost feel the warmth of his breath?”

If the answer’s “yes”. Then that’s a very positive sign.

Sign #7: He Finds A Reason To Touch You

This is one of the clearest signs a guy is into you.

If a guy goes out of his way to touch you, this usually means he’s very interested.

Whether this means grazing your back as you cross the street, tucking a loose hair behind your ear, or simply placing a hand on your leg to emphasize a point when talking.

If the man you’re into finds reasons to initiate physical contact, then it could be a test to see how you respond to his touch.

This is such a clear sign of interest because touch is one of the body’s most emotive and powerful senses.

Just a single stroke can communicate so much, sending goosebumps all over your body and making the brain release all kinds of endorphins.

Sign #8: He Points His Toes Toward You

Believe it or not, feet are largely controlled by the unconscious mind and the direction they point can be very telling when it comes to reading body language.

You see, the further a body part is from the brain, the less aware we are of its movements and so it’s more likely to unconsciously give off signals of our true inner feelings.

Studies have shown that if a man’s feet are pointing towards you, he could be interested, because our feet typically point in the direction they want to go.

Now, don’t spend the whole time looking down at his feet. That’ll just be weird and make him think you have a foot fetish.

But do casually keep an eye on where they’re pointing when you’re together.

Sign #9: He Walks Beside You

When you walk together, is he constantly two steps ahead of you?

If so, it means he’s more concerned about himself than you.

Of course, there are some exceptions to this.

Like a lack of space, or if he’s leading you through a crowded area.

But for the most part it’s not a good sign if he’s steaming ahead of you.

On the other hand, if he’s right there by your side, shoulder to shoulder, always adjusting his pace to match yours, it’s a good sign he’s into you.

Sign #10: He Keeps The Conversation Going

If a guy seems keen to always continue a conversation with you — either in person, on the phone, or via text messages — then there’s a good chance he’s at least somewhat interested in you romantically.

After all, when someone is chatty, laughing a lot, and keeping a conversation going for hours on end, it usually means they’re enjoying the conversation! That’s a great sign, especially if a guy never seems keen on ending the chat or hanging up the phone, even when you’ve already been talking for hours. .

And when a man shows a genuine interest in your life, asks meaningful and thoughtful questions, and suggests you talk again soon as the conversation is ending, that’s also a positive sign.

Keep reading if you want to learn how to read between the lines when you’re texting with a guy, because I’ll be covering that in depth in a moment…

Has He Already Shown Some Of These Signs?

Has a guy you like already displayed several of these 10 signs? Then he probably likes you!

Once you spot these signs, and you’re pretty confident that he likes you, your next step is crucial…

You want to set yourself up for success, and you want to win your man’s heart at the highest point of his attraction.

Start by watching the new video I’ve posted on my website, where I reveal something called “Devotion Sequences”… these are stupidly simple (but incredibly powerful) phrases you can use on any man to make him obsess over you, starting today.

How To Tell If He Likes You From His Texts

OK, this topic deserves its own separate discussion. Why?

Because it’s actually fairly easy to learn exactly how a guy feels about you just by analyzing his text messages.

If He Does These 9 Things In His Text Messages, He Likes You…

Just like the 10 signs I just explained above, there are several clear signs you can look for in a guy’s text messages to find out if he likes you.

This is one of the best ways to figure out his feelings, so if he’s texting you regularly, here are 9 indicators to watch out for…

Texting Sign #1: He uses one particular phrase that proves he likes you in his texts.

Here’s one phrase to look for that is usually a guaranteed sign that he’s into you:

“I wish you were here”

This might not seem like much, but it’s a pretty strong indicator that he has feelings for you. Whatever he’s doing when he sent that message, he’s clearly wishing he was hanging out with you instead!

That means he’s also missing you, and I don’t think I have to explain why that’s good news if you want to make him your boyfriend.

Texting Sign #2: He tries to impress you.

This one can be subtle, if he’s clever… but take a closer look at the topics he’s bringing up in his messages.

Does he seem to be trying to give you a favourable view of him? Does he mention all the fun stuff he’s doing, the accomplishments and successes in his day to day?

For example:

“Spent the day fixing my motorcycle! Ready for the first ride of the year :)”

Any hint of bragging like this in his texts suggests that he wants you to be impressed by him, which means he probably wants you or is falling for you to some degree. Yay!

Texting Sign #3: He trusts you with secrets and personal details.

Is he willing to admit things and be vulnerable? If a guy opens up to you, this is a good sign.

For example, a text like this might actually (despite how it seems at first) be an indication he trusts you and is willing to get personal:

“I’ve actually been feeling pretty down lately.”

Most men won’t share this type of thing with just anybody. If he tells you his secrets, his hopes and dreams, and other ‘heavy’ topics… there’s a good chance he sees you as more than just a friend.

Texting Sign #4: He uses emojis all over the place.

Emoji use doesn’t necessarily mean anything, so don’t get too excited just because you see a bunch of eggplant emoticons in his latest text message.

But, that said, many guys (especially “manly” men) will only use lots of emojis with girls they really like or feel comfortable around. So if he’s started to use them more frequently in his texts, it could be a good sign.

Texting Sign #5: He says nice, complimentary things.

