86 Comments on “Should I Be Friends With My Ex?”

  1. Alex
    Hi Brad! Nice text! Well I have one question. For example: I was a colleague in school with a girl, and we kissed once, but havent heard or seen her for a while. What should I do to ignite the spark (start the conversation)?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Alex. I would start by texting her something really casual and light-hearted. Maybe something funny related to a shared experience she would remember... Something like, "hey, long time no talk! just had to send you a quick text because I was thinking about that time your roommate walked in on us!! haha, very close call. Anyway hope you're doing well!"... Make sure she knows who you are - if she doesn't have your number in her phone, you'll want to clearly say who you are. If you text her out of the blue and she doesn't really know who you are, it'll come across as "creepy" which is not what you want. Good luck!
  2. salomon abensour
    Hello Sir My wife left me 1 week ago and went to live with a neighbor upstairs.Well there is much to say about this break up.the infidelity has been going on for years maybe.In ou societies every individual thinks about him o herself. I must add something important..When you speak about not to ente the friend zone with your ex you seem to forget if the breaking couple has children or not.I have 2 wonderful kids,a boy 9 and a girl 8.I have the custody of the kids.She said to me: lets remain friends because we have children.She comes every morning at 7 and prepares the kids for school,makes them food,follow them to their activities,training,football etc... How shall I deal with that? Shall I distance myself fron these contacts with her.What to do? Shall I hand her the children without talking to them.I can even tell you that we have an intimate relation from time to time.Does she do eveything to go easy on me because we have been together 11 years.I am 67 and she is 31.I look like 52 one can say according to people.I have eventually to say that my diabetes has made me somewhat impotent.Well she left!!!!Can I get her back?Salomon
  3. Mary
    Hi Brad, I broke up with my bf 1 month ago but I could see that he wanted to end the relation too and didn't want to hurt me. We have been together for almost 2 years, the last 4 months we didn't have sex and never had great sex .Since the beginning of the relation he has always told me that the attraction was not there cause he likes very skinny women and I am curvy. We had a strong mental connection and he kept telling that I was his best friend. We lived together for 1 year. I regret the break up and want him back. Do you think that there is any chance to get him back?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Mary... sorry to hear about your breakup. Yes, I think it's still possible to win him back. Obviously I can't guarantee that, but with enough hard work and perseverance there's always a chance. I'd suggest you employ the methods outlined in this article, or visit my website and watch the video presentation -- you don't want to push him further away by making a mistake. Best regards! -Brad.
  4. Aria
    Hey Brad, my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and since I blew up at him over Facebook he hasn't contacted me. He's 21 I'm 20. He says he doesn't want to get back together with me. And that he made himself clear but he wants to stay single before he starts dating again. But he doesnt want to get back with me. We broke up over an argument. We dated for three months. We have many mutual friends. And are into the same hobbies and interests. I'm still in love with him. Is there any hope for me? Or is he gone forever?
  5. Brianna
    Hi Brad, My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 5 months ago but since then I've been trying to get us back together which I finally realize has been the wrong way by begging him so much , Three months ago he told me that he would give me another chance but it never happened since then I have done some things that have gotten him mad at me and now hes saying things to me like to move on and thats the past he said hes still not over everything that went wrong(the mistakes that I made that made him break up with me) I know deep down thay he stil cares about hme he just doesnt show it we have been off and on but do you think by giving him his space and doing what you said in your article no contact will he come back?
  6. Jason
    Long story short, while I was with my ex, I didn't want to be with her, even though I knew her value. We were together for 10 months, never did wrong by her, never really fought, but I decided I wanted to end it, but I didn't want to be the bad guy, so I created a situation where we would have to separate and it wouldn't be anyone's fault...I went away to school. She asked me when I would be leaving one time and I told her soon, she cried and cried, and told me she would need to begin a separation process before I left...actually caught me off guard. Problem is she now thinks "She broke up me" not does she think that, but I told a mutual friend I believe she's probably the best girl I've ever known and that I greatly appreciate her...of course they took it back to her. So here I am, the push/pull positions have been reversed and I don't know how to proceed after so much time.
  7. Dany
    Is it the same for long distance relationship? We're both 25. I studying abroad and I'm not comming back until late this year. We break up while I was here. Im afraid that if I do no contact with him for so long l will loose him forever....so "being friends" while long distance will keep us in our mind, Please help!!
    • Brad Browning
      You definitely need to employ the "no contact" strategy, but once that's over you can continue to maintain friendly relations with your ex... but generally speaking, yes, the same rules apply to long-distance relationships. If you're going to "be friends" then you either need to: a.) accept that you're never going to be more than friends again; or b) use the friendship only as a means to land an in-person meeting with your ex. Good luck!
  8. Whitney
    My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. He has talked to me almost everyday but, he has deleted me off of every social internet site (facebook, twitter, etc.).Saturday night he asked if we could just be FWB, I kinda agreed because, I miss him so much. I would do anything to have him back. We hung out that night, he told me how much he misses his ex girlfriend he had before me. It was the worse thing iv heard it hurt so bad. I want to win him him back. Hes the first guy I have been in love with and felt this way with. Please help!!! I don't know what to do anymore!
