How can you tell if your ex will come back to you?
What signs should you look for in your ex’s behaviour and actions to tell if they’ll ever want to get back together?
I’m going to share 15 of the most common signs to look for that let you know that your ex will come back. The more of these signs your ex has shown since the breakup, the more likely they are to eventually end up back in your arms.
SIGN #1: Your ex is clearly still upset and emotional
This is one of the most common signs that an ex isn’t over you. If your ex is very obviously emotionally distraught after the breakup–if they’re posting sad quotes or lyrics on social media, crying to their friends about their heartache, or outright telling you directly that they’re struggling to live without you–that’s an obvious sign this breakup hasn’t been easy for them and that they may cave in to those feelings and take you back.
The more heartbroken and upset your ex seems, especially if it continues for weeks after the initial breakup, the stronger this sign is for your chances of getting them back.
SIGN #2: Your ex reaches out and contacts you regularly
Is your ex frequently texting or calling you, and they don’t usually have a real reason to be reaching out when they contact you, that’s a great sign for your chances.
This is an especially strong indicator if they’re initiating contact regularly even when you’re engaged in a period of No Contact and you haven’t been making any effort to contact them yourself.
If you go silent, and rarely or ever engage with them or respond to their calls and texts, and they’re still reaching out on their own initiative then you have plenty of reason to be optimistic that they’re still at least internally conflicted about whether breaking up was the right choice.
SIGN #3: Your ex is jealous
This one might be the single biggest and strongest sign that you’re going to get your ex back sooner or later.
Now, I can’t guarantee that obviously, but if your ex is clearly jealous about who you’re seeing since the breakup or what you’ve been up to, that indicates a clear emotional connection on their part, and shows they’re absolutely not yet ready to let you go.
While sometimes your ex can use some self-restraint and willpower to stop themselves from acting on any feelings of jealousy, it’s also common for a jealous ex to cave in and ask to get back together in order to prevent you from dating someone new or slipping out of their life for good.
Now, this is why I actually recommend you start dating around as soon as you can after a breakup, even if you’re dead set on getting back together with your ex in the long-run.
I have a whole module in my best-selling Ex Factor program that dives into the concept of Covert Jealousy and how you can safely use jealousy to change your ex’s mind about breaking up and make them beg you to take them back. If you want to learn more about Covert Jealousy and how and when to use it, please watch the full tutorial video on my website.
Suffice to say that jealousy is a great indication that your ex will take you back.. Or at least, that they’re not ready to let go of you just yet.
SIGN #4: Your ex tries to make you jealous
So, on the flip side of what we just discussed, it’s also a very good sign if you ex is obviously trying to make YOU jealous. This might sound a bit strange, but think about it this way: if your ex was over you and never coming back, why would they care whether you’re jealous or not?
If your ex is being very blatant about the fact they’re with someone new or dating around, it’s because they still want you to chase them. Or, in rare cases, it’s because they’re trying to get revenge and hurt you… either way, it shows that they’re still emotionally invested in you.
Regardless of whether or not your ex is intentionally trying to make you jealous, you need to avoid giving them that satisfaction if you want them to take you back. Don’t cave in to your emotions and lash out at them in anger or show any sign you’ve been emotionally affected by them dating again or seeing someone new since the breakup.
Act like you don’t care, and don’t even mention or ask about who they’re dating.
Any discussion about their dating life since the breakup — or anything you might try and do to sabotage it and stop them from seeing new people — is going to make your situation worse and reduce your chances of ever getting them back.
Anyway, simply put, any kind of jealousy – either your ex becoming jealous, or trying to make YOU feel jealous – is normally a strong sign they may soon be asking for you to come back.
SIGN #5: Your ex wants to “stay friends” after the breakup
Being your ex’s ‘friend’ after a breakup — especially if you’re hoping to get them back — is almost always a bad idea. Please trust trust me on this: being in your ex’s friend zone is bad news for your chances of winning them back.
BUT… if your ex does seem determined to remain friends after the breakup, and especially if they push this idea and seem insistent about keeping a friendship intact right after your breakup, it’s a very positive sign.
It shows they’re not able to handle the idea of you disappearing from their life entirely, and they want to make sure you’re still around as a ‘backup plan’ in case they change their mind about breaking up.
If your ex didn’t care about you at all anymore, and was ready to move on for good, they wouldn’t bother to try and talk you into a friendship.