Does he compliment you in his messages? Specifically, does he compliment you on superficial things, or does he go past that into those deeper areas of your looks and personality that most guys don’t notice?

If he’s showering you with compliments and praise, then obviously this means he’s got his eye on you… and he’s probably spent some time staring at you when you weren’t looking! This is an excellent indication he likes you.

Texting Sign #6: He always has time to text you and/or he sends long, thoughtful messages.

If he texts you even when you know he’s busy, this means that he wants to talk to you and isn’t just doing it to kill time. He’s genuinely really into talking with you, regardless of what else is happening in his life while you’re not around.

This is, in fact, a clear indicator that he likes you… especially when he’s also sending you long, thoughtful text messages relatively frequently.

Why would a guy bother texting something long and detailed to someone he doesn’t really care about? Generally speaking, if he’s writing thoughtful, well crafted replies to your texts then it’s clear that he’s invested in the conversation.

When he replies with one word answers, this is usually a sign that he’s bored or is just being polite. It also means it’s time to back off and give him some space before texting him again.

Texting Sign #7: He initiates the texting conversations, even when there’s nothing to say.

If a guy is the one who’s always texting YOU to begin the conversation — especially if he’s not really saying anything much at all in his message — that’s a great sign he’s into you.

For example, if you’ve hung out or talked at length recently, and it’s barely been a few hours since you last spoke, but he texts you something like this:

“So, what’s new with you? :)”

…that means he’s thinking about you again (already), and he just wants to chat even though he’s got nothing to say.

If he’s always the last one to send a message in a texting conversation — or if he changes the subject and asks more leading questions when the conversation has gone cold — this is one of the strongest indicators that suggest he’s interested in you romantically.

Texting Sign #8: He’s clearly not just looking for something from you.

This is closely related to the last point, but it’s also very important.

Think about when this guy is texting you most often — is it only ever when he’s bored at work, or when he should be studying? If you were to text him out of the blue at a random time of day, would he be just as willing to engage in a meaningful texting conversation as he is normally?

Does he often ask for favours or skip past the small talk and go straight to a particular topic most of the time you begin texting back and forth? Is he maybe just looking for a late-night booty call…?

Think long and hard about when he usually initiates a texting conversation, and what ulterior motives or favours he might be after.

If it’s clear that he’s not just “using you” or only texting you at one particular time of day (when he’s bored, for instance), then that’s a clear sign he’s into you.

Texting Sign #9: He’s sending flirty texts.

Sadly, I can’t explain in depth exactly how to tell if a text message can be considered “flirting” or not, but here’s a couple of quick examples:

“Hey! Long time no talk! Did you miss me as much as I missed you? :)”

“Quiz time: what is the most serious relationship you’ve been in?”

“Out of me and my close guy friends, which one of us do you think is the hottest?”

“The movie I went to tonight was pretty good, but the whole time I wished you were there too!”

All of these are messages clear examples of flirting, and receiving a text like this (or, better yet, receiving this kind of message from a guy regularly!) means he likes you, and he’s subtly trying to hint at that and gauge if you feel the same way about him.

All Signs Indicate He Likes You… What Now?

First of all, if you’ve seen many of the signs I covered above and you’re confident he’s into you, start by reading my article on what to text a guy you like for some sneaky example texts to start using on him right away to continue building attraction.

Texting is a fantastic way to continue progressing things without the risk of moving too fast, or making a mistake that might turn him off or send him running. Make sure you don’t text him any of these 6 toxic texts, though!

Finally, it’s time to make this guy fall head-over-heels in love with you.

Making him desperate to be with you is actually not as hard as it may seem, but it’s also not something I can explain in detail here. Please watch my free video to learn how.

6 Signs She’s Flirting With You

April 28, 2017/in Dating /by Kate Spring

I’m going to explain whether she’s flirting with you by reading her body language.

And once you learn a couple of key things to look for, you will be able to tell if a girl is flirting with you or just wasting your time.

For Example

Let’s start by looking at an example scenario. You’re at a party, and you see a girl scowling with her arms crossed and not making eye contact with anyone. She’s checking her phone constantly to either look at the time or to mentally escape the situation.

What do you think that says about her mood? To me, and to a lot of people, that suggests that she’s either uncomfortable, bored, moody because she isn’t getting the attention she wants, and/or she just straight up does not want to be there.

This is not positive and engaging body language that is inviting interaction. This could be a nervous habit, but chances are she wouldn’t be scowling if that were the case.

On the contrary, if you see a different girl at a party who is smiling, and her face is expressive with laughter and delight, she’s probably enjoying the conversation she’s having or just her time there, wherever “there” is.

Body language can tell you a lot about how a person is feeling in any given situation. People are generally unconscious of their body language and what it is saying. Our bodies are books that unconsciously express what our minds are thinking and feeling.

To make your life easier, and to help you know when a woman is flirting with you, here are a number of ways to tell:

The First Sign

The first sign that a girl is flirting with you is if she is smiling. But I wouldn’t pounce on a girl who just throws you a smile. A smile isn’t your only clue. Shockingly, some women smile just because they are happy and polite! And not all of those people are Canadian! A smile in conjunction with other gestures is where you want to start off. Don’t, however, mistake a friendly smile for sexual intent.