  9. Nic
    Hey brad, i need some advice. So my ex broke up with me november 22nd, so about 2 months ago. During the first month, we didn't talk for about 2 weeks. (i hadn't done any research back then and didn't know i should have waited longer). At first, she was distant and cold. After about another week, we had a 4 hour talk, and it was fun. We talked about a lot of fun things. After that, for about another 2/3 weeks, she contacted me a few times a week saying "i miss you, i wanna call you", and we did, we had fun, light, talks, but then, about a week before christmas, at the end of a call, she told me "you've become distant, i feel like ive lost you", and i think i was a little harsh on her, i told her that i'm distant because i was scared to text her, because she would often ignore me. She started crying, and hung up. Then, she went to montana for the christmas break, and we didn't talk for a good 2 weeks. I noticed that i had messed up, so when she got back, I tried to initiate contact with her again,because that was why she was sad, but I noticed right away that she was extremely cold, and answered in only "k" and "good" and "thx". I didn't talk to her for another couple weeks, then I did, and we called, we had a pretty good night, but she was still cold. I called her a few nights ago, (once again she was cold while texting), and we called for about 30 mins. At the end, I asked her what changed, i told her that i noticed that we've become more distant, and she simply said "i guess it just happened". Ive also noticed that she's been talking ALOT lately with another guy, a friend of mine, and maybe thats the reason she's gotten so cold? What should I do? She means a lot to me, we helped each other through many hard times, and we had many good times, and I want to go back to how it was before the break, being good, fun, friends, because I pictured that if we went on like that long enough, I would slowly win her heart back. Please help, Ive done so much research, but Im so confused, I feel like I was making good progress, but then it all went downhill. Im worried because right after the breakup, i told her that i might not contact her ever again, and she said "whatever you need to do", but then during the last call before the break, she said that she just said that because she was angry, but now it seems like shes gone back to that state, where she doesnt care, and im not sure if i should use the no-contact strategy, because a couple weeks after the breakup, I would be the one to initiate contact, and eventually i stopped, and, like i said, she took it from there, calling and texting me. What should i do? Im very confused, and any help would be appreciated.: Please tell me how i should proceed, i did a quiz on how likely i was to get her back, and it told me that i needed to act quickly and play my cards right, but Im not sure how to proceed! A million thanks -
  10. Taylor
    Hey Brad, I have read all of your articles and I really feel confident about all of them, and my ex and I tried to at least bring our friendship back because we want to stay in each others lives, but the problem is that I know she still cares and love me, but her actions are not the same. I am in the middle of trying to give her space, but it seems like she doesn`t really notice it, or she still doesn`t care, plus we play on the same basketball team at our school. PLEASE HELP ME, im getting frustrated because I really want her back!
  11. Jenn
    My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. Everytime I spoke to him he acts like everything is fine while I'm dying. I think he is dating other women and is keeping me in the friend zone. I don't know what else to do to get him thinking about me. Help!!!!
    • Brad Browning
      If that's the case, then you should be following the advice in this article! Don't worry about what he's doing or whether he's seeing other girls... you can't control that. But you can control whether or not you allow him to put you in the "friend zone"! Good luck,
  12. kell
    This may be very clear, and i should already know the answers! But, i left.my ex a yr ago now, he was abusive in everyway. We do have children togther. We have had zero contact for.sometime, as it was a court order, due to him and his abuse again. But, he then sent a message, but also again stated it was an honest mistake, ment for someone.else. i knew it was once again headgames. So i dis not allow this to affect me. Couple months pass and he once again sends me mixed signals, like he wished i would have move on, and find.happiness he lacked in giving me, to, he will always have a spot for me, he oftwn.thinks of us and wishes it had of went better for us. This has been constant for many many years, while i also delt with his alchol, drug problem, cheating and his veryyyyy crazy and scary behaviours and very mental ones. Once again, i felt myself being.sucked right back in. I never lied, told em the truth, i loved him very much and wished we could.make it work, but he would always so quick then tell me i caused him.hurt and it was misery for.him, ect.... he is all over the block!!!! And having a relationship with his sister and.him.telling.her one thing, and him telling me another, now caused a majorrrrr blow up between him and her, her and i, and me and him. I cant handle the hurt any longer from him or his sister being two faced. Guess blood is thicker than water.. it still.dosent ease the pain knowing ahe been lying.to me n running.telling him everything about mine.n kids life when wasent allowed through court, to him playing his sick demented head games!!! Why cant i find an article about any of this, any suggestions??
  13. StrongZ
    Split in July last year. He started seeing someone else immediately. We remained civil. December 7th I implemented NC. On January 15th he contacted me. I had had surgery the day before and he reached out. I did great during that time frame. Well 2 Sundays ago he asks to hang out, the new girl and he broke up. I have been his "go to " since. Just being encouraging, positive and caring. He is the one who initiates most texts and asks what I'm doing. We have spent a full day together twice now. And yes, been intimate. I worked on myself, I feel great and am strong. My question is he the one who needs to get over the recent break up of his? Should I keep a distance? I am fine, like this past weekend, while out shooting pool as partners, a guy from the other team was hitting on me. I flirted back, saying I was just hanging out with my ex. You could tell it bothered my ex, as he was getting a little more attentive to me. I have never played head games, and feel as if I could be ruining any future we may have by being available to him... I have purchased the text your ex back program, however I am at a different level. I have done the no contact and worked on myself, feeling very empowered and confident. Just want to know to what degree should I be available to him now?
  14. Rose
    Hi Brad, My ex broke up with me about a month ago. We were together for 8 months and had a very loving and wonderful relationship and lots of things in common. Over the course of our relationship, things were great in the beginning, and then got better and better and then harder and harder. The whole time I was in love with him more than he was in love with me. I was investing in a partnership and he was "exploring" the relationship. We have fundamental difference when it comes to relationships-- he likes his independence and "needs his space" often, and doesn't really need that much affection, or sex, he hates public display of affection. I am just the opposite-- I love affection and love to cuddle and love spending every minute with him. A definite pattern developed over time where he would became lazy and complacent and didn't care about romancing me and would push me away and be cold and absent, and I became needy and clingy, wanting his attention more and more. After two months of this I became upset almost weekly and we would have deep and emotionally heavy conversations that were too much for him. So he broke up with me and said that he didn't want to marry me or have kids with me or move in with me. He also told me that he was still in love with me and thought maybe he was making the biggest mistake of his life the day after we broke up. It has been a month now and I have not made any contact what so ever. He has offered to be friends, but I don't want to be friends at all. I want to be with him in a new romantic relationship as his girlfriend. He has contacted me twice--once in person--he came up to me when i was bust working so I was polite and diplomatic and not emotional at all and said I was too busy too talk--I could tell he missed me and wanted to chat for a while. The second contact was a voice mail of him saying he wanted to chat and catch up with one another and that he " would love to talk to me" and "hopefully we could talk soon." If I want to win my ex back, but don't want to become friends, what should i do. How do I deal with this because I know for certain he misses me and his life is boring without me. I love him very much, but I don't want to be heart broken again. I want more control in this relationship and I want him to want me back.
  15. Kieran Richardson
    Hi brad My girlfriend finished with me a month ago. We was together only 6 months and although I want to move on we work at the same place and every time it see her brings all the feelings back. What do I do??
