I’m going to teach you how to show your ex that you simply don’t care.
This advice will work after any breakup, regardless of how things went down.
Just follow these ten steps and you can be sure that your ex will be shocked at how quickly you’ve moved on.
Showing Your Ex You Don’t Care
So let’s talk about your goal here. Whether you want your ex back, just want to move on, or you’re not sure, playing it cool and acting like you don’t care is a very effective strategy that your ex is sure to notice.
This is because it’s the EXACT OPPOSITE of how many people act after a breakup. Most people either lash out in anger, wallow in sadness, or pester their ex, hoping for a second chance.
The same goes for breakups that were a mutual decision. In fact, even if you were the dumper, you’ll usually fall into one of these categories and that’s not good.
These behaviours ruin any good memories your ex has of your relationship and makes them lose respect for you. Avoid these pitfalls by following my ten rules, starting with number one…
1. Keep to yourself
This is the best way to let your ex know that you don’t care after a breakup. No matter how well you follow the other rules on this list, if you’re constantly reaching out to your ex, it really doesn’t matter what you’re saying.
You could be listing all their faults and telling them how much better your life is without them, but as long as you’re still bugging them, it’s going to be COMPLETELY OBVIOUS how much you really do care.
Instead, you should make every effort to keep your distance from your ex. You both need time to cool off and process the breakup in your own way. This means no text messages, no phone calls, and no dropping in to check on them for at least ONE MONTH following the breakup.
This is one of the many reasons that I advocate the No Contact Method. If you want your ex back, then this period of separation is going to be a key part of your strategy. Simply put, No Contact means NO contact.
You spend 30 days following your breakup without speaking to your ex. During this time you focus on getting your life back on track. This means spending time with friends and family, focusing on self improvement and trying new and exciting things.
This time period will give your ex a chance to really start to miss you and worry that they may have missed their chance with you for good. Later on in this video I’m going to talk more about what to do AFTER No Contact so stick around for that.
And even if you’ve decided that you don’t want to get back with your ex, No Contact is still the best move for you.
Many people try to keep up a bit of communication with their ex just to be polite, or in hopes of achieving some sort of “closure,” but more likely it will just end up in more drama and hurt feelings when one of you decides to pull away and leave the other one wondering what happened.
Rip off the bandaid and commit to No Contact for 30 days following your breakup. You’ll be glad you did. What happens after that 30 days is up to you, but whatever your goal, you’re going to find that you’re better off than you were 30 days ago.
Of course, there is going to be a bit of business to take care of, like dropping off any belongings they had at your place, or tying up other loose ends. This is especially true if the two of you live together or have children or anything like that. But keep these moments businesslike and don’t be drawn into more drama.
2. Keep up your routine
If you can keep up your routine during this time, not only will you appear like you don’t care, but you’ll actually feel less sad and depressed and more in control of your life. In fact, most if not all of these rules will not only make it LOOK like you don’t care, they’ll make it so that you actually think less about your breakup.
This is part of the “act as if” mentality. You start by pretending you feel a certain way, and, after some time passes, you realize that you’re no longer pretending.
Obviously there’s a good reason that your routine has been interrupted. Not only are you feeling depressed because of the breakup, but there’s a good chance that your ex was a big part of your regular routine.
For instance, you probably texted each other before bed, or had a regular date night. In this case, you need to find new activities to fill in those gaps so that your routine can continue without interruption.
So, say you typically went on a date every Wednesday. Now that that’s gone, you can make regular plans with your friends to go for a few drinks every Wednesday. You’ll be surprised how big of a difference this makes.
QUIZ: Can I Get My Ex Back?
If you don’t have a solid routine in your life, now is a great time to start one. All it takes is a sheet of paper and a pencil. Plot out a typical day for you. What do you do when you get up in the morning? What about your night time routine?
All it takes is two or three activities to create a routine and, though it may be difficult at first, once you have it in place you’ll realize how valuable that structure can be to maintaining your physical and mental health.
You do need to allow yourself some time to grieve the relationship so don’t hesitate to take a few days to yourself to recharge. But as soon as you can, make an effort to get some normalcy back in your life.
3. Post on social media
If you can’t reach out to your ex, then how are you supposed to show them that you don’t care? The answer is social media.
Maintain a positive and happy outlook through your social media presence and your ex will wonder how you’re dealing with the breakup so well. There are a lot of different options here to get the message across.
Trust me when I say that your ex WILL be watching you on social media. There have been studies proving it.
You can post a shirtless progress pic, if you’re feeling bold. Otherwise, a selfie with friends is always a good option. Or, if you really want drive your ex crazy, post a photo with you and a mysterious new friend of the opposite sex.