The Second Sign

The second way to tell if a girl is flirting with you, that is not verbal, is through touch. That could be nervously touching herself, or fidgeting of any kind is an indication that someone is nervous.

If a girl touches herself anywhere like her arms, legs, twirls hair or is fidgeting with something, that is usually a sign of discomfort. And that discomfort could be a sign that she is trying to flirt.

If she makes excuses to touch you, for example, if you say something and she kind of laughs and touches your arm or her hand lingers on your shoulder. Or if you pass her something and she keeps her hand there to continue touching yours. These are signs that someone is flirting with you. A good indication is if you say something funny and she playfully hits/taps you. This kind of flirting you can see coming from a mile away.

The Third Sign

The third sign to tell if a girl is flirting with you is if she can’t take her eyes off of you. I have personally been guilty of this.

You see someone attractive and you just can’t keep your eyes off of them—even if they have moved across the room. Strong eye contact is a sign that someone could be interested in you.

Now, remember, this is just flirting. This in and of itself is not necessarily an invitation for a one night stand. It’s simply indicates curiosity, interest. So keep in mind that you need to see a couple of these signs to really get an indication if she is flirting with you.

The Fourth Sign

The fourth way to tell if someone is flirting with you that isn’t necessarily told through body language, but rather through good old fashioned verbal communication, is if the girl is essentially giving you a sales pitch about herself. When people are flirting, they want to portray the most confident version of themselves. And this can be shown if a girl is validating herself to you, trying to subtly, or not so subtly, let you know all of the benefits in knowing and interacting with her.

The Fifth Sign

The fifth way to tell if a girl is flirting with you is if she is extra playful. Is she being sarcastic, making silly little jokes? Is she playfully hitting you, trying to dance with you, wrestle, tickle? All of those things are flirty in nature, so watch out for them.

The Sixth Sign

The sixth and final way to tell if a girl is flirting with you is if she is laughing at your jokes, whether they are funny or not. She is most likely doing this because she wants you to feel good about yourself when you’re around her, which will, in turn, make you want to be around her more.

They say laughter is the best medicine because it can cure even the most awkward of situations. Meeting new people and trying to flirt with them can be awkward, but laughter usually helps, as it brings people together, and that is the goal.

Alright, those are just six ways to tell if a girl is flirting with you. Remember that you should look for more than one of these signs if you are trying to decide if the girl that you’re talking to is flirting with you. So keep your eyes and ears peeled and happy flirting!

How To Turn A Woman On

March 29, 2017/0 Comments/in Dating /by Kate Spring

Are you tired of guessing what women want? Confused about what turns women on?

Let me put your mind at ease with three guaranteed ways to turn women on. These aren’t Kama Sutra moves; they are a way to get her attention and make her want to be around you.

3 Proven Ways To Turn A Woman On

I can’t count how many times my male clients have come to me utterly confused about what women want.

Here’s the catch, though: most women don’t really know what they want.

And when it comes to turning them on, it isn’t always something sexual that makes them feel turned on and attracted to you.

Sometimes women get turned on by the simplest gestures. The first thing you can do to turn a woman on, in fact, has to do with how you dress.

Win Her Over With Your Style & Fashion Sense

The way you dress can turn a woman on from a mile away, so this should be your first consideration when leaving the house.

Men are often surprised that women like a lot of the same things they do. Women are turned on when you show skin, wear tight (but not TOO tight) shirts and pants, and dress well.

Many women find seeing a guy’s forearms and hands extremely attractive, so wear short sleeves or roll them up and wear a watch to draw her eye where you want it.

Believe it or not, a lot of women like a little leg, too, so when the sun is out short shorts are the way to go.

Now I don’t want to get too graphic here, but if you really want to get her excited, grey sweatpants tend to flatter a certain aspect of the male anatomy… *nudge nudge, wink wink*

Another school of thought is to dress in a way that says something about you as a person. This is the idea that “women love a man in uniform.”

Don’t go down to the thrift shop and pick up some second-hand fatigues, but consider dressing up in different ways to turn her on.

This could mean adopting a preppy look for girls who are impressed by that kind of college-boy swagger. Or dressing in a button-up to subtly hint that you’re a successful mover and shaker in the business world. (Think Don Draper.)

This kind of look works best when it’s subtle. It shouldn’t look or feel like you’re wearing a costume.

All that aside, you should dress to accent your best attributes.

Do you have great hair? Don’t hide it under a hat. Beefy forearms? Roll up those sleeves. Do you have a cute butt? Wear some tight-fitting jeans.

Don’t neglect your appearance generally. But when it comes to fashion, in particular, there’s a number of easy ways to make a woman attracted to you just by wearing the right outfit…

Things To Say That Will Drive Her Wild

Women want you to be knowledgeable and passionate.

There’s nothing sexier than a guy who can speak well about something that he cares about. Make sure it’s something that is interesting to her, as well (but it doesn’t have to be politics or the environment or something equally cliché!).

She’ll be impressed that you can speak at length about anything intellectual or interesting.

That could be as simple as explaining what you’re studying in school, talking about a big project you were part of at work, or the latest urban planning experiment you’re passionate about… really, most subjects and topics will work, as long as you’re clearly informed and excited about the topic.