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Kieran... it's always tough when you have to see your ex every day, so I empathize with that. Not much you can do, I'm afraid, other than to stay busy (at work and in your personal life) to take your mind off things. Try to act friendly and unaffected by the breakup when you see your ex at work. For more help getting over the breakup, check out this article. Best wishes.
  16. R
    Hi Brad, I need an "expert" advice for my situation. I feel that things are getting complicated and confusing, more than ever. And I'm not sure whether it's just me or it really is. May I email the story to you? :\ Thanks!
  17. Jules
    Hi Brad, Help I am in turmoil at the moment. Been dating a guy for 8 months he was fresh out of a marriage for 15 years where his wife cheated on him twice. He fell for me even though he was afraid to. I said I had a few doubts and he bolted. We then talked and sorted it a few days later only for him to run again because I had gonefor a drink with a good male friend. We talked again about how we both missed our best friend (each other) and we seemed to settle although not bac together. Then a few nights later we were both at a party. Seperately and he flirted in front of me with a girl who he'd met that night and now 5 days later he is dating her. So much for being in love with me. I have deleted his number and cut off all communication but its hard as I still love this man and want him back in my life. Am I a fool? Hope to hear from you soon Thanks :)
  18. steve
    Hi Brad, Im currently trapped in this friend zone situation where after my ex broke up with me, we remained as friends. She got married in 2006 and recently divorced with a kid. Before I could even get a chance to win her back, she apparently got together with a guy 3 months ago. When I told her about I wanting a reconciliation, she told me that she knew of my feelings for her a long time ago but felt that we still wouldn’t work out. Is it too late to get my ex back as she is planning to meet the parents of her new boyfriend in June?
  19. Pru
    Hi Brad, I'm trying to take your advise on both sections of "how to get your ex back" and "not staying friends" But my situation is my partner and I split up about 7 weeks ago and we are still remaining "friends" and hang out a lot due to the fact we live in a share house together ( serperate rooms) two days before hand he sent me flowers and that morning told me he loved me? We then went for a walk together after he had broken it off with me? I still don't understand what happened between us? Am I giving him the best of both worlds by still being his friend? Please help! Your advise will be muchly appreciated
    • Brad Browning
      Yes, I think you should stop the 'friends' stuff.... he needs to realize that he can either have you as his girlfriend, or not at all. That should force him into making a decision one way or another. This is assuming, of course, that you don't want to be his friend and that you still want to be with him. If you're OK with the idea of not being a couple again, then friendship is fine, but if you want him back then you need to avoid the 'friend zone'.
  20. Fi
    Hi Brad, My boyfriend broke up with me just 10 days ago. He said exactly the things that you have mentioned, "I think we should slow things down and be friends.". This is so hard for me because he is my boss and I work directly with him everyday. I am trying to be friends again so that we can work together like before we got together but at the same time I also want him back. It is obvious that the messages that he reply when I was showing him concern are rather short and sweet. I told him that I may resign if I am not able to handle it emotionally but he told me not to resign and that he trust me a lot. It's very hard for me to leave my job as well because it's really good money for the qualification I have. It's also one of the most flexible job I ever had. I know it's not going to be easy to find a job with the same salary, flexibility and somewhere you can grow. It's a dream job. He knows that I will probably not leave the job. Right now... It's so hard for me to stop caring for my ex. I am constantly worried about him. I know his schedules and whatever he's doing because I takes care of his calendar. I am even authorized and have a his email folders combined with mine. His birthday is in 2 months and I really wish that I can spend it with him. What can I do to pretend that I don't care and continue working without feeling constantly hurt?
    • Brad Browning
      Fi, I completely understand what you're going through. It's one of the toughest situations you can be in and even though it's tough, it is indeed very much possible for you to get through this. Try to become the woman you once were before you two got together. Watch this Youtube video I posted as this will totally sum up what I'm trying to say: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ydeES3WU1Uc
  21. g
    Hey brad.. my girl friend broke up with me 9 days ago.. but the thing is we hav one beatiful kid... soo.. we still see each other.. but we are in friend zone tho... i still do love her.. and i know what i did wrong now.. to lose her in my life... but i think its too late.. or i really dont know what to do... please give me an advice to get her back.. thank you...
    • Brad Browning
      Hey ther G, while you can't force someone to love you, what you can do is focus on building up that attraction again. I do understand your concern about landing in the friend zone, it is a man's worst nightmare. And while there's no way to control how she feels, you can do your best in dodging the friend zone by showing your ex the attractive qualities that she once fell in love with, being happy, and simply being there for her.
  22. patricia
    My ex wants to be sex buddies until his new girlfriend gets out jail then he plans on going back to her which is in 6 months I agreed to it to be with him and everything was fine for the first month now he telling me he wants to wait on her and that just crushed me again I'm so miserable without him I thought o could win him back in the six months shesbin jail but now I don't know I love him so much and its hurting me like hell not to be with him what to do if I don't have sex with him while she's gone I don't see him at all we already been apart for 6 months now and just got back together and now he's pulling away from me again I don't know what to do or his to act he said he still loves me but going to wait on her
  23. Tracey
    I have had a friend for 10yrs now. we decided to date after 7 years if friendship. He broke up with me 2 & half yrs ago. His family has become my family. I'm invited to everything. while discussing dating he said he's emotionally unavailable it was 7 yrs since his divorce. A year after breaking up with me I learned he was on match.com. I was very upset what happened to unavailable? I was very needy and brought a lot of drama into our relationship. After breakup said it isn't me it's him. He said I'm me and he is him. I know I couldn't handle him being with someone else and said it just wasn't there whatever that means.His mom doesn't want me to leave her. I rent his house and he lives with his mom. wE do very much for each other. He always said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and I was the only one who got him. We have been getting a long very well. He is 62 and I'm 48. 10 yrs after being divorced he still talks to his step daughters and sister in law. He was engaged 3 times back to back married the third time. He recently complimented me saying I'm not the same person. I want to ask for a second chance. We dated 20mths.
