Here’s something you never thought you’d hear me say…YES… it is possible to get your ex back without No Contact.
No Contact is a foundational technique for those looking for a second chance, because it really works. But it’s not the only way. There are ways to get your ex back without No Contact. Are they effective? Well…I’ll let you be the judge of that.
The truth is that No Contact is scary.
What if your ex forgets about you?
What if it makes them mad?
What if it’s too hard for you to be without your ex for an extended period of time?
These concerns make sense. So when you hear stories of people who got their ex back without having to do No Contact, you’re relieved to know that it’s possible to take a shortcut and avoid all that difficult time alone.
Well I’m here to tell you, that while it is possible, getting your ex back without No Contact is going to either be more difficult or less likely than it would be if you were using the tried and true method. To explain why, let’s cover other methods you can use to get your ex back.
How To Get Your Ex Back Without No Contact
These are the other methods people have used to get their exes back without No Contact, to varying degrees of success.
1. Having a serious conversation with your ex
If you want your ex back, I think your first instinct is to call them, arrange a meeting, and sit down and have a serious conversation with your ex. You want to clear the air, share your feelings and declare your desire to be back together.
This all sounds great on paper. It’s potentially romantic. It’s honest and direct. So what’s the problem?
Here’s what you’re not getting: your ex broke up with you. They know you love them. They know you want to be with them and they decided to end the relationship for whatever reason. They decided that love just wasn’t enough. Now how will a conversation like this one change anything?
Now as I said, this is a method that can work…but only if your ex already wants you back and was just waiting for you to ask. In this case, the substance of this conversation doesn’t really matter at all. In fact, they’re barely listening to what you’re saying to them because they’re overjoyed that you two are going to be able to get back together.
Unfortunately, it’ll be difficult to impossible to tell if your ex is going to respond this way before you have this conversation. Even if they are open to the idea, you can still scare them off this way. You may say something that ruins your chances. You may put too much pressure on them and cause them to rethink things. You just don’t know.
And even still, I think this is a big mistake. A conversation like this changes things–It reminds them of all the issues you two had in your relationship.
2. Staying in contact with your ex
So how about something more subtle? How about you just keep in contact with your ex after breaking up? Keep checking in. Have a few conversations here and there. Maybe meet up now and, or even sleep together. Isn’t this preferable to complete silence?
Well it might FEEL better to talk to your ex all the time. That’s what makes No Contact so difficult. But the reasons it feels good are the same reasons that it doesn’t work. For one, it’s actually going to give your ex a chance to get over you.
Yes, your ex is going to be in emotional turmoil after dumping you. They’ll feel worthless and sad and alone. By staying in contact, you’re helping to comfort them and make them feel better. The more you do this, the faster they’re going to get over you and move on to someone else.
Secondly, if you stick around like this, you’re going to show them that you’re there as a plan B. Now that they know they have a backup plan, they know that they don’t have to commit to you until all their other options don’t work out so they’ll feel no pressure to treat you right.
So you’re actively allowing them to meet and date new people because they know they have you in the bag if they fail.
RELATED: Does My Ex Want Me To Contact Them?
So what is the situation where staying in contact with your ex will help you win them back? Again, this is one where your ex has already decided that they want you back and are actively working towards reconciliation.
But, since you can’t read your ex’s mind, you won’t know if they actually want you or are just using you for validation.
Don’t risk being manipulated by your ex and don’t let them use you as a backup plan.
The very slim chance that this works for you is offset by the high likelihood that it actively helps them move on from you and find someone new.
3. Magic spells
Now if you’ve been in any of my comment sections, I’m sure you’ve run into someone offering you a magic spell that is guaranteed to win your ex back in days or even hours.
They may even be doctors like Dr. Igbo or Dr. Zuze, though I doubt they went to medical school. For those who REALLY want their exes back, this may seem like an enticing offer.
After all, why not risk sending $40 to someone on another continent if you could win back the love of your life?
Well the truth is, unfortunately, that magic isn’t real. I know, I wish it was sometimes too. It would be great to be able to fly around or put a curse on my enemies. But it should be pretty obvious by this point that these are only fantasies with no basis in reality.
And that’s why hiring spellcasters is a risk. You’re choosing to live in a fantasy land where magic and spells are going to save you rather than the real world where you have to stand up and take action to get your ex back. It will make you passive and being passive is not going to help you solve your problem.
It’s also a very real risk sending money to these people. A lot of times you’re using elicit means to send them money across borders. And more often, you’re going to be giving them personal information even if you don’t know it.
This information can be used to steal your identity or sold to people who will try to scam you further. Don’t risk it.
Now, as I said, these are all methods that CAN work to get your ex back but how can magic spells work if magic isn’t real? Well the human mind is a powerful thing. If you’re someone who genuinely believes in this stuff, then the placebo effect can have a tangible effect on your results.
Basically, if you believe that a spell is changing your ex’s feelings towards you then you’re going to be more confident and that can make you take actual steps towards winning your ex back.
