How To Act Around Your Ex To Get Them Back
If your ex is still in your life then you’re going to end up spending a lot of time face to face.
But if you want them back, this presents a few problems.
How should you act around your ex if you want them back?
I’ll explain how you should act and behave around your ex when you see them in person… at least, if you want them back. By applying the tips i’ll be sharing shortly, you’ll be making the best use of any encounters with your ex and using them to increase your odds of getting them back as much as possible. Let’s get into it.
No Contact Is The First Step
Firstly, I have to touch on No Contact. Yes, you’ve probably heard it before… but for around a month (or maybe a bit more or less depending on your situation) after breaking up, you’ll want to apply No Contact.
In more than 90% of all breakup situations, employing a period of No Contact initially is going to be the absolute best thing you can do for your chances.
So, I am not advocating any in-person contact with your ex until you’ve completed 30 days of No Contact, and you should do a period of No Contact before you try and set up in-person meet-ups with your ex… at least, as I said, in the vast majority of cases.
Seeing Them In Person Is Inevitable
That leaves us with two types of situations where you’ll encounter your ex in person:
When it’s unintentional or unavoidable… for example, running into one another at the gym, or going to the same class at college. These are encounters and situations where you can’t reasonably avoid seeing them in person.
And then there are planned in-person meet-ups that you set up with your ex after you’ve completed a period of No Contact and re-started communications over text.
I’ll talk about both, but I’m going to focus mainly on the first type of situation: where you either run into your ex unexpectedly, or where you can’t avoid seeing your ex in person because you work together, have mutual friends, etc.
What should you do if you bump into your ex at the store or at a bar? Here are a few of the best ways to handle this kind of unexpected in-person encounter:
#1 – Be Cool.
Don’t show your ex any kind of emotion, either positive or negative, when you first see them. Don’t act frazzled or flustered. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just play it cool, avoid being awkward or obviously nervous as much as possible.
#2 – Be Positive & Fun.
Don’t jump into any kind of serious talk, emotional drama, etc… as much as possible, be upbeat and friendly.
Make your ex laugh if you can, and make them feel comfortable with some small talk and playful joking, teasing, etc. Never bring up serious topics or let things get emotional.
#3 – Keep It Brief.
Look for a quick exit that feels natural and end things on a positive note. Read your ex’s behaviour and cues and don’t try to force any kind of conversation if they seem uneasy or uninterested.
#4 – Be The One To End Things.
When there’s a natural opportunity, make a graceful exit before your ex does. Usually you can just say, “well good to see you, we’ll have to catch up again soon”.
Now, moving on, what about when you have to see your ex in person for some reason?
Many of my coaching clients say things like, “well I have to see my ex during No Contact, we go to the same cafe to study”… and to me, at least if you’re trying to get a second chance with your ex, that’s not a good reason to break No Contact.
Pick a different cafe to study at or go at times they won’t likely be there. It’s not a good idea to completely change your schedule or your life to avoid seeing your ex, but most of the time there are very few real reasons to break No Contact.
HOWEVER… what if you and your ex work together? What if you’re in classes together and have to work on a group project? What if you still live together? Those are a few of the only real excuses for breaking No Contact, but they are still fairly common issues so let’s talk about how to handle situations where you have to see your ex in person because of work or school.
Here are a few tips for handling that type of situation…
#1 – Play It Cool.
Again, just like unexpected encounters we talked about earlier, don’t make a big deal out of it when you see your ex at work or in class. Be calm, don’t show emotions, don’t be awkward. This is so important.
#2 – Don’t Obviously Avoid or Seek Out Encounters.
If you’re still in No Contact or only recently ended No Contact, don’t make an effort to seek out your ex when you’re working with them or in the same class. If you bump into them or they come up to you, fine… you can have a quick chat. But being obvious about trying to find a reason to talk to them… OR about finding reasons or ways to avoid talking to them… don’t do that.
#3 – Keep It Fun & Positive.
Again, just like if you bump into your ex randomly, make sure any time you talk to your ex in person, you keep things light and fun. Drop a joke. Tease your ex playfully.
Ask them about something important to them, like “how’s your mom doing after the surgery?” or “how was your brother’s wedding?”.
Whatever you go with, always show them a good time and keep it friendly and fun. Absolutely no drama, relationship talk, or awkwardness.
#4 – Turn Your Ex’s Expectations Upside Down.
After a breakup, what do you think your ex is going to expect you to be feeling? Sad, heartbroken, lonely, angry…. The typical breakup emotions, which you probably really are feeling inside right now. I know how much it sucks feeling like that, trust me… but you need hide those emotions when you’re around your ex.
