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Get Your Ex Girlfriend To Fall In Love With You Again

You can imagine that this is one of the most common questions people ask me.

So, your girlfriend dumped you, your life has been turned upside down, you feel like hell, you miss her every moment, and you’ll do whatever it takes to win her back. Sound familiar?

You’re in a terrible spot, that’s for sure. But before you can even begin to think about how to get her back, you need to figure out what went wrong. Because if you think you can just pick up where you left of and keep repeating the same mistakes you made before, you’re crazy.

relationship problemsObviously something in your old relationship was dysfunctional, just didn’t work. Oh, maybe it worked OK for you, but obviously your girlfriend was unhappy enough to end the relationship. If you don’t change whatever that was, then the relationship isn’t ever going to work, even if you do get back together. Trust me. If you don’t change, she’s just going to end up dumping you again.

I always urge people to take at least a month off after a breakup. That means no communication with your ex at all. No phone calls, no emails, no letters, no flowers, no gifts, no text messages. Nothing. Silence.

This gives you plenty of time to think over what I just mentioned. Why did your girlfriend dump you? Maybe you think it wasn’t your fault, that she left you for some other guy. My question for you is what did that guy have that you failed to give her?

Don’t just think about this stuff – write it down. Get a cheap spiral notebook and just write down your ideas in it. No one will ever see it, so don’t be embarrassed. Just write down the mistakes you made in your relationship with your ex. Also be sure to write down the positive things you contributed, to keep things balanced. If you write just a little bit every day during that month of silence, you’ll find that you’ve written quite a bit by the end.

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If you’ve found some obvious things about yourself you’d like to change, like a bad temper or laziness, then get to work changing them. Ask other people’s advice. If your anger problem is too serious, find an anger management class at your local health or community center.

Even if you can’t find specific things to work on, it’s a good idea for a general improvement of yourself. What I mean by that in three words is get a life. Go out and have fun. Take a trip and go someplace you’ve always wanted to go but have never gone. Ask one of your buddies to take a road trip with you.

Join a club or a gym and try something new. Anything to get you off your couch and out of your funk. You need to remind yourself that you’re a good person who is able to have fun and enjoy your life. Take a cooking class, join a bowling league, start a softball team, take rides with the local cycling club, learn how to sail or box or row or skydive or whatever you’ve always wanted to do.

I can hear you right now saying, “Thanks, Brad, but you haven’t said one word yet about how to get my ex-girlfriend to fall in love with me! What do I do about that?”

If you’re following my advice, then you’re doing what you can. You should know by now that you can’t make your ex-girlfriend do anything. If you could, you should’ve started earlier and made her not dump you. But we both know that’s impossible. She’s a human being with free will, and she can do whatever she wants.

The Zen answer to your question is that you have to let go of your ex-girlfriend. Yes, it’s a paradox, but I’m sure you’ve heard it before. If you love something, let it go, and so one. Let me break it down for you. If you keep bothering your ex-girlfriend, chasing her around, bombarding her with pleading, annoying messages, smothering her, then you’re just going to drive her even further away. That’s human nature.

man loving lifeBut if you leave her alone for a while and focus on making yourself a happier, more interesting person, then you have the best chance of getting her back. If she sees you again in a month or two and notices that you are no longer the pathetic loser she dumped, she will be impressed. She’ll see that you have a lot of interesting, attractive qualities that she didn’t notice before. Since she obviously had some attraction to you in the past during your relationship, she’s likely to still have some embers smoldering in her heart. It’s easier to start a new fire with those old sparks already there.

So once that month or two of quiet time has passed, you can – if you even still want to get her back after that – contact her carefully through some innocent text messages (asking the name of an old restaurant where you once ate together, or something like that) and gradually connect with her again. You have to play this part cool and careful, but if you are patient, you’ll get to see her and hang out again, and she’ll be able to see that you’ve changed. You don’t tell her how much she’s changed – you let her notice herself.

Let me sum up here. You’ve now done everything you can to stack the deck in your favor. There’s a good chance that your ex-girlfriend will feel some new attraction for you and that may lead to you getting back together. But it’s just a chance. You can’t do more than this. Begging won’t help.

But one really good thing about this process is that if you’ve truly started enjoying your life more, learning new things, having fun, going out and having adventures, then you’ve made yourself much more attractive to any future girlfriends out there. So even if your ex doesn’t come back, you’re still ready to move ahead.

For more personalized advice on your individual situation, you can also get in touch with a breakup expert like Brad Browning and sign up for ongoing personalized coaching.

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About Brad Browning

Brad Browning, BA, is the world’s premiere breakup & marriage coach. Brad Browning’s The Ex Factor Guide, a program that teaches men and women how to win back their ex lovers, has sold thousands of copies worldwide. Brad has also released a similar program called Mend The Marriage that teaches married couples how to revitalize the spark, romance, and desire that’s been long forgotten. To top it all off, Brad’s YouTube channel has over 50 thousand subscribers and almost 7 million views, making his videos the most-watched and liked videos on YouTube!
10 replies
  1. zzz
    zzz says:

    hi
    my gf broke up with me almost two years ago. but we still in contact with each other. we are first cousins. she broke up with me for a richer boy. I was totally mad about getting her back at any cost. but I know she is still in touch with that boy and also dating and sex each other (here in pakistan and in Muslim society sex or dating before marriage is a great sin)
    now i’m worried what to do?
    I love her and wants her back I think she also wants me back now.
    but problem is now I cant make any decision. what I should do?
    get her back or move on in my life???
    sometimes I think if I get her back it’ll be a some kind of revenge.
    plz understand and help me kindly.
    thanks

  2. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Has she been in touch with you? The question is is she showing signs that she wants you back despite being with someone else? That’s what you ought to look out. It’s important not to delude yourself in the process. If she doesn’t display any of the signs, I’m afraid it’s really over for good. Here are signs that there may still be hope: Is It Hopeless? When to Give Up Trying to Get Your Ex Back. I suggest you take the free quiz as well and answer as honestly as possible. Good luck!