The more your ex seems to want to remain friends and keep in regular, friendly contact, the more optimistic you can be about getting them back.
SIGN #6: They flirt with you regularly or there’s a lingering sexual tension
This one doesn’t need much explaining… if your ex is really flirty after the breakup, and continues to flirt with you regularly and persistently when you see them or when you’re talking over text or the phone, they probably still want you.
Any kind of attraction your ex has for you — be that emotional or sexual attraction — is a signal that they may come back to you sooner or later. The more sexual tension there is between you and your ex after the breakup, the more likely it is they’re still wanting you in their bed.
Now, if you want to get them back and start over in a real, committed relationship… you should normally continue to flirt with your ex, build as much sexual tension as possible and even drop some steamy hints or innuendos when you’re talking to them… but NOT let things get physical yet.
This is especially true for women who want to get an ex boyfriend back — withhold sex or any physical intimacy until you get what you really want, which is an actual romantic relationship, not a one-night stand.
SIGN #7: They send ‘hot and cold’ mixed messages
This is another very common one that many of my clients experience. Basically, if your ex seems to be sending you really mixed signals — if they’re texting you “I miss you” one day, and then being cold and unfriendly the next day… or even just completely ignoring you at times, and then suddenly being really affectionate — that’s a strong indication that they might be having second thoughts about breaking up. In fact, this is probably one of the single biggest indicators that he or she wants you back.
Basically, the reason this is such a strong sign is because it clearly shows that your ex still internally conflicted about breaking up. On one hand, they knew and still believe that going your separate ways was the logical, ‘correct’ path for them moving forward… hence the breakup.
But on the other hand, they still have strong feelings for you, and they miss you and are struggling to accept the fact that you’re not around anymore. This is why sometimes they seem affectionate and maybe even downright keen on taking you back, and then at other times they’re less emotional and more determined to stick with the breakup.
SIGN #8: They tell you they miss you
Right, well… this one is pretty obvious. If your ex outright tells you they miss you after the breakup — and especially if they say it more than once, or if they’re really emotional about it — things are looking good for your odds of getting them back.
My recommendation for situations like this is usually to either ignore the comment altogether if you’re still engaged in your 30 days of No Contact, or to reply in such a way that it feels natural but doesn’t specifically say that you miss them too.
For example, if your ex texted you and said… “hey i miss you! What are you up to? What’s new?”
… then you might reply with… “hey stranger, long time no talk. All good here, been super busy lately actually! Heading out with some friends to see the new Bond shortly, let’s catch up again soon!”
Now, just to warn you here… when an ex says something like “i miss you a lot”, the majority of people handle the situation poorly without even realizing it, and end up actually hurting their chances of getting back together.
So, if you’re not entirely certain about how to handle any kind of message like this from your ex or what it means… before you respond to them, sign up for my 1-on-1 coaching and let me learn a bit about your current position and help you decide on the best course of action to ensure you get them back.
SIGN #9: Your ex seems nostalgic or bring up shared memories
Does your ex seem to reminisce a lot about the happy times you shared together? Do they bring up old memories, inside jokes, and just generally seem nostalgic about your relationship and the fun, happy times you enjoyed as a couple?
If yes, they are probably starting to forget about the more negative aspects of you and your relationship, while fixating and romanticizing the good parts. This is a natural hard-wired psychological instinct all humans have — we’re wired to quickly forget about bad memories, and romanticize the good ones.
Usually, according to several studies, this will peak around 30 days after a breakup… that’s when your ex will have had enough time to start forgetting the reasons they wanted to break up, and start longing for the positive aspects of you and your relationship.
The more nostalgic he or she gets, the more they seem to long for those happy times together, the better your chances are of getting them back.
SIGN #10: They ask mutual friends about you
This one is simple — if you find out your ex has been talking to mutual friends about your breakup, and especially if they’re asking for details about what you’ve been up to, who you’re dating, etc — that means they’re curious and haven’t fully moved on. This is usually a positive indicator that you’re in a good position to get them back if you continue to play your cards right.
Remember to take my free quiz to see exactly how likely it is you’ll be able to get a second chance.
SIGN #11: They want breakup sex
Now, if your ex is looking to hook up even though you’re broken up, this is usually pretty good news. It’s possible that your ex is just lonely and sexually frustrated, but it can also mean that they’re really missing that aspect of your relationship — and that they haven’t found someone to meet those needs.