But, if that’s your situation, I’d recommend just doing some kind of ritual on your own time that doesn’t require you to risk your money and identity to someone who only has bad intentions.
Or better yet, wake up and join us in the real world.
4. Manipulating your ex through gaslighting and negativity
So I have, at times, advocated playing a few mind games with your ex after a breakup. These are mostly just simple ways to make your ex jealous so that you can level the playing field. Some people even consider No Contact to be a bit of a mind game. You’re essentially pretending to move on from your ex even though you have no intention to… and that’s definitely something I consider when recommending this approach to clients.
With that in mind, I think that cutting ties and focusing on yourself is never going to actually harm your ex.
But using actual manipulation against your ex has the potential to do real damage. And if that isn’t enough, it’s also going to set you up for failure down the line even if you do manage to win them back with these kinds of tactics…if you can even make that work in the first place.
But does it work? Well, yes, on certain people, and in certain scenarios, you may be able to lie, trick and gaslight your ex into taking you back. You can, as many people online will recommend, call them on the phone and yell at them.
Tell them they’ll never do better. That they’re worthless and only you could really love them. And sometimes, if you do this often enough, you’ll get them to agree that they’re a worthless person who deserves to be with someone like you.
I just think that this kind of behaviour is inexcusable, especially when it comes to someone you claim to love. You’re not getting a second chance with your ex this way. You’re trapping someone with abuse. And don’t kid yourself…just because you never physically hurt them, doesn’t make this any less abusive on your part.
Now, if you’re still hellbent on breaking your ex down emotionally, consider the fact that this almost never works. Think of all the stories you hear… someone’s psycho ex calling them ten times a day and saying horrible things to try to make them change their mind about the breakup.
How often do they end with “and now we’re happily married”? Most of the time as soon as you start treating your ex this way, they’re going to block you and tell everyone who will listen exactly what you’re doing.
Instead of taking this route, please get help.
5. Being friends with your ex
Many, many people have tried to stay friends with their exes following a breakup…but most of them had a hidden agenda…they secretly held a candle for their ex and hoped that by staying around they’d be able to convince them to get back together when the time was right.
But does it work? Well I wracked my brain to think of one scenario where I think being friends with your ex can give you a second chance with them. Say it’s been quite awhile since your breakup.
Your ex has moved on to a new relationship. They were together for awhile but it’s recently soured. They have a long protracted breakup. Or maybe your ex was cheated on and then dumped suddenly and without remorse.
Now, you’re there to pick up the pieces. At their lowest moment you reveal your feelings to them and they decide to give you a second chance.
This may sound like something out of a romcom, and it certainly is, but I’m sure it has happened more than once in the real world. Simply by being a living, breathing body around your ex when they’re at their most vulnerable, you may be able to convince them to give you another go.
But I’d say that most often this relationship is going to be over soon after it has begun. This is because your ex is only really agreeing because they’re at their rock bottom emotionally.
Once a few days or weeks have passed and they’ve recovered a bit, they’ll realize that they don’t really feel the same way you do and it will all fall apart.
Because being friends with your ex after they’ve broken your heart, especially if you want them back, is a very low value move. You’re showing them that you lack self respect and that’s very unattractive.
You’re showing them that you’re willing to watch them date someone new while waiting in the wings like a pathetic stalker. Harsh but very true.
And, as I’ve said, the scenario where you do get them back is so rare and so prone to failure that this is not the safe bet you were hoping for. In fact, you’re risking your own future, your mental health and your pride. Not a fair tradeoff for a one in a million shot with your ex.
The Bottom Line
So I’m sure you’ve noticed a pattern with most of these methods… and that is a real lack of technique, strategy or forethought. Most of these “methods”–if they can really be called methods–are all about wishful thinking.
They’re built on the idea that you can have the best of both worlds. You can get your ex back without risking anything, without having to feel any discomfort or self doubt.
Some are built on the logic of romantic comedies where two exes hang out, crack wise and eventually realize that they’re perfect for one another.
Basically they’re for people living in a fantasy world and have almost no basis in reality. While some of these methods are harmless and won’t actually interfere with your goal of getting your ex back, they will waste time and energy that could be better spent improving your life and your mindset. Others are actually going to destroy your chances.
So what should you do instead? I don’t think anyone is going to be surprised when I recommend you follow the No Contact method. While it doesn’t have a 100% success rate, it does give you the best chance of getting your ex back, period. I don’t have time to go into the gory details here but here it is in a nutshell:
Spend 30 days following the breakup without communicating with your ex in any way. No phone calls, no text messages, don’t even like their posts on instagram. Spend that time processing the breakup and improving yourself and your mindset. After that time has passed, reach out to your ex and start reattracting them. There’s much, much more to it than that so I recommend read more of my writing on this topic.
I won’t sugarcoat it. It’s going to be scary. It’s going to be painful. You’re going to have to take risks and spend a lot of time processing your breakup and improving your life. But trust me when I say it’s the best method on this list by a longshot.