Why Do Men Send Drunk Texts?

What does it mean when men send drunk texts?

Does it mean he likes you or is he just trying to get laid?

Is alcohol a truth serum or a love potion?

Here’s my biggest takeaway about drunk texting…

Drunk texting is rarely something to worry about.

And that’s the biggest takeaway of this video. If drunk texting is something he only does once in a blue moon then it truly isn’t a problem. It can even be sweet to see your man be vulnerable in this way, and if he’s not your man just yet… it can be a window into his feelings for you. That’s a win-win.

So for the most part, you shouldn’t take drunk texting too personally.

If it’s a guy you haven’t talked to in five years, a random drunk text probably just means he was lonely or horny and thinking of you.

If it’s someone you’re close with, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s secretly in love with you. Try to take it in stride and have a sense of humour about it all.

When To Worry About Drunk Texting

But when should you be worried about drunk texting? Well if he only ever texts you when drunk or if it becomes a recurring theme in your relationship, then this is a potential red flag.

Severity also matters. Basically, how drunk is he, actually? Having a few beers and getting mushy is a far cry from something like this

You’ve got n ass thix saeh fdsafd;;;;.

So you’ll have to decide for yourself where his texts lie on that scale.

The Reasons Why Men Send Drunk Texts

And it also matters why he’s drunk texting you. There are three potential negative motivations behind drunk texting.

1.  he only wants you when he’s drunk

This is true if he doesn’t respect you or want more than just a booty call.

This can definitely be a factor even in men who are completely sober but alcohol can shine a light on it.

Does he ONLY text you late at night when he’s been out with his buddies? If so, his compliments and smooth lines should be taken with a grain of salt.

2. He’s emotionally closed off

Call it what you want: emotional unavailability, immaturity or a low EQ–it’s a problem many men deal with. Men are taught by society to be ashamed of their emotions.

RELATED: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Make Time For Me

If he can only be sweet to you when he’s had a few beers, this is something to consider. But this one doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. It really depends on how important this kind of affection is to you.

3. He has a serious drinking problem

This is the one you really need to worry about. If this is the case then chances are the behaviour goes beyond just drunk texting and is starting to affect his life not to mention your relationship. Drunk texting can be a hint at a larger problem if it’s happening regularly.

Consider his relationship with alcohol…can he have a good time without a drink in his hand? Does he spend every Saturday at the club and every Sunday sick in bed?

A little overindulgence is far from a deal breaker but it’s something to be aware of if you want to move forward with this guy and build a future together.

So provided that none of these three scenarios apply, what should you do if he sends you a drunk text? I find many women have a problem knowing what to say.

Even if you don’t mind, it can still be hard to communicate with him since you two are in different states (namely: he’s drunk and you’re sober). I recommend just being yourself, regardless of the state he’s in. And don’t be afraid to poke fun at him for being drunk.

How To Respond To His Drunk Texts

If you don’t mind the texts but don’t know how to talk to him when he’s like this, that’s okay too. It’s not always easy to text a guy you like. Wait until the next morning and then hit him with something playful like:

Hahaha sounds like you were having fun last night

or…

I guess wine makes you think of me lol

And finally, it’s the content of the texts that matters most. If what he’s saying makes you uncomfortable, then there’s no excuse. Not only does this show a lack of respect for you, it’s a window into what’s on his mind. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, I’d consider that a huge red flag.

If you want to keep seeing him but want to discourage drunk texting then start by simply keeping your cool.

Don’t respond until the next morning. Drunk texting usually happens pretty late at night anyway and if you’re trying to get a point across, he’s not going to be very perceptive when he’s drunk out of his mind.

There are a few ways to handle it. I’d say something like…

I like talking to you better when you’re sober

In the cold light of morning he’ll usually get that message loud and clear.

If this doesn’t stop him–some guys can be slow on the uptake–then make it a point not to respond to him for a few days after he drunk texts. A lot of the time this can be enough to curb the behaviour.

And finally, don’t be afraid to just straight up tell him to stop drunk texting you. Sometimes the direct approach is best. As with any criticism, I’d recommend doing this in person so that you can make your tone clear, especially if this is someone you’re interested in seeing on an ongoing basis.

Lucy Goldman

Lucy Goldman is a women's dating coach and commitment expert. She's a staff writer at LoveLearnings, and host of LoveLearnings TV on YouTube.