I’ve found the most effective ways to make your ex obsess over you again.
If you want a second chance with your ex, these techniques will serve you well.
Think carefully before using these methods as they are extremely effective in shaping your ex’s emotions.
4 Ways To Change Your Ex’s Mind About Breaking Up
Now, what do you need to do in order to make your ex want you again? How can you re-ignite that “spark” they felt in the early days of your relationship, and force them to think about you 24/7? Let’s jump into the first one, which is actually more about what NOT to do.
#1 – End Any Toxic, Attraction-Killing Behaviour
Now, there’s a reason I want to cover this topic first… and that’s because it’s something SO MANY of my clients and viewers are guilty of without even realizing it.
There’s a good chance that, since your breakup, you’ve done or said things that have actually caused your ex to lose even more attraction for you.
Don’t worry, it’s normal to make these mistakes, especially early on after a difficult breakup… but by continuing to do these things, you’re only pushing your ex further away and slowly crushing your chances of winning them back.
The first thing you need to do is stop outwardly showing your emotions.
This is especially relevant for anyone who broke up very recently, because in the first week or two you’re likely feeling heartbroken and distraught. It’s natural to break into tears randomly, then suddenly decide you hate your ex, then minutes later start to miss them like crazy.
And you CAN allow yourself some time to feel the sadness and depression, but you always want to keep those feelings private… especially from your ex.
Trust me, they know you’re hurting… but they don’t need to know that you’re barely functioning right now. It’s best to let your ex think you’re going to quickly move on, and that you’ve got your emotions under control.
And I hate that I even have to mention this, but please do NOT post sad lyrics or quotes on social media… don’t tell everyone you know how much your life sucks, or how bad the breakup hurts.
That type of thing is a natural reaction after being dumped, but you should keep it to yourself and put on a brave face to the outside world as much as possible.
Next, stop begging and pleading with your ex. I know you might feel tempted to contact your ex and tell them you’re sorry… explain how things will be different if they give your relationship another chance… and maybe even break down and beg them to take you back.
You can’t let yourself fall into this trap. Don’t beg for forgiveness. Don’t plead for a second chance.
Don’t apologize over and over again, even if you genuinely did something to hurt your ex. Begging and pleading are the kinds of behaviours that DESTROY attraction and confirm for your ex that breaking up was the right decision.
Who wants to be with someone desperate and pathetic enough to beg and plead? It’s an unattractive trait, and it’s what your ex is expecting from you. Turn their expectations upside down by staying strong and avoiding this kind of behaviour entirely from now on.
Along the same lines, you also want to AVOID conflict or drama. I see many of my coaching clients channel their emotions into anger or bitterness towards their ex, leading them to lash out or engage in arguments and drama.
There’s literally nothing positive that can come out of an argument with your ex, and it’s always going to push them even further away. Resist your desire to tell your ex how much you hate them, and resist the urge to try and “get revenge” by hurting them.
Even if you’ve got zero interest in ever getting back together, there’s no point in trying to get revenge or engage in an argument.
You also want to avoid “seeking closure”, which is something that I’ve seen many other relationship ‘experts’ recommend.
Sure, maybe you’d love to know why your ex decided to break up, but right now it doesn’t matter… and I can guarantee your ex won’t be honest with you anyway, even if you do ask. Often, there’s no such thing as “closure”… so, for now, be patient and don’t go looking for answers or explanations from your ex.
Lastly — and I think this one sums things up nicely in general — don’t let your confidence and self-esteem take a nose-dive.
I know you might not feel like it, but you’re still an awesome catch for anyone of the opposite sex. Your ex agreed with that at some point in the past, and you’re still the same person you were when they were madly in love with you.
Don’t forget about that… remember, you’re awesome, and your ex should be chasing after you if they’re smart.
Give yourself some positive reinforcement from time to time, and don’t slip into the mindset that this breakup is somehow a reflection of you as a person. It’s not.
You’re great, and your ex has just lost sight of that… for now.
