Is It A Waste Of Time To Try To Get Your Ex Back?
You broke up, you’re in pain and you don’t know what to do next.
You need to ask yourself this question:
Should I try to get back together with my ex?
Am I trying to recapture the past instead of moving forward? Is it pathetic to go running back to someone who rejected me? Is it even POSSIBLE to win back someone after a breakup?
Well I’m here to tell you that not only is it possible to get your ex back after breaking up, it’s often the right choice and, if you don’t try, you’ll always wonder what might have been.
Reasons You Should Get Back With Your Ex
I’m going to explain to you why it’s almost never a waste of time to try to get back together with an ex, the few situations where you actually should cut bait and move on, and then we’ll talk a bit about how to make it happen for you.
So, why do I say that trying to get back with your ex is almost never a waste of time? Let me tell you.
1. People breakup and get back together all the time
Studies have shown that 50 percent of couples that split up eventually reconcile. So all those people who tell you that it’s impossible–that dating an ex is never a good idea–truly have NO IDEA what they’re talking about.
The reasons for this are varied. Many people breakup in a moment of anger and then realize how much their partner brought to their life and decide to reconcile. Others have specific issues to work out and find that the time apart helps them both gain perspective.
The important part is that it does happen and it can happen to you too.
2. You have unfinished business
If you’re still hung up on an ex, you’re going to really struggle to move on and date new people, no matter how long it has been since you broke up. You’ll always compare others to them. You’ll wonder why things didn’t work. That uncertainty will affect your confidence and your ability to connect with another person.
Often trying to repair things with your ex, even if it doesn’t work out, will help you work through the trauma that came with the breakup and even repair your relationship with yourself.
I’m sure, like everyone, you have regrets–things you wish you could do over so you could make a different choice and have a better, different life. Now you’re in a situation where you have a chance at a do-over. You can put everything you have into a second chance with your ex, or you can add another regret to the pile.
3. True love is rarer than we think
Personally, I think that love is worth holding onto. And while it’s true that you may be able to find someone else to be with, someone without all the baggage and the little habits that drive you crazy–you also may never find someone as suited to be with you as your ex is.
That may be pessimistic but it’s also reality. Not everyone has the time or the energy to go out there and date a bunch of new people to find the right one. And even if you do find someone that is a good match for you and decide to give it a go, who’s to say that you won’t end up with the exact same problems down the road?
Meanwhile there’s someone out there who has plenty of the right qualities and, despite their issues, has proven that they’re able to love you in all the ways that matter.
With your ex, at least you know the playing field and have already started a dialogue about these issues. And where you both fall short, love can fill in the gaps.
4. The simpler path isn’t always the right one
I know, I’m not your dad but I feel like I have to say this. Just because you can see a simpler path forward, one that seems clear of obstacles and traps, it doesn’t mean that you’re headed in the right direction.
And I know, moving on from your ex isn’t easy but it is–at least seemingly–more simple. You don’t have to risk hurting yourself or your ex. You don’t have to risk embarrassing yourself and you don’t have to try to fix what’s wrong with your relationship. You can simply run full speed in another direction and leave all of this behind.
But everything in life worth doing is hard. Relationships are hard, marriage is hard, having a family is hard. That doesn’t mean you should opt out of it altogether.
Obviously you or your ex decided that this wasn’t worth it and took the easy way out by ending the relationship but that doesn’t have to be the end.
I know that moving on and starting a brand new future on your own may feel romantic but I think starting something new with someone you love can be even more exciting and fulfilling. It’s not going to be the same relationship you had before. Your relationship has changed forever–you have changed forever–but you still have the capacity to reconcile and start down a new path, together.
5. Breakups don’t mean you’re broken
Many people find breakups really damaging. You feel like your love has been rejected. You think that this means that you’re unlovable or that there’s something wrong with you–like you’re incapable of creating a relationship that works.
These are feelings we all have sometimes and, with enough hindsight, we can see how ridiculous they are. We’re all worthy of love and capable of making a connection with another person.
But these feelings are traumatic and painful and we’ll often do anything to get away from them. So that’s why many people run from their ex–they don’t want to be reminded of these feelings. But if you can successfully fix the relationship then you’ll find these feelings can be actively processed rather than hidden.
The truth is that people with an intense connection also often have difficulty staying together not because they’re incapable of love but because they feel TOO MUCH love.
Think about it. Love requires closeness and intimacy and the closer you get the more friction you’re going to create. This is why you’re less likely to fight with an acquaintance than with a close friend.
So breaking up doesn’t mean that you’re broken. It means that you two were truly invested and cared about one another, but that at some point that intensity was focused in the wrong place.
6. Breakups can actually help fix your relationship
I’ve hinted at this already but I wanted to make it clear: breaking up can give you the perspective you need to create a better relationship with your ex.
I know it may not feel that way right now but if you’re able to repair things with your ex you’re going to have some tough conversations that you never had before. Even now, I’m sure you know more about your ex than you did before you two broke up. You found out the things that they were keeping to themselves in order to spare your feelings. You discovered their priorities and their boundaries.
And more than that, breaking up shows you what is important. When we’re together for a long time it’s easy to forget the things that bring us together. All the good stuff kind of fades into the wallpaper and we focus on only the negatives, the things we wish were different.
Now that you’re cut off from one another’s presence, you can truly see what the other person brought into your life–the love, the happiness, the intimacy–that you were blind to just a few weeks or months ago.
Reasons To Move On
Now that we’ve talked about why you should try to get back together with your ex, let’s talk about those rare exceptions when it’s not a good idea or will prove almost impossible. There are only a few of these so I’ll keep this short.
If you and your ex broke up a long time ago, like we’re talking multiple years, then getting them back is going to be a seriously uphill battle.
Chances are they’ve moved on and the two of you have grown into very different people. In this case I’d say that it’s not impossible but it’s going to be extremely difficult and probably not worth your time.
Next, if your ex has a restraining order against you, that’s a pretty clear indicator that they have no interest in talking to you anymore, much less getting back together.
If you push it here you’re going to scare the hell out of your ex and probably end up in jail. In this case, I’d recommend you really consider what led to this point and then cut your losses and move on with your life.
Then there’s the situation where you or your ex has moved a great distance away, like to another country or even continent. I know things could possibly still work out if you were in the same place but this is going to be a HUGE barrier to overcome.
What’s the end game here? You move to their location and try to start a life together? They move back? You go long distance? If you consider any of these, it’s pretty easy to see that they’re not going to work out the way you want them to.
And finally, if your ex is engaged or married then it’s time to move on. Even if you could somehow get your ex back in this scenario, how would you be able to trust someone that would leave their spouse for you? So just forget it and move on.
Now, if you’re not in any of these situations and you’ve decided to begin trying to win back your ex, you must be wondering how you can make it happen?
Well the truth is that there’s a very simple, straightforward method to getting your ex back that I’ve advocated for years that you can read about here.
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