If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know how confusing it can be.
If your ex loves you, why won’t they come back so you can be together?
The answer to this question is probably not what you think. Because it actually means that you may have a second chance with your ex. And I’ll tell you how to get it.
Just Because Your Ex Loves You, Doesn’t Mean They Still Want You
So first off, if you’re asking this question, you need to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been working as a breakup coach for over ten years now and I have clients come to me with this question on a weekly basis. If your ex loves you, and you love them, then why won’t they come back?
Love Doesn’t Disappear Over Night
Well the short answer is that love doesn’t just disappear overnight. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that. After all, you’re watching this video because you want to get your ex back even though you broke up weeks, months, or even years ago.
So chances are your ex is going through something similar as well. You see just because they decided to end the relationship, it doesn’t mean that they flipped a switch and suddenly have no feelings for you at all.
In fact, they might even be feeling more powerful feelings of love for you than they did when you two were together. Because towards the end of your relationship things were probably not perfect. Now that the relationship is over, they’re no longer worried about your future together.
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Instead of getting caught up trying to fix what’s wrong, they’re just simply missing your presence in their life. And, as you know, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
This is why your ex may still say “I love you” in certain situations. It’s more than just a slip of the tongue. They’re actually telling you the truth, as hard as this can be to understand. So while some of you may worry that your ex is just telling you what you want to hear and doesn’t actually love you at all, rest assured that this is very rarely the case.
Why Love Wasn’t The Problem
Right about now you’re probably asking, “But, Brad, if they still love me then why aren’t we together?” And that’s the million dollar question.
It’s because, in your case, they didn’t end the relationship because they fell out of love with you. And this is actually a very good thing because a loss of love is one of the more difficult problems to overcome.
The real reason that your relationship ended was not a loss of love but a loss of excitement and attraction. This might not sound as bad as falling out of love, and it isn’t, but don’t pat yourself on the back just yet. Attraction and excitement are vital to a happy, functional relationship.
Love Isn’t The Solution
I’m going to tell you some tactics you can use to rebuild your ex’s attraction for you and present yourself as a more exciting option, but first let’s talk about what won’t work.
As I’ve mentioned, your ex has made it pretty clear that love was not what was lacking in your relationship, so you need to know that telling your ex you love them, explaining how they make you feel, and begging and pleading for them to come back to you, aren’t going to make them change their mind about the breakup.
In fact, these actions will actually hurt your chances with your ex in several ways.
First off, you’re ignoring their wishes. People don’t like to feel like they’re not listened to. I’m sure your ex was pretty clear about wanting to put an end to this relationship and by simply steamrolling the conversation into how much you love them and miss them, and begging for them to come back, you’re telling them that their feelings weren’t as important as yours. This is a major turnoff.
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Second, you’re devaluing yourself as a romantic partner. Think about it. If they didn’t want you when you were the best version of yourself, why would they want you now that you’re on your knees, crying for them to take you back? It’s pathetic and it makes them think that you’ve got no other options.
Third, nothing has changed. Without changing yourself and the relationship, your ex has no incentive to get back together with you. If you’re still the same, and they’re still the same, why would things be any different this time around?
You’d just end up right back here again after a few weeks or months. And I hate to say it but your ex has the right idea on this one. But that doesn’t mean you should just give up.
No Contact Is The Solution
On the contrary, you need to take this opportunity as a wake up call. If you want another shot with your ex you’ll have to make active changes to your life that will rebuild their attraction and make yourself a more exciting prospect.
And to do that, you need to start with a period of No Contact that lasts at least 30 days.
Basically, No Contact is a period where you don’t talk to your ex (no texting, email, phone calls) for at least thirty days. This is going to be especially helpful in your case because it gives your ex a little time to themselves to reflect on the relationship.
And as the days turn to weeks, something interesting will happen inside your ex’s mind without you having to do anything at all.
All the negativity that cropped up towards the end of the relationship (the hurt feelings, the unkind words, and the tears) will start to fade away and your ex will be left with just the positive memories of the relationship.
Scientists have found that humans are hardwired to forget most of our negative memories and just hold onto the good stuff. This is why, around the 28 day mark of No Contact, your ex will start to wonder why they decided to break up with you in the first place. And that’s when you can begin the process of reattraction.
But this only works if you maintain No Contact. If you stay in regular contact, you’ll just prolong the negativity associated with the breakup and confirm their decision that this relationship wasn’t meant to be.
It also matters what you do during the No Contact period. It’s not enough to just wait for time to pass. You need to take action. Because when you finally do reach out to your ex after No-Contact, and start to work your way back into their life, you want to have transformed your outlook on life and made yourself more valuable than you were before.
This is crucial to showing your ex that not only can you be more attractive than they ever thought, but you can also be exciting to be around. If you can pull it off, their reasons for breaking up with you in the first place will go up in smoke.
Before you say it, I know, 30 days is not a long time to completely transform your life, and that’s true. But in reality you don’t have to be a totally different person when they see you again. You just need to be headed in a positive direction, and have a better outlook on life.
This can be easier said than done. I know that you’re feeling pretty crummy right now and you can’t imagine that you’ll feel any better in 30 days. Today, I want you to just start with one small thing that’s going to get you back on track.
So let’s quickly summarize:
- Just because your ex still loves you, doesn’t mean that they want you back, but it is a good sign that you two may have a future together.
- In order to get that second chance you need to do 30 days of No Contact and take steps to improve yourself so that you can create the attraction and excitement that your relationship was lacking.
- If you’d like more information about this process, check out my free video.