Remember that less is more when it comes to social media. Rather than detailing exactly who you’re with and what you’re doing at all times, keeping it a little mysterious sends a better message: that you’re busy living your best life.
4. Don’t complain to mutual friends.
I know how tempting it can be to talk shit about your ex after a breakup. This is especially true if you’re worried that your friends may pick sides. But the best way to combat this isn’t to let them know all the dirty details of your breakup.
The best way to show you don’t care is to be the bigger person. Let them know that you still care about your ex but that you know that this split is for the best. Show them that you don’t need them to pick a side and that they can still be friends with both of you. This maturity will make you look good, both to your ex and to your friends.
And if you still need to vent to someone, choose a family member or a friend who isn’t close to your ex so you can be sure that it won’t get back to him or her. Venting can be a great outlet for any negative feelings you’re holding on to.
It can also help you to sort out any confusion. But don’t get too caught up in your need to vent and end up creating more drama with your ex. I’m sure it goes without saying but don’t vent directly TO your ex either. That never ends well.
5. Treat them like you would an acquaintance
This is something that always gets under an ex’s skin after a breakup, in the best way.
If you do find yourself in a situation where you HAVE to talk to your ex, instead of treating them with kid gloves, or being extremely cold and rude to them, treat them the way you would an acquaintance who you’re not that close to.
This means being friendly and polite but without any of the intimacy that they’re used to. This sudden shift in tone can really hammer home the point that the two of you have broken up. And if you play it right, they can’t really be mad at you, since you’re just giving them exactly what they asked for.
6. Focus on yourself
This is something that many of us lose touch with while in a long term relationship. It’s also one of the biggest benefits of being single. Now that you don’t have someone else relying on you to act a certain way and fulfill certain wants and needs, you’ll truly be free to put yourself first in every situation.
This can feel selfish at first but it can also be empowering. You’ve been through a tough time recently and you deserve to make yourself feel good. By treating yourself right you’ll start to see the good that comes with a breakup and you will genuinely not care as much about the negatives.
So treat yourself to a new haircut, cook your favourite dinner, and watch what YOU want to watch for a change.
7. Don’t be rude
Being rude, hostile or otherwise nasty to your ex actually does the opposite of what you’re hoping to do. While it will make your ex feel bad in the moment, in the long run it’s only going to make them think that the breakup was for the best.
After all, no one is going to feel bad about breaking up with someone who makes them feel like shit.
Instead, find another outlet for these bad feelings. This can mean venting to friends or family, exercise, or writing down your feelings in a journal.
Whatever you do, remember that this is a long game and if you want to make your ex regret their decision, then being rude to them isn’t the way to get there.
8. Sign up for my email coaching program
If you still want your ex back, then you’re already on the right track but there’s still a long way to go. That’s why you NEED to sign up for my email coaching service. Not only will I give you more tips on how to keep your ex at arm’s length, I’ll help you craft the perfect plan to win their heart again.
And since my program is 100% confidential, they never even have to know we spoke. I can’t wait to hear from you.
9. Be spontaneous
Relationships come with certain responsibilities. You can’t just drop everything and go to Vegas for the weekend with your friends. You can’t stay out all night. And you certainly can’t go home with that cute someone at the bar. But now that you’ve broken up, what’s stopping you?
Now’s the time to say “yes” to adventure and try new things. If you can be free to embrace your spontaneous side, it’s going to show you all that you’ve been missing out on during your relationship. Hopefully this will make you realize that, while breakups suck, there is always a silver lining.
10. Ignore their messages
This one will really get under your ex’s skin. If your ex sends you a text message, don’t reply right away. In fact, if their message isn’t a direct question that’s important, you shouldn’t reply to them AT ALL.
Sorry, can’t talk right now.
Maybe answer 1 in 3 messages and even then, let a bit of time go by before you hit them back. This can feel petty, and it may be, but it really does help send the message that they’re no longer your number one priority.
If you do respond, keep it brief and end it with a period, to let them know that you don’t expect a response back. Talking to your ex can be a really hard habit to break but if you want to show them that you don’t care, you’ll need to be ruthless.
11. Don’t reach out to them on holidays or their birthday
I understand that you probably still want to be on good terms with your ex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you need to remember that you two are now broken up.
This means that they can’t expect you to wish them a happy new year or even a happy birthday. If you’re serious about letting your ex know that you just don’t care anymore, then this step is CRUCIAL.
That said, if you’re really, truly over them and it’s been at least six months, then wishing your ex a happy birthday actually IS the right move because it shows them that you’ll treat them like you would any other friend in your life.