There’s an easy way to turn a woman on in conversation without saying anything at all.

That’s right, gentlemen… I’m talking about listening.

If you ask her questions about herself and honestly care about what she has to say, she’s going to be instantly attracted to you because you’re not one of those guys who only talk about themselves.

And don’t forget that a surprising and unique compliment goes a long way. She’s heard that she has beautiful eyes countless times. Look for something about her that makes her different from others and shout it out.

Don’t be too forthcoming with your compliments, though! It’s definitely great to use some flattery now and then, but you shouldn’t be afraid to tease her or disagree with her, either. Both of those can also be great ways to build attraction and turn a woman on.

Turn Her On With Touch

When she’s comfortable with your presence and your advances, you can start to incorporate touch into the equation.

Sexually, women need more of a build up than men do. Turning her on through touch is also about teasing her. It’s as simple as rubbing her arm and/or running your hands through her hair as you kiss her. Think foreplay.

Once you understand what makes your girl tick, she is putty in your hands, literally.

Women are aroused by many things aside from a stark-naked man, which is actually lucky for you, because it means that we’re open minded about what turns us on.

These are some great starting points to drive her wild, but there are some big things you can do through your behaviour to take it to the next level.

What turns a girl on more than anything else?

These tips are things I hear again and again from my clients that make them swoon. Try them today. You’ll be surprised how easy they are to pull off.

Get her out of her own head.

A guaranteed way turn a woman on is to get her out of her own head. That is to make her be present in the moment. You can do this through telling a joke or doing something silly that just makes her laugh.

Most women have a tendency to over-analyze everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING—from the way that the postman looked at her, to the tone of a text with a best friend.

When you’re in your head that much, you spend a lot of time worrying and stressing over menial things. Because women are a detail oriented species, this can sometimes affect their mood.

Your goal in getting her out of her head is to focus on you and the moment that you two are sharing, not on the problems of her day.

If you can get a woman out of her head, she will have more time to focus her attention on you. This might not sound like the sexiest way to turn a woman on, but it is the best first step.

The way to a woman’s heart is through her mind. Penetrate her thoughts, and you will be well on your way to arousing her feelings.

Take control of the situation.

Taking control of the situation is one of the best ways to turn a woman on because it achieves many things.

First of all, it shows her that you are confident.

If you can control the situation and make decisions without hesitation, you remove some of the pressure on her. This is a trait that almost all women find attractive, so don’t be shy when it comes to taking the lead and playing an ‘alpha male’ role.

For example, if you’re trying to decide on which movie to go to, instead of engaging in a back-and-forth dialogue and asking what her preference is, what time she wants to go, which theatre to choose… just make the decision and pose it as a statement rather than a question.

“Let’s go to the 7 p.m. showing of [insert movie title].”

Doing this also shows that you’re thinking about her and know how to make her life both simpler, and more enjoyable.

One of my clients, Ben, just recently updated me on the state of his current relationship. Ben was confused about how to win the attention of his very busy co-worker, Sara, whom he had casually been dating for a few months.

I suggested that he cook her dinner one night. But Ben took this a step further.

First, a bit of background: Ben’s girl, Natalie, works 40 hours a week, so Ben and Natalie have found it hard to find time to spend together.

Ben finished work before Natalie and asked her if he could crash at her house for the night, as he had to work early the next day. Natalie obliged and gave him the keys.

What Natalie didn’t know was that Ben had planned out a surprise for her.

Ben didn’t go right to bed. No, he went out, and bought groceries and made Natalie dinner. When Natalie got off at 9 p.m., she arrived at her apartment to a home cooked meal.

(I should mention that Natalie was taking things slowly with Ben because she had just gotten out of a tumultuous 3-year relationship. A relationship where she tried to be the sole provider and ‘Suzie homemaker’.)

So when Ben surprised her with dinner, she was completely shocked by this gesture of kindness. She was elated that someone had thought about her needs for once. And, ultimately, she was turned on by his thoughtfulness.

It showed that he has been thinking about her and wanted to help to remove some of the pressures from her life by doing something as simple as making her a home cooked meal.

For a woman, when someone cares about your well-being and wants to contribute to your happiness, it is a huge turn on.

Bonus: A Secret Turn-Off

There are countless ways to turn women off, but here’s one that’s often overlooked. It’s something that will make you look sexist (and have women thinking about anything but sex).

I’m talking about speaking negatively about other women.

Whether it’s your ex girlfriend, your mom (big red flag!), or just women in general… bad-mouthing another woman is a real turn-off for most ladies.

Saying that “all your exes are crazy”, or just making any sort of generalization about the differences between men and women, is dangerous. This is a classic blunder that makes women think that you’re sexist or chauvinist.

So, in summary, avoid saying anything overly critical or negative about the female sex (either as a whole or in regard to individual women in your life).

The last thing you need is to put your foot in your mouth by insulting a woman — that’s really not a very good way to turn her on! Instead, stick to the tips and advice I’ve provided above, and you’ll be a regular Casanova in no time…

couple dressed up in an intimate embrace

4 Ways to Stimulate Sexual Tension

March 29, 2017/in Dating /by Kate Spring

The bottom line about sexual tension is that it’s fun. And if you aren’t trying to generate some with a lil’ lady, you’re missing out.