Once you’ve put an end to these kinds of behaviours, you’re already in better shape moving forward. For even more tips and techniques you can use to change your ex’s mind about breaking up, I suggest you check out my free video presentation here.
Now, let’s move on to one of the things you can do to make your ex obsess over you again…
#2 – Use Basic Human Psychology To Your Advantage
After thousands of years of evolution, humans have developed certain psychological processes and habits. Your ex will have certain assumptions about how things will pan out after breaking up, and they’ll feel certain emotions at predictable times. You can take advantage of this by using a few proven techniques.
The first technique is one I’m almost certain you’ll already be familiar with…. The No Contact Method. There’s a reason I talk about this tactic so often: because it works! It’s effective on so many levels, at least if you employ it properly, and it really taps into human psychology at the subconscious level.
First, going into a period of No Contact and shutting down all communication with your ex is going to help YOU avoid making many of the mistakes I covered earlier. It’ll help you recover emotionally and be ready to move forward with winning your ex back when the period of No Contact is over.
Second, No Contact is like shock therapy for your ex. Before breaking up, you were a huge part of their life. You probably spoke to one another multiple times a day, saw each other as much as possible, and became a big part of one another’s lives.
If you slowly reduce the amount of contact with your ex over time — for example, by seeing them multiples times in the first few weeks after breaking up, or by texting back and forth constantly even though you’re no longer officially together — you’re letting your ex settle into life without you more slowly, minimizing the pain they’re going to feel.
You’re basically acting like a nicotine patch for your ex, helping them wean themselves off you and learn how to enjoy life when you’re not around.
Don’t make it so easy on your ex. Employ No Contact as soon as possible after the breakup, and maximize the heartache and loneliness. Disappearing completely is so much harder for your ex to deal with than if you gradually reduce how often you talk or see one another.
And don’t worry about how they’ll feel about you suddenly going silent, either… you’re not doing anything they didn’t ask for by breaking up with you.
If your ex demands an explanation as to why you’ve suddenly stopped talking to them, just reply with a simple text like this:
Sorry, I’ve been really busy… it’s nothing personal, I just know this is what you wanted, so right now I’m focused on moving on.
Now that you’re engaged in a month of No Contact, you’re also going to tap into another aspect of the human psyche: our hard-wired tendency to forget negative memories and emotions much more quickly than positive ones.
It doesn’t matter how angry your ex is. This is an evolutionary process we’ve all got built in to our brains — and it’s a good thing, too, because otherwise we’d probably never get past the death of a loved one.
But it also gives you an opportunity, because it means your ex is going to let go of negative thoughts and feelings towards you and your relationship a lot more quickly than the happier memories.
In fact, some studies have shown that it takes about 30 days for negative memories to fade, while happy stuff takes a lot longer for us to forget.
In other words, when your 30 days of No Contact end, your ex will have forgotten — or at least stopped caring about — many of the problems and reasons they wanted to break up in the first place. The good aspects of your time together… the happy shared memories and amazing moments you had during your relationship… those will still be fresh in their mind.
So when the No Contact phase ends, your ex is at the point where they’ll be most receptive to nostalgia and least likely to fixate on the problem aspects that led to your breakup.
I’ve said this before many times, but I’ll say it again here: No Contact is so powerful that it often, on its own, makes your ex miss you so badly that they’ll break down and beg you to take them back.
You need to use No Contact because it almost always makes your ex want you back, whether they admit it to themselves or not.
#3 – Have An Interesting, Active Life In General
This one is simple. Here’s the deal: people with interesting, active lives are more attractive to the opposite sex. That’s a fact, and it’s honestly a really easy way to make your ex wish they’d never left you.
If you’re like most people, you probably let your relationship consume a large portion of your time. You spent evenings and weekends with your ex, you had mutual friends, and you maybe even gave up on some of the hobbies or pastimes you enjoyed before meeting your ex.