  24. Jake
    Hi Brad. I'm trying to win my girlfriend back of 6 years (me 35 she 39). She split in jan but stayed in our flat for 3 months. We were intermate in that time and she said she'd didn't want to go but did. Ive been with her a couple of times since then weeks after she went but then got a bit too emotional, stupid texts. Tried no contact she broke it after two weeks asking if I was seeing someone. She is casually seeing someone. They don't sleeptogeter. The two weeks allowed her to miss me enough for me to be with her again intermatly. She begged me not to tell anyone. I went and shook the rebounds hand the other day for show also. I saw her yesturday when she said she was at a loose end and I was eating lunch out. Had drinks, very flirty she says I'm mean an awful lot to her ans I'm hanndsome, bit I think she might know what I'm trying to do. I've been trying to show her how much I'm doing in my life. Think she might be putting me in the F zone because I decided to lie and say she was right about the breakup. What should I do brad? I know she still loves me but won't admit it. many Thanks.
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Jake, give her all the time and space she needs for now --and give her time to miss you as well. You can't let all this happen without cutting off contact, so my advice is clearly to cut off communication for some time, like, 30 days, for her to completely miss you. Do not do anything that could potentially make the situation worse than it is. In the mean time, you can use this time to deal with your emotions and try to reach that better place of mind before you interact with her again. Head on to my website and watch the free video to understand the psychology of a breakup works and how human mind processes it: http://www.BreakupBrad.com
  25. Charley
    Hi Brad, my name is Charley (female). My ex and I broke up just over a year ago. We broke up because I was wanting to travel and live in new places however he wanted to stay in Australia. I have realized since then that I have made a terrible mistake. I am in the process of trying to win him back however he has started seeing someone. He has admitted to still finding our break up difficult however wants to move on so is limiting contact. Any advice for this situation? Charley.
    • Brad Browning
      Hello Charley, based on my understanding, you were the one to initiate the breakup, right? Before re-establishing contact with your ex, try to determine within yourself first if you can solve the root issue of the what has caused you to breakup in the first place. Can this be resolved? You may want to visit my site to see your ex's receptivity. Take the quiz there and find out. The free video presentation also helps to make you understand the psychology behind any breakup: www.BreakupBrad.com Also watch my free Youtube videos to help guide you on what to do next. Tips include how to re-establish contact, signs to watch out for, and how to avoid the friend zone, among others.
  26. Eric
    I have a very difficult situation, and did a lot of things because I was depressed, but I love this woman more than anything and want her back, can I email you directly with this?
    • Brad Browning
      Yes, you can send me an email at my website or you can sign up for my coaching program to get a focus and be guided step by step with your situation. The website is http://www.BreakupBrad.com
  27. Alicia
    hi alex, i am a student in university. my boyfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago after my friend had a chat about him ignoring me. i still like him. i went to a party a few months after and one of my best friends spoke to him, asking him why he and i broke up. he told her that i was not the reason why we broke up but rather my friends. so in my head i thought i still had a chance. During my exams i saw him like everyday and i was talking about him everyday, so my friends told me to tell him how i feel and also see if there was a chance where we could possible get back together. we had that conversation but it didn't go the way i expected it to go i slightly gave up. like a month ago i got so drunk and his best friend kiss me and this also happened another time. i had a chat about it with him and told him the whole story and also i wasn't telling him this to hurt his feeling i just felt like he should know. he told me "i.m not hurt 'cause i really don't care. look i think i'm saying this in the nicest way possible because i want us to be friends but i don't have any feelings for you so you don't owe me and explanation". what should i do i really really think i am in love with him. i use to cry my-self to sleep thinking about him. last night i did it again. i just want him back in my life what should i do?
    • Brad Browning
      It's really important to keep your interactions light and avoid any kind of drama at all cost. As mentioned in my Ex Factor Guide, you need to show him that you have reclaimed yourself somehow and didn't actually brood over the breakup now as it will likely backfire. I've mentioned in my guide how not to use covert jealousy and no, it does not involve him knowing about you kissing his best friend and then talking about it. It's just so wrong and there's no wonder he reacted the way he did. His male ego was hurt even if he didn't admit it. I would suggest to drop contact now if you can and you might want to check my Ex Factor Guide on how to go about this, but as for now, stop contact and focus on healing yourself.
  28. jenny ryan
    Hi Brad, Thanks for the email. I read and watched the articles/videos in the email,and my question is this; What if your ex did the breaking up and its insisting that you leave him alone,move on with your life,and actually states "im not yours anymore! Yet,he still on occasion had sex with you? Says he still loves you and wants to see where we are at in a year to see if he wants to come back.but you know he has NEVER gone back to anyone? We were married for 5.5 years and legally still are. How do you know if you ignore him he will miss you and come back? I'm scared to try.HELP
    • Brad Browning
      Hello Jenny, you're welcome. Whatever happens, make sure you don't fall into the friend zone or end up being plan B. The best way to do this is to focus on your own life plans and goals and never make it obvious that you're waiting for him. Be less available because I can see that he has all the power in the relationship and it's important to reclaim some of yours by not making him a priority. Remember that he's a ex and it doesn't really take a year if he's considering getting back together. While you become less available and not make him a priority, make sure you keep interactions fun at all times whenever you do interact. :-)
  29. Enver
    Hello Brad. I had a girlfriend for a year and a half., but we had always the distance problem, because we met in anther country... and we had such love stories (like everyone else), we lived there together for 5 months.. se came back to her country.. things went awful.. she borke up.. but than I did a program similar to yours...so no contact, no friends.. and it worked wonders back then.I came back to my country she came for 5 weeks, met my family.. and we started planning me moving to her country.. again, distance won over us.. problems, jealosuy, fights... last October she decided to break up.. we didnt speake for 5 weeks.. when i initiatied contact she was so upset cause I dind't talke to her for such long time.. than.. I kinda coold down. she started to reach out,.. with some months she got to tell me she misses me, she wanted to see me.. she cant promise what will happen but she will definetely be looking forward to see... anyway.. typical cold and hot behaviour.. so after all this 8 months, she started to drifted again.. she sneak in my facebook and realised that I had an "open relationship" status.. (we were trying to be friends).. I use this... programm for texting to get back with an ex.. it was working really good some months ago. But she got upset cause of the facebook thing. (a week ago).. and in this text program,.. it's said to use memories.. so I've done it.. but today she was like really angry and told me that I shoudlnt text that, those are long time memories and are over. (she has claimed strongly that she is not dating anyone). .. So now... it's frustrating..(Im actually going to her cty, but for myself).. and I don't know if I should do no contact again... and how should I do it? (ps. I' actually having great time.. and dating, not begging her or anything). Hope you read through and help me. Thanks for helping everyone Brad
    • Brad Browning
      Long distance relationships take more work than usual, and I could be wrong but it seems that one or both of you are not fit for a long distance relationship. This type of relationship requires a lot of trust and jealousy really has no place in it. Drop contact for at least 30 days and see if it's best to move on or get her back. Use this space to think about it and heal as well.