Sexual tension is that feeling that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning, get dressed, and get to school early just so that you can have that extra five minutes with your crush before class starts?

Or that co-worker that you can’t stop staring at and always try to not so casually, casually meet in the breakroom?

That, my friends, is a little something I like to call sexual tension. Where you like what you see, you want it, but you can’t touch it … yet.

A lot of my clients have been asking how you generate that spark with a woman. And a lot of women would tell you that this is something that happens organically, something that only fate can control. And I’m here to tell you that that is wrong.

It’s like when women wake up from a one-night-stand and think that she and the guy are miraculously waking up at the same time. Wrong! We all know that the guy did the waking and is pretending like this was some act of fate, which means that, since you both woke up at the exact same time, you should have sex.

Since we know that sexual tension is something that can be fabricated, I’m here to help you understand 4 ways to do so.

1. Eye Contact

The first and one of the easiest ways to start building some tension is through eye contact. Think sultry eye contact, eyes wide open, not the dumbstruck, open mouth kind of stare. The sultry gaze is when you make eye contact with a girl, and you hold the eye contact because you intended to look at her. You don’t care if she sees you looking at her.

It’s primal and lets her know that you like what you see.

I once worked in an office with a guy and every time I got up to go to the break room or the washroom, I had to walk by his desk. And every time I did, he made eye contact with me.

And I wasn’t particularly interested in the guy because I was seeing someone at the time, but it did give me that feeling of, “Oh, is he checking me out?” This can make a girl feel good about herself. It’s the type of gesture that causes blushing. And blushing is a signal that something else is happening too.

2. Flirty Banter

The next step in creating some sexual chemistry is through verbal communication. Or in less clinical terms, flirty banter.

In creating sexual tension, it’s important that you already know a girl and are crushing on her at this point.

If you work with her or go to school with her, you need to create a dialogue and that can be talking about work, class, what you’re planning for the weekend. If she says, “Oh, no weekend plans for me,” you can reply with something like “I bet you would have no problem finding a guy to take you out for dinner on Friday night!”

Sexual tension is the push and pull of attraction. You are being pulled toward someone, but circumstance prohibits you from acting on those sexual desires. And, here, it is important to note that you just create those circumstances that prohibit this.

Flirting can also come in the form of a compliment. It’s important to mention that you don’t want to come off as a sleaze ball or compliment her in such a way that you send a message to her that you want something in return. With a compliment, it should just be said with no ulterior motive behind it—even if you do want to get her number and go on a date with her.

Compliments are like smiles. You give them because that is who you are, not what you want.

3. Get Next To Her

The third step to creating some tension is to get next to her. Close the gap of physical space between the two of you. When you do this, you are showing her that you aren’t afraid to be in her personal bubble. But you need to implement the two steps previously mentioned before you start to breach her personal space.

One of the best ways to create tension is to get close to a woman and not touch her. If you’re in a class, sit next to her and lean your arm on the arm rest that you both share so that you’re taking up space.

If you are colleagues, find ways to be close to her. In the elevator, the coffee room, or during a board meeting. Get close enough to touch her, but don’t. This will make her wonder if you are going to touch her or not and that confusion that you’ve just created in her is a practical way to build tension.

4. Break the Touch Barrier

Now that you have gradually built up this chemistry between the two of you, it is time to break the touch barrier.

Look for opportunities to touch her naturally. Are you both headed through the same door? Lead her in by placing your hand at the small of her back. Or you can pass her something and your hand can linger touching hers. You can find a lot of excuses to touch a girl. And this will only add to the pent-up tension and arousal you’ve already started to create in her.

I should caution you that each of these steps take time. I wouldn’t go into the office one day and expect to make a girl attracted to you in one day. No, this takes time and patience.

And the more tension you build, the more she will be attracted and desire to be around you.

How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone”

December 15, 2015/2 Comments/in Dating /by Kate Spring

So you’ve been “friend zoned” with that girl you’ve had a crush on since as long as you can remember.

Most guys have been stuck here at some point in their lives… and yes, it definitely sucks.

But even though she only sees you as “just a friend,” or even worse, a “brother,” there are ways you can change your image and make her sexually attracted to you.

If you properly apply what I tell you, she’ll be wanting to hook up with you (and she’ll think that it was her idea).

Yes, the distance between her seeing you as “just a friend” and a guy she wants to have sex with is divided by a very fine line.

How To Escape Friend Zone Hell

First, we have to analyze what you’re doing right now that’s making her see you as just a friend.

Mistake #1: You’re Just WAY Too Nice to Her

You take time out of your day to make her happy. You’re that typical “nice guy.” You’re bending over backwards to please her.

As nice as this seems, it doesn’t create sexual attraction. This doesn’t make her want to have sex with you.

By trying hard to please this girl, you’re essentially putting her up on a hypothetical pedestal, and while she might enjoy this sort of dynamic, she can’t see you as an equal from up there.

You might argue that women always say they want a “kind-hearted” man, and this is true, but it’s just not that one-dimensional.

