Is your ex ignoring you?
Or maybe they’re just acting cold and uninterested when you reach out to them…
Maybe they even told you never to contact them again.
Don’t worry. I’m going to explain the 6 most common reasons why your ex won’t talk to you… and what you can do about it.
If you want your ex back, then you DEFINITELY need to know why your ex isn’t talking to you right now.
But even if you don’t ever want to get back together, everything I’m going to cover still applies. This article is for anyone wondering why their ex has gone silent.
#1 – They’re worried you might talk them into getting back together.
This is way more common than you might think. And, if you want your ex back, then this is great news for you. Let me explain.
A lot of people break up because they feel it’s the “right” decision. Their heart says “stay together, it’s more comfortable and you won’t feel any heartache”… but their head says, “this relationship has no future, it’s not right, I need to end things”.
I’ve been in this exact situation several times myself when I was younger, and maybe you have too… you know that you probably SHOULD move on, but you also fear the unknowns that come with being single. Staying together is easier and less painful… breaking up is scary, and it means facing heartache and loneliness.
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BUT… on the other hand, sometimes you just know that things aren’t working. Maybe your ex was unhappy with the state of your relationship, or maybe they felt there wasn’t any real future and the time had come to pull the plug.
This is the rational, logical side of their brain speaking… and it was telling them that breaking up was the best decision for the long term.
The key thing here is that your ex is facing an internal battle between their head and their heart.
It’s highly likely that they dreaded breaking up, and they probably aren’t at all certain they’ve made the right choice.
In the first while after breaking up, they’ll be missing you and their heart will continue to scream “make the pain go away by getting back together!”… they know they decided that breaking up was the right choice, but they also desperately want to get back together so that the pain and loneliness will disappear.
Why is all of this causing them to ignore you? Basically, they’re worried you’ll be able to talk them into getting back together.
They don’t trust their own willpower, and they think that by engaging with you, they might finally break down and take you back… even though they previously decided that wasn’t the right choice for the long term, logically speaking.
Again, if you want to get back together, this is usually very good news. It means that your ex is only ignoring you because they fear a single phone call or meet-up will lead to them caving in and asking to get back together.
If you’re in this situation, DO NOT force things — especially if you’ve already made it clear to your ex that you want them back. Keeping your distance is the best bet for now until your ex shows more interest in re-connecting.
Moving on to the second reason your ex may not be talking to you…
#2 – They’re upset at you for something you did or said.
Well, this one doesn’t require much explanation at all. If you did something stupid to hurt your ex before the breakup, or if you’ve been a complete dickhead to them since, chances are they’re just bitter about it. They’re too blinded by their anger to even think about replying to your messages, and you’re likely not going to be able to change their feelings.
Most of the time, if this is the kind of situation you’re in, you’ll know. It’ll be clear that your ex is pissed, and that’s why they’re giving you the silent treatment.
Apologize once (if you haven’t already)… be sincere and show empathy for their feelings and regret for your actions that caused them to get so mad. After that, you’ll have to just wait it out, as time is the only thing that’s going to change how they feel.
If you try to push things and continue to attempt to contact them over and over again, it’ll only make things worse.
The only other thing you can do in this type of situation to change how your ex feels about you is to send my “Clean Slate” message.
#3 – They’re feeling guilty for hurting you by breaking up.
Just because your ex decided to break up doesn’t mean they don’t still love you. Often, the worst part about dumping someone is knowing how much pain it’s going to cause… when you still have feelings for someone, you hate the idea of hurting them or causing them pain of any kind.
Some people don’t deal with this kind of emotion very well, and choose to go completely silent as a way of coping. Maybe they worry that talking to you will give you false hope of getting back together, so they’ve decided to ignore you as a way to avoid stringing you along any further or causing you any more pain.
OR… it can sometimes be that they feel guilty for staying together when they knew the relationship was already doomed.
It’s going to be hard to know if this is the case for your ex. Again, as with most of the reasons I’ll cover here, spamming your ex over and over to try and get a reply is not going to work. It’s also not going to make your ex admit that their guilt was the reason they’ve been ignoring you.
Please take my word for it and give your ex some time and space before you reach out again, even if you’re confident that guilt is the reason they’re not talking to you right now.
#4 – They’re with someone new already.
Sorry, but unfortunately, this is one of the more common reasons your ex might be ignoring you or unwilling to engage in any meaningful conversations.
Sometimes, even the most considerate and morally upstanding people are guilty of jumping from one serious relationship into another.
If your ex had any respect for you and your feelings, they’ll try to keep their new romance hidden from you for the first month or two after breaking up… and if that’s the case, they might be ignoring you to avoid telling you that they’re with someone new already.
Unfortunately, there are some people who only break up with someone when they’ve already lined up their next relationship.
That way, they never have to face the pain of a breakup, since they just slide from one serious relationship into the next. I hope that’s not the case for you (and it’s probably not, but it’s always a possibility).
Regardless of the details, this is one reason why your ex might not be willing to talk to you right now. They may not want you to know about their new love interest, knowing it’ll hurt you to find out… or they might just be trying to keep things quiet to protect their own reputation more generally.
If your ex is dating someone new already, and you know that for a fact, don’t panic… it very well could just be a short-term rebound fling, and your ex may not be ignoring you for that reason at all.
#5 – They’re worried it’ll be awkward and weird.
Yes, this does happen, and it’s actually pretty common… especially for less serious relationships where you were only together for a few months. Sometimes, in this type of situation, your ex not talking to you might simply be because they fear the encounter will be weird and awkward.
I see this often with my younger clients who work with their ex or go to the same classes: ever since breaking up, they’ll be getting the cold shoulder from their ex at work or in class together.
It’s often fairly obvious, because your ex might still be willing to reply to some of your texts at other times, but they’ll very obviously be avoiding you in person or avoiding situations where they might be forced into a conversation with you.
Don’t take it personally, and don’t read anything into this type of thing. It’s mostly a bit of immaturity showing on your ex’s part, and it’s usually an obstacle you can overcome if you’re trying to get back together.
#6 – You’ve already begged, pleaded, or annoyed your ex to the point where they decided to block you altogether.
Hopefully, this isn’t the reason your ex isn’t talking to you… at least, not if you care about ever getting them back or even being friends down the road.
Unfortunately, I see it all the time with my clients, and it makes me sad. It’s natural to panic when you suddenly get dumped, or when you have to face the reality of life without your ex when you still love them.
Sadly, that leads many people to go way overboard and beg, plead, send dozens of needy texts or calls… and all of this behaviour will be a huge turn-off for your ex, and probably become annoying for them as well.
If you’ve spammed your ex to death with messages and calls… tried again and again to talk your way back into their heart, or lashed out at them in anger and said hurtful things.
Any kind of negative, needy, or desperate behaviour can eventually lead your ex to stop talking to you in hopes it will make you stop. Maybe they’ve even blocked your number and blocked you on social media, too.
Again, I hope you’re not in this situation, because it’s not a good place to be if you’re still hoping to get them back.
That’s not to say I’ve never seen a client get their ex back when they’d already made numerous mistakes and even been blocked altogether… but the odds are obviously pretty slim, and if you’re going to have any chance of salvaging things, you must immediately stop trying to contact your ex and start a lengthy period of No Contact.
Obviously, if you’re done with your ex and ready to move on, then this isn’t the end of the world… but you need to take hint at this point and leave your ex alone until they reach out to you, because bothering them any further makes you look pathetic and won’t do you any good.
And remember that there’s a right way and a wrong way to send texts to your ex.