Unfortunately, no matter what you may feel in the moment, it’s not usually wise to agree and sleep with them, except in certain situations where it can actually be very helpful to convincing them to take you back.
Either way, it’s never a bad thing if your ex still wants you in their bed.
SIGN #12: Your ex remains angry at you
Every time I mention this, people are immediately skeptical. On the surface, an angry ex seems like a bad sign for your chances of ever getting them back… and sometimes, that’s true.
It’s a bad sign if your ex is angry because you did something truly terrible to them — cheated on their best friend and lied about it, for example. That’s a hurdle that’s difficult to overcome, and it’s not the kind of anger you want.
But if your ex is angry for smaller things, or for no real reason at all — especially if it persists for weeks after breaking up — it’s actually typically a positive indicator for your chances.
That’s because an angry ex is an emotionally invested ex. They haven’t fully moved on, they still have feelings for you and the thought of you still provokes strong emotions.
Obviously they’ll have to eventually let go of this anger in order for you to start over in a new relationship together… but, that’s usually possible if you handle things well from this point onwards.
SIGN #13: They bump into you a bit too frequently for it to be a coincidence
Running into your ex when you work together or live next door to one another isn’t really surprising, nor does it mean much for your chances of rekindling things.
But if they wouldn’t normally be in the same places at the same time as you, and it happens more than once, that could be more than just a mere coincidence. It’s probably because they’re actively trying to ‘accidentally’ run into you.
They likely know roughly where you might be on any given day or time, and they may come up with an excuse to just happen to be there at the same time.
If they seem eager to talk when you bump into them randomly somewhere, or show up to the same party and end up making their way across the room to chat with you, that’s probably a sign they’ve done so intentionally.
And that’s great news for your chances of getting them back, even if only because it gives you an opportunity to flirt, show off the new and improved version of yourself, and remind them why you’re such an awesome catch they’re letting walk out of their life.
SIGN #14: They don’t find someone new or date around
Sometimes, people will take months or even years to get over a breakup and start dating again. But most of the time, people who are truly over their ex will be putting themselves out there pretty soon after the breakup, or at least hooking up with someone new for a one-night stand or going on a casual date.
So if that DOESN’T happen, even after a few months apart, it’s usually a relatively positive indication for your chances of winning them back.
Even if they’re open to dating but haven’t met anyone yet, that’s still a small piece of good news, as it means they’ve been unable to easily or quickly replace you and you remain the easiest, most convenient option for them to quash their loneliness and give them the benefits of being in a relationship.
SIGN #15: Your ex shows regret or remorse over the breakup
Sometimes, your ex may say things that suggest they’re either regretting the breakup outright, or that they’re still conflicted about whether or not it’s the right decision.
Any kind of doubt on your ex’s part about the breakup — any indication they’re not certain it was the right decision, or any sign of guilt over it — is usually great news for your odds of getting them to come back to you.
BONUS SIGN #16: You scored 75 or above on my free quiz
Don’t forget to take my free ex back quiz. If your score is below 60, it’s game over and time to start moving on. If you score 60-75, there’s probably still a chance you’ll be able to win them back, but it’s not guaranteed and it’s going to take some work and patience to make that happen.
If you score above 75, though, things are looking good… especially if you score over 80, in which case I’d wager you WILL be able to soon get them back.
Now, at this point, I’m going to list off all 15 signs again quickly… each time your ex has exhibited 1 of the signs, write it down. When I’ve listed off all 15, add up how many you tallied up. The more signs you’ve already seen from your ex, the more optimistic you can be about your situation and your prospects of rekindling things.
- Your ex is clearly still upset and emotional.
- Your ex reaches out and contacts you regularly.
- Your ex is jealous.
- Your ex tries to make YOU jealous.
- Your ex wants to “stay friends” after the breakup.
- They flirt with you regularly or there’s a lingering sexual tension.
- They send ‘hot and cold’ mixed messages.
- They tell you they miss you.
- Your ex seems nostalgic or bring up shared memories
- They ask mutual friends about you.
- They want breakup sex.
- Your ex remains angry at you.
- They bump into you a bit too frequently for it to be a coincidence.
- They don’t find someone new or date around.
- Your ex shows regret or remorse over the breakup.
Hopefully, if you do still want to repair things with your ex and start over, you’ve seen at least a few of these signs from your ex already. And hopefully you’re feeling more optimistic now, too.