Mistake #2: Your Level of Neediness is Off the Charts

You ask her to hang out way too much. You always want to talk to her. You always have this burning desire to text her, Facebook her, e-mail her, etc.

This is just not what an attractive guy does. At times, it might even make her think you’re “creepy.”

Look, I know I might sound like a huge #&@! for saying all of this stuff to you, but what I’m saying is probably 100 percent true. And if this is the kick in the butt you need to change your behaviour, then so be it.

Mistake #3: You Show Signs of Jealousy and Possessiveness

Is she hanging out with other friends? Maybe another guy? If you’re friend zoned, it’s probably because you’re showing signs of jealousy.

This is a massive turn off for her and solidifies her decision to keep you in the dreaded friend zone.

I’m not saying you have to somehow control your emotions (because you can’t), but you can’t let her know that you’re feeling this way. Don’t message her asking who she’s asking hanging out with.

In fact, it’s best to do whatever you can to act like you don’t care.

Mistake #4: You Respect Her TOO Much

You say “yes” to her way too often. You do whatever she wants to do. You respect her decisions way too much. In fact, chances are, you probably let her make all the decisions.

Guys who are attractive don’t let women do this for them.

Essentially, based on these four things, you need to stop treating this girl like gold. As weird and counterintuitive as it may sound, you need to start treating her worse.

What you’ve been taught in magazines, movies and TV shows is just a sham. The key to building romantic attraction (and not friendship) is to start acting like a man.

Attractive Traits That Make Women Want You Romantically

Now that you know what not to do, here are some things that will make you more attractive to her.

Tip #1: Start Hanging Out With Other People, Especially Women

Yes, you guys are “best friends,” sure, and you don’t want to lose that, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start hanging out with other people.

When you do this, you’ll send her a subtle (yet effective) message telling her, “I like you, but you don’t mean everything to me.”

Not only this, but women in general are attracted to men with a lot of friends. It’s true, so use this psychological tactic to your advantage.

Tip #2: Begin Making Her Ridiculously Jealous

Along the lines of tactic #1, make her jealous. The next time she asks you to hang out with her, say that you can’t and that you’re hanging out with that cute girl from work.

Don’t make this sound weird, just tell her about your plans casually and let her know that you’ll hang out at some point in the near future. Then, sit back and watch this make her really jealous.

Tip #3: Tell Her About All the Other Girls Who Are Chasing You

Okay, don’t BS too much here, but make it known that a couple of girls may be fighting over you. This is a trick that’s called “pre-selection.”

It means that if a girl knows that a lot of girls are after you, she will become naturally more attracted to you. This isn’t hogwash I’m feeding you, this is real science.

Tip #4: Start Flirting with Her

Touch her. Tease her. Playfully push her shoulder. Playfully hold her hand. “Accidentally” bump into her.

Don’t be afraid to get a little touchy-feely with her. This is how you seduce a girl, and it will sure as hell work.

Remember that the main difference between being friends with a girl and banging her is about attraction.

If she becomes attracted to you in a sexual manner, she’ll want you to be her boyfriend. It’s as simple as that. But first you have to shake that image of yourself.

Tip #5: Tell Her a Sex Story

Tell her about you having sex with some gorgeous girl in the past. Tell her all the details (but make sure you have a reason to tell her about all of this stuff, otherwise she’ll be creeped out).

You want her to think of you as a ‘sexual being’ and inform her that you love sex.

Tip #6: Use Reverse Psychology

Say things like this to her from time to time…

“You know what? I’m glad you’re just a friend. I don’t think I could ever date you.”

“This is why we’re just friends — I don’t think we’d ever work out.”

“You are just such a good friend and I just can’t see you in any other way.”

By saying things like this, she’ll start wondering why you can’t see her in any other way. This will make her want to prove you wrong.

Escaping The Friend Zone Is A Mind Game

Thanks to the tips I’ve explained above, you know how to escape from friend-zone hell… so now, it’s up to you to actually put these things into practice.

You can’t continue to bend over backwards for a girl, compliment her every chance you get, and display traits that cause women to mentally categorize you as “friend material”.

It’s time to use the power of simple psychology, channel your inner Alpha Male, and force her to see you as a potential romantic partner rather than a platonic friend.

A Gentleman’s Guide to Handling Rejection

December 12, 2015/in Dating /by Mark Belmont

In prehistoric times, human society consisted of tribes, packs if you will, often lead by one male and one female, the so-called alphas. These tribes were formed for protection against predators and survival through a social system which helped provide for all its members.

Anyone who lacked a tribe not only risked their well-being, but also reduced their ability to find a mate and thus continue their genetic line. Therefore, “belonging” to the tribe and particularly, earning the accolades and acceptance of the alphas was essential to survival. This need is thus deeply rooted in the human subconscious.

As a result, rejection, whether it is from a potential mate or in another aspect of life, such as being passed over for a promotion at work, hits us all at a deep, primal level. Though it is perfectly easy to find another mate or another job in modern society, this ancient fear of being outcast often leads people to react poorly to rejection.

Learning to control this primal reaction and to handle rejection in a more eloquent – or gentlemanly – way, is not easy. However, how you react to the less-savory parts of life will tell people more about you than how you react when everything is going your way.

