How long does it normally take to get back together with your ex? This is a super common question I’m asked all the time…. and it’s actually a pretty good question, too.
The answer, of course, is “it depends”.
So, on this page, I’m going to cover several possible scenarios you might be facing right now… and I’m going to give you a general prognosis for each of these common situations.
Before I jump into it, remember one very important thing: you cannot rush the process.
If you try to take short-cuts or ignore my advice and do too much too soon, you’ll almost certainly push your ex further away at some point and that will only set you back and make it more difficult and more time-consuming to win back your ex.
Trust me on this one. Please. I know that you probably miss your ex like crazy right now, but it’s critical that you don’t try to “speed up” the process, or ignore my advice about how long you need to wait before using certain tactics to re-attract your ex.
How Long It Takes To Get Your Ex Back: 5 Common Scenarios
Now, on to a few common situations, and what each means in terms of how long you can expect it to take to get back together with your ex…
Scenario #1: Your breakup was recent, within the last 30 days or so, and you’ve done everything I teach in my Ex Factor program from day one.
Essentially, this means you’ve done all the right stuff to help re-attract your ex, and haven’t made any major mistakes.
In this type of situation, which isn’t very common unless you’re smart enough to register for The Ex Factor Guide right after breaking up, the outlook is usually very positive.
Now there’s no guarantee that you’ll succeed in starting over with your ex regardless of how well you handle things after the breakup, but typically in these type of situations you can expect to have your ex back within 6 weeks or so.
In other words, within a couple of weeks after you finish the 30 day No Contact period.
Sometimes, No Contact on its own will be enough and your ex may even ask you to take them back after just a week or two after you start ignoring them.
That’s a best-case-scenario, but it does happen quite often. Sometimes, it will take several in-person meetings and lots of flirting and attraction-building to completely change your ex’s mind about breaking up.
If your relationship wasn’t very serious or you only dated your ex for a few months before breaking up, that may cause things to take longer or reduce your odds of success. But for most of you, you can expect success pretty quickly.
To find out if your current scenario falls into this category, just take my free quiz here. The quiz will tell you your odds of success, and a higher score in the quiz — over 75, for instance — suggests you’re in a situation similar to the one I just described, and therefore there’s a good chance your ex will take you back in the near future.
Scenario #2: It’s been 2-4 months since your initial breakup, and you have been following my advice closely for the past month or so.
In other words, you fumbled around a bit for a while after the breakup, and maybe you made a few mistakes along the way. Now, you’ve put an end to any unproductive or possibly even harmful behaviours, and started applying No Contact or already finished the full 30 days.
In a situation like this — assuming you and your ex were serious, and together for at least 6 or 8 months, or more — then you’re probably going to be able to turn the ship around within 4-6 weeks, assuming you do exactly what I recommend in my Ex Factor program and don’t cave in and make a mistake that can set you back weeks or months.
As you all probably know, the key to winning back your ex is to completely reverse their mindset. Remember, the day he or she dumped you, they saw you as a “low-value” romantic partner and felt the logical thing to do was to move on and try to find someone “better.”
You CAN change their mind using the psychological tactics I teach, and in doing so you’ll basically be re-setting their feelings about you and your value generally.
So really, that’s why it may be another two months potentially before you’re able to seal the deal with your ex… your ex will need time to let go of negative thoughts and feelings, and become attracted to you once again.
If your ex was more uncertain about the breakup generally, and maybe even started having regrets soon after you began the No Contact phase, then things will be easier and progress more quickly once No Contact ends.
If the breakup was ugly, or you screwed up and hurt your ex or made them angry for some reason during the final days of the relationship, then you may need 6 or 8 weeks to fully “re-set” their emotions and re-build their attraction for you.
Eventually, their attraction and the fact they miss you like crazy will cause them to ignore any rational reasons for breaking up and forgive you for any wrongdoings.
Scenario #3: It’s been 3-6 months since the breakup, and you’ve made a number of serious mistakes since breaking up OR your ex was very upset and angry at you when you first broke up.
This could be a situation where you’ve made some significant mistakes already that you know have hurt your chances… things like repeatedly begging, pleading your ex, or even bringing out your inner psycho and showed up at their house randomly or sent drunk texts gushing your heart out…
Or it could be that you just completely ignored my advice and failed to employ No Contact at all for months after being dumped, and now you’re suddenly starting to wake up and get things right in hopes it’s not too late to fix things with your ex.
In fact, even if you haven’t made big mistakes, and you’ve listened to some of my advice, but your ex was furious about something you did or said at the time of the breakup, and hasn’t completely forgiven you yet… then you’re also probably in a similar situation currently.
If this is where you’re at currently with your ex, then the road to starting over in a new relationship is long.
It’s not usually impossible, especially if you begin really sticking to the 3R System and the techniques I explain in The Ex Factor Guide, but it’s going to take at least a couple of months, typically.
You might get lucky and your ex might be particularly emotional and prone to heartache, but it’s not going to be quick or easy to get them back most of the time when you’re facing this sort of scenario.
Scenario #4: It’s been a year or longer since the original breakup OR it’s been 6-12 months but you’ve made numerous major mistakes during that time.
Basically, folks, this is the boat you don’t want to find yourself in. There’s no lifeboats left, and you’re a long way from shore. Now, don’t lose all hope — especially not if you haven’t confirmed how bad things are by taking the quiz — but don’t get your hopes up for an immediate quick fix that will make your ex come running back.
I hate to sound harsh, and there’s no sense crying over spilt milk, but if you got to this point then you probably should’ve sought my help sooner… or at least had better control over your emotions and actions that led you to this dire point.
Sometimes you might do everything right and still end up in a bad spot like this, but mostly it’s because you did everything wrong for months after the breakup, and now you’re facing a tough uphill battle that’s going to take months… or longer.
This is when it’s time to think hard about whether you still have any shot at getting them back at all.
You should also take the quiz. If your score is bad (ie. below ~60 or so), then it’s likely not a matter of “how long will it be before I get them back” but rather “how much more time do I waste trying to save a sinking ship”.
If there’s still hope at all, then expect to spend a minimum of 2-3 more months re-building your ex’s attraction and repairing their mental image of you before they’ll take you back.
Scenario #5: Your ex has re-married, your ex has gone to court and taken out a restraining order against you, or your ex has passed away.
If that describes your situation, I’m sorry, but… you’re f****ed!
Thankfully, most of you are not in a hopeless situation, so please start doing things correctly… beginning right now! If you can do that, you should be only a month or two from having your ex back in your arms again.