      • Enver
        Thanks Brad.. so I will no contact her anymore. But, I want ur honest opinion, and I know it can be hard to understand my situtation; but bearing in mind what I wrote you and howshe has behaved, Do you think is there... "something" in her yet?- Like feelings or that she does really care about me?. (months ago when she was reaching out, she was really perceptive to my texts and told me still liked me and she coudln't promise anything for the future, but she wanted definetely to see me when I'm in her city. BTW, should I just dissapear or should I write the letter that it is used by other relationship coaches.. I don't know if u know what I mean. Thanks for your help.
        • Brad Browning
          You're welcome, Enver. Trying to figure out what your ex is thinking is pretty hard, though the closest answer I could give you is that if your relationship was even remotely serious, then chances are she has/had feelings for you.
  30. Jonathan
    Hey Brad me and my ex girlfriend were together for about 4 years and recently broke up about four weeks ago and she has told me that she still wanted to be friends because she didn't think she could see me any other way. So we have been texting and have met up a couple of times, once was for drinks and we ended up kissing that night, which really confused me. After that day we met up again, I thought it was back to normal but she told me it was the drinking that made her do that, because she was so used to me. That really shocked me that she said it was just the alcohol. So I texted her this morning for the last time to have a good day at work but am thinking about going about 2 1/2 weeks no contact then doing the 3 text messages that you showed us on your youtube channel. I wanted to ask you if that would be a good idea and if you had any advice for me?
    • Brad Browning
      Hello Jonathan, yes, follow the advice on my Youtube channel as far as how to text her -- and any video mine which you find useful too. I'm happy that your ex is receptive to contact, that is a good sign. You're on the right track by not being clingy and backing away a bit, so good job! :-) Just remember to not rush things and focus on having a good time with her and showing her what a fun dude you are to be around. Also, if you find my videos helpful, then I'm sure you'd love my Ex Factor Guide which contains a step-by-step guide on what to do to help you on your path. Check out this link to get my guide: http://exfactorguide.com/buy/index50.php
  31. Sauleha Fatemah
    Hey its Sauleha Fatemah from India, You are the only hope for me so i am expecting good effective advice from you... I am 24 yrs and my lover is of 49... besides generation gap he also have a family with 3 kids, we fell in love 2 yrs ago and decided to marry ( as it is permitted by islam to have 4 wives). We havent our marriage as i need to finish my studies. Infact i am living with his family. He loves his kids alot and i have no issues with that. But i feel bad when he give his wife all things that i never get ( We need to behave like guardian as our marriage is secret yet) . I am get angry frequently. In begining he never ignored me when i got angry but now he started ignoring me . If i say i will live you he never concern. I know he love me alot and it was me who failed to handle situation but we both know we love each other. I just feel that i lost my dignity and respect in his life. so i started to keep distance from him. I have decided to apply no contact rule as i am laving the place for 1 month. will it give my hubby back ? or will it give my respect in his life back?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi there, the purpose of "no contact" is not to magically bring you two back together, but to make you see things from a greater perspective. This means that with time away from him and not contacting him, you clear your mind and see if the relationship that you're in is what's best for you or not or whether you will be really happy with in the long run or not. This will make him think the same as well. the bottom line is if he really loves and values you (nobody can force him this, only he knows it), then with enough time apart, he's likely going to realize it and may therefore attempt to get you back. Again, nobody can force someone to do or feel something they don't, just cut off contact so he will miss you and you get to have a clearer mind as well. Watch my Youtube videos as I have tips on there as well. Good luck! :-)
  32. Emanuel
    Hey Brad great stuff in this topic we broke it off after 3 years of a relationship Went through all the up and down of the no contact rule. Tony he point where we gave it shot but I found her still lying about small things like going out with her friends. She not one to communicate her feeling but her actions say more. We would hang out and chill and I Was still there but I noticed on her part she wasn't there all the way like before. Sucks ... I still care a lot about her. what confuses me the most is she would drop of gifts to my house invite me to chill. Call me text me good morning sometimes... I try to ignore but when I do talk to her for whatever reason it makes me feel happy still when we talk....what to do ?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi there, I'm not sure what you meant by "up and down" of the no contact rule. Are you saying that you didn't get to completely cut off contact after the breakup and went straight to being friends? If so, then that needs to happen first. You also haven't mentioned how long ago the breakup was. I always suggest to cut off communication for about a month after the breakup. If you've been in contact within this period, then this will explain her reaction to you as people really tend to get confused after a breakup and will send out mixed signals -- that you want to stay away from. If this isn't the case, though, and it's been months since you broke up, then you need to be stepping up your game but at the same time not rush it. If she's still talking to you especially after months since the breakup, then that is a good sign in itself. Don't rush it.