A true gentleman understands that rejection is not often personal and, despite the difficulty inherent in doing so, maintains his composure in the face of it.

The Importance of Grace

Rejections happen for a number of reasons and come in many forms. Some are polite, some are just plain brutal. Regardless, your reaction should not change.

The proper way to respond to rejection is to remain stoic, but gracious, and maintain your cool while in public.

This is important for a few reasons. First, the very nature of rejection creates a feeling of being “not good enough” for a girl, for a job, whatever. Don’t justify that rejection with a poor, angry, or violent reaction. Holding your head high and moving on shows that you have maturity and grace and even though this person doesn’t see it, that doesn’t mean that someone else will not.

How to React and Why

Your reaction to a rejection should always be calm and controlled in public. As a gentleman, you cannot allow your anger to boil over in front of those who reject you, since it just proves them right. Furthermore, the whole concept of gentlemanliness is to maintain control and cool. It’s understandable to be upset, it’s primal even, but save that reaction for behind closed doors with trusted confidantes.

The type of rejection you receive, however, calls for a specific response in order to be appropriate and help you come out on top. This is especially true when dealing with women.

How the woman you approach reacts or what she says as a result of your advances, requires a different response in order to send the right message.

For example, a woman who offers you a polite rejection deserves a polite response. Apologize for intruding and excuse yourself from the situation. Make no big deal and exit.

A woman who rejects you because she has a husband or boyfriend, deserves an acknowledgement of your ignorance and an immediate exit. This is important because it also reinforces your respect for her (or any) relationship, which is a mark of a gentleman.

Finally, there will always be women who rudely reject you. Remember that (most of the time) this is not your fault, especially if you are being a gentleman.

However, a rude rejection does not deserve a rude response. Rise above it and deliver a quick, polite sign off – “No worries, have a good evening” – this has the dual effect of maintaining your dignity as well as disproving her assumptions of you, further reinforcing your gentlemanly role.

5 Subtle Signs You’re Being Rejected

September 12, 2015/in Dating /by Jessica Raymond

As a guy, trying to find a date is hard enough. Even though the roles of men and women on the dating scene are blurred, many women still expect that a man take a “traditional” approach to relationships and pursue them.

Woman smiling However, getting her attention or even a date or two, is just the start. Once you start seeing a woman romantically, there is no guarantee that the relationship is going anywhere.

While you may be ready to become an item, she may feel quite differently. Ideally, this is something you would discuss, but many women are too nice to broach the subject and will instead show subtle signs of rejection.

In order to protect your heart as well as save yourself time, it is important to recognise the subtle signs that she’s rejecting you. This way, you avoid playing the role of “fall back” boyfriend and instead move on to women who will appreciate what you have to offer.

1. She Gives Close-Ended Replies

In the digital age, there are many ways to communicate with each other from texting to calls to GChat and Facebook wall posts. All of these media offer you insight into her thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to close ended responses, though, as they generally indicate that she would rather not continue the interaction.

However, don’t mistake close ended responses such as, “thanks” with the ubiquitous and passive-aggressive “K.” The later is generally an indication that she wants you to continue giving her attention whereas a close ended conversation seeks to stop communication by any means necessary.

2. She’s Always “Busy”

Listen, we all have obligations to our professions, families, and friends. It is not out of the question for people to have little time to squeeze dating into an already-full life. However, a girl who is into you will – no questions asked. When true attraction and interest is there, you find time. However, someone who always has other plans or only make tentative arrangements with you only to cancel later on does not have that level of interest.

3. She’s Always on Her Phone

The appeal of the smartphone and its ever-presence in our culture is undeniable at this point. And, let’s be real, everyone has work obligations and family/friends in crisis. There are also relationships (old, comfortable ones) where browsing your phone while together is (a little) acceptable.

However, a smitten woman in the early stages of a romance will want to focus her attention on you, not on her Twitter feed or Instagram “likes.” If she’s constantly checking her phone while you are together, you can bet that she’s not that smitten.

4. She Mentions and Notices Other Men When You Are Together

When a woman talks to you about other potential love interests it is a key indicator that you are not one of the people on that list. At this point, you may have officially entered the “Friend Zone.”

However, outside the obvious mentions of another guy, her behavior towards you versus other people also matters.

Is she unusually flirtatious with other people when you are together? Does she touch them, twirl her hair, or make direct eye contact?

If she does this with you as well it may be an indication that she is a natural flirt rather than flirting with you specifically.

5. She Tells You Directly – With Her Body Language

In all human communication, but especially romantic communication, people actually say more with their bodies than with their mouths. Signs of physical attraction include “leaning in,” hair twirling, direct eye contact, and casual touch. They are all critical indicators of engagement and attraction. Similarly, a woman can reject you with her body language. Notice whether she turns away when speaking with you, especially in a group setting.

Another popular body language cue, especially with women, is called guarding. In this instance, she will put a physical object between the two of you when having a conversation. This is often a purse or a drink. Alternately, she may cross her arms as a way of physically creating a “barrier” of rejection.

Is She The “One”?

The dating scene is tough and it is tempting to want to settle with the first girl you find who seems attentive and agrees to date you. However, no matter how into her you may be, she may feel quite a bit differently, even if she hasn’t realized or admitted it to herself yet.