In fact, if you can go one better and actually pretend that you’re feeling the exact OPPOSITE — act happy, upbeat, and excited about the future — that by itself is going to cause some serious doubts in your ex’s mind.
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I won’t bore you with the psychological reason behind why doing the opposite to what your ex expects you to is so effective, but basically it just forces them to second-guess their decision to break up… and this in turn helps to change the way they feel about you.
So when you’re around your ex, don’t be a downer… pretend to be happy, or at least pretend like you’re already over them and moving on to exciting new things… put on your happy face, so to speak.
#5 – Create Mystery By Dropping Subtle Hints.
This one takes advantage of the unavoidable in-person encounters with your ex to help re-build their attraction for you. You have to be careful not to make this too obvious, because it can backfire on you. But when done properly, it’s very effective in helping you win them back.
Basically, what you want to do is make some sort of comment when you’re talking to your ex — or even just when you know they can hear you — that hints at a date you’re going on or ‘someone special’ that you’ve met recently. For example, maybe your ex is standing within earshot when you’re talking to another friend… you might say something like
sorry I can’t hang out tonight, I’d love to but I’m taking my friend to the new Bond movie tonight
The key is to avoid giving any more details or making it into a big deal… just casually and subtly mention something like that in order to plant the idea in your ex’s mind, and let them spend the rest of the day wondering who this “friend” is and whether it’s a date you’re going on… basically just let your ex’s imagination create some jealousy and shift their overall perceptions of you.
Or, you could say something like
Hey I finally went to that boxing class you mentioned a while ago… a friend from work asked me to go to the Saturday morning one with her. You were right, I should’ve gone sooner!
Like the previous example, you leave it there and your ex will wonder who was special enough to talk you into going to that boxing class that your ex couldn’t convince you to attend… that will, through the subtle power of human psychology, make your ex more attracted to you and more likely to see getting back together as a good idea.
Living With Your Ex
What about situations where you break up, but you still live together? How can you apply No Contact in that kind of situation, and what should you do about it?
Most of what I’ve already talked about will apply to living together… you still want to play it cool, keep encounters friendly and upbeat, etc when you’re running into your ex at your shared home in the initial period after breaking up.
You’ll also want to employ what I call “Limited No Contact”, which is essentially a modified No Contact strategy where you try to get most of the benefits while still seeing your ex from time to time at home.
Planned Meetings With Your Ex
This is another topic that I’ve already covered in some of my past videos, so I’m going to keep it brief and assume you’ve already completed a full period of No Contact and you’ve re-established good rapport with your ex over text.
Basically, I’ll assume you’ve got to the point where your ex is agreeing to meet up with you, and you’re planning on using the in-person hangout to further crank up the attraction and get your ex even closer to taking you back.
You don’t want to be asking your ex to meet up until you know they’ll say yes and you think they actually want to see you.
For now, let’s assume you’ve already signed up for my Ex Factor program and followed it to a T and now you’re ready to meet up with your ex in person, and you want to make sure it goes well and helps you get them back.
Firstly, all the stuff we’ve already covered applies to this situation too. You should still play it cool, be friendly and fun, crack jokes, and avoid any serious relationship talk or drama. You should use the meet-up to subtly drop hints about your awesome post-breakup life, mention a new “friend” in passing during the conversation, and generally share how well you’re doing since the breakup in a subtle, humble way.
But, since you’ve planned this meet-up with your ex and things are already going well… it’s time to crank up your flirting game. This is where things are different from unexpected encounters or unavoidable encounters with your ex… you’re now at the point where your ex is hanging out with you in person again, after No Contact, and you want to use this time to really build attraction and sexual tension.
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You want to remind your ex of the person they initially fell in love with during your early days together.
You want to help them forget about the negatives by focusing their attention on your positives, the happy times you shared together, your sexual chemistry… so you want to flirt, playfully touch your ex, get close to them if it feels like they’ll be receptive…
Beyond that, this kind of planned in-person meet-up and how it pans out will depend on your ex’s behaviour and cues… if they’re responding well to your flirting, happy and engaged with you, and obviously willing to go back to your apartment, that’s awesome, you might just seal the deal and get them back the same day.
Or you may have to accept that they’re not as receptive as you’d hoped, and based on their behaviour and social cues you may have to settle for a hug and agreeing to grab a drink again soon. Either way, if you follow all the tips and advice I’ve shared with you today, you’ll be well on your way to getting them back for good.
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