  33. Mannie
    its just all confusing cause yes you want to get back together have it like the good ol days because they make you happy but wouldn't that just give them the idea that they can screw up you take a few days off from break up or whatever, then start it up again. you get me. I mean only you can control what you will put up with but its confusing matter cause your trying to be the one with the power... and how can u tell if they are playing games or really trully still love you
    • Brad Browning
      I know it's confusing and we all prefer life to be all about roses and butterflies, rainbow, etc. :-) But real life doesn't work that way. I must point out, though, that you're looking at the recovery or the "no contact" phase all wrong. The purpose of having no contact is not to demonstrate who has the power but to make sure that you don't trip all over yourself by saying or doing the wrong things which could have been easily avoided if you've only cut off contact. You see, it's a fact that emotions are on a high within a month after a breakup. This goes for both people regardless of whether they dump you or you got dumped. This is a very critical period to cut off contact, because as I've said, you don't want to be overly emotional in front of your ex (which really tends to happen a lot) and they end up repelled by this. A breakup, in most cases, is caused by a loss of attraction and the last thing you should be doing is pursuing an ex and believe me, the last thing they want is to be pursued by someone who they're no longer attracted to. Is it making sense for you now? It's not very easy to tell whether they're playing games or not within a month after a breakup. The only way to possible gauge it is if they contact you after seeing that life is not so good without you in it. This takes time and cannot be forced. Check out my Youtube videos as I have more explanation on this or visit my website to watch the free in-depth video presentation about the psychology of a breakup: http://www.BreakupBrad.com
  34. beronika sato
    hello sir. call me nikka...i am maried for 30 years with three kids.my husband cheeted on me for three years and accept their relationship.And we were friends for another three years. I thought I will win his back for theser. a few weeks ago, i ask for separation.he refuses because he said he still loves me and the children, and cant leave his fiance becouse she is alone, and none can love her.But i still hoping that we will spend the rest of our life the way we used to be.Can I still win him back?Please help me/
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Nikka, if you ever have to live a happy and harmonious life, you both have to go to a marriage counselor to fix whatever problem you have in your marriage. The reason why your husband is seemingly torn between you and his other woman is because you're showing him that you're okay with it. You should have ended the relationship the moment he cheated or at least try to show him that you won't put up with that kind of behavior early on. I'm sorry, I know this must be difficult for you, but understand that you can't let him have the best of both worlds. It's not a healthy situation for you and your kids and your husband is not a good role model for them. I suggest, if you can, to separate yourself and your kids from him altogether, if he wont' agree to marriage counseling. The other woman has to go or else boot him out the door! :-)
  35. Mandi
    I have a difficult situation, my ex and I were together for 6 yrs and broke up about 2 months ago. We have a 4 yr old lil girl together. I broke a promise to him I swore I'd never break, which was that if we ever split I'd never keep her from him. Well I kept her from him for a day, 1 day. He now wants nothing to do with me, and basically told me only to contact him regarding our daughter. He wants no conversation until I find myself. I'm lost without him, and am having a hard time finding myself. He's also told me that were not getting back together right now, that we may or may not ever get back together. I'm not sure what to do, can you help me? I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.
    • Brad Browning
      Please do understand negative thinking won't do you good at this point. I'm not saying that you should have unrivaled optimism either, but try to keep things in balance and do the right things first. Right now i you don't feel comfortable having your daughter meet up with him just yet, then let him know that you need this time and space away from him in order to heal first. Also, him not getting to see his daughter has got nothing to do with being pushed further away, as I believe these are two separate things. However, if you're planning to never let your daughter associate with him again, then that's a separate issue as well and a little on the legal side. :-) I'm not sure this is what you're saying though. Either way, I suggest to take more time for yourself and focus on healing and what you want to happen in the future. Take care!
  36. Chloe
    Hello Brad, We broke up 1 month ago still maintaing contact as a secret couple, we dated for 2 years and 6 months ( we had 6 broke ups so far), but at the end it didnt work out and he suggested to be friends but when I was trying to be polite but my emotions overtook me at one point and he said i dont want to talk to you forever and he blocked me everywhere and i had to change my telephone number today. So now im thinking what the chances to get back together? Should i message him from my new number or how long should i give him time off cos he obviously dont know my number? thanks
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Chloe, do you want my honest opinion? I don't like the fact that he made you both a "secret couple." For some reason, secretly maintaining contact or secretly getting back together, basically anything secretive is not a good sign and somebody's bound to get hurt one way or another. Consider the no communication as a blessing in disguise because that's what I would've suggested for you to do. You see, being friends is never a good thing to do right after a breakup because, if you take the time to watch my Youtube videos and/or check out my Ex Factor Guide, it won't likely get you to where you want to be with him. You both need space for now and attempting to contact him is not a good idea, so make sure that you take the time to focus on your own life first and achieve independence, then try to be happy without him. You can reach out to him after a month or two of no contact, stay strong and make sure you take the time to recover and see if this relationship is the right one for you, okay. :-)
  37. sweets
    Hiii, My bf broke up with me few month ago as his parents are not ready for marriage due to caste problem...n i tried to convince him about we can solve this problem n convince the parents...but now he is not ready at all...as he has tried before a lot but his parents are not at all became ready...n his parents are in tension because of this...so he took the decision.. He cut off all the contacts with me... How should i start the communication with him... Because he wants me to accept his decision n then he is ready to talk as a friend...n then to not so frequently... How should i make hm to talk with me again? N you see there are hopes to get him back.... N how?
    • Brad Browning
      Hello, it seems like your ex feel pressured with everything that's going on and with his parents acting as a barrier to this potential marriage. In this case, it's highly important that you give him space so that he won't feel pressured even more. Let him miss you and think about the direction of your relationship with a clear mind, so cut off contact. If you try to talk to him during this time, chances are he'll feel pressured even more -- you don't want that. Cut off contact for about a month and if possible, let him reach out to you first. It's too soon to judge whether you'll get back together or not, but I suggest you do the right things by giving him space as doing the opposite will only likely make him run away. So play it cool, okay. Consider getting my Ex Factor Guide at http://www.BreakupBrad.com where you'll learn what to do and what not to do and what not to say. Also check out my Youtube channel as a lot of people found these to be useful. Right now, focus on your own life and giving him space and develop your own social life first. Get busy and pursue your goals because sooner or later, if he really means to marry you, things will fall into place. Just stay strong.
