There are certain red flags that every woman knows that let you separate the players from the real men.
But did you know that there are also warning signs that you need to watch our for further on in your relationship?
These red flags will let you know that he’s not going to be a good husband, father, or life partner and if you notice any of them, it means that you should look elsewhere if you’re looking for something more serious.
The Men You Shouldn’t Marry
So first off, we need to talk about red flags more generally. It’s important to note that it’s not these red flags in themselves that make him not husband material, but rather it’s what these red flags imply about his character, personality and maturity level that will create a problem down the road if the two of you stay together.
These red flags signal things like commitment issues, dishonesty, and emotional immaturity.
He takes A LOT out of you
Relationships are often hard work. But if you feel like you need time to recharge after hanging out with him, this is a sign that he’s going to be difficult to spend your life with in the long run. When a relationship is functioning properly, it’s meant to recharge your batteries, not drain them.
Whether it’s his constant need for attention and validation, his erratic and surprising behavior or his constant need for sex, a boyfriend who tires you out is one you should think carefully about before marrying.
He doesn’t have any long term friends
It’s difficult for many people to build long lasting friendships, but if he has trouble making friendships last, this could be a good indicator for the longevity of his relationships.
Be mindful of how he talks about his friends, both past and present. Is he very demanding or critical? Are all of his many falling outs caused by the other person, with him refusing to take any accountability?
We’ve all had rough patches in our own friendships. It’s by working through these rough patches that you forge a stronger bond. If he’s always willing to bail at the first sign of trouble, this can mean that he doesn’t have emotional intelligence or the ability to compromise.
He makes plans but doesn’t follow through
If he talks a big game but can’t put his money where his mouth is, this is a red flag for your future together. This can be seen in anything from his personal life to his career to his long term goals.
On one hand, we all strive to be better people and sometimes our reach exceeds our grasp. It’s when his lack of follow through has an effect on you and your relationship that you may be in real trouble.
So maybe he promised you something and then broke his promise. Maybe he always says that the two of you will take a trip together and something always comes up. If you do decide to marry this guy, get ready for a lifetime of big promises and even bigger disappointments.
He gets upset when you go out with your friends
Some men will be out and out hostile when you do anything without them. Others will just be a little peeved when you go out dancing with the girls.
But the truth is, if he’s at all resentful that you have your own life, this is a really serious red flag for your relationship.
A real man will be happy that you have your own life, friends, and activities that don’t involve him. He’ll be okay with spending time alone, without needing constant presence and validation.
When he gets testy when you spend time without him, it signals a few things that will spell problems for your relationship. It means that he’s jealous and possessive of you. It means that he’s self-centred and feels that his own comfort comes before your happiness.
It means that he has issues with codependency and can’t bear being alone. Steer clear of guys like this as their jealousy and resentment will only grow stronger with time.
He doesn’t learn from his mistakes
Do you feel like you’re having the same fights over and over? Do you find that you have to keep telling him the same thing again and again? These are the hallmarks of a guy who won’t learn from his mistakes.
This can be for several reasons. Maybe he doesn’t respect your feelings and just tells you what you want to hear with no intention of changing his behaviour. Maybe he’s so self centred that he isn’t aware of how his actions affect other people. Or maybe he just lacks the ability to grow and change in a meaningful way at this point in his life.
None of these are great reasons and they’re all red flags for your future marriage. A man who won’t learn is not one you should spend any more time with.
He never apologizes
Conflict is a natural part of every relationship. It’s how we deal with this conflict that can bring us together, or drive a wedge between us. If you find that your fights end with a stony silence and a slow return to normal WITHOUT any sort of apology or acknowledgement of what went wrong, this is a red flag for your future together.
He doesn’t need to get on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness but he should make an effort to see your point of view and understand that he made a mistake.
A truly effective apology includes three parts: an acknowledgement of how he hurt you, a statement of apology (i.e. “I’m sorry”), and the promise to do better going forward. But if he falls short, it’s not a huge deal. Most people don’t know how to properly apologize to another person. In this case, it’s more the thought that counts.
And remember that all these red flags are a two way street. Do you get angry at him for going out with friends? Do you make a lot of promises and then flake on them? Remember that while it takes two people to build a marriage, it only takes one person to ruin it.