And while this can be OK during a relationship — although I always recommend trying to have a life outside of your partner — it’s not wise after the breakup.
With more time on your hands now that you’re not in a relationship, you can really start to pursue your passions again, and fill your life with interesting, exciting hobbies and activities.
- Always wanted to go skydiving? Fuck it, sign up for a tandem jump next weekend.
- Always thought it would be cool to learn to play the guitar? Sign up for evening classes.
- Know of a softball team that your co-workers put together every year? Join the team this year.
- Make new friends.
- Re-connect with old friends.
- Go traveling.
- Double-down on pursuing your goals in work or school.
Most of all, try to get out there and go on a few casual dates. Even if you end up hating the people you date, it’s great for your self-confidence and it’s a great way to make your ex notice how much of a “catch” you really are.
By living life to the absolute max after your breakup, you’re not only making yourself look more attractive to everyone around you — after all, you’ll have more interesting stories to tell and more in common to chat about — you’ll also put pressure on your ex to re-think their decision to break up.
Why leave someone living such a fun, interesting life? Why break up with someone who can easily replace you with a new date? Why let someone who is so popular and socially active walk out of your life? They’ll feel FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) when they see how fun your life is – that’s just human nature, and your ex is no exception.
Trust me, folks… this is one of THE best ways to make your ex notice you and crave you again. The more you put yourself out there and do interesting stuff, hang out with new people, and LIVE LIFE… the more likely your ex will realize what a mistake it was to end things.
#4 – Flirt With Your Ex, Build Sexual Tension, And Seduce Them All Over Again
The final tip I’m going to cover in this video is one that comes into play after you’ve finished your 30 days of No Contact. It’s something that doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it’s important and effective nonetheless. I’m talking about FLIRTING.
I’m talking about SEDUCING your ex by being attractive, mysterious, and desirable. This is Dating 101 stuff, but it’s really important to closing the deal and getting your ex to commit to getting back together and starting over.
In my best-selling program, The Ex Factor, I call this the “Re-Attraction” phase… it’s the third R in my 3R system.
Flirting is something I could make a series of 10 videos on, so for now I’m just going to offer up a few tips on how to flirt effectively when you see your ex in person again…
Flirting Tip #1 – Make eye contact.
There’s nothing less appealing than talking to a person who just simply doesn’t look at you. Your ex broke up with you because they didn’t feel an emotional connection to you anymore, and they lost attraction. When you meet up with your ex, you need to prove to him or her that the connection you shared is still there…and making solid eye contact with him or her is a good start to making this happen.
Flirting Tip #2 – Touch.
Flirting isn’t complete without some playful touching. Touching is crucial when it comes to creating romance, sexual desire, and attraction.
If I could give anyone just one flirting tip, it would be to touch your ex as much as possible without being creepy.
So, the next time you and your ex are together, don’t be afraid to playfully jab him or her on the arm, touch their hand, or “flirtily” fix their hair. It sounds stupid, but it works.
Flirting Tip #3 – Smile.
One of your main goals when you’re hanging out with your ex is to simply have fun. You’re not going to make your ex obsess over you if you’re being boring, dull, angry, or dramatic in any way. So, put a smile on your face and show your ex a fun time.
Flirting Tip #4 – Drop subtle reminders of your past.
Think of a steamy, intimate moment you and your ex shared in the past… because, a great way to flirt is to subtly reference one of these positive shared memories. The key here is to do it casually, of course.
To illustrate with an example, you might say something like:
Oh, hey… remember that little hidden beach we found one night last summer? The one at the end of the ocean trail?
I took a friend there the other day, and somehow it was even more stunning than it was when we were there. I’m going back again next week, I’ll send you a pic.
Something as simple as that will make your ex to think about a memorable moment you two shared together… without making it seemed forced or awkward.
Just thinking about that happy memory will flood their brain with dopamine, and remind them of the amazing chemistry you shared. Be sure to think of an appropriate memory like this before you see your ex again, and then wait for the right moment to mention it.