  38. Selene
    Hey Brad, so I am in a sticky situation. My ex is helping me with sweedish ( His native tongue) and he deposits money on my account every month for his phone bill and pgande. ( we used to live together and the bill situation is somewhat complicated). We decided to stay friends thoguh we don't talk that ofetn. It is usually a long beoken message in swedish. What can I do?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Selene, assuming that you want to get back together with your ex, I do hope that you've taken the time to cut off contact from him first instead of becoming friends right away. Cutting off contact (for about three weeks to a month) helps ensure that you are recovering from the breakup, which is always the first step in getting an ex back. My answer to your question has to do with a lot of factors. How long has it been since the breakup? How long was the duration of the relationship? What happened? and what's his behavior like at present and is there someone else involve in either you or his life? These factors have to be taken into consideration and I would love to help you what to do next, so if you want to give your full story, consider signing up for my coaching program at http://www.BreakupBrad.com/Coaching that way, I can monitor the progress and guide you accordingly. Otherwise, make sure to watch my videos on Youtube as they're helpful as well, especially this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeGNPBdpnsI&list=UUhCFbthWQF4MKA-43SCDB9g
  39. Caroline
    Hi Brad! I'm in a very very awkward situation right now! Me and my bf broke up like 2 months ago and he said the reason he broke up with me is that he don't know how to love a person anymore and don't wanna waste my time but he still love me. I just can't understand what is he thinking. We still see each other at school and we have one same class. We now both struggling with whether we should move on or keep in friend zone. I can tell he's struggling too because I can really tell when he's talking to me. He want me just go and don't waste my time on him but then most of the time he treats me so well and I seriously don't know what to do. I know we can never be like the past anymore but I just can't give up on him and him too... Anyway we both are just...struggling. I still HAVE to see him every day because we're in the same class and it's so painful...And in class he's seating with a new girl which is kinda cute and his friend. Sometimes I'm thinking maybe I should move on. But when he's walking with me He then gives me a sense of he not really like that girl and he still miss me. Am I thinking too much or something? Is there really nothing between them? Because his friend, another boy is interesting in that girl too( you know..boys like cute girls) I've done a lot of things I shouldn't have done since we broke up because I just can't control myself and I keep holding on to those memories. So yea... We both don't know what to do. Should I just walk away from him? Please guide me Brad!
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Caroline, since you're both struggling and he's pretty much confused with his feelings, then your best bet right now is to move on, that way, you won't be stuck trying to figure out a relationship with someone who's confused with his feelings and use the energy so you both can focus on your studies instead. You're both still too young, I presume, and I suggest to not be friends with him yet because the confusion will start to make way for clearer perspective once he misses having you in his life, so do not be his friend and use this time to recover first, all right. Visit my Youtube channel as I have lots of helpful tips on there as well that you could use. Find the video on how you can act around your ex. Take care!
  40. MK
    Hi Brad, Thanks for your advice. I admit, I have tried the friend zone and it has failed epically. I was on the initiating side of the break up a few months ago (usually the other way round) and it was oddly very easy. My ex was not happy about it at all and his reaction confirmed that I made the right decision in calling off the relationship. I didn't know what to say to ease the "blow" so I said "I am happy to be friends with you." That's not the case, of course, but I felt odd just saying that because in my head I was thinking "no, we need to cut off all contact with each other for a good length of time." Anyways, just wanted to say your advice was insightful and well received. Thank you. :)
  41. Brad Browning
    Hello MK, thank you! I'm glad you find this site(and my advice) helpful. This is based on a combination of both personal and professional experience as a relationship coach. We all have to fall in order to learn these hard lessons, eh. I myself am not excluded from pain, so I decide to put these experiences to good use and help people. :-) Also check out my Youtube channel, I posted more tips on there, too. Take care!
  42. Shane
    Mr. Browning. I have a serious question. Really need help!! I have been with a lot of women over the years and I found the perfect girl for me. She really is but after 4 months of dating just put of the blue she ended it.... I have been broken up for 3 weeks now, but we continue Foch t and I we've hung outa couple times! We still flirt and I can still see she is attracted told antsy I'll has feelings for me. She doesn't want to date other people either. I was wondering if it'd be a toothed to possibly, tell her that I realize now what went wrong, and I'm goin to avoid the se mistakes. And el her tha I'm going to focus on our new relationship, we both agreed were friends with emotional benefits. But I was gonna tell her my realizations, hang out with her for her birthday next week, then initiate the no contact rule to make her miss me and realize that I'm not in her life no more. Will this wot a dis it too late! I swear she is the one!! PLEASE HELP!!!
    • Brad Browning
      Hello Shane, you can restart communication and continue the flirting but make it subtle. I don't think it's a good idea to be telling her things about your relationship and what went wrong. Avoid any type of drama at this point because a situation with an ex is very fragile especially early on -- it's only been a month or so. Never talk about what happened in the past and instead keep things light and fun! Focus on getting on her good side and SHOW her a good time. Again, don't rehash the drama on what happened in the past , that's never good. There is a time for that but that will come much much later when you two have re-established a solid foundation again in a romantic relationship. For more tips on what to do when, consider getting my Ex Factor Guide so you won't be left questioning what to do next. Shift the focus more to yourself as well. The more happy you are being single, the better your chances are. Take care!
  43. Allie
    My ex and I broke up 4 years, we were in a long distance relationship. We were "friends" for almost a year until he met someone new, though the relationship lasted 3 years I am told that it wasn't a happy one and he cut off contact completely. He broke up with me, he's in the military, we've been talking on and off for 10 months. He contacted me 6 months after his break up wanting to mend fences and be friends, He tells me he's working on himself. At first I think I was more of emotional support for dealing with his break up (he was dumped) but I sent him a harsh message about it and I cut him off for a little over a month, then I messaged him again. When we talk it's pretty platonic, I've tried triggering some memories of me, even sexual ones and he clearly had a reaction to it but tried pulling away. We were cool for a few months, we'd message each other almost daily and here and I would wait a few days for him to contact me first and or ignore his messages for a few days to a week, I did it up until I couldn't take it anymore and I told him that I still loved him and am interested but don't think it would be a good idea to be friends when he only wants to be friends and I want more. He insisted that we continue talking, we didn't talk for a few months because a lot was going on in my life, but I contacted him to catch up, I turned a little cold here and there and he called me out on "always pulling away" We've had mediocre conversations and deep ones, I expressed my un resolved feelings about our break up, he can't really give me any reason other than being really stressed out from being in the military and didn't know what he wanted anymore. He told me that he regrets hurting me and that he was stupid, he's told me that I will always have a special place in his heart and If he could he would go back in time and fix everything. Whatever that means. He says a lot but it sometimes isn't enough for me to understand. He wants to be there for me emotionally and has been, My current relationship is at its breaking point and beyond fixing. I'm not sure if he is truly trying to be a good friend or if he doesn't want to open up too much since I am still technically in a relationship. His brother checked up on me a few times, while he was still with his now ex, I know his family loved me and my family loved him and we were going to get married.. He says he's happy being single and I know I'm special to him on some level, I just don't know how to get those romantic juices flowing again. I know he still finds me attractive and we are comfortable communicating openly for the most part, I just don't know if I can hit a nerve with him again or if it's too late, we didn't argue, never cheated.. He didn't want to meet up when he came back to the hometown for a visit but that was only a few months into being "friends" and he was afraid we would cross a line, we have strong chemistry so I could understand why. How do I proceed? And how do get him to let his guard down?