The truth of the matter is, no matter how “perfect” you are on paper, sometimes relationships just don’t work. Similarly, it’s not always clear what does attract some people to others. If you aren’t sure about a certain girl, then chances are you need to go out more and meet different people.

Bottom Line: Finding the ONE means learning to let go of those who aren’t her. Save yourself time and heartache, as well as ensure that you are ready when the ONE does come along by learning to read the subtle signs that she’s rejecting you but is too nice to say it.

Why Saying ‘I Love You’ Too Soon Can Do More Harm than Good

August 26, 2015/in Dating /by Amy North

Some people consider “I love you” the three greatest and most wonderful words in the English language. It’s also been said, though, that “I love you” is the most frequent lie spoken in the English language!

Wherever you yourself fall on that spectrum, from dewy-eyed romantic to hard-hearted cynic, you must agree that the phrase “I love you” has a lot of power, and that power cannot easily be predicted. So it’s a good idea to think about saying it before you just blurt it out and maybe put your foot in it.

Now wait a minute, you’re no doubt saying … Love is not a rational thing. It’s not a cerebral process where circuits click in your brain and at the end of the calculation, like a computer, you say, “I love you.”

Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying you need the rationality and reasoning of a robot, the coldness of a calculating machine, before you tell someone you love them. But I am saying be a little careful and cautious.

A Phrase with Baggage

Why? Because “I love you” is not a neutral phrase. It carries a ton of baggage – heavy emotional baggage that, even if you may not intend to deliver it, comes with those words. And that heavy baggage can weigh down and even squash a young, new relationship. This is why it’s important to be content being single first. Man giving a balloon to a woman

Meeting and dating a new person, getting to know them gradually, is a difficult endeavour. It takes time and luck. A thousand things can go wrong. That’s why it’s so special and amazing when things go right!

Even when everything feels right, when you and your new romantic interest seem to finish each other’s sentences, read each other’s minds, even when you seem to click perfectly, both of you are still anxious and nervous underneath.

That is normal, and that excitement and anxiety is part of what makes falling in love so much fun. If you knew everything was going to work out a certain way, it wouldn’t be much of an adventure now, would it?

Taking your time as you move through the various stages of intensity in a relationship gives you time for that natural nervousness, excitement, anxiety and wonder about the future to mature into other emotions. As you get to know each other and feel safer sharing special secrets or emotions, you begin to trust each other. That trust is a rare thing and a special thing.

The I Love You Bomb

Dropping “I love you” like a bomb into the center of that situation can be a disaster. Sure, it will be exciting to say it – your heart will pound, your partner’s heart will pound, your nerves will be jangling, and you’ll get quite a rush from all the special chemicals your brain dumps into your synapses when you say charged words like that.

There will be a strong emotional high, for sure, and you are likely to enjoy it (unless the other person says they don’t love you, or they aren’t ready to say it yet, but we’ll get to that in a minute).

But just like the euphoria of alcoholic intoxication, this party will be followed by a hangover – for both of you. And if your relationship is still too new, that hangover can be too much for it.

Putting off saying “I love you” means your relationship will be stronger and more secure, and that you’ll both feel safer with each other, when that emotional atom bomb detonates.

Every day you delay, while continuing to enjoy each other’s company, having fun, talking, learning about each other, every day you wait will give you a stronger foundation.

Throughout this discussion, I’ve been assuming that you and your love interest are on the same page, in the same state of mind, that you both are growing to love each other and so when you do say “I love you,” things will turn out pretty well. But there are other possibilities to consider.

When the Other Person Feels Differently

Sometimes, if you say, “I love you,” too early, you can shock the other person and scare them off. They may feel, after hearing those words, that somehow they owe you an immediate response, just as they would after a marriage proposal.

What they should say is something mature like, “Wow! Thank you for saying that. I don’t know exactly how I feel right this moment, but let me think it over and I’ll tell you later.” That way they can take some time to sort out their feelings and be honest with you. But you know that isn’t likely to happen. Few people are mature enough to handle things that way. And you yourself might be offended if someone didn’t say “I love you” right back after you said it.

So this person will feel tremendous pressure to reply with the same special words to you, even if it isn’t true in their heart at that moment. Think about that. Perhaps it won’t matter in the long run, as your relationship will continue to grow and eventually their heart will catch up to their words. But what if it doesn’t?

Then you’ve got someone who feels terribly guilty inside for saying something intimate that wasn’t true. Better to wait a little longer until both of you know you love each other. Trust me – if you wait, you will know when the time is right.

And What If You Don’t Really Mean It?

The other possibility to consider is that maybe you don’t really love this other person. Perhaps you feel like you do – after all, early on in a relationship we feel all kinds of wild surges of emotion.

We feel giddy and happy, profound and serious, and wild and free. It is easy to mistake those transient, ephemeral emotions for love and to burst out with “I love you!”

Get to enjoy a lot of dates first and get to know each other well before saying the magical words.

But trust me – there are plenty of people out there who have said it and then found out later they were wrong. And once you’ve let those three words out, like the genie from the bottle, you can’t get them back in.

So do yourself and your relationship a favor. Wait just a little longer.