  3. rouf
    rouf says:

    so sir it means if she broke up with me a year ago for a nicer and richer guy and she also still in touch with him then for me…….is it all over??? i cant get her back?….no chance at all?
    even she wants me back i think but she just cant decide between me and that boy…
    i am really worried about your advice of moving on…
    then its all over for me?
    please reply soon.
    thanks

  4. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Sorry to hear about the breakup, Rouf. Going by what you’ve told me, you’ve remained friends with her and actually asked for her back?Those were two fatal mistakes, man, I’m sorry. Watch this video for your future reference: 5 Mistakes that Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back. If it’s been a year, and she’s still with the dude she left you for, I suggest to start moving on from this, all right? Take care and I hope you find the right girl for you soon!

  5. rouf
    rouf says:

    sir my gf broke up with me a year ago. i want to get her back passionly. so i followed your advises that are available on your site. now the problem is when ever i apply a no contact rule in my case i feel my ex coming towards me but when i suggest her to make a love relation with me she refuses. i also know she broke up with me due to a nicer and richer boy then me. and she also in touch with him now a days. but sir i have played my card with right approach. i think so but i think all in vain. so what can i do now?

  6. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    Hi V… I would really love to help, but as what I’ve been telling anyone who posts super long comments, please try to keep your post short. I only have limited time to give free advice since obviously my coaching clients take first priority, and I’m trying to cover as many comments as possible. Feel free to sign up for my coaching program so I can prioritize your situation. All right? Thanks for understanding

  7. V
    V says:

    Is it really worth doing it? I mean I felt like the way things ended was sort of weird. For 3 weeks things were going well the minute she returned that day it was sort of awkward. Then the next day I get a couple of text messages about that we shouldn’t be together anymore, we have nothing in common, doesn’t love me anymore. She was lying to herself the whole time, I understand somehow there was someone in the picture which wasn’t a boyfriend. I’m pretty much still in shock how everything occurred. Rather then to let me find out what’s going on I got the cold shoulder fast in which I respected. We were living together things were a bit rough, I not wanting to use her money so much. We did quite of a lot of things together which threw me off when she claimed we never did. I feel as though in order for us to be authentic everything had to be posted on facebook which is something that I wasn’t too excited about. I kept my relationship offline since I felt i’m not dating the whole world as well. People do what they must do but not I, I respected that on her part but come on to live your life online is absurd. I felt a lot of people since the relationship downward since we didn’t have a lot of stuff posted online. Someone said maybe she isn’t as mature as I am? what could of led to this going south so bad, the first time around she claimed something similar we sat down and spoke the reality of things. Then I found that she had done a lot of things we while we first started going out. Well is it too late to fix anything since she removed off her social media, as I’ve read it’s best not to contact for a while, which I have been doing. Two years we were together the beginning was amazing but at the same time dark since she did cheat on me from the start which I found out later on. I guess I may have been sort of a rebound that lasted too long? since she kept in contact with the other guy whom wasn’t a boyfriend but a booty call. So if is it worth trying to get her back although I forgave her for those and gave so many chances and all of a sudden I get one? she said she wants to be alone for now but doesn’t want us to be together. Life is weird relationships such I feel like there’s no need to date anymore. i’m so lost what do I do? I’ve decided to join the gym and do other extreme activities, I fell into a hole since moving from another state where I had a great job to moving elsewhere and having to struggle to make ends meet. That is what kept me from enjoying some of our time together, but she couldn’t understand that. Being stable and being worry free was a good feeling for me having to remove myself from such worries. Well where do I go from here?

  8. Brad Browning
    Brad Browning says:

    I’m sorry to hear that, Muhammed, but the truth is, your ex already lost enough interest in you to date someone else when she broke up with you. Understand that there’s nothing you can do to stop her from seeing someone else. Focus on the things you can control instead: your own reaction. Depending on a lot of factors such as your overall history, how you acted after the breakup, etc. it may or may not be too late to get her back. Moreover, since she lost interest/attraction for you, what you can do is to rebuild it (I’ve talked about this extensively in my Ex Factor Guide on how to do that, check it out. You can’t do that without cutting off contact first so I hope you’ve already done that and stick to it for at least 30 days. Remember that the hardest things are often the right thing to do. Operating out of fear now won’t help your cause, so stay strong and try to accept the situation first, grieve if you must, so you can start to heal — this is an important element in getting her back. Take care!

  9. muhammad
    muhammad says:

    i havent been chatting with my ex for a long time and at first i showed and said sorry many times but i did as you told not to text her and be far away fromm her and i did but she is happy now and now she is dating some other guy who has made us break up and im scared that she may may get used and left alone and it also hurts me seeing her with other guy, what can i do now i cant think of anything please help me out of this mess.
    thank you.

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