  44. Brad Browning
    Hi there, it's never a good idea to bring up the past as part of re-establishing communication with your ex. Not only will this pressure him to do something about it, but will likely push him away further as well. Try to put your situation in perspective as well. Is this relationship really good for you? Sometimes people are just not cut out for long distance relationships, so that is indeed a factor and should be taken into consideration as well. Try to see if that is your case. How often have you seen each other during this long distance relationship? How solid is your foundation? Were you friends first? A lot of factors has to be taken into consideration too including how he was and how you are during the time between the breakup and now. So if you want to give me an update about it, consider signing up for my coaching program. Otherwise, watch my Youtube videos because a lot of people has found it helpful as well. Take care and good luck!
  45. Nina
    Hi Brad ! I had a relationship for 2 years with a guy and were living together and all of a sudden he decided to move to another country and my whole world fell apart since that was the last thing I was waiting for after all of the things I had done for him . To make matters worse , he totally changed his behaviour for about 2 weeks towards me and he became totally emotionless somehow but then he went back to normal and wanted us to be together again but I told him he can't play with my feelings and we can be friends while he is abroad but no we can't be a couple again because he treated me like s**t when I mostly needed him by my side to cope with this sudden decision of his . So bottom line ,he's been abroad for 2 weeks now and we are in touch even though I try to move on with my life and do things for myself , he seems to be getting jealous , he even tells me to wait for him but i tell him no . The honest truth is that my mouth says no but my heart is somehow still "in that place" . Do you think that the "no contact rule" would apply for my situation ? My mind doesn't want him back any more so i will give my all to stick to that , but i am always worried as to how he is doing in this foreign country since he has no one there etc Thank you for your time !
    • Brad Browning
      Hello Nina, let him take responsibility for his own actions and stop worrying about him. He's a grown man after all! :-) Now regarding your question, yes, cutting off contact would help in terms of him seeing what he's lost and would perhaps miss you as well as begin thinking clearly again. He can't do all those with you sticking around, so be strong and do the right thing. Get my Ex Factor Guide so you'll learn ways on how to go about getting him back. Otherwise, watch this video so you'll understand what I mean: 5 Mistakes that Ruin Your Chances of Getting Back Together Good luck!
  46. Jeff
    Hey Brad, My ex has mentioned the 'let,s be friends' thing, and before even reading your article, I thought it was as bad idea because of the previous feelings and intimacy that we shared. It had been mentioned in the past that our intimacy and sex was very good. Should the 'friends with benefits' suggestion by me even come into play at this point? I want this woman back and I'm damn close to purchasing your course to make it happen. Thanks.
    • Brad Browning
      Hello, Jeff. I wouldn't suggest to get into a sexual relationship especially if you still have feelings for her. You're only fooling yourself, man. :-) Take time to heal instead and let her miss you, as well as giving space for both of you to think clearly again. At this point, you want to make sure that you do all the right things and not go crazy and do the wrong ones in order to maximize your chances of getting back together. So get my guide if not my coaching program so you'll be equipped with the right knowledge. For now, cut off contact for about a month and stick to it. For starters, also avoid the mistakes I mentioned on this video: 5 Mistakes that Could Ruin Your Chances of Getting Back Together. Good luck!
  47. joe
    Hey brad me and my ex girlfriend are broken up for 4 months now and still have contact occasionally,and none of us has moved on, as she said she cannot get over the relationship failure because of how much we both have put into it,we have been dating for 3 years,what do and how long do I have to fix it?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Joe, for the complete guide, I suggest you get a copy of my Ex Factor Guide because everything is a process and it's too long for me to post it on here. It's a 138-page book where you learn what to do, what not to do, as well as how to go about getting her back -- if you follow what I wrote on there. I've also included on there the clean slate email which may win your ex's heart back. Anyway you haven't really told me enough about your situation, man. What have you been doing to get her back? Did you act too interested or aloof? A happy medium is recommended. The process is broken up into five stages and I hope you haven't skipped a stage.I also don't know which stage you're at, so it's best if you refer to my book for that. Have you cut off contact or did you went straight to being friends right away? I couldn't stress how important this is. Get my guide to know all about it. Otherwise, watch this video: Step-by-Step Guide to Reversing Your Breakup
  48. Mansubo
    I think i was bad girlfriend in my relationship. i wanted all his support and i was draining him out. after a fight or two he calls out to be a break. i fight with him for constant 15 days and then he said he wants a break up , again on the other day we meet up on 18th and i decide of giving him a break. on 23rd September i leave for another city and we communicate for a little while. its been two months and i have been projecting myself as a weak person and i often cry in front of him or on call saying that i miss him badly and i make him see my desperation. sometimes we talk nicely to each other and recently he came to meet me. on the very next day i went to see him , he was shocked to see me. in the process he never showed me his phone and that led to mistrust. he went out for a movie and i was unaware about it and he told his friends not to tell me. i am really getting confused in my head. i am vomiting all the time due to anxiety and stress. he takes care of me sometimes but he says that i am taking your care as a friend. i am very confused and i dont know how to approach the situation ass i made it worse day by day. maximum we had not talked is three days. i feel that i may loose him or what if he is seeing someone else. i cannot imagine my life without him. in addition to that he replies to all my msgs and picks up all my calls. sometimes he gets irritated and leaves me on my own. today morning i had a bad dream and i called him he was travelling somewhere and i started interrogating him. he confessed today that he likes someone who is a junior in his college. i feel cheated as i cannot think of myself being with someone else. i think now he does not want me in his life ad he is not dependent on me for anything (mentally, physically or emotionally) and often tells me that y it so important for you to stay in a relationship. i get bad vibes and intuitions. tell me a solution to it.
  49. Amber Tange
    Hey Brad, I purchased your personal coaching close to four days ago and I haven't heard anything back. I don't mean to sound pushy or desperate but I just want to find out how long it should be until I can expect a reply?
    • Brad Browning
      Hi Amber, I'm sorry if this has been the case. I do put priority on clients who sign up and it's rare for me to miss an email from one. Which email address have you used to sign up? Is it the same one you use to comment on here? Please let me know as soon as possible. Thanks! Talk to you soon.

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